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Family Matters:  overwhelmed  |
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showmemom
True Blue Farmgirl
166 Posts
karen
carthage
mo
USA
166 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 31 2005 : 9:31:57 PM
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i need an encouraging word or two, friends. i am in school again and up to my eyeballs in papers and work. i look at all i have to do and the time i've got to do it and have begun to panic--my car is broken and my DH and i are cross w/one another and here i sit, typing on my computer when i should be studying or reading or sleeping (ha!)
the worst part is this is all my choice-i only have 2 semesters left but it seems like a really, really loooong time tonight.
know i have nothing to really complain about, certainly not like our sisters on the gulf coast but am really discouraged and lonely tonight. i hate fighting w/DH; he doesn't seem to have a clue about what i'm feeling-if i do a really good job at school, then the house kind of goes to heck in a handbasket and if i do a really good job at home (cooking, cleaning, etc.) then my school work sucks. there's not enough of me to go around-never mind trying to take care of my widowed mom or help plan a wedding w/my lovely daughter (ha! again)
HELP!!!!!!!!!
karen
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
Victor Hugo |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Aug 31 2005 : 10:13:53 PM
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Dear Karen, Oh I understand being overwhelmed! My encouragement to you is first make up with hubby, as being at odds will only make things worse. Our menfolk tend to think that we can handle anything. Their view of things is never the same as ours, its just the way of things.
My other encouragemet to you is to make small but clear goals for the day. Don't look at how the whole house needs cleaned, do one room a day.
Get help with your daughter's wedding. I learned that when my daughter got married. There are plenty of less imortant things that friends or family can help with, pick up things, ect. It will ease things for you and give joy to others to be part of the occation.
Don't forget to take time for you just to regroup, even if it is just a cup of tea or closing your eyes listening to music.
You can do this, I am sure or you wouldn't have only two more semesters left! You are in my prayers. Simply, Julia
"The gloom of the world is but a shadow; behind it, yet within our reach is joy. Take joy!" Fr.Giovanni |
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ThymeForEweFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
705 Posts
Robin
An organic farm in the forest in
Maine
USA
705 Posts |
Posted - Sep 01 2005 : 02:59:52 AM
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Good morning Karen. I hope you got some sleep and feel better this morning. I know how you feel. My first day of classes is today. How many credits are you taking this semester? What's your major?
I had to cut back on a lot of things when I started school. I let some things slide. We'll be fine if the laundry sometimes comes from the dryer directly to our bodies. It's ok if I can write my name in the dust because I don't dust a couple of times a week anymore. I've told almost every organization that I used to volunteer for that I am no longer able to give them my time. My volunteer time is spent at my daughter's school.
Do you have any time to yourself? Even an hour a couple of days a week that doesn't require you to do anything but breath is helpful. My "me" time is my hour and 20 minute drive to class and home again on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I can listen to classical music without someone asking "WHAT????" I'm listening to. I take a drink with me. I drive through the mountains, blueberry barrens, the woods and into a small college community. It's a peaceful drive as long as it's not snowing. Four people have my cell phone - my husband, daughter, sister and aunt. They can get me if they need me. Otherwise, my phone does not ring during my time.
Julia's suggestion for cleaning one room a day is what works for me. I'm on campus only twice a week but have homework, the farm and a job to keep up with when I'm home. The house won't crumble if you let it slide until you graduate. Heaven knows mine should have by now but hasn't.
Can you cut back on your course load by one class now and make it up in May term? How about online classes?
Robin
www.thymeforewe.com |
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quiltedess
True Blue Farmgirl
296 Posts
Nancy
Priest River
ID
USA
296 Posts |
Posted - Sep 01 2005 : 08:34:41 AM
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I'd like to suggest www.flylady.net There's tons of help there and it's free and it starts with babysteps. It's amazing how breaking things down into smaller pieces or segments can help you get through them. I've been struggling myself and find if I do things the FlyLady way I make much more progress.
