| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| greyghost |
Posted - Jan 19 2006 : 07:04:14 AM
Girls, I hate to cry here - but I don't know what more I can say anymore.
DH has been horribly negative ever since we moved here. There's not any real reason that I can see to be so negative, it's all a mindset that he has. While I agree things haven't been easy since we moved, we caused our own troubles by buying a fixer-upper, with a fixer-upper mother-in-law suite on the property too. We don't do anything the easy way, we never have, but this is a choice we made TOGETHER.
IMHO - things are so much BETTER for us since we moved here. We OWN our house in all its dilapidated glory, no mortgage. We have plenty of money in the bank. No car payments. We moved to a GORGEOUS part of the country, in the foothills, there are mountain paths, camping, hiking, a bicycling club, a state park 5 minutes down the road (everything we love to do is here!), and it really is a great community. I don't understand why he doesn't see that - it's why we moved here - we saw opportunity to have the life we wanted. We saw opportunity to buy and hold mountain land, or fixer-uppers, etc. I love the plants we can grow here - things we could never grow in Florida - the small things in life that bring so much joy.
I love our town. We have been here 9 months and I feel so welcome. I have met so many people in town, and you run into them everywhere, even the next town, and it's so nice to know and be known.
Its the comments that wear me out - like one last night, where he was watching the history channel. I asked him what it was about, and he said the Appalachain area - where we are now. I said "Oooh - I bet that's interesting - knowing more about the history of where we live now." I meant it - I was interested in the program. He says "They keep talking about how everyone is so poor." Meaning: they still are, and we moved into it, and we're going to be poor too. We've had this discussion WAAAAAAY too many times for me not to pick up on it. And then he's in this depressing funk for the rest of the evening.
Saying stuff like:
"I'm just tired of things being so hard."
"When's it going to get better?"
"I'm sick of being poor" (WE ARE NOT POOR!!!!)
"Everybody here is poor" (not true)
"There's nothing to invest in" (also not true - but anything I show him that he would have been DELIGHTED about a year ago, he turns down for some odd reason or another, reasons I know are made up).
I know his job is part of it - he is burned out on teaching and says the job is awful here. That one too - he had a better offer, with a nearby school, but accepted the harder one, the one I suspect he KNEW he wasn't going to like.
I don't know what more to say. I have pointed out all the good things going for us. I have worked hard to try to make him see the joy in life, and look forward to things. I do all kinds of baking and put little surprises in his lunch. We have great neighbors and go out with them on occasion so he gets to meet people (getting him out the door is like pulling a mule sometimes). We can afford to have him quit his job in May - things may be tight, but I am working hard to make my business bigger so that he can do whatever he wants to do.
We left Florida because NEITHER of us liked it. We WANTED to be further from our families. We couldn't afford Florida anymore either, and the stress of holding so much debt between 3 houses and the insurance rate hikes were going to kill us. He knows all that, he never says we should move back or anything like that. We were at a dead standstill where we were.
I have been positive for MONTHS - but its starting to seriously wear me down. I'm ready to scream at him to snap out of it. I'm bawling as I type this. I don't understand where this attitude is coming from. I love it here - for the first time in my life I feel like I am HOME, a place where I belong. I don't understand because anytime we visited here, before the move, he seemed to love it as much as I do. He's close to his roots here, he has some extended family not an hour away.
It's getting hard to get him off the couch and away from the TV in the evenings. I wash the dogs myself now - something we always did together. If I don't hand him his coat and tell him its time to go walking, he'll just sit there, almost just so he can gripe that we didn't go walking the next day. It isn't that he hasn't always been a little on the melancholy side, but... it's just getting harder. |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| wildhorsemom |
Posted - Feb 12 2006 : 8:54:33 PM
Hi, lynn...hey I haven't really been here long, but I read your first post, and it sounded so much like us, I had to answer and at least encourage you.
