| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| MsCwick |
Posted - Oct 23 2006 : 11:17:10 AM
For those of you who don't already know, I am a stay at home "housewife". YES! I said HOUSEWIFE. My husband and I own our own painting business. It started out with both of us working, but I couldn't keep up with the work habits of a man, so I worked less and less, until I stay home 24/7. Of course I grocery shop, so I do leave the house every so often, but lately, I've been feeling like I'm not contributing enough to society? Is that ridiculous? We don't need another income, so I don't need to make money for our household. We don't have kids yet, so I'm basically BORED out of my mind. The house is clean, dinner is always homemade, all my animals are taken care of. I work on the lawnmower, or whatever needs fixing, the grass gets cut, the yard is clean, we didn't have a garden this year. Now that the weather is cooling down, and I'm spending more time indoors, I'm feeling like I just don't do enough.
Here's a twist. Before I started back onto anti-depressants, I felt like the world hated me, and I could stay home and stare at the wall, and be happy being quiet and alone. I knew I should feel fortunate, but I felt like the odds were against me. Anyone else in my shoes I would have said they were the luckiest girl in the world to have a wonderful husband who provides so well for his family, but although that girl was me, I didn't feel lucky at all, in fact, I felt just the opposite. Trust me...this affected my husband greatly. After some drawn out talks, I got back on the anti-depressants, mainly for the sake of our marriage,(and my husband's sanity) and life in general has just improved for the both of us. I still stay home, but I feel like once I get my regular chorse done, like vaccuuming, and laundry, and cooking, my day is just a waste, because I don't know what to do with myself. Maybe I am just venting, but I'm kinda wondering if there's any other girls out there who might feel like this, or some who have and found something to do with themselves???? |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| mommom |
Posted - Oct 28 2006 : 07:52:58 AM
I have never been bored in my whole life. But, I am one of those people who makes lists. I don't really care if I don't get everything on the list done from day to day....but when a job is checked off, I feel great! Working at a craft store 15 or more hours a week is also uplifting for me because the customers get my brain going with new ideas. I agree with the other farmgirls here....giving and doing keeps us going. My mommom used to say, "Busy hands make a busy mind!" You are blessed to "not have to work" but a part time "interesting" could just be your cup of tea. There are all kinds of people out there who can make us see things in a different light. Listen to them. Watch them. Could you become a Big Sister to someone? You know, some people in nursing homes have no families and would welcome your smile! I have found that when I give of myself the happier I am! Pray about it. We all have a purpose in this life and I hope you find yours. Blessings, Susan |
| brightmeadow |
Posted - Oct 28 2006 : 07:16:44 AM
The Heidelberg catechism (1563) asks some of the questions you are asking, about finding meaning in life, it asks
"What do we do that is good?"
and answers,
"Only that which
arises out of true faith,
conforms to God's law,
and is done for his glory;
and not that which is based
on what we think is right
or on established human tradition."
God's laws apply to all of us equally. Gender-based roles or jobs or toys, for the most part are based on "established human tradition" that is what I took exception to. There are physical differences between the sexes, and I am only too happy to let my husband do the heavy lifting while I cook, but both of us can program a computer, for goodness' sake!
I had a coworker, a subordinate, who actually told me I should not be working outside the home because when God sent Adam and Eve out of the garden, he cursed Adam with having to strive with thistles and Eve's responsibility was to bear children. So since I had two children I had done all that God required of me, and my ex-husband should be paying the bills. Therefore this guy thought he should have my job and I should be at home tending my children. (He was really resentful that I had the team leader position.) He didn't consider that I would be condemned to a life of poverty because the reality was, my ex-husband wasn't paying the bills. I was, even when I was married. He also didn't consider that I was smarter and worked harder than he did, LOL!
There are lots of examples of women in the Bible who did not have the "ideal" family situation. Because of sin, (sometimes our own, sometimes someone else's, sometimes original sin!) we all stray from the ideal. So we all have to figure out how to cope with what is less than ideal. God still loves us anyway, and wants us to be happy!
