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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  Thoughts for my dh's family--a sudden, sad, death  |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 06 2011 : 07:50:58 AM
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Hi girls...I'm wondering if you can keep my husband's family in your thoughts, especially two of his cousins, and his aunt. Their father (his Aunt's husband) died as a result of a fall down a flight of stairs at a bar, where, well, he was out again, tying one on. The children have long hated their father, but my husband's aunt was devoted to her marriage, no matter how terrible, until a few months ago when she decided that at 50, she needed to move on because alcoholism had consumed her life for far too long. They were in the process of divorce when this terrible thing happened.
I'm sad for them, for their father--at one time, he had something wonderful that made her marry him and I'm sorry it got lost along the way. I'm sorry their children with have such a difficult legacy to live with and I'm sorry that he will never have the opportunity to repair these long broken relationships, now, since he's passed on.
So, be thinking of them this week--funeral details are pending. Thanks, all.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2011 : 08:09:31 AM
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Jonni,
Prayers are on the way. What a sad story! And yes, in spite of the circumstances there will be pain and serious feelings of loss. What a villan alcohol can be, damaging the lives of those that love/loved him or her as well as destroying and sometimes taking the live of the one who is so affected.
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
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frannie
True Blue Farmgirl
2246 Posts
fran
bonham
texas
USA
2246 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2011 : 08:25:09 AM
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sorry to hear about this, jonni. my thoughts and prayers go out to all.
love you.
love
frannie in texas
farmgirl sister#807
home of "green"crafts,
where no scrap is left behind
(http://abunnystale.wordpress.com/)
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2011 : 09:15:04 AM
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Susan, I couldn't have said it any better. I was married to an alcoholic and it was a terrible way to live. Sadly, my husband's Aunt's husband came from a very abusive home, and his mother, bless her, is one of the kindest women I know. Sadly, even though she left her husband after her children were grown, they never divorced (Catholics) and she stayed estranged from him until his death. Their children just grew up in the shadow of that awful specter and didn't grow up much differently, despite her efforts.
Thank you, Frannie. It's a very sad time. Despite his flaws, I never had any issue with him and he was always kind to me.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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buffypuff
True Blue Farmgirl
1183 Posts
Claudia
Deer Park
WA
USA
1183 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2011 : 11:08:04 AM
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Jonni, I am sorry to read about the devastation and death in your husband's family. Too often, as you have pointed out, these people can be sensitive and kind, talented and inciteful, until they take that first drink...again. Having talked to alot of alcoholics, and maybe the same is with drug abusers....alcohol is a numb-er of any deep pain. For awhile it may even make one feel happy...but usually not to those around them. Unfortunately, as you said, history repeated itself in this man's life. He came from an abusinve home and produced one himself. My hope is that even though the children now "hate" their father, they may seek counseling for their own feelings. I pray, that in the last minutes of his life, he was able to make peace with his God, even though he was not able to with his wife and children. Thank you Jonni, for allowing us to pray for your family, and may it be the start of some major healing in their lives.
Buffypuff/ Claudia ~ Farmgirl & Sister #870 ~
"It compliments God to ask great things of Him." ~ St. Theresa of Avila
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2011 : 1:11:19 PM
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Oh, Jonni - so overwhelming and so sad. Once a friend of ours said that alcohol is a very jealous lover... it is so true. Please know I am praying for your husband's family, too. My own father is held captive to alcohol, and it is very painful for him and to see him like that. It is so hard for a non-alcoholic to understand that this truly is a consuming disease, especially when we think of it in terms of, "Why would they CHOOSE that life?" I don't believe it's a choice, exactly, but that's a conversation for another time.
