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Across the Fence:  Loneliness and Self Identity  |
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pennyhenny
True Blue Farmgirl
304 Posts
Missy
Dayton
OH
USA
304 Posts |
 Posted - May 18 2012 : 10:36:03 AM
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Do you ever feel lonely? I have lately and most of the time I just busy myself with a chore or pick up a needle and thread to forget about but sometimes...... I'm just plain lonely.
DH and I moved to a new area about 4 months ago and I no longer have neighbors to chit chat with. My new neighbors keep to themselves and I respect that but I miss chatting.
Dh works 16 hours a day and he is wonderful to talk with but he...well he's no woman...lol lol. You know what I mean.
I have two sisters who live in the same state but they have young children and don't have the time to talk on the phone all that much.
My two daughters are in their only 20's and live on their own and I realize just how close we were when they lived with us.
I'm now in my 40's and have to carve out a life for myself which is hard since I went from being a daughter to being a wife and mother by the time I was 19. I've been married now for more than half my life and I like so many other women tied my self worth into being a mother and wife. Although I'm still proud to have both of these titles I now face having to find my own identity. Is there an store where I can buy one? lol lol
Thanks for letting me chat about......it helps so much. I also find singing Liza Minnelli songs really loud helps. lol
How about you....do you ever feel lonely?
hugs,
-missy-
http://citychickblogging.blogspot.com/
Sisterhood Member#4003
Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.
John Harrigan |
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Penny Wise
True Blue Farmgirl
1903 Posts
Margo
Elyria
OH
USA
1903 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 10:54:42 AM
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yes; sometimes!
it's kinda hard when your neighbors keep to themselves tho i have lived in places where i wished that they would go away!!!!! i had one neighbor (before i had kids) who was starved for a friend and got angry that i wouldn't do coffee everyday with her! i was young and working and well...
do you have a yard to putter in? do you sew? do you read? write letters? i love snail mail...
maybe volunteer?
but it's not the same, i know!
well- chat away here!
btw where is fairborn? sorry i can't place it!
Farmgirl # 2139
proud member of the Farmgirls of the Southwest Henhouse
~*~ counting my pennies and biding my time; my dreams are adding up!~*~ |
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pennyhenny
True Blue Farmgirl
304 Posts
Missy
Dayton
OH
USA
304 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 11:03:54 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Penny Wise
yes; sometimes!
do you have a yard to putter in? do you sew? do you read? write letters? i love snail mail...
maybe volunteer?
but it's not the same, i know!
well- chat away here!
btw where is fairborn? sorry i can't place it!
Farmgirl # 2139
proud member of the Farmgirls of the Southwest Henhouse
~*~ counting my pennies and biding my time; my dreams are adding up!~*~
Fairborn is 10 minutes from Dayton--5 minutes from Yellow Springs-Huber Heights-15 minutes from Tipp City
I do know about controlling neighbors as I too had a lovely neighbor but she would get upset if I didn't take her to the store everytime I went. lol..
I do have a garden I putter around in and I enjoy cross stitching. Thanks to this board I'm now a bit obsessed with making ATCs.
Thank you laides for the replies. I appreciate it. You have good Karma coming your way.
hugs,
-missy-
http://citychickblogging.blogspot.com/
Sisterhood Member#4003
Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.
John Harrigan |
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pennyhenny
True Blue Farmgirl
304 Posts
Missy
Dayton
OH
USA
304 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 11:07:23 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by dmeyer
I know how you feel. The empty nest syndrome set in. lol Now two of my children are home for the summer and it is like it was before they left but I know it will start all over again this fall.
Country Girl Forever
YES Deb it is EMPTY NEST SYNDROME.....why didn't I think of this. DH just keeps telling me to find myself.....funny I thought I had when I became a mother.....
Well back to the salt mines. lol
Thanks for reply.
hugs,
-missy-
http://citychickblogging.blogspot.com/
Sisterhood Member#4003
Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.
John Harrigan |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 11:26:11 AM
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I am so where you are. I moved here to Texas from Ohio almost three years ago. Where we are, there isn't much interest in farm type things. We moved again over Labor Day weekend last year. We live really close to Galveston Bay. It is gorgeous. But I am still lonely.
I just recently found a great church and a knit/crochet group. We meet once a week. But the rest of the week is still a bit lonely. I school at home. My daughter is seven. She keeps me busy, but I don't really have adults to talk to. My Rooster works 11-13 hours a day plus some Saturdays.