Being forced into narrow gender-based roles (especially when there is pay inequity) doesn't help us to cope, that is all I am trying to say. As long as we are following God's laws (Ten commandments, and the two big ones, love God and love your neighbor as yourself) and giving glory to God, then the rest of it is the "small stuff".
As far as daily chores never getting done, or getting done and immediately needing re-done, that is the nature of housework! Or any type of operational task. Not like building something, or any type of project, where you have a beginning and a completion and something that gets finished, and then you are done, and you can say "I did that!" Maybe you should try knitting, it really gives me a sense of accomplishment to see the sweater growing and when it is finally done, it is DONE. Balance the operational tasks with the project work to give yourself a greater sense of accomplishment.
As far as getting up earlier, are you getting enough fresh air and exercise? Is there something that is keeping you from getting a good night's sleep? Does your husband snore, or toss and turn, keeping you awake at night? Are you going to bed early enough, or drinking too much caffeine (or chocolate, which has caffeine in it?) There are maybe a million physical reasons for that, or maybe it's just your internal clock. I'm a 7:00 riser, myself. I've had bosses who wanted me at work at 7:00 and I could do it, but I just wasn't happy. My grandmother got up at 4:00 am every day of her life. But she went to bed at 8:00 pm...
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| MsCwick |
Posted - Oct 27 2006 : 8:44:16 PM
I didn't even notice all this was from a part time job idea. :/ Although I may be young, 24, I have actually held several management jobs. I went from Assistant Manager at a MAJOR retailer to working at a little oil change place, to my husband and I operating the painting business. He and I have discussed me getting a job, and we've even talked about having a baby, but neither really seem to suit the situation, or the problem rather. I actually get a salary from the business which is plenty to pay the bills and grocery shop and take care of my horses. Whatever is left is savings, and my husband pays the mortgage, I pay the others. It was our way of agreeing that what I WAS doing at home(faxing, typing, phone calls, advertising, etc) was worthy of a pay check. So it's not money I am in search of. I'm going to read more of my Bible and try to find understanding in it.
Maybe part of my thing could be that we have only been in our house for 2 years and there is still so much to do. Our spare bedroom has turned into a collect all for furniture I don't have room for. There is still a lot of updating I would like to do to our house, and almost all of it I could do, but it's just a matter of getting daily chores done and starting a project and finishing. Daily chores never are done for more than a day b/c my poor husband is anything but tidy, so the next day I have to start all over again and clean up this or that. BUt we talked about that recently and he IS trying. Another problem I have is I cannot get up before 9 to save my life. I have even tried putting a horribly obnoctious alarm clock in another room so I HAD to get up, but it doesnt help...I just feel like I have a lot of free time, but I don't really SEE any results.
Right now, I am making my list of things to start on Monday. I think this may be part of my journey, it's just a transition, it's a phase. Maybe once the holidays get here I will be able to feel like I'm accomplishing more. |
| brightmeadow |
Posted - Oct 27 2006 : 5:32:22 PM
Cristine,
I was responding to your subject line "I feel like I don't do enough" when I asked the question "why don't you get a part-time job?" only because it seems like you are doing enough, but you still have these feelings! So what is causing the feeling? Is it the lack of earning a wage from outside? Would it make you feel more validated if someone else was paying you a salary? Many men in our society today measure their worth by how much they earn (I DO NOT think this is appropriate, but it is still true) So why not acknowledge the feeling? For a time, go get an outside job and see if it makes a difference. Maybe by going through the experience you will see that your contribution at home is far more valuable than you realized! But if what you are saying is that mostly you are OK with your level of participation and contribution, but only occasionally have twinges of doubt, then I say everyone has the same "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" feelings from time to time, and you are absolutely normal.
Brenda, I am sorry if I made some assumptions about what you are saying, maybe it is because I have had similar conversations many times before with others who don't share your more liberal views. The question I have for you is that if a woman doesn't get satisfaction from homemaking or nurturing, (and not everyone does!) should she not be allowed because of her gender to go do something else (I think you can guess my answer...) Everyone is different and gets satisfaction from different things.
