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Across the Fence:  Let's Laugh Our Way Through 2015!!  |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 25 2015 : 10:30:36 AM
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This came in an email from Backwoods Home today:
LOL! I hear THAT!!!
Hugs and giggles -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2015 : 10:58:48 AM
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Nini, how funny!!!!!!!!!
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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churunga
True Blue Farmgirl
3919 Posts
Marie
Minneapolis
MN
USA
3919 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2015 : 8:26:53 PM
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What did the ground say after a day of rain?
If this keeps out, my name is mud.
Marie, Sister #5142
Farmgirl of the Month May 2014
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Feb 27 2015 : 3:19:39 PM
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Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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katmom
True Blue Farmgirl
17025 Posts
Grace
WACAL Gal
WashCalif.
USA
17025 Posts |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Feb 28 2015 : 2:36:58 PM
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Here's some real groaners for you to enjoy, or not.
Travel Plans
My Travel Plans for 2015
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work. I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older. One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Feb 28 2015 : 2:47:43 PM
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How cute, Susan!!!!!
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2015 : 10:58:27 AM
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Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2015 : 2:11:01 PM
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To cute, Susan!
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2015 : 3:17:30 PM
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That's hilarious, Susan! I wonder if that's where Shamrock Shakes originate, too?! LOL!
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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churunga
True Blue Farmgirl
3919 Posts
Marie
Minneapolis
MN
USA
3919 Posts |
Posted - Mar 17 2015 : 6:54:01 PM
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A 50 year old woman got some plastic surgery which was a phenomenal success. She looked almost 30 years younger. So happy was she that everywhere she went she would ask people to guess her age. When they guessed, her age in the late 20's she'd laugh and tell them she was 50. What great sport!
One day she was waiting for a bus with a man at the bus stop. She asked him to guess her age. He said that looks were deceiving but that he could tell her age accurately by touching her breasts and offered to do that. She refused but remained curious. Finally, she looked up and down the deserted street and agreed to let him feel her breasts. He put his hands under her shirt and bra and started to feel her up. After several minutes went by, she asked him if he could tell yet. He said, "Certainly, you are 50."
"That's amazing! How did you know," she asked.
"I was standing behind you at McDonalds."
Marie, Sister #5142
Farmgirl of the Month May 2014
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
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katmom
True Blue Farmgirl
17025 Posts
Grace
WACAL Gal
WashCalif.
USA
17025 Posts |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2015 : 10:41:12 AM
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So funny, Marie!!!!!!!!
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2015 : 1:18:37 PM
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Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Midway airport, leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.
Then, the shaking driver said, "Are you OK? ...I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault.
Today is my very first day driving a cab.
I've been driving a hearse for 25 years .... Lol
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
Edited by - Cindy Lou on Mar 25 2015 2:33:57 PM |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2015 : 6:09:10 PM
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Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Apr 05 2015 : 11:26:15 AM
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Love it, Susan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for sharing.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2015 : 07:17:05 AM
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The wisdom of old
And old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
This is what transpired.
Dr. Young: --- "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth." can you please help me ??
Dr. Geezer: --- "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: --- Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see !!!!
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so -- " Here's your $1000 back."
Dr. Young: "But this is only $500..."
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer " !
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Song Sparrow
True Blue Farmgirl
1010 Posts
Amy
Talleyville
Delaware
USA
1010 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2015 : 05:19:09 AM
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A young family was having their rather stern older pastor over for dinner. They were nervous about everything, but especially about the behavior of their precocious young daughter. On the night of the dinner, both parents had to go into the kitchen, leaving the little girl alone with the pastor. "I wonder what we're having for dinner?" Said the pastor. "Goat." Replied the child. "Goat?!?" Said the surprised pastor, "Are you sure?" "Oh yes," said the little girl, "My daddy said this was as good a time as any to have the old goat for dinner!"
Amy
In every life there is a story, in every story there is a song.
www.danaherandcloud.com
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2015 : 8:52:54 PM
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Gathering chickens
The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.
"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them."
"Well, you did real good, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven."
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2015 : 4:09:50 PM
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Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2015 : 2:50:10 PM
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As I was baking a cake today, my thoughts went to a story told to me by my grandma when I was a young girl just learning to bake. She told me the story of a friend when she was a newly wed of about the same age. Somewhere around the year 1900 Grandma's friend got married and moved in with her new husbands family. She really didn't have a lot of knowledge of cooking and baking. After much teasing she decided to get up very early and bake a batch of bread with no one looking over her shoulder. She got it started but it just wasn't raising. She decided to get rid of the evidence that she had even tried. She took it out behind the house and buried it. It happened to be a warm summer day. Later in the day someone looked out the window and wondered what the lump out there was. When they went to check it was the bread dough raising right through the soil!
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9245 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9245 Posts |
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churunga
True Blue Farmgirl
3919 Posts
Marie
Minneapolis
MN
USA
3919 Posts |
Posted - Jun 21 2015 : 7:47:03 PM
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Did you know that today is Darth Vader's sister's birthday. Her name is Ella Vader.
Marie, Sister #5142
Farmgirl of the Month May 2014
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
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katmom
True Blue Farmgirl
17025 Posts
Grace
WACAL Gal
WashCalif.
USA
17025 Posts |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jul 01 2015 : 2:05:10 PM
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When Forest Gump died, he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "Welcome, Forest. We've heard a lot about you." He continued, "Unfortunately, it's getting pretty crowded up here and we find that we now have to give people an entrance examination before we let them in."
"Okay," said Forest. "I hope it's not too hard. I've already been through a test. My momma used to say, 'Life is like a final exam. It's hard.' "
"Yes, Forest, I know. But this test is only three questions. Here they are."
1) Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?"
2) How many seconds are in a year?
3) What is God's first name?
"Well, sir," said Forest, "The first one is easy. Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Today and Tomorrow."
St. Peter looked surprised and said, "Well, that wasn't the answer I was looking for, but you have a point. I give you credit for that answer."
"The next question," said Forest, "How many seconds are in a year? Twelve."
"Twelve?" said St. Peter, surprised and confused.
"Yes, sir. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd …"
St. Peter interrupted him. "I see what you mean. I'll have to give you credit for that one, too."
"And the last question," said Forest, "What is God's first name? It's Andy."
"Andy?" said St. Peter, in shock. "How did you come up with 'Andy'?"
"I learned it in church. We used to sing about it." Forest broke into song, "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own."
St. Peter opened the gate to heaven and said, "Run, Forest, Run!"
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Across the Fence: Let's Laugh Our Way Through 2015!! |
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Let's Laugh Our Way Through 2015!!