We live in an apartment, so I am missing my garden, rabbits, and just puttering around a yard.
I also love snail mail. I am always open for pen pals, but I do get behind as I have lots to do with homeschooling.
Take care. It does get better.
Amy
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
www.flossesandcrosses.blogspot.com
www.morganicinstitute.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22944 Posts
22944 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 12:26:30 PM
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I know what you ladies mean. That's one of the reasons I love the MJF board so much! I love getting to know you all and share my life with you. I wonder if there are enough farmgirls in your area to meet up and start a chapter?
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wff7Xpc/]
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acairnsmom
True Blue Farmgirl
1319 Posts
audrey
cheyenne
wy
1319 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 1:50:59 PM
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I think we all face loneliness at one time or another. I agree with Alee, I come to the boards when I'm needing companionship, a hug or just feel like sharing something of my life. DH has gone off and left me (job duties) several times over our 35 years and (sigh...) I'm getting ready for another summer of him being gone. He'll be off "playing" in northern Montana right next to the ND border. Leaving next week and will be gone until after October. I'm hoping he'll be able to get home at least once a month but that's only for weekends. So, you may be lonely, but you are not alone. We share your feelings.
Audrey
http://prairiecairncottage.blogspot.com/
.jpg) Good boy Hobbs! I love and miss you. |
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crittergranny
True Blue Farmgirl
1096 Posts
Laura
Lindrith
NM
USA
1096 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 3:10:23 PM
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Awww Missy...Hugs....I don't get enough time alone or with my hubby and my grown daughters and my horses keep me so busy. I have been where you are a few times in my life though. Maybe it's time for you to pursue something you have always put off. I know its hard when your kids are far off and or busy. But it probably won't last too long. I will pray for God to send you nice neighbors.
Laura
Horse poor in the boonies.
www.nmbarrelhorses.com |
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gramadinah
True Blue Farmgirl
3557 Posts
Diana
Orofino
ID
USA
3557 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 3:31:08 PM
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My MIL always said they never know that your lonely only you do so put your self in the position to gain new friends. Ask some one to coffee or to lunch, bake and take something to someone you want to get to know better. No one knows you sit at home and want a friend but you.
Diana
Farmgirl Sister #273 |
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treelady
True Blue Farmgirl
2388 Posts
Julie
Medina
ND
USA
2388 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 3:32:58 PM
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I too feel it. We work long hours on the farm and I always have my husband to talk too, but sometimes girl talk is needed. When I have time my friends don't or when they have time I don't. Thats why I love the forum, someone always has time and a shoulder to lean on and good advice. Missy, I love chatting through e-mails and snail mail is always fun to get, so if you need a friend I'll be there. Isn't that a song :).
A little rain can straighten a flower stem. A little love can change a life.
Max Lucado |
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oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 3:40:44 PM
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have you thought about voluntering at a shelter (human or animal), a hospital, after school program or ?, you'll meet alot of people that way, and you never know, your best friend might be discovered...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
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AnnieinIdaho
True Blue Farmgirl
437 Posts
Annie
ID
USA
437 Posts |
Posted - May 18 2012 : 5:25:10 PM
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Hi...
I wanted to let you know that even if you live in a structured neighborhood with neighbors 10 feet from you that it seems that people are cocooning. I can go for days and not see a soul in our neighborhood. Sometimes I joke I feel like I am in an "Outer Limits" episode where there are no people left. And I remember the song, "Everyone's Gone to the Moon". I do not think this is a "normal" tendancy in people, but it sure has been more evident in the last few years. I am reading a great book called "Pioneer Women:Voices from the Kansas Frontier" by Joanna L. Stratton. It is written from a collection of notes, letters from 800 women that lived in the 1860's forward. One of the main themes in this book is how lonely so many women were in their "homes". Isolation was great and coupled with fear of drought, major weather events, grasshopper invasions, Indian issues (mostly caused by the government) and their men going off to work on the railroad or hunting. They would be left for weeks at a time alone. Many were afraid and so lonely that they would visit with the Indian women who would just walk into their homes to study the clocks ticking, furniture and dishes, and look at their beds. And of course ask for food. When my daughter left home I used to go into her room and look around for weeks. It does get better as you begin to rediscover who it is you have become at this place in your life. I took up quilting and really enjoyed that, then it led me to other interests. I now have time for photography of nature, time for planning what it is I wish to do. There is a season to be sure. Also, as I began observing wildlife more, I realized just how much time they have in each season and realized sometime there is just "nothing doing". That is when I try to listen to my spirit and just be. Best to you. Take a read of the book I mentioned. It sure made me appreciate all that is good, easy, and sometimes boring in my life. Some days are a challenge because we are social beings. I find affiliation in groups can help to a degree. But mainly, it is learning what interests you and being able to step out on your own. Make sure you are taking enough Vitamin D. It helps with the dulldrums.
