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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  Prayers and what to do?  |
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terriholland00
True Blue Farmgirl
231 Posts
Terri
Christoval
Texas
USA
231 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 27 2011 : 3:21:14 PM
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I need your prayers farm girls. I have a daughter who is 28 and lives about 3 hours from me in the city. She is very smart and creative. She has a great job at a University in the HR dept., just bought her first brand new car 6 months ago, lives in a nice neighborhood and I could go on and on. The down side is her choice in men is not good. She has a live in bf who she got about 1 1/2 ago. Once she moved in to her first apt, he all of a sudden didn't have anywhere to live and moved in with her. He goes to school on VA funds as he was in the service for a couple of years, I guess 4 but no more than that. He has these lofty ideas of not working, having no bills, and living off the land so to speak. He doesn't get along with his parents and professes to know all. He is also atheist.
My daughter who is Christian says that he doesn't influence her, but all of a sudden she has started talking about being unhappy in her 8-5 job(which she loved until recently), and being debt free w/no cares or concerns and just living like she feels she should. This means she wants to work full time on her art and writing passions. Today she tells me that he has a friend at school who wants them to go in on a hotel in the Philipines. They would sell all they have and move there to run the business with the guy from school. Well she would just be working on her art and writing and the men would run the business. I freaked out needless to say, so now she is mad at me and says I bring her down with all my negativity and that she needs to do this to make her happy. I've cried my eyes out and begged her. No decision is final yet, but I feel it could be very soon. I feel she is going to lose everything in this relationship when it is said and done and I certainly can't run across the world to bring her home. Please pray for all of us and if you have any advice I'd love to hear it. Thank you so much!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/terriholland00 |
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emtfarmer
True Blue Farmgirl
222 Posts
Darlene
North Carolina
USA
222 Posts |
Posted - Jun 27 2011 : 5:40:34 PM
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Would she be willing to maybe take a couple of soul-searching days? Go to the country or somewhere where she can just go and think? Do you think the bf would understand her wanting to do this or does he have a "smothering" type personality?
I have no answers, but I'll be glad to keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
Hugs to you,
Darlene
"Support your local fire departments and rescue squads...volunteers making a difference" |
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terriholland00
True Blue Farmgirl
231 Posts
Terri
Christoval
Texas
USA
231 Posts |
Posted - Jun 27 2011 : 6:22:02 PM
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Thanks Darlene for the prayers. She tells me she feels this is what she should do and doesn't want to hear any different from me or anyone else at this point. He isn't smothering, just controling in a passive aggressive way, if that makes sense?
Just keep the prayers going for us please.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/terriholland00 |
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Joey
True Blue Farmgirl
1868 Posts
Joey
Gulf Coast
FL
USA
1868 Posts |
Posted - Jun 27 2011 : 6:28:21 PM
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Oh Terri, I am so, so sorry. How very distressing for you. Sometimes it is SO hard to be a parent. My daughter never did anything that drastic, but 18-20 she flunked out of college after 1 semester, passed a few bad checks, dyed her hair jet balck and got married without ANY of her family there. It all broke my heart. She is my only child. I paid for that college semester. I had been looking forward to her wedding her entire life. She was so close to my mother and got married without even my mother there. Oh, what terrible years they were. I cried and cried and cried. I knew passing the bad checks was BAD. She didn't listen to one word I said. My poor husband and my best friend were debating if they should admit me to a psychiatric hospital because I couldn't stop crying and she made me so angry, so hurt. Not as drastic as moving to another country, but still not good. I did all I could and then gave it to God. (shoulda probably given it to him first but I wasn't as strong in my faith then as I am now.) It is SO hard to watch your child "ruin" her life and not be able to do anything about it.
I tell you all of this to tell you about now..she has been married now 13 years. The bad checks resolved themselves (I don't know how.), she has 2 little kids, a farmer husband and a full-time job and is now putting herself thru college with a 4.0 perfect grades. We are close and she asks my opinion on her life. She is a good Christian, good wife, good Mom and a good daughter. And I am relieved and so grateful to God. She knows she will have to explain about college and her wedding to her own kids someday and we really don't talk about it much.
