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FieldsofThyme Posted - Jan 02 2011 : 08:43:39 AM
I never thought it could come to this, as my ex-husband owes a tremendous amount of back due child support. Somehow, his girlfriend came to have a boat load of money and bought the older three a Wii and I have already heard "It's not yours is ours" (said to the younger ones from my second and current marriage). Could use extra prayers over all of this.

Farmgirl #800
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SherBear Posted - Jan 05 2011 : 07:14:35 AM
We've had similar issues, but a little reversed. My stepdaughter who is 10, now has 4 step-sisters since her mom got remarried. Her grandparents spoil her (waaay more than is necessary!) but they've started helping me to teach her the value of working for your money and earning what you get. 2 summers ago we had a rummage sale, and all of the things she picked out to sell she got to keep the money for. She was saving up for a Nintendo DS. Sooo, she got one but soon discovered that if she took it over to her Moms house when her step-sisters were there she had to share it-even though she paid for it on her own with money she earned. Since we coudn't tell them how to run their house, we simply told her that if she didn't want to share something, not to take it over there. She's lucky so far, there aren't any kids here that she has to share with (yet!)

Luckily I am blessed with a very cooperative 'ex-wife' who loves me and is thankful that I'm the stepmom her little girl needed. I hope things get better for you and your children can be happy when they are visiting their dad!
Cari Lynn Posted - Jan 05 2011 : 05:39:23 AM
I have nothing to add but my prayers...and hope that in time things do get better! You have a wonderful support group here!

" Promise me you'll always remember: Your braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." By Christopher Robins to Pooh
rough start farmgirl Posted - Jan 04 2011 : 3:25:21 PM

Count me in on the club of "been there, done that". Please don't label your family as dysfunctional -- frankly, whose family isn't? It is a crummy word that makes you feel like a failure.

Re: expensive gifts and gifts that one sibling has such a great time keeping away from another. . . do not forget you are providing everything for these children . . . including the electricity to run such items. Familiarize yourself with your circuit breakers and after you hear "I can because DAD gave it to me, etc." go switch that baby. Then calmly explain how useless the plastic box is without the electricity that your family works for as a unit to have. The way everyone has to do their share for everything to work nicely, and any ol' soap box you see fit to use!

Good luck. Remember parenting is not for the faint of heart. It is worth it in the end. And
don't forget that these children do grow up fast and if you are lucky, you and your husband will still like each other.

msdoolittle Posted - Jan 04 2011 : 08:22:36 AM
I totally understand your frustration. My ex and I do not speak. However, my daughter very rarely even sees him since she stays at his mother's house (without him).

Is the Wii at your house? If so, I would tell the kids that they can either share with the younger sibling, or it's going back to dad's house. I also agree that what dad buys needs to stay at dad's house. It makes things a lot less complicated.

My oldest (daughter with ex) came home from Christmas with a bunch of candy from their house and refused to share it with her little sister. I explained to little sis that it was, after all, the oldest's candy and she could do with it whatever she pleased. Of course, the next day, my oldest came to us bawling and squalling about some toy that her sister would not share. Well, let me tell you, she learned her lesson about sharing. The rule is: If YOU don't share, then THEY don't have to share.


FarmGirl #1390
FieldsofThyme Posted - Jan 04 2011 : 05:34:27 AM
Originally posted by Ingrid

stay firm and you and your husband have to be united in this or it will become more difficult. Take care.

Give thanks to yourself everyday for all the wonderful things you do!

This is the start of the problem for us . . .

Farmgirl #800
graciegreeneyes Posted - Jan 03 2011 : 09:06:29 AM
Oooff - no good answers but I hear you - we have a blended family too and have had lots of odd issues come up over the years. I will have you in my prayers for sure!!
Amy Grace

Farmgirl #224
"use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without"
Ingrid Posted - Jan 03 2011 : 08:37:17 AM
I have three children with my ex and he has one with his girlfriend that lives with him. The little one is four and it is difficult why he can't come with his siblings. When my kids were young the things that dad bought for them ie xmas, birthdays that sort of thing stayed at dad's house. It was easier on all. As they got older they were allowed to bring favourite items home but games and things were kept at dad's. He is a difficult parent to work with because he equates spending with love. Good luck with your situation and stay firm and you and your husband have to be united in this or it will become more difficult. Take care.

Give thanks to yourself everyday for all the wonderful things you do!
FieldsofThyme Posted - Jan 03 2011 : 06:47:58 AM
It's pretty dysfunctional here. I can't explain, but can only say that I can't see it ever being "everyone's" due to someone else's behavior. I do appreciate the prayers and advice.

Farmgirl #800
melody Posted - Jan 02 2011 : 12:10:38 PM
I agree with Brenda-Everyone SHARES-

It's best NOT to draw boundaries with "this is mine and not yours" when a step-sibling is involved. And, make it clear that is going to be the RULE from day one or there will be no toys from dads house in your house.

One of many, many lessons learned from past experience!

(My little girl used to cry and try and put her shoes on to go with the other kids on weekend visitation. She just didn't understand why her brothers and sister could go and she couldn't. Wow...your post brings back a lot of difficult memories from 20-years ago.)

Like Brenda said....STAY FIRM.

I will be thinking of you.

Farmgirl #525

classygram Posted - Jan 02 2011 : 11:12:30 AM
Kristina it will be difficult at times. But you must stay firm. My daughter has a step son that they got when he was 2. They have custody, but there were alot of problems when he was little. When his mom was involved. But they made it clear that everyone living in the house shares everything with each other. He is now 20 and all three of the kids feel like real true siblings. If one has things its for all. Praying for you sister, and better times are ahead. Hugs, Brenda


Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks

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