Thinking of you.
Annie |
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Madelena
True Blue Farmgirl
1919 Posts
Mary
Central
TX
USA
1919 Posts |
Posted - May 19 2012 : 04:13:12 AM
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Missy,
We all know where you are; and we've been there, are there, or will be back there again in our lives. Soo many of you wonderful Farm Sisters have said it so much better than I.
Life is about relationships. Relationships with our God, our Families, our Friends and even Ourselves. .... The song "No Man Is An Island" comes back to me (if you don't know it, google the words).
I remember loneliness... In college when I was trying to figure out who I am, when I lost my first baby, when I was living with a husband (a rebound relationship), whom I loved but who did not return love, and the time when I was lost in selfishness and could not see what was important.
I remember bemoaning the fact to my beautiful DIL that I felt like a Grandchildless Grandmother.. because all the kiddos are too busy with their own families and kids and grandparents are something they work into their impossible, hectic lives. Unfortunately, that is just the reality of leaving home and cleaving to one's spouse. I think I remember my Mother echoing the same lonely feelings.
I wrote a poem once: (IN those college days).. about loneliness and finding oneself.
"That which was, never was. i am what is. That which was never existed, i always existed, but never was. "I" am just beginning to be. "
I was very depressed one day as a young mother. I told my doctor that I was not interested in ANYTHING> He said "That's not good." I told him that I knew that and that was why I was talking to him. He told me to take "Small vacations with my mind each day." Really???
I found that one day, I just fell in love with a cross stitch pattern and the clouds lifted. Another depression (when my first marriage ended) lifted while in a Karate class. (I found that Old fashioned HARD work and exercise does wonders for one's spirit!)
Life is Life. We all live it. We all will deal with much the same things if we live long enough. We know. We understand.
I remember on old book from the 70"s (? I think) called PASSAGES. We go thru many Passages in our life.
I call them Chapters of my Life's Book. One chapter ends, another begins. Some adventures are exciting, some boring, some sad or scary, and some ho-hum. But what I want in the last chapter, is for the reader (God, I presume) to know, is that MY Life wasn't wasted. That it had more good parts than not so good. And for God to say: "It was a good book! "
I went to a wonderful Christian community (Homestead Heritage, Waco, TX) workshop on Monday with and old friend. We took a canning class. On the way home, my friend remarked that the (very) young women who taught the class had "something" about them. We tried to name "it". I said Joy. Their eyes sparkled, their enthusiasm was evident, and you could see that they cared deeply for each other. I thought and thought about it. (I know the community lives together or close by, grows their own organic foods, eats unadulterated meats, and lives more of a Menonite sort of life).... And then I saw it.. what is missing from our culture.
It was the interconnectiveness of people of like minds, strong convictions of love and service, an overwelming strong need to GIVE to others (family, friends, strangers, animals),to believe in what they are doing, to work hard daily with their hands and bodies and spirits, and a strong relationship with God.
I think if I can hold on to that vision, those Chapters of My Book will have a better read.
And I need to interpret what I discovered in my own way, in my own life.
You are a strong and resilient woman.. a farmgirl... our sister. We love and support you and pray for you as any family would. And we are just a computer click away. Over the miles we are here for each other. THAT is what life is about. Being here for each other.
Blessings on your and your house.
Madelena
Farmgirl Sister #3153
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pennyhenny
True Blue Farmgirl
304 Posts
Missy
Dayton
OH
USA
304 Posts |
Posted - May 19 2012 : 05:59:11 AM
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Ladies, I can't thank all of you enough. May you all be blessed with the love and concern you have showed me. I carry in my heart that my farm-girl sisters are always here for me. THANK YOU.
hugs,
-missy-
http://citychickblogging.blogspot.com/
Sisterhood Member#4003
Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower.