I don't have much advice. Give it to God and pray. Of course, I/we will too. Start saving now because you will probably have to bring her home from the Phillipines. Who knows. My heart hurts for you. If you want to "chat" please e-mail me. Keep the faith. Big hugs, Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
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debtea2
True Blue Farmgirl
1853 Posts
deborah
nutley
nj
USA
1853 Posts |
Posted - Jun 27 2011 : 7:29:51 PM
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terri you and your DD are in my prayers
though i feel this hotel thig is a scam
just to get her money she really needs to do some research
i think she is being lead down the garden path
with rose colored glasses and can't see the reality she is in for
and she also needs to vacinated..go to the CDC wedsite and look under the country to be visited
also. RE: South Pacific
Dengue infection is endemic in the South Pacific, where cyclical epidemics also occur. Even outside the typical dengue transmission season, travelers are at risk for the disease. Malaysia, Philippines
blessings and hope she checkes this out throughly
deborah
inch by inch we find our way
jersey farmgirl
#1330
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terriholland00
True Blue Farmgirl
231 Posts
Terri
Christoval
Texas
USA
231 Posts |
Posted - Jun 27 2011 : 7:53:03 PM
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Thanks for your advice and prayers Joey and Deborah. I can use them all. At this point she says she is researching the move and it might not happen at all(I pray), but it sure sounds like it. Joey, you at least give me hope that things will turn around at some point. I have tried to give it to God, but haven't exactly turned completely loose just yet. I wish I could and hopefully I will soon. YES, I have done nothing but cry all day long. I came home from work early because I could not concentrate at all. I pray I can let this go to God as I know he is in control whether it seems it or not, but my faith is weak at this point.
Again thanks for all the prayers and words.
Terri
http://www.etsy.com/shop/terriholland00 |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9599 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9599 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 05:40:29 AM
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Terri,
Just wanted you to know that I will be praying for you, your daughter and the whole situation. May her eyes be opened to what is true and real, Our heavenly Father. She has not stopped being a Christian but has been blinded by the enemy. Not her boyfriend, though I am sure he is a vessel being used to pull her away from the Lord.
hugs to you.
farmgirl sister#43
O, a trouble's a ton or a trouble's an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it!
And it isn't the fact that you're hurt that counts,
But only--how did you take it?
--Edmund C. Vance.
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terriholland00
True Blue Farmgirl
231 Posts
Terri
Christoval
Texas
USA
231 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 06:22:59 AM
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Thanks Denise, I appreciate all the prayers we can get. She now says that because I won't support her in this happiness she has found that I am pushing her away and she is now depressed. When I say support, I don't mean financially, just emotionally and verbal support. She is so mad she isn't speaking to me. I decided just to tell her to do what she wishes because I'm done, there is nothing else I can do but pray. I prayed last night to the Good Lord to just take this and do what he will, because I can't do anything. I've cried till I don't think I have any tears left, and now I must go to work and try to let go of it all. I have to keep telling myself that God has this covered.
Hugs to all of you!
Terri
http://www.etsy.com/shop/terriholland00 |
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walkinwalkoutcattle
True Blue Farmgirl
1675 Posts
Megan
Paint Lick
KY
USA
1675 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 07:49:05 AM
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Oh Terri! I am so sorry. Being a stubborn, independent woman myself, I've made some really hurtful decisions in my life that affected my family in bad ways, that I regret. That being said, nobody could deter me from making those decisions. If your daughter is like that, I don't know what you can do but just be there for when she realizes her mistake (Which WILL happen! And not financially, but emotionally). Just pray, pray, pray for her!
