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Family Matters:  Roommate Troubles.  |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22944 Posts
22944 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 27 2005 : 11:49:38 PM
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Hi Ladies
I need a place to vent right now because I am really frustrated. If you have any advice I would be willing to hear it. :)
Here is my situation:
In June my boyfriend and I moved in with another couple to a new townhouse to save money. We thought that we knew the other couple enought that it wouldn't be too much of a problem.
Needless to say we were wrong. :( The other couple is going through financial difficulties and even though living together and splitting all expenses 4 ways is saving us all money- they continue to pay their bills late- if at all. Right now they are 2 months behind on the Electric bill and 2 months behind on the water bill. Not only that they haven't been paying the cable bill consistenly and are trying to make us pay more than our fair share. We all agreed to pay $20 a week in groceries (more than enough) yet my boyfriend and I have been having to pay more like 50-100 a week because they are not buying hardly any groceries- yet they eat the food just the same.
Then they are horrible at helping out with the household chores. The guy actually does more work that his girlfriend but not by much. Yet when the house gets messy she leaves nasty little notes on the fridge like "People really need to pick up after themselves!"
Now tonight I went downstairs to bake some Baking Powder biscuits and on the fridge was a note saying that a certain amount of forks and bowls were missing out of a certain number- yet when I checked the sink and the dishwasher we were only missing 1 bowl and 2 forks.
I am really frustrated because I feel her notes are immature- I think she needs to come talk to us face-to-face when she has a problem and I think they need to start paying their bills. Yet the other three don't want an consequences to their actions saying "We don't live with our mothers anymore we are all adults" Plus I don't know of anyway for one roommate to enforce consequences without being overbearing.
I really would like a chore list with some sort of monetary consequence if the chore did not get done. We tried outlining what should be done (guys unload dishwasher and take out garbage- I clean downstairs- other girl vacuums stairs) not exactly a fair distribution of labor but I don't mind the extra work. However no one else had been doing their chores consistenly.
I don't know what to do. Right now all I want to do is move- get back to just my boyfriend and me. Our rental company says that is fine if all agree but the other guy says he is happy with the status quo!
Help!
Alee |
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thehouseminder
True Blue Farmgirl
361 Posts
USA
361 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2005 : 06:11:21 AM
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Alee,
Who's names are on the lease and the utilities? Who ponied up the deposits?
I guess any advice we could give would depend on these two questions. If, for example, the only names on the lease are theirs, I'd make it clear that you and your SO are actively looking for another place to live. Don't make that an idle threat. Do it. If your names are on the utilities, you must make sure they get paid in a timely manner. All the more reason to get out of there. You can't change people, they have to change themselves and it does not sound likely that they will straighten up.
Sadly, being roommates ends a lot of friendships. I believe that she is trying to distract you from the fact that they are sponging by blaming things on you. This is infantile and should not be tolerated. Be honest and reasonable but let them know this WILL NOT continue.
Good Luck!
Lucinda
When we were young, there were moments of such perfectly crystallized happiness that we stood stock still and silently promised ourselves that we would remember them always. And we did. --Holly J. Burkhalter , "Four Midwestern Sisters' Christmas Book"
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Edited by - thehouseminder on Nov 28 2005 08:50:13 AM |
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Krisathome
True Blue Farmgirl
90 Posts
Kristin
Iowa
USA
90 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2005 : 08:29:24 AM
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Tough situation, I had the same problem with a couple of roommates before I got married. I eventually asked them to leave. It ruined the friendship but ya have to wonder just how good the friendship was to begin with?
If you are already paying so many of the bills, then are you financially stable enough to cover all the payments or is it draining your money? Could you make it without the roomies? Especially since you are already supporting them. 
As for the notes, I think she knows that she is using you and is afraid to say anything in person. Just my 2 cents. |
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quilt8305
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Mary
Spokane
WA
USA
409 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2005 : 08:54:42 AM
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I hate to say it, but it doesn't sound like a very good situation, and I would bet my last dollar it isn't going to get any better. If you can do it I would look for a new place as soon as possible.
Mary
The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it. Wm. James |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22944 Posts
22944 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2005 : 09:09:19 AM
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Unfortunatly we are all on the lease and all names are on all bills except the cable bill. That is in their name. My boyfriend and I can't handle the payment for the rent alone as it is WAY to expensive and already the situation is sucking my bank account dry. I just want to get back on my own, but the other guy says he is happy and I don't think my boyfriend has talked to the girl yet.
I think that I am going to ask my boyfriend to take over my part of the lease and move to a cheaper place alone. I just don't know what else to do- I don't think I can take another 7 months living with the other couple. Unfortunaltly my boyfriend of 5 yrs thinks the notes are "funny" and is not offended. He doesn't even care that we are paying more than they are or that they are behind in the bills. The only time he starts to care is if we get shut-off threats.
Thanks for the advice ladies! I really appreciate it. You sortof confirmed what I had thought.