Someone farther back mentioned depression. Well, in our household, it has been the reverse: I have been the one actually diagnosed as manic depressive (fought it my whole life, just never knew what to do about it-- looooong story, family history, blah, blah-- I'll save it for some other time!). My dear hubby, HE's the one who's been in YOUR shoes. So patient and kind, yet he has been pretty close this year to chucking it, not knowing what to do to help me. I know I was a strain on him as well. We moved to our new hometown about a year and a half ago (love it-- never wanna go back!), and admittedly, it WAS culture shock-- but of the best kind! It IS great to live in a small town where you know and are known. CAN be a hazard sometimes, lol! But I love it anyway.
Myself-- the big move (1900 miles, with just us, and only his folks moving out here too-- in their own home, thank goodness), my mother dying in '04 3 months before we left (I knew she was dying, drank herself to death forever...I wasn't crushed, really, but the rift it left in my already teetering relationship w/ siblings has been huge), and all that triggering my latest-- and worst since high school-- breakdown...well, it's been a hard year. Last year, I went to see the family doc, who referred me to my psychiatrist (yes, I used to mock them, but after learning more about my family history, and looking back at my own, well...I'm glad I went)...through a bit of trial (!) and error, I finally was placed on a medication and health regimen that seems to be helping me a great deal. I feel like the locomotive is no longer sitting on me, and the sun is shining again-- even on the grey days. A BIG change from the "me" I was this time last year!
Your hubby may be suffering from a mental health issue as well. It sounds like such to me, having been there. Be patient with him, continue to be kind. But also-- be kind to yourself! Keep on thinking positive, and remember to keep doing the little things that make you happy. Maybe tell him one day, "Honey, I'm concerned for you. Maybe you ought to go down to Dr. So & So" (family physician, don't drag a psych. doc into it yet!!) "and have a regular physical..tell him how your feeling. Maybe he can suggest some vitamin supplements or a new routine for you, that would help you feel better?" Just don't push...be gentle!
The family doctor and a physical may be just the thing your sweetheart needs...or maybe, the family doc will see through your husband's cloud and know that he needs something more. At any rate, gently, if you are able, give him the idea, and see what he does with it. I thought of it myself initially, in our case, because I really felt as if I was going to die, as if I was somehow "broken" or going crazy, and I have always felt I needed to "fix" myself if there was a problem. My husband was gently, but tentatively, supportive, and has done all he could to help, no matter how little he could do, to help me-- us-- be back on an even keel.
Anyway, I've gone on too long here, sorry! But from a person who's been where he is (I think!), and sees your side as well, I hope things are going better for you both. No matter how much we WANT to make these huge life changes, no matter how great they are for us, and no matter HOW wonderful things can be around us, it can all be a trigger to an episode of deep depression. Without help, it's hard to deal with alone, and hard for someone to understand who hasn't been in a mental illness psotion. Mental illnesses are no different than diabetes or cancer or any other affliction. They simply need outside help to help one overcome. Your sweet husband won't be able to just "shake it off" himself if this is indeed what he's experiencing. I know. I've seen it in me, and in my family. It's just some thoughts for you, from me.
I'll keep you two in my prayers! (I hope I haven't said anything to worry or offend you!)
In all lovingkindness,
Laurie |
| cajungal |
Posted - Jan 24 2006 : 4:42:47 PM
Hi Lynn, just came to the thread to check in on you. Sounds like y'all are doing better. We love Waffle House, too. The only thing that bugs me is the size of their booths. It's just too crowded with 4 of us. It wouldn't be so bad if the food all came on one plate instead of 20! So, when we get the breakfast urge we usually end up at IHOP.