Farmgirl #2879 :)
Starbucks and sushi to green fried tomatoes and corn pudding-I wouldn't change it for the world.
www.cattleandcupcakes.blogspot.com
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terriholland00
True Blue Farmgirl
231 Posts
Terri
Christoval
Texas
USA
231 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 08:00:08 AM
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THanks Megan, I think I am coming to that realization that all I can do is pray. She is very determined and strong willed, always has been even as a child.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/terriholland00 |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 09:22:39 AM
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Terri Deborah is right to remind her to get vaccinated. She will probably need that in order to get a visa anyway. There are also things she should do to be best prepared for emergencies if she goes. She needs to make copies of her passport. She should leave one with a trusted friend or family member. It needs to be the person she would call if she got into trouble. She should put one in a safe place away from where she keeps her real passport. She should have extra passport pictures made and take them with her. ( Kept with the copy of her passport) She should also register with the U.S. embassy there. With the wonderful world of the internet she should locate a reputable english speaking doctor and dentist there. The middle of a medical or dental emergency is not the time to do that anywhere!
You don't have to approve to be supportive of her safety. The more you can find out about the plans the better prepared you can be. My bet is the boyfriend is counting on this to alienate you from your daughter. I would not let that work! Learn all you can about the Philippines so you can have meaningful conversations with her about it. Tell her you are scared! But also tell her you know you can't stop her and won't try. Explain that it will be easier for you if the two of you can talk about her safety. Say the things you need to say with love not fear. Ask her what her concerns are about the idea. She may not say, but she will start thinking!
Above all just love her and know that we are not in control of our grown children. We can't see the future. But our fear sometimes makes us think we can!
I will send prayers, love and light to both of you.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 09:38:40 AM
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Oh my, I'm scared for your dd. I have family AND friends in the Philippians, I wander if she knows the dangers there.
I am a christian, but I am not prejudiced against other religions, that being said.......there is some awful things happening to christians in the Philippians, many of my friends born and raised there are kidknapped for money by muslims. (radical muslims). They have been kidnapped just on their way to work and in their own lives mining their own business! Where I live here in Kansas, there was a missionary couple kidknapped for a long period of time, they killed the husband......
Pray hard, I'm scared for her! I had cousins living there for years, they came back to the states after the kidnapping got so crazy. The philipino's themselves are very nice people, the problem is they are being over taken by radical Muslim groups and it's so dangerous there right now!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 10:13:04 AM
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Heather's post got me curious so I checked the travel advisory site. www.travel.state.gov/travel/cis_pa_tw/tw/tw_2190.html Heather is accurate in her report. Although they are not all Muslim groups. There are crazies in all religions and ethnic groups. Civil unrest is just as scary to me.
I'll go just about anywhere to see another part of the world but I must say I would not go there right now.
Chasing a dream is so romantic but running head long into danger is not in the least romantic.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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terriholland00
True Blue Farmgirl
231 Posts
Terri
Christoval
Texas
USA
231 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 10:26:08 AM
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Thanks girls, I appreciate all the advice, concern, and prayers. I have copied and pasted your concerns and advice w/o your names or emails to her in an email from me...explaining that this are REAL issues that she should investigate and research if she is really going to do this. Well see what happens. I feel much better and more at peace after having my talk with God last night and this morning. Your encouragement and advice is helping me greatly. I feel the prayers, THANK YOU!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/terriholland00 |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 12:01:15 PM
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Very true Connie about all religions and ethnic groups, that's why I tried to make sure I pointed out it was "radical" ones. Where I live we have a very large muslim community and I have went to many muslim drs, I have cousins and friends who are even married to muslim men, and have never had any problems with 99.9 percent of them. I have really only had one problem with one man mainly and a group he was leading...he was mad I was in his neighborhood after dark and I was not a black muslim. A woman in HIS neighborhood had invited me over to a tupperware party, he seen me go in to her home and went nuts, was beating on her door trying to break it down and yelling for her to send me out (I was the only non black woman there so it wasn't hard to know who he was speaking of being sent out!). Finally by the grace of God I think he gave up. I started feeling like the Angel's in Lot's home there for a few minutes though. But, that has been the one and only negative experience I have ever had and as I said I've been around a lot. Oh and the only reason I bring up that experience and him being muslim is because he was a radical muslim that's why he wanted her to send me out, in his thoughts there should be no interaction what so ever with any one my race, however, he pegged my race incorrectly! LOL (he thought I was caucasion, and in actuality I am mexican and native american! so I am just as much a minority as he was!) But, that's a totally different kind of muslim then what's going on in the Philippians. He was some guy released from prison, and had became muslim there...kind of malcom x like. At least that's what my friend who I was visiting explained.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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terriholland00
True Blue Farmgirl
231 Posts
Terri
Christoval
Texas
USA
231 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 12:23:50 PM
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Well now she has sent me websites stating the virtues of the island and how safe it is and with links to websites comparing the US to over there and of course we come in dead last in all comparisons.
