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Family Matters:  Follow up from Mentally Ill Husband  |
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bec414
Farmgirl in Training
25 Posts
becky
saginaw
mi
USA
25 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 30 2015 : 9:22:32 PM
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One year ago today DH went into the hospital. It was horrible. I was at my end with trying to appease him or please him or understand him. I would do the same thing in the same circumstance again...maybe sooner. It has grown me: I am more confident in doing hard things.
But I miss him deeply, my best friend is gone on his own free will. I ache constantly for my children who have lost their father. I mourn what we all miss because of the illness.
I am thankful for my support system and for God's provision.
Taken last fall after he left the state, before he said he was never coming home.
In the last year:
I got a job, after 18 years at home, as an RN making 3 x minimum wage. I love being a nurse. It was like riding a bike. The positive feedback from my co-workers is amazing
DD#1 got almost straight A's in her first year of community college; was hired as photo editor of the school paper (she wants to be a photo journalist); is now working almost 30 hours a week in addition to classes. Was proud that she provided meat for the family with her pig that did not make weight...home grown ham, yum.
DD#2 got a job that pays enough to pay for all of our animals' feed. Earned her way to the state 4-H horse show. Got her drivers license and learned how to back the trailer the 600ft down the drive to our barn. Coordinated a group of retired men from our church to enlarge our horse pasture by 3 fold.
DD#3 earned 2 best of show ribbons at the county fair. Has cooked more dinners than I have. Has organized and hosted 2 rabbit workshops with attendees from more than 2 hours away.
DS joined Boy Scouts and achieved his first rank. Attended Scout camp for a week. Mowed the lawn many times. And jumps in when I need things done.
DD#4 finished a tap class and started a second year. Started practicing with the JV homeschool volleyball team. Learned to read, but still says she can't. Cared for her leased horse more than her sister did. Learned how to spin yarn. Showed a pig in the county fair for the first time
DD#5 finished a tap class and now is taking a jazz class. Learned how to read and has a passion for it. Participated more in caring for the pigs.
As a family we were blessed beyond measure with gifts of food and clothing and time.
We also camped (in our restored '74 trailer) at fair. I thought I wasn't going to make it through the week: We took about 35 animals entered in 80 classes and 88 still exhibits entered. I don't remember much of it.
Then we camped for a weekend at a Tractor show to be night guard for our 4H club's petting zoo.
Now I face more challenges as I am trying to get the legal separation financial details taken care of with no cooperation from my husband and a lousy lawyer that I am done with.
My job was nights, I have been so sick recently that I can't work nights any longer, working mostly evenings now. Now I may have an opportunity to work in a hospital 12 hour shifts. Tough decision.
Homeschooling is difficult when I am not around much or exhausted, but the older children are learning time management and prioritization.
So we have some a long way and we hurt everyday he is not here. But I received the best end of the judgment. The house and our friends and our kids (mostly) bring me joy despite the struggles.
Thank you for your continued prayers and for reading my book.
Becky,
In the heart of Todd's home with my olive branches (Josie 11/96, Gabbi 9/98, Natalie 5/00, Daniel 9/02, Mary 9/04, and Tabitha 7/06) around my table. Ps 128:3
www.hillbilliesinabarn.blogspot.com |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Oct 01 2015 : 04:27:42 AM
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Becky - Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. You are all in my prayers. What a lovely, lovely family you have! You must be so proud of your children - and they of you!! When a family member has mental illness, everyone suffers in such a profound way. I am convinced that no one can truly understand unless they are experiencing it themselves. It's brutal in the trenches - believe me, I know. But look at all the wonderful things you are sharing - the reports of victory, so to speak - despite the circumstance. That is all you, Mom - that is your love in action! Every time you see those beautiful, smiling faces - that is YOUR reflection you see! I am so, so proud of you for everything you are doing and accomplishing for and with your family. You are a testimony to motherhood, to love, to perseverance, and to strength of spirit. Everything will be all right in time. Just believe in yourself, trust yourself, and be kind to yourself as you walk down this path; love on those precious children as if today is the only day you have; and keep on keepin' on. You can do this - I know you can. Just look at what you've accomplished already! You GO sister!!! :) God WILL reward you for what you are doing to keep it all together, I assure you. You are such a blessing to your family, and a wonderful role model for all who experience such painful adversity. May God bless you all, protect you under the shadow of His wing, ensure that your every need is met, and fill your hearts and lives with abundant love, happiness and joy! Love and hugs - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
www.papercraftingwithnini.ctmh.com
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Edited by - Ninibini on Oct 01 2015 04:46:53 AM |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Oct 01 2015 : 08:03:45 AM
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Nini's words are so eloquent, mine are just an echo.