Cristine, I had to come back and add one more thing. The only person who can say whether or not you "do enough" is you. It doesn't matter if the farmgirls say "Oh yes, you are doing enough" or whether they say "do more!" If the feelings that you are having are due to pressure from someone else who is making you feel guilty about not "working" (there is a t-shirt from the 80's - All mothers are working mothers!) whether it is for pay or in the home, you have to know in your heart for yourself that what you are doing is OK. If making a list of tasks and checking it off gives you that satisfaction, then you should do that. On the other hand, if you want to sit and watch Judge Judy all day for a week, you are the one who looks yourself in the mirror on Friday and decides whether that was OK or not. Nobody else has the right to judge.
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| MsCwick |
Posted - Oct 27 2006 : 4:12:41 PM
Actually since what pastblessings wrote was in response to a time in my life where I AM LOOKING FOR MEANING and trying to find out what my purpose is, in feeling that I actually do ENOUGH around our home/farm for my family, I feel as though what she wrote made perfect sense to me. Actually since I read it, I have kept it in the back of my mind that I AM doing what God intended me to do. And we are fortunate enough to live in a country and in a time that will allow me to work IF I ever needed to. I am thankful to God that I am educated enough to help with our painting business from home(although I do travel for design consultations sometimes) but I am still "woman" enough to have such a sincere desire to provide a clean, comfortable sanctuary for my husband to come home to after doing his role of providing for us.
I like to play in the dirt just like a little boy too and ride the 4wheeler, and garden, and work in general, I like to make progress, dn to be able to stand back at what I did and say "I did a good job!" |
| Past Blessings |
Posted - Oct 27 2006 : 1:52:17 PM
BrightMeadow, I think you made assumptions about what I was saying in my posts that were not accurate. We do have God-given differences as man and woman that are Biblical and undisputable, both physically and phychologically. The man is called to be the provider and there is scripture to back that and the woman was created to be man's helper. Also scriptural, since you were basing your response off of that. That is all I am saying. I work from home on not one, but two businesses we own and in no way am saying the woman needs to just be the little housewife with no thoughts of her own. That was absolutely not what I was saying. I love doing "guyish" things such as yardwork, dirt biking and now learning about raising pigs. I love having my fingers in dirt and have sided houses, roofed houses, done plumbing, framing and just about anything else. Also not my point. But it is a proven fact, both in the Christian and secular arenas that a man gets most of his self esteem from being a provider and protector whereas the woman gets hers primarily from being a nuturer and creating positive surroundings for those she loves. Even Dr. Phil did an episode on just this. I am in the midst of doing a wonderful Bible study on the Proverbs 31 woman called "Because of Jesus" by Connie Witter. We are on the same page (well we are both Brenda's afterall! LOL) You just read a lot more into what I was saying than was there. We need to embrace the differences between man and woman (otherwise other than reproduction what was the point of two sexes?) but realize that doesn't put any of us in a box or limit the skills and talents we have been given.
Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
| MsCwick |
Posted - Oct 26 2006 : 09:14:41 AM
I completely agree with you bramble. I feel like I just jump around from thing to thing, although if I wasn't constantly stopping to check out some great idea online, (if I didn't have a computer) I would get a lot more done. I want to do so much, but sometimes, none of it seems apealing. My husband says he has ADD which I don't believe because he is much more focused and really sticks with the task at hand. Anyways, it isn't about him..