John Harrigan |
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SpyChicken
True Blue Farmgirl
436 Posts
Christine
Fond du Lac
WI
USA
436 Posts |
Posted - May 19 2012 : 11:07:35 AM
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I really understand where you are coming from! I'm kind of there myself-it's really bittersweet. On the one hand, I'm so happy that my daughter (20) is a busy, productive, happy person and that my son (6) has friends to play with, things to do, bikes to ride and mud puddles to splash in. On the other hand, it does get a little lonely sometimes, especially when dh and the kids are out of the house doing what they must and want to do. You think about all the things you'll do when "you have time" and then when you have the time, you look around and wonder, "where IS everyone?"
I try to keep myself busy with many different types of activities: reading, sewing, and especially crafting. It does help to keep my hands busy, especially with the tranquility of a needle and thread skimming through some fabric! Sometimes I'll put in a favorite show or movie and sometimes I just sit and listen to the quiet. I've recently started pen friending and I have found some wonderful new friends in faraway places like England, Austria, Germany, etc. and even closer to home (TX and IN)-that has also really helped a lot. I don't have any female family to lean on or hang out with-but even though I can't necessarily talk to my friends face to face, I take comfort in the fact that there are friends in the world who do think of me and have things to talk to me about (via letter!). I have also found a lot of fun & friends here on the boards!! Yay!
And then everyone is back home again from work or school or whatever and I'm not as lonesome...
Just know that you're not alone!! |
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GirlwithHook
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Alyce
Madison
WI
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - May 19 2012 : 10:22:47 PM
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Most of my life actually. Asperger's makes it kind of hard to make friends. Miranda is the only close friend I have made here in Madison--and she just went home to Illinois for the summer! Most of my longtime friends are either back in my hometown, or scattered across the country. Knowing I will never have children kind of doesn't help.
This board helps a lot, though! The Internet is one of the best things ever IMO. My hobbies and my chattery bird help too.
I am also taking some online classes. While it does not get me out socializing, I am keeping busy and learning some useful things. (Number one being, my French is not s rusty as I had feared.)
Ric and I have been networking with some other small business owners lately, and I think we are starting to develop some new friendships there too.
Remember, we farmgirls are always here for each other!
A hook, a book, and a good cup of coffee.... |
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smiley
True Blue Farmgirl
650 Posts
lea
pea ridge
arkansas
USA
650 Posts |
Posted - May 20 2012 : 08:02:10 AM
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| Mary I loved your reply. They were all so right on. You can be in a large group and yet feel so totaly alone. Each of us has been there and each found different solutions. We might not be face to face but we visit here and I think that counts. You have friends here. |
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delicia
True Blue Farmgirl
917 Posts
delicia
cincinnati
ohio
USA
917 Posts |
Posted - May 20 2012 : 08:43:38 AM
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| Missy, it seems like the ladies have given you some wonderful advice. I would just say branch out maybe start a book club, join a class of something that you really like. If you are lonely there are probably people around you who are lonely and looking for a friend just like you to come along side of them. |
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Okie Farm Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
1674 Posts
Mary Beth
McLoud
Oklahoma
USA
1674 Posts |
Posted - May 20 2012 : 09:13:47 AM
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Oh Missy, I am so sorry that you are struggling. It is just hard. A number of years ago, I was sooooo where you are, but it wasn't because my children were grown, but because my husband left for a girl 16 years younger than me. My identity was so tied to being a wife to this particular man and to the ranching life it included, that I felt like I lost ME. But a friend of mine told me to go to Psalm 139 and read the first half every single day to remind me of who I am:
"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand on me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain...For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE, your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be..."
You are fearfully and wonderfully made!! You are unique. There is not one other person out there who has your voice or your mannerisms or your characteristics all rolled into what is you. It means that you are special simply because you are you - a child of God!! How awesome is that? I know how hard it is to move from one season of life to the next, but when we realize that every single season is given to us by God for His good purpose and for our good as well, then we can confidently and even joyfully move into whatever comes. Now my children are grown and God gave me a wonderful, gentle and loving man to walk beside, not idolize. I had to learn alot along the way. Just don't forget how special you are, Missy, how beautiful you are and how loved you are. When you remember that, you can't go wrong. Love and hugs!! :-)
Mary Beth
www.OklahomaPastryCloth.com
www.Oklahomapastrycloth.com/blog
The Sovereign Lord is my strength - Habakkuk 3:19 |
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Across the Fence: Loneliness and Self Identity |
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Loneliness and Self Identity
