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knittingmom Posted - Mar 06 2016 : 12:52:15 PM
My normally pleasant, though high strung nine year old daughter has since the winter just done a complete turn with her personality, doesn't want to wash her hair, have a bath, digging in her heels about school (we're home schooling this year after being in traditional school). She's just grumpy at everybody. I'm hoping that this is a phase or could be hormones starting. I'm really trying to work with her but I'm at the end of my rope with this.

I've asked her if something happened she said no. Though yesterday she said we treat each of her siblings differently, well that is true they're different personalities and ages, the oldest is 23 and an adult one is 13 one is 5 and the last is 15 months old (who she adores and dotes on).

This last year and a half was stressful for all of us. Our youngest was born with health issues and was in and out of hospital for the first 5 months of his life, had two big surgeries but he's fine now.

We've struggled with traditional school with her since kindergarten and since we decided that I wouldn't return to work we decided to give homeschooling a try, which for the most part is going well though we're teacher directed which is still very much like traditional school but at home.

I hope I haven't babbled to much here, I'm at a loss. Her two older siblings are boys and really were and still are pretty straight forward.

"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"

"The things that matter most are not really things after all"
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Ingrid Posted - Mar 03 2021 : 07:24:18 AM
I have two girls and a boy now adults that went through that as well around the same age. Completely normal. I dealt with the 'smirk'from my oldest girl as well. Yes it is a battle but take a deep breath and carry on. Bad behaviour and disrespect wasn't tolerated but allowing consequence and falling gently helped my sanity. At different times each of them had rooms that became dumps so I just put stuff in garbage bags and put it away and they had to earn there stuff back. You will get thru this crazy stage.

Give thanks to yourself everyday for all the wonderful things you do!
levisgrammy Posted - Feb 24 2021 : 6:15:43 PM
Ann Marie,
This is pretty normal. I had two girls and the oldest started going through hormonal stuff at 9. The second one a little later. They are all different but this is normal. The hygiene was something we had to get on them about at that age.

Sister #43~1/18/2007

"I am a bookaholic and I have no desire to be cured."

"Home is where we find comfort, security, memories, friendship, hospitality, and above all, family. It is the place that deserves our commitment and loyalty." William J. Bennett

"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105
MrsHaage Posted - Feb 24 2021 : 1:56:44 PM
Totally normal. I have had two girls go through it, a son and now another son. We go in 9 year cycles naturally even as adults and there are massive changes that happen at each, this is the first nine year change and it's rough because it is largely their first rush of hormones for the NEXT 9 years. Stay attentive to her, be encouraging, limit what you need to limit, demand what you need to demand. You will get through this and so will she! <3

New account, long time user as long time ago....

Used to be GaiasRose
knittingmom Posted - Mar 07 2016 : 09:29:10 AM
Thanks for the insight ladies, I have considered other underlying issues and we do have a good female family doctor that I can consult with. Sometimes I also catch her smirking so this could be a battle of wills (hers against ours).

"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"

"The things that matter most are not really things after all"
churunga Posted - Mar 07 2016 : 07:17:12 AM
Some of the behavior described might be linked to depression. At that age, I too was reluctant to take baths. (We didn't have a shower back then.) My body was changing and I didn't want to expose myself for any length of time so that could be part of it. My advice is to praise her when she does well and be briefly kind when she messes up. Everyone wants to do well and they will do it more with positive reinforcement.

Marie, Sister #5142
Farmgirl of the Month May 2014

Try everything once and the fun things twice.
queenmushroom Posted - Mar 06 2016 : 5:44:37 PM
Hate to say it. Don't make her. When she comes home from school crying because the other kids are making fun of her, remind her that she is the one who made the choice to not shower and that the only way to fix it is to start showering. Let them fall, but let them fall softly.


Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie
CindyG Posted - Mar 06 2016 : 3:15:51 PM
Sorry for asking a really basic question, but have you talked to her doc about this? Such a big switch at that young an age could be something medical. Nine is kinda young for it to be too affiliated with a hormonal change.

And not be too much of a jerk about it, but this is something that needs very plain language and perfectly clear descriptions of the behavioral change, especially if talking to a male doc. Too often such things are swept aside when it is about girls, and too often we don't want to rock the proverbial boat and be what might be considered "pushy". Studies have shown female doctors listen longer than male doctors. Sorry guys, it si just the truth!

knittingmom Posted - Mar 06 2016 : 1:25:41 PM
Thanks Sharon I appreciate the words of encouragement. There are days where I wonder where my sweet girl went and who has replaced her.

People said boys and girls are light night and day and boy were they right.

"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"

"The things that matter most are not really things after all"
hudsonsinaf Posted - Mar 06 2016 : 1:05:00 PM
(((hugs))) AnneMarie! My oldest, now 12, went through that phase at that age... and for her, it was completely hormonal! Unfortunately, she still has to be told to take showers :/ Wit that said, she is now very independent with home school, and only gets frustrated with people once a month ;) I will be praying for wisdom as you handle this!

~ Shannon, Sister # 5349
Farmgirl of the Month - January 2016

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