You are amazing. Your family is amazing. Your strength and determination, along with the strength and determination you are helping your children develop, are a gift to the world. I am sorry you had to endure the pain and loss needed, but you have turned that into a story of hope. Thank you for sharing this story with us!
Hugs,and continuing prayers,
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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knittingmom
True Blue Farmgirl
665 Posts
AnneMarie
Edmonton
Alberta
Canada
665 Posts |
Posted - Oct 01 2015 : 10:21:44 AM
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Becky you have a beautiful family. You have such strength and know that God is always walking by your side.
I will keep your family in my prayers.
Anne-Marie
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"
"The things that matter most are not really things after all" |
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Marilyn Hartman Sullivan
True Blue Farmgirl
1138 Posts
Marilyn
Oxford
PA
USA
1138 Posts |
Posted - Oct 01 2015 : 10:25:26 AM
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Becky -- Sending extra hugs your way today. You are a shining example of what can be done when "needs must." Lovely children and a lovely mother as an example. Thank you for sharing your story.
Farmgirl #6318
"Where there's a will -- there's probably a family fight." |
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guineahen
True Blue Farmgirl
86 Posts
Andrea
Hawley
Pa
USA
86 Posts |
Posted - Oct 02 2015 : 6:30:58 PM
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| Also praying for you. A little over 18 years ago my mentally ill husband was arrested. He has been in and out of prison since then and is completely out of our lives. He is dangerous. His parents sued me for full custody on the grounds that we were homeschooling and we were all surprised that the judge we went before was a homeschooler too! And I understand how it is hard it is to be working while homeschooling and raising them. It is good to see how well you are all doing. My children are all grown now. One just bought a house this week, even though he is only 21. They are all hard workers and resilient and I believe this is how your children will continue to be also. Neither you or I would have chosen these paths but at some point we realize we have moved past merely surviving and into thriving. |
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Song Sparrow
True Blue Farmgirl
1010 Posts
Amy
Talleyville
Delaware
USA
1010 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2015 : 05:03:29 AM
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Becky, your children are so beautiful, and so are you. You are in my prayers. You are doing such a good job under the most difficult circumstances, I really admire you! Bless your heart, and each of your beautiful children as well!
Happy Day!
Peace in our hearts, peace in the world
Amy (Sister#6098) www.danaherandcloud.com
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Bonnie Ellis
True Blue Farmgirl
2474 Posts
Bonnie
Minneapolis
Minnesota
USA
2474 Posts |
Posted - Oct 03 2015 : 7:26:26 PM
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Becky, I can't imagine what you're going through you have a beautiful family and I know you will make it through this unbelievably tough time. One minute at a time. Just focus on what you are doing this moment. God bless and tons of hugs.
grandmother and orphan farmgirl |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Oct 05 2015 : 11:41:48 AM
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Becky, Nini's words say it all. Your family is beautiful! God Bless all of you.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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katmom
True Blue Farmgirl
17023 Posts
Grace
WACAL Gal
WashCalif.
USA
17023 Posts |
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bramblerose
True Blue Farmgirl
77 Posts
Canada
77 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2015 : 11:50:22 AM
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You are beautiful!
