| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Mollie |
Posted - Jun 19 2005 : 3:39:23 PM
My daughter recently got married and my new son in law is struggling to find something to call me that sounds right. His own mother recently passed away and "mother" or "mom" might be a bit touchy for him to say and I'm sure he isn't comfortable with that. My first name is difficult for him to say since he is a fine southern boy with good manners and he said it just isn't right for him to call an "older" woman (like me, huh?) by her first name, especially if other people are around. Calling me Mrs. XXXX seems a bit stiff and formal also, so what to do?? What do your daughter or son's in law call you? Mollie |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| blueroses |
Posted - Sep 30 2005 : 10:57:00 AM
My SIL calls me Debbie and he & his brother always lovingly make fun of my accent. They love to imitate the way I used to answer the phone at my old office! It cracks me up - cuz they really can't do my accent right. I love him to death. My future SIL (I'm really hoping, at least!) calls me Debbie too. I don't ever want to make people uncomfortable or force them to call me Mom. If they ever want to - it's cool though. I call my inlaws by their first names, but when we send birthday, Christmas cards, etc. I always address them as "Mom" or "Dad" as it should be, since the cards are from the both of us.
"You cannot find peace...by avoiding life."
Virginia Woolfe |
| Park Avenue |
Posted - Aug 25 2005 : 5:05:46 PM
i always stuggled with what to call my in-laws. We finally decided on their first names, but i still felt weird and tried to not call them anything. It all sorted itself out, when we had our first child....then I always addressed them as 'Grampa or gramma. ( for the sake of the kids of course!! but it made it seem easier)
Michele |
| Clare |
Posted - Aug 20 2005 : 11:02:57 AM
Just as an aside: my daughter and her husband both called their primary (saw alot) grandmothers Grammy... which is fine for them because they can distinguish easly. But my poor grandaughter has so many grandparents and step grandparents that she's started to idenitfy her grandparents by their pets names!!  "Grandpa and Gramma with Max", "Grandpa with Poncho", etc... And my own mother, when her nieces and nephews were growing up was called Aunty Dee, because they couldn't pronounce Dolores. She's now also become Grammy Dee, so my grandaughter can keep her great grandmothers straight in her mind! (She used to be "Grammy with cows" until she moved from the farm). It's good to have access to all the relatives like she does now, because I was very isolataed by distance from my grandparents and rarely saw them, or they died early. The name thing seems to be a much better alternative. 
**** Love is the great work - though every heart is first an apprentice. - Hafiz
Set a high value on spontaneous kindness. - Samuel Johnson****
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| TwoWildflowers |
Posted - Aug 20 2005 : 10:21:50 AM
I have always called my in-laws Dad "A" or Mom "A" ("A" being the first letter of their last name. When grandbabies came along, they called both sets of grandparents Grandpa or Grandma "A" or "J" depending on which grandparents they were talking to or about! Good thing for me my maiden name and married name didn't start with the same letter!
Kathleen
Friends are my flowers in the garden of life |
| Morning_Dew |
Posted - Aug 20 2005 : 02:34:26 AM
just pray for grand kids then he can call you grandma mollie. my daughter in law calls me nana karen. before that she didn't know what to call me. she tried mom and she didn't feel right. so far she has given me two wonderful grand kids Aurora she is 2 1/2 and Austin who was born july 24. i got to be there for the birth of Austin as my oldest son is in Irqa.
hope you and your son in law come to find that it doesn't matter what he calls you, your all family now and its what in the heart that matters. even a simple ma'am as he is from the south would be just fine.
every gardener should make time for the humming BIRDS and honey BEES, stop and smell the flowers. |
| Julia |
Posted - Aug 10 2005 : 5:04:04 PM
My SIL calls me "Mother". It has been an adjustment for me, as I have never like being called Mother by my girls, I am Mama to them. But he and his Mom, unfortunatly, don't have the best relashionship, and since he calls her Mom, as he told my Daughter,"Mother is a more endearing name". So Mother it is. I would just give him the option to call you what comes easiest for him. It may start with your first name and as time goes on it may change. I called my MIL by her first name (her choice) until the last year of her life when it became Mom (my choice). Simply, Julia
"The gloom of the world is but a shadow; behind it, yet within our reach is joy. Take joy!" Fr.Giovanni |
| marlyn |
Posted - Aug 08 2005 : 7:51:17 PM
I have always called my in-laws ( or out-laws as we refer to them) by their first names. I have parents but since having children I have called them Oma and Opa instead of mom and dad???
My son-in-law calls me mom. But only because most of the animals on the farm know me as "MOM" as respond to that name. It seems to stick and you know what I never even caught on to this till I saw this board in print.
I guess I'm mom!