Blessings Catherine
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt." |
| westfork woman |
Posted - Jan 24 2006 : 10:59:11 AM
Lynn, I got one of those big exercise balls. My DH has asthma that has really limited his ability to exercise, his asthma is exercise induced. The last few winters he gets down, he can't help feed cows because he has asthma attacks, he can't go for walks, or do anything that makes him break a sweat. He has gained weight, and in winter gets unhappy. I brought the ball home for me, he laughed and said how could something like that do any good. I talked him into just setting on it and doing a few crunches, (good for the abs). He is using it everday. It gets him up and moving, it doesn't hurt, and he is feeling better. You might get him to try it. KLyn
Greetings from the morning side of the hill. |
| greyghost |
Posted - Jan 23 2006 : 07:18:21 AM
No yoga - but I did find my yoga tape and an abs tape in storage, and my mom gave me "Callanetics for your Back" which is INTENDED for people who have practically destroyed their backs as I have. The gym where I talked to the guy said he would try to get a yoga class going again - hard to find instructors willing to go to a tiny town. And, he said there are personal trainers who could probably help me a little, too. And they have treadmills - walking seems to help now that the ligament has had 6 months to heal - at least I am only dealing with the disk now. And weak muscles!
I think - once we get that country life, and we are settled, DH will be better. He said that (through not fault of my own) that we bought this mess to work on together, now with my back it's all on him. Which is very hard for him to swallow - we have always worked on houses as a team.
He understands I was SERIOUS when I said "let's go ahead and buy the land" and is mulling it over. I suggested we could stay at this house for 10 years, be paying on the land and building our businesses, then we should be well able to afford to build a home on the land - or sell it and this house and buy more land and an old farmhouse in Alabama or something.
|
| Yogifarmgirl |
Posted - Jan 22 2006 : 11:32:37 AM
Hey Lynn
Did the gym have YOGA...at least that would help you, help him through this tough time. Things have been hard for my family ever since we moved to PA from NY 6 years ago but I still hold strong to the fact that the country environment is worth not having to live that rat race any longer. Everytime I look outside and see trees instead of houses I smile. Problem is some people are not cut out for the country life, my husband is still struggling with this a bit. Good Luck, keep breathing
Yogini Jenn
"Breathe in the Sunshine" |
| junebug |
Posted - Jan 22 2006 : 11:15:58 AM
Glad things are looking better Lynn, spring is right around the corner, till then, paint the walls green!! LOL
" Aspire to Inspire before you Expire"
www.herbalfarmstead.blogspot.com
www.countrypleasures.motime.com |
| greyghost |
Posted - Jan 22 2006 : 06:26:32 AM
Hi Sara - DH and I had a good talk about it all yesterday, and he says he knows he felt better when it was green outside. So... I hope that my starting plants indoors soon will help him realize spring isn't that far away. The daffodils are starting to come up in our friend's yards (I don't have any) and soon there will be other signs of Spring.
We're off to breakfast at our favroite place this am - Waffle House! Might seem cheesy but we haven't been going ever since the gas prices went up, and it used to be a Sunday ritual. WaHo is a half hour from here - so we've been going to the local b-fast/lunch/dinner spot just down the street. Someone has GOT to teach those folks how to make hash browns! |
| Mrs Tiggywinkle |
Posted - Jan 21 2006 : 4:56:02 PM
Lynn, hope you have a blast on your girl-y weekend. That sounds so fun!
I just saw this thread now, and my first thought was- seasonal depression. I know GA isn't that far away from FL, but if dh isn't getting as much sunshine (maybe it's cloudier, or he's indoors more?) that can really set off SAD. Up in the Northwest, we see it quite a bit. I have a special (really bright!)lightbox that I sit beside 30 min a day- and it really does change my outlook.
May not be the problem at all, but I thought I'd mention it.
Love,
Sara
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. |
| westernhorse51 |
Posted - Jan 21 2006 : 3:29:33 PM
Lynn, as hard as it seems now, it will get better. Just love him through it and when you feel you can't anymore, you'll find the strength. Someone wrote they are weird creatures at times, they are!! We handle things so much better. He will come out of it. Get him up & moving around physically, in "ALL " places! Michele
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
| westfork woman |
Posted - Jan 21 2006 : 1:33:30 PM
Lynn, sounds like you are bouncing back. Have a good time on your little trip. Hang in there, like my friend Mildred always said, this too shall pass.