I just checked out Flylady.net and it looks awesome! now I'm reading over the detailed cleaning list. There are some things on this list that I do every day. Some of these things, like organizing shoes in the closet, now I feel like I gained another "problem" Obcessive COmpulsive....Maybe it's not a problem to everyone, it certainly doesnt feel like it to me because I keep house very nice just doing these silly OCD things throughout the day. Golly, maybe I should just start a blog so you girls don't have to read about the monotony of being Depressed, OCD, and ADD. :( I think I'm going to go find something to do. I wish I could hide the computer until 4 pm. |
| bramble |
Posted - Oct 25 2006 : 07:38:38 AM
Christine- Has it ever occurred to you that what you are describing fits the profile for Attention Deficit Disorder? There seems to be a
profound lack of understanding as to what it entails and it frequently IS NOT the child who is climbing the curtains with their hair on fire! In adults it manifests itself as depression, inability to follow through and or complete tasks, restlessness, directionless
thoughts, nameless frustrations, anger, inability to be on time, so many ideas for projects that you never actually get to the project, and many more things that disguise themselves as not feeling happy with yourself. We have a friend and my cousin who are both near 50 and were recently diagnosed after years of not knowing why they felt this way. One does take medication and one implements behaviour modification type techniques to stay on track. When you said that you could do anything but the problem was maintaining interest and focus you sounded just like our friend and my cousin. Both are highly intelligent, creatively gifted artists who never feel like what they do is good enough, or that they've ever done enough. There is a screening sheet that any doctor can give you that you can evaluate yourself and see if this is a possibility. People from our age group and younger were frequently not diagnosed but referred to as "flakey", "spacey","day dreamers","artsy",and my personal favorite"out to lunch...permanently". Give yourself a break, this might not be what you wanted to hear but it might explain alot about what you have been feeling. I know the two of them are making adjustments and are thrilled that this finally has an explaination and an avenue for help.
with a happy heart |
| Hideaway Farmgirl |
Posted - Oct 25 2006 : 06:53:35 AM
Cristine, you might check out a website called www.flylady.net that we've talked about before on FarmGirl Connection. They give you daily/weekly./monthly lists and really helps keep you organized. You might also do a search of "organization" in FarmGirl Connection to pull up older threads.
Good luck - you are on the right track and it sounds like you have a very supportive husband.
Jo
"There are no strangers here, only friends you've yet to meet." |
| brightmeadow |
Posted - Oct 24 2006 : 4:54:39 PM
Just another perspective from another Brenda! I don't want to dispute either (HA!) but can't let that last post just lie there unanswered!
I am thankful to God that I was born in a time when I have options to "fulfill" my hopes and dreams by doing whatever it is that makes me happy and reflects the glory of God, and not being confined to a role that is narrowly prescribed by my gender!
I find the description of the woman in Proverbs 31 who is more precious than rubies to more accurately reflect a God-ordained role for women than that of a woman of the Victorian age who sits at home and does embroidery. (Wait, I like embroidery, but that's not ALL I do! Nothing wrong with embroidery!)
"13 She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. 14 She is like the ships of the merchant, she brings her food from far away. 15 She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household and tasks for her servant-girls. 16 She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. 17 She girds herself with strength, and makes her arms strong. 18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. 19 She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle."
In other words she is participating in the marketplace of the times, and she is a willing worker.
I am blessed to have been able to survive an abusive family situation in my first marriage because I was economically self-sufficient - my career is in a field that has been dominated by men (IT). I don't see this as making me any less "feminine" because I don't define my femininity by my career choices - and you don't have to either. There is nothing inherently "masculine" about computers except that we have made it so.
I echo the advice to find your bliss. What is it that enthralls you and involves you and gets you excited, and more and more curious to gain more knowledge? It doesn't have to pay well (although it's nice if it does) Don't limit yourself.
