| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| brightmeadow |
Posted - Nov 05 2006 : 09:54:36 AM
My parents are 73 and 81 - still on the farm in a non-accessible farmhouse. Laundry room in the basement, lots of stairs in and out of the house, too narrow corners and hallways for a wheelchair, tub is getting hard to get in and out of, no grab bars or place to install them, etc.
Something is going to have to be done pretty soon about getting them into some other living arrangements.
Dad wants to stay on the farm. Stepmother would prefer a house in town halfway between the hospital and the Burger King.
I am concerned about how to best help them to keep the farm but still live in an accessible home.
It would be nice to keep the farm in the family but 3 of the 4 siblings probably can't afford it, although some of them would moan the most if it were sold, either inside or outside of the family.
Anyone know of any resources to help with planning this transition?
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| 7 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| beckels |
Posted - Nov 14 2006 : 8:33:30 PM
Try this with your siblings (and grandchildren if old enough) - ask everyone to stay x number of days (example we have 5 siblings so we just rotated and worked out the days and the older grandchildren helped) - In our situation I moved back home 4+ years ago -since I was a renter going back and forth and help where needed - when my mom was real sick and I needed sleep - I had one of my siblings come over. Of course we will just split the place 5 ways once dad passes away - because some of us cant afford it and its to much of a fixer upper for the other ones. But check with AARP or the area agency for aging or the local hospital if they elder information.
Another suggestion is to move everything to one floor - at my friends parents farm house - we made the livingroom a bedroom and sitting area - and they moved the plumbing a little bit of go to the first floor (so they can do their wash and take a bath in the same room) - |
| brightmeadow |
Posted - Nov 14 2006 : 4:51:24 PM
Thanks for your concern, and all the good thoughts coming my way. You farmgirls are so sweet!
I am avoiding the issue at the moment. I am sure we will talk about it at Thanksgiving (or maybe not...)
It is on my mind, though. I probably need to stop in at the local office of the Farm Bureau (for advice about the farm) and at the local Agency on Aging, the link Libby provided has their address, it is only a mile or so from my workplace.
It is hard to talk with my parents about this, for a lot of reasons. It is a very awkward conversation. My father keeps talking about dying and my stepmother keeps talking about all the things she can't do. My natural inclination is to bury my head in the sand and pretend everything is OK.
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
| Nancy Gartenman |
Posted - Nov 14 2006 : 06:32:05 AM
I have an aunt that lives in the south, what her children did for her was to buy a house trailer and put on the property. That way when she isn't feeling well everything is on the same level and handy for her, but she still has her home. Also family can come and stay if there are other problems. cheaper then moving and paying for adult care in a home. Depending on their health this can work for many years. Of course the zoning laws for putting a house trailer on property can be very strict in some areas.
NANCY JO
www.Nancy-Jo.blogspot.com |
| Beemoosie |
Posted - Nov 14 2006 : 05:44:00 AM
Brenda,
How are you doing with this? I haven't posted b/c I just don't know the answers here...but here's a (((HUG))).
Just wondering how you are.
Bonnie
...she is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.
Prov 31:10
www.beequilting.blogspot.com |
| Past Blessings |
Posted - Nov 07 2006 : 7:13:20 PM
Hi Brenda,
I can really relate to what you are going through. I just got home this evening from the last day of helping my parents move into a home with my sister and brother-in-law. My parents lived in this same home for 36 years and it was very emotional for my mom. In fact, she was crying on my shoulder bittersweet tears just this afternoon as we reminiced about the good times we've had there. I was 7 when we moved in! Anyway, it was a hard transition and the hardest thing for me was being patient. I wanted to "conquer" the move and I came to realize that my parents needed to go slow and easy and ease into the move. But finally it ended today. The biggest thing I learned from all of this was that even though our parents are aging, they are terrified of losing control, so whatever you do, listen to your parents and let them be involved in being part of the solution. The last thing they want is to be treated like children. When I slowed down to their pace and not mine, it went much smoother.
Another thing to consider, if the farmhouse can be made accessable, is fixing it up so it is more condusive for where they are in life. If there is an empty bedroom upstairs that isn't to large of a distance from plumbing, the laundry room can be moved into there (closets can work great for them!) If you can make all the day to day things on one floor . . . kitchen, laundry, bedroom and bathroom, then they should be able to live there until they truly can't live without assistance. To keep up the outdoor areas, see if a local farmer or rancher wants to lease the land. We have friends whose elderly mother is leasing 100 acres for cattle and another 50 acres for wheat. She gets an income from the leases and the people leasing keep up on fencing, plowing, etc. Just a thought. Also, if finances permit, in order to stay independent, see if your folks can hire a housekeeper, yardwork, etc. It still would be much cheaper than assisted living. For my parents, it was a long and slow decision to get to the place they just finally arrived at. It may take a couple years for your folks to get there too. I just learned that they can't be rushed and to do so can be unhealthy on relationships. Love and blessings coming your way!
The Other Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
| westernhorse51 |
Posted - Nov 07 2006 : 1:27:34 PM
I am no expert but worked in nursing homes for a very long time & took many validation courses. It is very hard & many articles state they do better at home but you HAVE to have someone w/ them or check on them very frequently. If the family wants to keep them at home then the family has to share those responsibilities. We kept our parents home but we are a family of 12 kids so it was easier. AARP has some info on their web-site & if you google or any search engine you will find tons of info out there.Good luck, it is hard but can be done w/ help of everyone. You are in my prayers.
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
| Libbie |
Posted - Nov 07 2006 : 08:00:11 AM
Brenda - that is such a tough situation. Both of my parents are working with similar ones, and I see how difficult it can be. I'm not sure what type of information you are looking for, but this might be a place to start [http://www.goldenbuckeye.com/about/localooa.html]. (((hugs))) to you and your parents!!!
XOXO, Libbie
"Nothing is worth more than this day." - Goethe |
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