Greetings from the morning side of the hill. |
| cajungal |
Posted - Jan 21 2006 : 10:37:21 AM
So glad you're feeling better. Have fun with your friend!!
Blessings
Catherine
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt." |
| greyghost |
Posted - Jan 21 2006 : 08:27:01 AM
I've bounced back to my usual self today - I was really low when I started this thread, thanks all for helping me get back up!
I actually have made plans to visit a friend in Atlanta next weekend - I told her how I used to go to the mall, find an EXPENSIVE skirt or other clothing article, study it in the store, then go to the fabric store and go home and make myself one just like it. Loads of fun, that! So that's what we are going to do Friday & Saturday, with a girl's night on the town Friday night.
Really as long as I have my small joys in life, I usually can stay pretty happy even if I am living with Chief Black Cloud. My seed catalogs are coming in, soon the seeds will be here, and I cannot wait to get started on some tomatoes! Seeing that should help him see Spring is nearly here - could be some winter depression making it harder for him too. |
| Whimsy_girl |
Posted - Jan 20 2006 : 8:31:15 PM
I'm sorry to hear that. It can be hard to stay positive when the one person who is closest to you is waving his crabby flag all the time. If he is generally a good guy, odds are that You will get a lot further by being sweet than by compounding his blues with your own frustration.
When he comes out of it he will think you are a saint for dealing with it nicely instead of making a hard time worse.. In the meantime, have you thought of taking a solo trip to visit a family member or something? They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. It may give you both the alone time you need to gain a little perspective on the situation, and perhaps exercise a few of those inner demons that are making you butt heads so much.
I am not suggesting anything more than a few days.. If he's that bummed out abandoning him isn't the answer, but just a few days for you to really breathe will feel like a spa day after living in a stressful environment.
you can be oh so smart, or you can be oh so positive. I wasted a lot of time being smart I prefer being positive. |
| Bridge |
Posted - Jan 20 2006 : 2:54:34 PM
I have a friend that says.............. they have one, so they think they have to act like one!!!
But really hang in there, it'll all work out :) |
| cajungal |
Posted - Jan 20 2006 : 2:32:31 PM
Lynn, by your 5:03 am post you sound like you've got a bit of humor going on. That's good. Diane just about made me pee in my pants...that is ssssooooooo FUNNY!!
Something you said in an earlier post points to the issue....I think. It sounds like he is concerned with the job thing. Perhaps even a little scared to try to work at the tree farm or to work with the guy learning trim work. Both are great professions. Wow! There are guys who never get an opportunity to "apprentice" under someone. That's great. Maybe he can do both. Even if he does one, he'll be learning a lot and gaining knowledge is always a good thing.
I talked with my hubby about this and he knows that when he feels out of control and has no plan and can't seem to make a plan, he gets quite stressed and feels like a failure. He said that it has always made him feel like he could conquer the world when I would make him feel like I still thought he was "the man" and that I trusted his judgment and supported his ideas.
Ya' know, nothing has to be written in stone. Help him make a plan for the first six months after teaching is over in May. Maybe make a plan for a year...he can work the lower paying
job(s) for a year and then at the end of that year y'all make a new plan. It sounds like you're not putting any pressure for "big bucks" and that's great. Sometimes I think our men can get out of these moods if they just know that we will live in a tent if we have to....as long as we're all together.
Believe me...I know how you don't feel like doin' the duty. It feels icky to give of yourself when you really don't want to. Do you remember the movie Rocky....not sure which one, but in one of them the coach tells Rocky to spend time away from his wife before the fight...the statement is "Women weaken legs"...well, I think we can also weaken strongholds of stress and depression. Just something to consider. I know that I spent months being angry and thinking that I shouldn't have to make hubby feel better when I wasn't feeling loved and wanted him to woo me and make me feel cherished. I was so Blessed when I made the move to encourage him because as soon as he felt "fulfilled" he immediately began to show all those actions of treating me like a treasure. I've read somewhere some expert call this our emotional love tank. When it's empty we can't function and are stressed. When it's full we have a better outlook and can persevere. It's awful when both spouse's tanks are empty.