Take care,
Nancy |
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MeadowLark
True Blue Farmgirl
2206 Posts
USA
2206 Posts |
Posted - Sep 01 2005 : 09:53:43 AM
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Dearest Karen, Been there, done that... First of all take care of YOU! Get that rest when you can! Prioritize...Which is more important? Those dishes in the sink or that paper done and out of the way for school. Housework will ALWAYS wait patiently and be there... a professor will not. Delegate...Tell the daughter it is her second time around on the wedding, she must pick up the slack, besides she should be a pro at this. Can you get some relative or friend help with your widowed Mom? Lists...These can be lifesavers...write a list every morning of what can resonably be accomplished and stick to it! I wish you well Karen...hang in there, we are all here for you!
Being is what it is. Jean Paul Sartre |
Edited by - MeadowLark on Sep 01 2005 09:54:39 AM |
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Kim
True Blue Farmgirl
146 Posts
Kim
Pflugerville
Texas
USA
146 Posts |
Posted - Sep 01 2005 : 10:26:54 AM
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Karen, wow only 2 semesters left?!?! That is great! I agree with Meadowlark, you are sooo close. Everyone ELSE can help pick up the slack. You just need to say, "I'm sorry, I'd like to help but tonight I need to complere this assignment." I have found that people can't help unless they are asked and mre often than not, when asked, they come through with bells on!!
farmgirl@heart
Be at peace with yourself and the rest will follow |
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MBurns
True Blue Farmgirl
2004 Posts
Marlene
Swisher
IA
USA
2004 Posts |
Posted - Sep 01 2005 : 1:56:49 PM
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hi, Things can sometimes seem overwhelming. The second time around wedding should be done by your daughter or at least let her be the main planner and you just advise. Treasure time with your mom as time goes fast. I lost mine this summer. Are there are relatives or siblings that could help? School is important to finish as it will be your livelyhood
and help you obtain a better income. And right now that is very important as the cost of living rises. I commend you for trying to handle it all. Hang in there and do delegate what you can. you are right husbands don't always get it. They try but don't always see the
whole picture. Good Luck. |
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Jana
True Blue Farmgirl
482 Posts
Jana
Eau Claire
Wisconsin
USA
482 Posts |
Posted - Sep 02 2005 : 10:53:08 PM
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Karen,
Hang in there!!! Heck, I could live in a house I hadn't cleaned for 2 semesters. (tee hee) Seriously, though, take care of YOU!!! Show your family where the broom is kept and how the stove works and go study! And treat yourself to a massage! I had one today, though I shouldn't spend the money on it now, and the whole world looks better!
Jana |
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showmemom
True Blue Farmgirl
166 Posts
karen
carthage
mo
USA
166 Posts |
Posted - Sep 04 2005 : 09:44:36 AM
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hello friends-
first of all, thank you to all who have been so kind and encouraging this week. I appreciate the fact that i can kind of "flip out" and still get some encouragement!
i remain really afraid of whining, especially now when others have life and death situations going on. So i'm striving to be more positive and deal with things on a day by day (or minute by minute) basis and not be so totally focused on long-term goals. Doing the list thing every am and if i can cross 2 or 3 off at the end of the day, i'm learning to be happy with that.
am having to admit that while i'm great at taking care of everyone else, i'm not so good at taking care of myself. am trying to break that down into "baby steps" as well and eat and sleep a little more. definitely a learning process that i need some time just for me but i am trying to carve that out of my day.
my house is a wreck but one big project is done this morning for school. i know i'm supposed to do this and that helps-we're having a family meeting tomorrow-please agree with me that i'll be brave and ask for the help i need and not just "go along" with how things are. i have a great family-really great-but they're just basically clueless because i don't say anything and things like the house don't bother them-just me!! things are better w/my husband but he still doesn't "get it" but has agreed to help more.
the school load is set in stone so will be taking several graduate hours both semesters. what is really hard is that the nurse practitioner program has so many clinical hours that take up LOTS of time. i'm having to adjust to a different mindset of nursing as well, going from bedside nursing to more of a diagnosing, treatment-based nursing.
you all are the best. i know things are sad and stressed-and we've seen a little of that here on the board-but this community is one of the best things i've done in a long, long time. don't give up on me-i promise, i'll be a grownup someday!!!
talk to you soon. love you lots.
karen
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
Victor Hugo |
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Eileen
True Blue Farmgirl
1199 Posts
Eileen
USA
1199 Posts |
Posted - Sep 04 2005 : 11:34:04 AM
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Karen, You Go Girl! I am so proud of you for getting this far. What an acomplishment. Be brave, ask for the help you need and be firm in your resolve to finish your goal.