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| Past Blessings |
Posted - Oct 24 2006 : 12:55:54 PM
I don't want to start a man vs woman gender dispute, but I do truly believe God gave both men and women different roles in life and a different set of strengths and abilities to see them out. For Christine, she tried a very male oriented job and it left her miserable. This is because she was living outside of the design God has for her. But now she is seeking what is within the design. You have been given some great ideas but do not overfill your life. Enjoy the time you have now, especially if children are in the future plan. Once you have children, they are your top priority and job. There is no job on earth more important that this. I think we all have seasons in our lives and right now you are in a season of quiet. Enjoy it and spend the time seeking out what it is the God wants for you and your future. As to the husband who is out of work, he too is living outside of his God-given role and will always feel out of sorts until he is back in the alignment he is supposed to be in. Men were made to be providers and when they are not their self esteem is completely attacked. He feels worthless which then leads to depression which leads to just lying around and the downward spiral gets worse and worse. As a wife, encourage him and let him know how much you believe in his abilities. Encourage him to take baby steps, such as applying for three jobs a week. If he needs help with a resume, cover letter, etc. perhaps you can jump in as the "help mate" you are purposed to be and either do it yourself if you are capable, or find a capable friend who is. During the non-job hunting times, encourage him to be active in fixing things around the home, chopping wood, whatever it takes for him to see himself as a contributor and provider. Until he takes this role back he will never feel good about himself. God bless each of you! Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
| MsCwick |
Posted - Oct 24 2006 : 10:49:36 AM
I just read this thread from beginning to end, and it almost brought tears to my eyes knowing that I'm not the only one, and that you girls are SO supportive. The advice and kind words are more than any young woman could ask for while going through this "change". It's weird because all day, I just kinda flutter from one project to another,to the computer and around again, almost like I am lost, but as soon as my husband gets home, I'm cooking, and it's like I turn busy body when he gets home. I know I shouldn't, and he wants to sit down and spend time together, but it's almost like I can't pay attention properly. But when I do finally sit down around 8 to watch some shows with him I actually talk and laugh now, which is a huge improvement from 4 months ago.
I started lastnight to make a Monday through Friday list for next week,and I'm going to try it. As of now, I only have a 'tomorrow' list, and that's usually business related stuff...BORING...
So I think I'm going to do something like:
Sunday - BAKING DAY! (Football is on, and I'm not one to holler at the TV if ya catch my drift)
Monday - Yard work. Rake, Pick up sticks, rake leaves, etc.
Tuesday - Volunteer.
Wednesday - Sewing day FINISH the Unfinished!
Thursday - Horse Day - Brush, lounge, ride?
Friday - Craft/painting day. Finish the unfinished..
Saturday - get firewood with DH
I feel like this is so silly, but not only will it give me something to look forward to, but it will also give a sense of accomplishment as I can mark things off my list.
I am also VERY open to any ideas you girls have on things I can market from home, I can grow anything any time of year, and I can make almost any crafts. I liked the idea of the tinctures but I'm not sure how to sell them online, although I could make a website pretty easy. I have looked on eBay, but everything sells for so dirt cheap that I couldnt make any money. The Farmer's Market is closed for the winter, so I would like to sell online.
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| Amie C. |
Posted - Oct 24 2006 : 05:42:46 AM
Hi, Christine. I'm so glad you started this thread. I have my issues with depression too and I've never seen anyone describe that feeling of non-focus so well. You're not a "dork", it's a real problem. I spend a lot of time wishing that I could be a stay at home housewife because I could get so much done (and not have to deal with people when I don't want to!). But if I got my wish, I know that I would be dealing with the same problem as you. You are absolutely right to think that the structure of a part time job or volunteer work is what you need. As long as it leaves you enough time to do the things you want to do at home, having the routine and the contact with other people will probably sharpen your ability to focus and lift your mood. That's been my experience, at least, and I bet it will help you also.
Hey, but don't get so busy that you stop posting here. You probably have a lot to contribute from your experience as an entrepeneur, home-maker, and crafter. That's exactly the kind of stuff we're interested in.
Amie |
| Horseyrider |
Posted - Oct 24 2006 : 04:55:47 AM
I totally understand your dilemma. I've been married for almost 30 years, and I've never had to work because hubby always made plenty. I've taken jobs I liked, but I never had to.
I really identify with the structure thing. Each morning, either right before chores or right after, I go to a little spiral notebook I keep in my kitchen drawer. It's a running list of things I want to accomplish. It's both big things and small things, like 'Clean bathroom,' 'Long line colt,' or 'Put primer on bedroom woodwork.' As I think of things I want to do, they go on the list; and as I do them, I cross them off. Sometimes I think of things and don't have time to do them, so they go on the list; because sometimes I have time and can't think of any of those things I wanted to do. I don't often get to evening wondering what's for supper anymore, or regretfully remember after hours that I should have called my insurance broker or something. Stuff gets done, and I feel better about me.
I've done all sorts of jobs over the years. I've been a farrier, I've run a college level horse program, I've worked retail (a tack shop, of course), and trained horses for others. As you can tell, I love horses. They make me feel whole and alive. Joseph Campbell said "Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls." I've found this to be absolutely true.