Keep your chin up....it will get better. I agree with all the gals.....pamper yourself, keep yourself cheered up.
Blessings
Catherine
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt." |
| junebug |
Posted - Jan 20 2006 : 12:55:08 PM
Lynn, I agree with all the gals here, express your love more and kidnap him whenever possible and you two tour your new area and make some memories!!! Sounds like he just hasn't bonded with his new home yet. Prayers sent your way, hang in there and dont forget to spoil yourself too! Hugs!
" Aspire to Inspire before you Expire"
www.herbalfarmstead.blogspot.com
www.countrypleasures.motime.com |
| Fabulous Farm Femmes |
Posted - Jan 20 2006 : 12:40:13 PM
I call it "Women are from Mars, Men have a penis" LOL
Really, if you think about it, that says it all!!!!!!!!! |
| greyghost |
Posted - Jan 20 2006 : 05:03:05 AM
Men are odd creatures - no wonder we often feel like we're from Venus and they're from Mars - to us a job is a job, a place you have to go 8 hours or more a day. Life at home is what matters most. Sex? Not really all that important - hugs can mean a whole lot more.
So I guess I have been approaching this all from a female point of view - talking about plants and hiking and OMG, look at all the stars! and pointing out neat houses and baking yummies and offering hugs.
Diane - I hope there is something for your DH to do that he will love nearly as much. I don't think there is anything that can really compare to it (I wanted to be a cop since I was 15) but hopefully he can find something.
Yep - we'll support each other! |
| Fabulous Farm Femmes |
Posted - Jan 19 2006 : 9:51:09 PM
I read an article today in a health magazine (while waiting for hubby's MRI to be finished) that said, and I quote generally...
A survey taken with in a test group found that if a couple is generally sexual twice a month, if that is increased to twice a week, that as far as self satisfaction and self esteem, the men likened that to making an extra 50,000 a year.
I also read once than men derive most of their self esteem from their job and the sex lives.So these two things would echoe what Catherine was saying.
We are going thru a similar thing here, with the hubby possibly not being able to be a deputy sheriff any longer due to his neck fusion. This man LOVES his job. So I am with ya,hang in there, we will all support each other! |
| westfork woman |
Posted - Jan 19 2006 : 2:54:40 PM
Lynn, living with one of those half empty glass guys sometimes isn't much fun, and sometimes my sense of humor fails to materialize. But I do have a funny story. We had a cow calve in a very difficult place, up on the hill above our house in a place we couldn't drive to, even with the tractor. I could see the cow walking around and around a big buckbrush. So DH and I fed the other cows and took the pickup around above the cow and walked down to where she was. We had about 2 foot of snow, it was cold and windy that day. Ever since we had seen the cow, about half an hour, dh had been telling me how bad my luck was. How nothing ever turned out right for me. The whole diatribe was pointed at me. The calf was very cold and couldn't walk, so dh picked up the calf and put him over his shoulder. Of course then the cow couldn't see the calf, they never can see a calf that is not on the ground. I had a piece of sagebrush to encourage the cow along, and we started down a very steep hill on the way to the barn. All the way I am hearing about how bad my luck was, he said it with every step. About half way down the hill, I could see a bump in the snow, and I was curious about it. I knew it wasn't rock and I just didn't know what it could be. It took about 10 minutes to get that far because the cow wasn't cooperating, but when we went by the bump in the snow, I kicked it. It was a sled. A little wooden runner sled, the kids had left out and lost. And I couldn't resist, I said just how bad is my luck, really emphasizing the my luck part. We put the calf on the sled, the cow could see him and followed right along, and we went right into the barn. We rolled the calf off the sled onto some clean dry straw. We rubbed him and milked a little milk and got a cup or two into his little tummy and he was off and running. Every time I hear about how bad my luck is, I remind dh of the day my luck found us the sled. So hang in there, it will be spring soon. If the tree farm idea is what he wants to do, then keep encouraging him. At least he has a idea of something he would like to do.