Sending hugs and loving thoughts.
Eileen
songbird; singing joy to the earth |
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ThymeForEweFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
705 Posts
Robin
An organic farm in the forest in
Maine
USA
705 Posts |
Posted - Sep 04 2005 : 12:09:33 PM
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Oh Karen! A nurse practioner! If you've said that at other times I missed it. I absolutely love my NPs. You have my highest respect. And grad school. I can't imagine the pressures of that. To be on your feet and running each day with grad classes on top of family is a big accomplishment. Go Karen!
Robin
www.thymeforewe.com |
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quiltedess
True Blue Farmgirl
296 Posts
Nancy
Priest River
ID
USA
296 Posts |
Posted - Sep 04 2005 : 6:52:10 PM
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Karen:
Good job! You ARE a grown up. We ALL have times to be overwhelmed and asking for help is a very grown up way to get ourselves back on track. You are certainly doing more than I could do.
Nancy |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Sep 04 2005 : 7:37:08 PM
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You'll be fine, I know you can do this! Simply. Julia
"The gloom of the world is but a shadow; behind it, yet within our reach is joy. Take joy!" Fr.Giovanni |
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Lazycreek
Farmgirl in Training
39 Posts
Charlee
Mt Ida
AR
USA
39 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2005 : 6:38:36 PM
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Oh Karen, bless your heart.
First is make up with your Dh. The last thing you need is to let your stress cause problems between you. You need him and his love. The hardest thing is making sure you allow quality time for your man. That has to be #1.
Simplify, simplify, simplify the house and meals. Use the crock pot. When you cook, cook double and freeze for a later meal. Who says that tuna sandwiches and some canned soup can't be a delightful meal? Or even some scrambled eggs and toast for supper. Hire someone to come in once every 2 weeks and give the house a good cleaning for you and that way you can spend about 2 hours a week just keeping things picked up.
Encourage your daughter to allow her going to be MIL to help with the wedding planning. Having been on the end of the groom, I can tell you that the bride and her mother get to do so much that everyone else tends to be excluded. It would be a wonderful way for your daughter to establish a relationship with the MIL and free you. That doesn't mean that you can't be involved, it just means to let someone else be involved too.
Your widowed mom can do more herself too. Let her get involved with the wedding too.
Studying---------make it count. Too often we are so distracted that we study twice as long for good effect. Limit yourself to a set amount of time and focus----really focus for that time.
Believe in the power of your dreams |
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JoyIowa
True Blue Farmgirl
273 Posts
Joy
273 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2005 : 7:37:26 PM
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I second the flylady.net idea! This will change your life and help you to manage today! Good Luck! Way to go!
If it's not illegal, unsafe, or immoral, why not try anything once? Who knows? You may come back for a second helping! |
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cecelia
True Blue Farmgirl
497 Posts
cecelia
new york
USA
497 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2005 : 07:40:49 AM
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Karen, it sounds like a broken record - but hang in there! Been there, etc. and still there, but I see a light at the end of the tunnel for you, esp. if you are so close to finishing school.
I did a lot before I married, and have been having regrets about what I stopped doing, etc. when I did get married. Now have a very stressful time of things - adopted son, DH who retired to do "what I always wanted to do", Mom to help take care of, etc. Just the past year I have thinking of what I want to do, etc. - I'm not sure about what to tell you about your DH, 'cause I got troubles with mine! But - I did have a counselor tell me to take care of myself first, and at first that sounded selfish, until she made me realize I was doing too much for everyone else. Now I am just "finding myself", and what I want my life to be, and realizing that I also deserve things for myself. So - let the house go, study, take care of your needs. The rest will fall into place.
Cecelia
ce's farm
"Curiosity is one of the forms of feminine bravery" Victor Hugo |
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Nicol
True Blue Farmgirl
200 Posts
Nicol
200 Posts |
Posted - Sep 09 2005 : 08:56:28 AM
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| All I can say is YOU GO GIRL!!! I went back to school myself and experienced the same feelings you are having. Stick with it! You can do it! Next year you'll look back and be so happy and have such a huge sense of accomplishment. Keep on keepin' on! |
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Family Matters: overwhelmed |
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overwhelmed