I told her as marketer myself and PR person, if I were over there trying to bring in business and tourism I would only have raving, glowing reviews of the region too! Now she says it might now happen it was just an idea, I'm hoping that is progress:-)
Hugs
Terri
http://www.etsy.com/shop/terriholland00 |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 12:35:49 PM
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Heather I did not mean that you were saying anything other than what you said. I was pointing out the civil unrest that is happening there as well as the religious extremist activity. A very unstable place to be right now. In my travel experience civil unrest is a much bigger threat to US travelers than extremists. It is possible to limit exposure to the extremists by avoiding active areas and being cautious. But if a country shuts down due to civil unrest you can be trapped there and then nowhere is safe!
I was in Morocco for two weeks and traveled with a young peace corps couple that were stationed there. We took the same buses the people did and slept in local hotels or rooming houses and the occasional hostel. The people were warm and and accepting as a whole. I had no religious conflict at all. There was one incident when a fellow was yelling at me about President Bush. I don't speak Arabic but I was able to make him understand I didn't vote for him ( whether that is true or not will remain unknown!) and he laughed, patted my shoulder and left. It was a bit scary but I don't think I was ever in any real danger. The rest of the people waiting for the bus appeared ready to step in to stop him if it escalated. The women all hugged and kissed me after he left. They could not comfort me with words so they did the next best thing.
Heck I've experienced more intolerance right here in Tennessee than I did there!
I've always found that people are people everywhere. If treated with respect they will be respectful. Except for the crazies of every ilk.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 6:42:59 PM
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PLEASE, God, help her to realize that the dangers are very real! I knew a co-worker whose son was in the military and he married a Filipino wife. They were visiting her relatives when the son got very sick. Because of road conditions and other issues, it took hours for them to get him to a hospital. He didn't make it. Also, doesn't she have to get some kind of work permit if she wants to live there? It sounds like she doesn't have a whole lot of work experience. There are so many legal issues she needs to address. Also, I write, too, but it would be impossible for me to make a living even if I was writing full-time. I pray that she'll come to her senses.
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 8:50:28 PM
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No problem Connie, I understood what you meant too, I just wanted to be clear I wasn't saying all muslims kidnap and kill people! lol haha
You are so right about Civil unrest, sadly! I have one little brother who was adopted from Haiti (6 siblings all together adopted from there though) during one of their civil unrest times and it was terrible. It's been 16 years and we are still having problems with the governments about certain things and that adoption because of the time it was in.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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terriholland00
True Blue Farmgirl
231 Posts
Terri
Christoval
Texas
USA
231 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2011 : 9:01:25 PM
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Thanks Cindy, I'm not sure about the work permit. She works in the HR Dept of a University right now and she worked for a huge HR contract business before that, so she has lots of work experience. She just writes on the side but her BF is saying he and his friend will run the business of the hotel and she can just concentrate on her writing. Yesh whatever, who the heck is gonna clean, do laundry and cook, 24-7....I don't see 2 men doing that for long. As least none that I know of! LOL
I feel so much more peace now about all of this. I've given it to the Lord, and I really feel she may be cracking with the statement she made this afternoon about "this may not happen at all! It was an idea!" so here is praying that is good news.
Thank each of you for the prayers and advice.
Hugs
Terri
http://www.etsy.com/shop/terriholland00 |
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: Prayers and what to do? |
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Prayers and what to do?