Your children are beautiful!
I have been where you are. I was married for 31 years to a man who became increasingly more difficult, diagnosed with mental illness, and finally left me eight years ago.
It was hard, and only those who've been there know how difficult and painful it is. But joy comes in the morning, after that long and dark night. Today, my life is beyond what I ever could have imagined or dreamed. God was faithful, even though there were times I was sure He'd abandoned me, leaving me cold and hungry and alone. But His "silence" was only a part of His plan for me, and I know now that if He'd answered even one of my weeping pleas, I'd not be where I am now. I needed to experience that desperation of spirit to know the depth of His goodness and grace.
May He continue to bless you and your children.
Ann
My life on the ranch ... http://a-thousandhills.blogspot.com |
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hudsonsinaf
True Blue Farmgirl
3162 Posts
Shannon
Rozet
Wyoming
USA
3162 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2015 : 12:41:46 PM
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Becky,
Continuing to pray for you and your children! Praising God He has brought all of you so far! Praying you continue to feel His everlasting love!
~ Shannon
http://hudson-everydayblessings.blogspot.com/ |
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Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
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blackantsnpeonys
True Blue Farmgirl
151 Posts
Denise
Hinckley
Illinois
USA
151 Posts |
Posted - Dec 05 2015 : 07:37:44 AM
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Sending hugs
Creative, spontaneous, artistic, adventurous, wife, mother, grandma! Up for just about anything. Enjoying life. Blessed. |
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bec414
Farmgirl in Training
25 Posts
becky
saginaw
mi
USA
25 Posts |
Posted - Dec 05 2015 : 08:46:07 AM
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Someone asked about mental issues. He was diagnosed with Bipolar. He has filed for divorce in Wyoming because he wouldn't come home to get one. The man he used to be would never even consider it. So we are close to having everything finalized with the legal separation. Having that done will take a load off as I will be able to move ahead financially.
I try to focus on the good. I still have days that are horrible. The holidays don't help. I just can't even begin to shop for gifts and don't have time to make any. Of course big kids have expensive tastes and that doesn't help.
My kids just continue to amaze me. If they can keep going surely I can also.
Becky,
In the heart of Todd's home with my olive branches (Josie 11/96, Gabbi 9/98, Natalie 5/00, Daniel 9/02, Mary 9/04, and Tabitha 7/06) around my table. Ps 128:3
www.hillbilliesinabarn.blogspot.com |
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Bonnie Ellis
True Blue Farmgirl
2474 Posts
Bonnie
Minneapolis
Minnesota
USA
2474 Posts |
Posted - Dec 05 2015 : 8:38:03 PM
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Becky, I pray for all of you that God wraps his loving arms around you and gives you what you need.
grandmother and orphan farmgirl |
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ClaireSky
True Blue Farmgirl
1792 Posts
Julie
Arcadia
WI
USA
1792 Posts |
Posted - Dec 06 2015 : 12:47:33 AM
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Becky, have you thought of going to your local church thrift store, Goodwill, or Salvation Army? I bought a ton of like new gifts for my family at my local church thrift store. It sure has saved me a lot of money and stress. Good Luck and sending prayers to you and your family.
Julie 
Farmgirl #399
May 2010 Farmgirl of the Month
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog ... Charles F. Doran |
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cajungal
True Blue Farmgirl
2348 Posts
Catherine Farmgirl Sister #76
Houston Area
Texas
2348 Posts |
Posted - Dec 07 2015 : 07:17:05 AM
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Becky, I love how you said that if your kids can keep going then you surely can, also. What a strong support system you have. But, I bet they would say the same thing about you. I'm certain they are relying on your strength and are gaining their own strength by watching you.
God will sustain you through this.
Catherine
Sister #76 (2005)
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt.
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Family Matters: Follow up from Mentally Ill Husband |
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Follow up from Mentally Ill Husband