Marlyn |
| Fabulous Farm Femmes |
Posted - Aug 06 2005 : 7:54:49 PM
My cousin's always called their Mom in law MiMaw...short for Mother in law Ma...I always thought it was cute and easy, and then the grandkids called her that too. |
| CelticCoyote |
Posted - Aug 06 2005 : 6:01:59 PM
What an interesting thread! In my situation, I never knew what to call my inlaws...we've had a bit of a family split, so I haven't had to call them anything other than "Ken's parents" in years. (They're very toxic people, and we haven't spoken since our first year of marriage...I feel bad for dh that he lost his parents, but he truly is happier now.) But anyway, lol... Dh calls my folks by their first names when speaking to them, or about them to me, and grandma & grandpa when talking to our kids. Fortunately, my husband & my parents get along REALLY well, and it's very informal & comfortable. I feel quite lucky for this. |
| WisGal35 |
Posted - Aug 06 2005 : 1:57:35 PM
Sadly. both my MIL & FIL passed away shortly before our wedding, so I haven't had to cross this one. My mom offered for DH to call her 'mom,' but he (very nicely) told her his mom was dead & he wouldn't feel right calling anyone else mom. He switches back and forth between her first name, MIL or MILLY (a little nickname for mother-in-law) and now, w/3.5 yr old, Grandma. My p's are split -- he calls my dad & his new wife by first name. Seems to work just fine. |
| JoyIowa |
Posted - Jul 06 2005 : 03:53:41 AM
Lynda,
You sound like the perfect MIL! Do you give lessons? Have a great day!
JoyIowa
To live without farm life is merely existing, to live with farm life is living life to it very last experience. |
| FarrarFarmgirl |
Posted - Jul 01 2005 : 09:43:11 AM
This is a very interesting forum topic. I call my MIL by her first name now. My husband and I were married for a 9 year period the first time from 79-88. I called her mom, then, not always, but more often than not. For my FIL, I think I used his nickname, of all things, Ex (I have no idea where that came from). Then we were divorced for 10 years, so I didn't have much contact with my in-laws and in the meantime we lost my FIL. When we remarried (7 years ago) it was harder to call her mom again, so I call her by her first name. However, she signs all her cards as Mom. I've never talked with her about it, but I know the other SisIL who have been in the family all along, call her by her first name also.
Now the roles have been passed along and I am now a MIL. Our oldest son and his wife have been married for 5 years. I remember a humorous situation at one of my DIL showers, her grandma asked her (point blank in front of me) what she was going to call me after they were married. We both looked at each other with surprise at being put on the spot and both shrugged our shoulders at the same time and kind of chuckled at the idea. She replied that she didn't know but would probably figure it out sooner or later. And she has, she calls me Mom and my husband Dad. I'm not sure if our son does the same with her parents or not, but we are glad she's comfortable with doing so.
I personally like it and am thankful that she does, because to me, it says she feels as much a part of our family as our own children and we have told her early on, that we were so happy to be adding another daughter to our family. She is very comfortable with doing so even in front of her own mother, who she is very close with; I think it makes us all a bit closer. And the other thing that I like about it is, that it opened the door to helping her to learn more about our family and who we are; it keeps it from being awkward if I feel the need to impart a bit of "parental wisdom" to them, as most moms do. (I'm 44 and my mother still does, too.) If we were addressed more formally, I don't know that she would be as receptive or feel as comfortable. I think, that goes the same for me, too. So I see it as a plus for our family. I'm know the dynamics of every family is different, but this is what works for us and we consider it a blessing.
Blessings to you all.
Lynda
St. Louis, MO
PS. Are there any other Missourians among this wonderful group of country living and loving women? I'd love to meet you.
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| Clare |
Posted - Jun 28 2005 : 5:26:07 PM
My SIL decided on his own to call me Mom... I can remember the first time he phoned me and said "Hello, Mom"..... I did a double take and thought "Who's this male voice calling me Mom??!!!!" (I don't have sons), but it was nice to hear.
****Gardener, Stitcher, Spiritual Explorer and Appreciator of all Things Natural****
"Begin to weave and God will give the thread." - German Proverb |
| therusticcottage |
Posted - Jun 28 2005 : 5:13:07 PM
I call my in-laws by there first name. My son-in-law calls me by my first name and throws "Mom" in occassionally.
Kay
Proud Member of North Clark County Farmgirls |
| Kim |
Posted - Jun 28 2005 : 4:29:14 PM
I always called my ex- MIL & ex-FIL by their 1st name. I agree I already have a mom. I call mt stepparents by their 1st names also, even though I am as close to them as the 2 that created me.
farmgirl@heart
Be at peace with yourself and the rest will follow |
| lurban |
Posted - Jun 28 2005 : 10:37:45 AM
My Dad died one year before I met my now-husband and once I married I still didn't have a good name for my FIL. Most of the time I call him Pop, if I call him anything at all. Usually call MIL Maureen (which is her first name, of course. otherwise it would be really weird) Spouse calls my mom Joanne. It works for us. |
| Nicol |
Posted - Jun 28 2005 : 10:29:25 AM
I call my MIL & FIL by their first name. My MIL told my hubby and I before we were married that we already had moms so "mom" wouldn't be appropriate for either of us(which I thought was kind of rude). Frankly, I think my mom doesn't care what my husband calls her as long as it isn't bad. I am rather unformal though. I tell my son's friends to call me by my first name rather than Mrs. W-----. I always look around for my MIL or someone else when addressed as Mrs. |
| JoyIowa |
Posted - Jun 27 2005 : 5:32:09 PM
Alee, "Pet" name is my word. Never entered into the conversation. In fact it is her middle name, which EVERYONE in her family calls her. She is Auntie L---- to her nieces and nephews, Cousin L---- to her cousins, L---- to her sisters, brothers, and families, and (believe it or not) Mother to her husband! Unfortunately this is just one for the books.
quote:
Originally posted by Alee
Joy-
When I read your post about the "family pet name" I was wondering if maybe the issue was a misunderstanding of the word Pet. While I understood what you were saying as I read your post, could she thought you meant to call her "Rover" as in the family dog's name?