You are in a unique and wonderful position. You can do what's FUN for you. When you want to learn more about it, go find out more. Would you like to learn faux painting? More about gardening? More about animal husbandry? What sets your curiosity in motion? Follow that; it won't lead you wrong. I promise. Follow your bliss.
This restlessness and dissatisfaction you feel tells me you're on the verge of change. Follow your bliss. What makes your heart sing?
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| Marybeth |
Posted - Oct 23 2006 : 9:13:33 PM
For the wife with the out of work husband, that does describe my husband in his early 40s. He was an auto mechanic for 20 years, the shop closed, he moved on to another shop and because he was last hired he was laid off during a slow period. That lay off is what really hurt him. He didn't work for 5 years. We had young children and it was tough. We did have the farm and all you can grow and raise. He did go horse-shoeing for a while but then a friend told quite joltingly that he had to go to work and he did. And he retired from the Department of Corrections where he felt he did make a difference to some of the young men he mentored. So helping others is always fulfilling. Christine, you can and will make a difference. Chin up!
Life may no be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we may as well dance! |
| Tina Michelle |
Posted - Oct 23 2006 : 6:12:51 PM
for the wife that has the husband that is feeling down/worthless because he is out of work etc..I just have to say this....please, please,please get this man into see a dr. for help with depression. My dad lost a job around that age and fell into several years of bad depression to where he'd just lay around...I wish now that we'd had insisted on him seeing a dr. and have recognized the symptoms of depression... but of course he was stubborn as a mule and we didn't recognize alot of things we should have.....but I would suggest that you really convince your man to see a dr. about this...and to get any of his guy friends to give referrals for jobs, etc...and to help him to look through papers or to go out and help him find something/anything to get him back to feeling worthwhile.
It will be worth it.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~ |
| westernhorse51 |
Posted - Oct 23 2006 : 5:30:40 PM
Christine, honey you are contributing to society every time you shop, clean your house etc. If you don't need extra income there must be a hobby you may want to persue. If not, there are always others less fortunate who need help. Volunteer somewhere, are there nursing homes or hospitals not too far away? Churches always need people to help w/ others in the community. You'll find your way, keep looking, its there.
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
| MsCwick |
Posted - Oct 23 2006 : 5:18:51 PM
Wow Alison, you sound just like me. I have a seasonal job at a local Bridal Shop from January through May. But here's the thing...when I work, I want to be at home. When I'm at home, I want to do some type of work. I was talking to DH tonight about finding something that I can craft or cook at home and sell online. I am open to ideas as well. Our house only needs painting, and replacement windows, so I'm doing the painting...
Maybe I should start another topic in the Entrepenuer section on things i could make/cook/grow at home?? |
| ali2583 |
Posted - Oct 23 2006 : 4:43:18 PM
Hi Cristine,
I can relate to how you're feeling. We're moving half way across the country in about 10 weeks time for DH's work. He'll be working full time, but I won't which will be a strange feeling since I've always worked since I was 16. I'm also giving up a job I really like here. I'm crazy/excited/scared/frazzled/optimistic all at the same about what the future brings.
I plan to hopefully find a part time retail job, just so I can keep my own spending money. But I've already had a great chat with DH...we've talked what type of work will need to be done to renovate the house, and along with planning our upcoming wedding next fall, I'll be keeping busy full time anyways and DH is just fine with it. We're fortunate enough, like you, to be in the position that we can live off one salary.
However I too am a big dork, and actually sat down with DH one night and showed him my "schedule" that I plan to follow once we're moved. He thought it was pretty funny at first, but then he realized that it's important to me to feel productive and to be able to track my accomplishments, so he's all for it. He even promised to give me "progress reports" to see if I'm accomplishing my goals. He was kidding of course, but he knows it's important to me.
I would maybe try something like the "calendar" you mentioned, and get DH on board so he supports you with it - keep us posted on how it goes!
"God's gift to you is life. What you choose to do with that life is your gift to God" |
| brightmeadow |
Posted - Oct 23 2006 : 4:20:40 PM
Why can't you get a part-time job?