Greetings from the morning side of the hill. |
| jpbluesky |
Posted - Jan 19 2006 : 2:20:33 PM
Lynn - all I can say is love him through it. We all get so down about worldly things, and they can drown us if we let them. It sounds as if your hubby is letting the worldly things take him under. If he found out tomorrow he had cancer, or that you did, everything would change. Moments would become sweet.
He may feel you are in control of yourself and he is not; he may feel a power struggle going on....we who do not know either of you can only guess.
But I will pray. And I hope that some light goes on in his head that enables him to see the wonderful things of daily life that so many of us do not have. Health, home, beauty, and a wonderful wife. Wealth I deliberately left out.
God bless you, Lynn, and keep strong.
"Sell cleverness and buy wonder" |
| greyghost |
Posted - Jan 19 2006 : 12:05:01 PM
Thank you all for your words of support.
More than anything, I just feel so drained. It's really made my entire day difficult (I am in a blue funk and even a chocolate chip binge isn't helping!) I am glad he is away at work - just so I can try to recover! It's a beautiful day today, 60 degrees and sunny. Wish I had time to sit outside in the sun and enjoy it a little.
Catherine, I understand what you are saying... and believe you me, intimacy is NOT high on my list of things I want to do right now! But you are right - it does make sense. Oh the things we do for our men.
I dunno how early in life you can have a midlife crisis - I'm 29 and he's 33. We have had a busy, and difficult, 5 years of marraige but we have accomplished so much because of all our hard work.
I try very hard to be supportive. He isn't sure what it is he wants to do yet after he quits teaching - I think he's just grasping onto the sconce-making idea as something to hold on to. (He's one of those guys that hates to be lost... works with not having a decided path, too).We both know what he really wants is a tree farm - there are four of them not too far away from us, and I've encouraged him to just work at one of those for a year or so - at least he'd be closer to what we want to do. He balked at the pay - but he's bringing in all of 2K a month as a teacher now... even if it were HALF that we would be comfortable financially. And he'd be learning and making contacts in the thing he really wants to do. I said I was more than willing to take some of our savings we had set aside for remodeling the house and purchase 10 acres or so. I don't care if the LAND requires a mortgage, as long as our HOME is scott-free with us both on our own ventures. We could survive on my current earnings (I'm trying to get bigger, girls!) and if he wanted, his earnings at the tree farm could go straight to a savings account for trees and equipment.
Even if he wanted to do the trim shop thing - there is a fellow in town who started a cabinet making shop several years ago, and now has a HUGE facility on the south side of town that's about as big as Mohawk Carpet's workhouse here. This fellow has offered to talk to him and even suggested if DH is good at trim, he'd give him a job so he could learn the ropes with such expensive machinery.
NONE of this would have been an option in Florida. So you see... we have opportunity here.
People here have even offered me a part-time job here and there to help out - this town has been great. Today I ran some errands and stopped into a gym to see if they had any yoga classes. Well the guy I spoke to not only lived in Tampa for 28 years (where we were) but is my neighbor's personal trainer! Small towns... they're awesome.
I don't know if he just expected life here to be all peaches and cream - hey I'd suggested buying a house that didn't need any work so we could be settled in and comfortable! I kind of think once our house is finished, and he isn't working at a school anymore, he will feel better. The house hasn't even been started on yet - he's still working on the outside details (like stairs! Right now we have to climb up onto the porch, or take the scary ramp that gets pretty icy in the morning!)