One of my sisters-in-law passed in the same exact way your DH's cousin has passed - it was so sad, and is still to this day so very difficult for her daughter, my neice, to find closure. I'm going to share with you what I share with her: sometimes a person's pain is so deep that they cannot see any other way to face it than to numb out all feeling. Whatever their relationship with the Lord is, sometimes they simply lose faith. Like the story of "The Footprints in the Sand," I believe that this is the time when our merciful, loving God is with them and carrying them. Even if we lose our faith and break the covenant, our God is a God of His Word, and He still remains true. In the process of their downward spiral, it is a very sad truth that these dear souls deeply hurt and profoundly alter themselves as well as the lives of the people they love. In their most sober state, surely that is the last thing they would ever do. Now, my sister-in-law (and your DH's cousin) is in the care of our ever-loving, all-healing Father, and she (he) is at peace in the full knowledge and presence of God's love. Part of the beauty of my Catholic faith is that we pray for those who have gone before us. That brings me great comfort in times like this. I hope they will somehow find comfort in turning to Him, too. God is awesome - He truly does make things right and new again, even when we cannot see a way, HE will make a way.
I'm so deeply saddended because of all they have endured and by this tragic ending. I pray for their peace and for their joy to be restored. There is SO much living yet to do! Much love and hugs and many prayers to and for you and your loved ones who are suffering so deeply from this tragedy.
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2011 : 1:31:29 PM
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Well, it's so obvious that alcohol taints more people and families than I even imagined.
Thank you, Claudia and Nini for your beautiful words--I am always so humbled by the ladies on this forum, and their abilities to offer healing thoughts across the miles.
I think most about his children, his son--who is marrying in July, and his daughter because my own mother's daddy was an alcoholic who abandoned his family and died, years later, alone and penniless on the backside of a racetrack, sleeping in a tack room, finding work where he could until his liver essentially exploded. I was a year old when he died, and he'd never seen me--didn't even know my mother married. Over the years, I'd heard folks talk up home about "Roy". When I asked one day, who this "Roy" was? I was told, "That's your mom's daddy--would be your grandpa." When I asked where he was? Why didn't we call him Grandpa?" I was told it was because he was never good enough to BE called those names--daddys and grandpa's earn those titles.
And it bothered me most of my young life and still, even now, into adulthood that I've never known a grandpa. Roy had to have something that my Grandmother loved at one time...and my mother, though she resented what he did to their little family, I know that now, in her 60's, she thinks fondly about some of the earlier memories, and that she knows he wasn't "always drunk"...there were good times, too. But it's taken so long and I just see the same scenario repeating itself with his two children. It will take so long for them to heal because he's not going to be around to make those amends, and they cannot do it on their own.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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embchicken
True Blue Farmgirl
1487 Posts
Elaine
Ocean
NJ
USA
1487 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2011 : 6:40:49 PM
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Jonni~ What a very sad situation no goodbyes and no resolution for so many. My prayers are with you all.
~ Elaine
Farmgirl sister #2822
"Find yourself a cup of tea; the teapot is behind you. Now tell me about hundreds of things." ~Saki
http://embchicken.blogspot.com
http://gusandtrudy.blogspot.com |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2011 : 08:56:00 AM
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Still no funeral arrangements. Apparently, they are debating on whether to do his visitation and service all in one day as opposed to a two day thing because they're not looking at this as a "life celebration"...which is their choice, certainly, but I feel a life is a life lived and a service can often remind us of what was once wonderful.
Very sad. Very. And, after talking with my father in law last night, it would seem that while folks really feel sorry for the family, there have been stung more often than they can count by the deceased, so they aren't really willing to give him any sympathy. Which is sad to me, too.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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quiltingma
Farmgirl in Training
21 Posts
sandy
Hebron
Indiana
USA
21 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2011 : 09:15:08 AM
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Praying for the family!!!
Sandy
Living the country life! |
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Blessed in Colorado
True Blue Farmgirl
7239 Posts
Debbie L.
Oregon
USA
7239 Posts |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2011 : 12:01:28 PM
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Jonni:
I'm so sorry to hear such news. My prayers are with you and your family.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2011 : 05:58:00 AM
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Thanks, everyone. The visitation, mass and burial will be tomorrow (Friday). I am only attending the mass because I have to work, but also we haven't a sitter for the whole day, though my husband is attending the entire day long memorial, as he probably should.
I am sending cards to the family, and still feel so sorry. Apparently, the very bar that where he fell, had been asked by his children repeatedly "not" to serve him any more. They were trying to put together an intervention and then this happened. Addiction of any kind is just so terrible.
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: Thoughts for my dh's family--a sudden, sad, death |
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Thoughts for my dh's family--a sudden, sad, death