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| MsCwick |
Posted - Oct 23 2006 : 3:54:24 PM
It's funny that you write that Kathy because that accurately described MY dad!!! That's a whole nother topic.
I can do ANY of ANY of the hobbies you listed. I have a hard time paying attention to any of those things for more than a few days then I get bored all over. I probably don't have a well-rounded enough lifestyle. It gets monotinous too easy. I enjoy sewing, although I can't make clothes, I can make curtains, and simple stuff so far. I can do a lot of crafty things. It isn't necessarily that my motivation is lacking, or even fading, it's that I want to do all of these things!! I LOVE to bake!!! I started going through old magazines, and picking out yummy recipes, and making a scrapbook or recipes with pictures and all. But it doesn't occupy enough of my time. I have a few litte pieces of furniture that need to be refinished, but they have been in limbo for a few weeks being half done. It's almost like I would feel better if I had a set schedule, to do this half the day, and that half the day, and on some days go read to kids. Maybe it isn't necessarily the "labor" of a job, and the reward(paycheck) of a real JOB, but the structure that JOB offers. Maybe I am a big huge DORK!!! I might try making a calendar, like for next week, with a Monday through Friday Schedule. It will give me something to look forward to i.e. Tomorrow is Painting day!! (yes we have a painting business, and I'm STILL working on painting the inside of our house) It will also give me a goal to accomplish and try to finish the project that I start that day instead of leaving them in limbo forever...Am I just confused or what??
Today well-lived makes every yesterday a fream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. --Sanskrit Proverb |
| ktknits |
Posted - Oct 23 2006 : 2:09:50 PM
I'm curious what your responses would be if instead of Christine, it were a 50 something year old man writing that same e-mail. No job, stay-at-home, kids all grown, thinks he can't get a good job, so he won't really even try, thinks he's too stupid and old to go back to school for anything, and says there's nothing he's interested in anyway, struggling with self esteem/depression, etc. And, I'm not asking this to start the whole man/woman controversy, but this man is very dear to me, and all my ideas & suggestions for him have fallen on deaf ears, so I'm wondering if someone out there has a suggestion I haven't tried. |
| BarefootGoatGirl |
Posted - Oct 23 2006 : 1:33:29 PM
Christine,
I understand how you feel, I use to have the same problem. One day I confided this in my husband and he proceeded to list all of the things I did...besides the dishes. The ones that really struck a chord was when he said that 1. I was raising in my children the Godly men and women of tomorrow, and 2. That because he knew I was always waiting for him with a smile and supper he could do anything he needed to do during the day. Serving your family is a HUGE service to society. Your children and husband are gifts you can present to the world right from your home. Your guidance will be what enables your children to make the world better and a good breakfast with a smiling wife may prompt your husband to be extra kind to that employee who needs a sympathetic ear. If you have time after serving your family, by all means offer your love to the world, but never put your family on the back burner.
God has blessed you! Enjoy your blessings! Trina
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Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks, and look well to thy herds. Proverbs 27:23 |
| jpbluesky |
Posted - Oct 23 2006 : 1:20:36 PM
You are doing enough! Love your hubby. Keep your home. Seek joy. Praise God for blessings. God does not want you to be burdened with guilt.....He wants you to love His gifts. In fact, sadness and guilt can often be very selfish pursuits. I struggle with them too. Guilt and sadness are ways that our love for life and for this earth can be diminished. Do not let them control you! You are Blessed!
Peace |
| Mumof3 |
Posted - Oct 23 2006 : 1:11:18 PM
I agree with everything these farmgirls have offered you, Cristine. There is nothing like the feeling that you get when you do something for someone else, no matter how small that thing may be. Sometimes a project may feel like a huge undertaking at first, but when you really get into what you are doing, the change is magical. I taught sign language at a senior center for 12 weeks 2 years ago, and that was one of the best 12 weeks of my life. We had so much fun and I made some very nice, new friends. There are so many needs out there in the world, that I am sure there is one tailored just for you!! Good luck!
Karin
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