Sometimes I think he's putting off working on the house. With my back I'm a little limited on what I can do right now, but I've been thinking about it and realized I can still rip up carpet, if in much smaller pieces, and drywall in the center support section of the house so we can see for sure if it needs more 2x4s to handle the jacking well, and I can still toss those in the back of the truck and haul it off to the dump. I can also crawl into the attic and scoot that insulation over so I can rip out the ceilings in the kitchen, dining, and living rooms - which would also allow us to see the structure better as a whole. And - once that is done, I can call in contractors to look at it and give estimates on the jacking (we aren't so comfortable with that part... we can do everything else). So maybe I need to get going on that, maybe seeing some progress in the house would help?
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| DaisyFarm |
Posted - Jan 19 2006 : 11:54:26 AM
This sounds like depression to me and I agree with Frannie that talking to someone about it might be the solution, particularly if this has been going on for a long period of time. I would imagine his teaching job consumes a good part of his life right now and if it is really draining him, it's hard to have inspiration and optimism outside of it. Remind him of the light at the end of the tunnel...that he can quit in May. If he is dedicated to teaching, he may find it more rewarding to tutor??
He's lucky to have a supporting wife like you. I would gently ask him if he thinks it could be depression because of his job and take it from there.
Diane |
| CabinCreek-Kentucky |
Posted - Jan 19 2006 : 09:35:09 AM
darlin' .. sure sounds like a little 'mid-life crisiss' thingie going on ... and compound that with an 'uh-oh'!!!!! did we make a big mistake? (that question would come with a mid-life crises .. even if you stayed in florida . or moved to 'nirvana'. (by the way .. the mid-life crisis thing is VERY normal .. and often a 'chapter' we all go through) ... you might want to get Gail Sheehy's ... hmmmm .. not sure of that last name spelling) book:
PASSAGES ... it will surely help you AND your man to understand what he/you are going through .. and you WILL see it is a NORMAL passage.
Catherine is so very right .. that THIS is a very vital time to show him how very much he is loved and respected .. and that he is your HERO ...no matter what 'life' brings!
i definitely agree with all the TLC advice ... AND ... with all that 'sed': sometimes our 'men' just need a "kick-in-the-butt-dose-of-reality-check" ... it's all about CHOICES and ATTITUDE. (only not necessarily in that order!) we can take just about any situation in life and turn it into tears of sadness or tears of joy.
there are some great books out there to help people through these times and to 'search their soul' for what it is they really want in life ... and advice guiding us how to find out what WE want and how to work out a 'game plan'. this, too, is part of the 'adventure' and 'journey' of life.
recognize too that if he is just unable to bring himself out of this 'blue funk' .. and it goes on and on and impacts on his and his family's life in a serious way .. he just might need to 'talk it out' with a professional.
i firmly believe that this is not always a BAD thing to go through .. because if you work through it ... you truly do get to know yourself better ... and are able to 'prioritize' your lifestyle in a positive manner .. and the JOY of KNOWING who you really are and what you really want is SUCH an uplifting, positive achievement in life. for me .. it sure beats just rolling along in a cloud day after day after day .. not feeling all the passions of life.
sending prayers heavenward for you and your honey and your family ... i promise 'THIS TOO, SHALL PASS' .. and you will all come out stronger on the other side! xo, frannie
True Friends, Frannie |
| sqrl |
Posted - Jan 19 2006 : 09:09:22 AM
Lynn I'm sorry. What Catherine is saying is such good advise, so encouraging. I don't have much to say just that hard times come and pass and you do look back on these times and laught. At least hope so and that's what I've been told. Since I think I'm around your age and am going through some rough waters too. Lots of work and school and no money and no time for lovin eachother. I understand where your coming from, the only thing I can say is hold on, be strong and talk about everything with him, tell him you love him all the time and you believe in him. Try to talk about what would help him what would fix him, even if it doesn't seem possible. Sometimes you have to be the rock. But don't forget yourself at the same time. Must not foregt to love yourself or you'll get lost in all this.
Keep talking to us, we're here for ya.
Blessed Be
www.sqrlbee.com www.sisterhood.sqrlbee.com
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