Ciao
Alee |
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quilt8305
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Mary
Spokane
WA
USA
409 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2005 : 10:46:26 AM
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I think you all four need to sit down then and have a very frank discussion about the situation. The other couple leaving notes is pretty immature! Put it in writing if you have to.....who pays what and how much! It isn't going to help anyone's credit rating if utilities get shut off. As for the food - you could get a small frig for your bedroom and keep your food there or assign shelves in the refrigerator and cupboards. 
Good luck.
Mary
The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it. Wm. James |
Edited by - quilt8305 on Nov 28 2005 10:46:44 AM |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22944 Posts
22944 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2005 : 6:37:22 PM
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Thanks for all the suggestions ladies- I really appreciate the support and advice. I am so lucky to have found this forum this summer!
Hugs
Alee |
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Krisathome
True Blue Farmgirl
90 Posts
Kristin
Iowa
USA
90 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2005 : 8:33:52 PM
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Your boyfriend finds the notes funny because he is a guy and doesn't get it. I know, my dh would be the exact same way.  |
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The Pinup Cowgirl
Farmgirl in Training
36 Posts
Holly
Tacoma
WA
USA
36 Posts |
Posted - Dec 07 2005 : 11:26:07 AM
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I might have a solution that has worked in our house for the last year and a half. I live in a house with 5 other girls, and all of us are starving students, so to speak. For chores, we made a wheel with the chores divided up and it rotates weekely so that no one is stuck with the same job. One is the bathroom, kitchen, living room, garbage etc., separated into 7 categories so that someone always has a week off. It works great for the 6 of us, and we all know our duties and get them done. Sometimes, of course, there are going to be conflicts, because some aren't as clean as others. We might have to talk to one of the newest roommates for that very reason.
As for bills, we divide up the payments into equal parts, and all write checks for the balance we owe. We have a bulletin board that we all post our checks on, with the name line blank, so whomever is the last to pay has to take care of the bill and uses our checks as a payment to her. It's worked out very well and our bills always get paid on time.
I have to say that I do live with a great group of responsible roomies, but problems always come up, but with this system we've been able to run pretty smoothly.
Good luck, I do understand your situation, as I've lived with 9 other people and always cleaned up after them!!
"We can do no great things; only small things with great love."
-Mother Teresa |
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greyghost
True Blue Farmgirl
650 Posts
Lynn
Summerville
Georgia
USA
650 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2005 : 08:22:14 AM
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Oh honey, I had a roomie that was constantly late in paying her share! My other roomie and I would leave our checks at the rent office so they knew it wasn't US that wasn't paying. Our electric was cut off twice (which really upset the other roommate, she was on a high-protien diet and had to toss all her food), our phone was cut off numerous times... I learned to start looking through the phone book, through stacks of papers and search that roomie's room for the bills just so things wouldn't get cut off. Everything was in the deadbeat's name so I wasn't worried about my credit - I was just tired of not having phone service.
This same roomie never cleaned anything. Her dishes would be stacked up for a week, and eventually I or the other roomie would wash them just so we could have access to the kitchen sink. I had to share a bathroom with this girl. I thought once I would see how long it would go before she cleaned it. I eventually couldn't stand it and cleaned it anyway.
Same roomie brought men home that she met at the bar the night before. One Saturday morning she left for work, my other roomie was at work, and I thought I was home alone. I was doing laundry in the kitchen when I hear a guy behind me say "Can I use your phone?" Apparently the girl had driven him to our place, leaving him no vehicle! (I was cool... I scared him out of my living room by polishing my katana, making all kinds of statements like how many ways there are to break a neck, how many years training I had, all the scary stuff - and I was wearing military pants and a tank top too - he decided to wait outside for the cab).
Eventually, I was like you - I couldn't handle it anymore. I talked with the leasing office and they showed me this adorable efficiency that backed up to the woods, on the second floor. The rotten roomie was pretty mad and made all kinds of threats, but she really couldn't do anything about it. The other clean roomie completely understood how I felt, so it wasn't that big a deal. Anyway, I loved my new apartment all by myself - I still miss that porch sometimes, it was so nice and semi-private - I could sit out there in my rocking chair with a cup of tea in the morning and look at the woods.
Good luck honey! |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22944 Posts
22944 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2005 : 11:25:27 PM
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Thanks for all the suggestions everyone
I decided since by boyfriend wasn't going to support me to just ignore the note. It was imature and childish of her to put it up there. And she finally paid the bills without service interuptions. I don't like the situation but I am stuck for the next 7 months so I have decided "chin up" and to do everything to not let it get to me. If I have to do extra work...then it will make the 7 months go faster right? :)
I appreciate the venting space and the suggestions...both helped me gain much needed perspective
Alee |
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The Pinup Cowgirl
Farmgirl in Training
36 Posts
Holly
Tacoma
WA
USA
36 Posts |
Posted - Dec 09 2005 : 11:28:14 AM
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That's such a great way to look at it. You will definitely be stronger in your opinion after these 7 months for having to fight for what you believe it, even if it is a messy kitchen!
"We can do no great things; only small things with great love."
-Mother Teresa |
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Family Matters: Roommate Troubles. |
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Roommate Troubles.