I know it is silly but some people have never heard the word "pet" as in "nickname" or "something close to heart" ect. Most people hear the word "pet" and think of their animals. :)
Wouldn't that be silly if that was why she was upset for all these years?
ciao
Alee
To live without farm life is merely existing, to live with farm life is living life to it very last experience. |
| Alee |
Posted - Jun 23 2005 : 2:26:54 PM
Joy-
When I read your post about the "family pet name" I was wondering if maybe the issue was a misunderstanding of the word Pet. While I understood what you were saying as I read your post, could she thought you meant to call her "Rover" as in the family dog's name?
I know it is silly but some people have never heard the word "pet" as in "nickname" or "something close to heart" ect. Most people hear the word "pet" and think of their animals. :)
Wouldn't that be silly if that was why she was upset for all these years?
ciao
Alee |
| Erin Raincrow |
Posted - Jun 23 2005 : 1:59:54 PM
From the beginning, I've called my FIL Dad, mostly because I don't have a dad and he stepped in at a time when I needed a Dad and was there for me.
I'd called my MIL by her first name during all that time and it didn't seem to bother her, in fact, she seemed to prefer that I call her that.
Anyway, one day it slipped and I called her Mom and then it was a mix of the two and now I call her Mom all the time. She told me not to long ago that although it never upset her that I called her by her first name and not mom, she wished that I would but knew that I would when the time was right for me.
So now I have my Momma, my Mom and my Dad.......
But once in while the odd thing happens,
Once in a while the dream comes true,
And the whole pattern of life is altered,
Once in a while the moon turns blue.
Auden |
| sqrl |
Posted - Jun 23 2005 : 09:27:49 AM
I felt very uncomfortable calling my Mother-in-law Mom. Because I already have a Mom. At first I tryed to come up with some kind of nick name for her but it didn't work. So now I just call her by her first name and she totally understands. But she is a very understanding kind of person. Given time I'm sure it will work out just fine and you guys will settle into a name that suits you both. Blessed Be
www.sqrlbee.com |
| bramble |
Posted - Jun 21 2005 : 09:30:35 AM
Mollie- it might take time for the situation to reveal itself. My inlaws were supposedlly thrilled with me calling them Mom and Dad but after a short while, it didn't fit. They were my husband's parents and didn't parent like mine (especially the Mom's) and it was uncomfortable to me. So over time they became Grandmom and Poppy when speaking to the children and I use their first names when discussing them with others. I probably don't call my mother in law by name very often but am often surprised when someone uses my first name;I have been Mrs. S to the kids forever. One of my son's friends has a nickname for me and I at first felt weird about it, but then I realized that was his way of making me "special" so now I answer him when he calls me "Annie bananie"! Don't ask....Hope your situation sorts itself out soon!
with a happy heart |
| TheSoapMaven |
Posted - Jun 21 2005 : 06:55:27 AM
I am Suzi to most. Mommy to kids, Yetta to grandson.
Blessings & Bliss!.· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ .·´ -:¦:-~Susan~
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*
Wife, Mother, Natural Woman, Savonnière, Writer, Baker, Gardener.
Soulmate to Jerry for 30 years
Mom to Zach, Gesikah, Nathan, Hannah, Rachel and Benjamin
Yetta to Sam
"It's no bad thing to celebrate a simple life" ~ Bilbo Baggins
If your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you need to seriously re-examine your life. |
| JoyIowa |
Posted - Jun 20 2005 : 6:37:56 PM
All I can say is talk about something. My DH and I have been married for 19 years and I have NEVER EVER addressed either my mother-in-law or my father-in-law by anything at all!! She wanted me to call her mom, I had a problem with that because in my family that term belongs solely to your very own mom. I suggested calling her by a family pet name. She nearly went into orbit at the suggestion. It has never been resolved and it is awful!! What about adopting a word for mother from another language like madre, mor (Norwegian), mum, etc.? Maybe even from the language of your ancestry? I beg you: the two of you please talk about it now.
To live without farm life is merely existing, to live with farm life is living life to it very last experience. |
| Aunt Jenny |
Posted - Jun 19 2005 : 9:32:35 PM
My daughter in law worked at the same restaurant as I did when she was in high school, before her and my oldest son were dating even, so she has always called me Jenny. It is a hard one. I never knew what to call my ex mom in law..ended up calling her by her first name after fumbling with about every other choice. Don't have a mother in law now...she is deceased.
Jenny in Utah
The best things in life arn't things! |
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