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Family Matters:  Anyone have trouble creating a family?  |
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summerbreeze
True Blue Farmgirl
277 Posts
Laura
WA
USA
277 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 17 2006 : 5:50:57 PM
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I have dealt with infertility for years. We found a surrogate and she changed her mind today. I'm at a loss. I would love to adopt but it is so difficult in my state. My husband and I are older, that is a huge strike against us,especially with foster to adopt.
My biological clock is past ticking it is now a strong dong. My husband would make such a great daddy. Thanks for listening, I'm just so frustrated right now.
Laura
You only live once,if you do it right once is enough. |
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LadyCrystal
True Blue Farmgirl
593 Posts
Alicia
Rhode Island
USA
593 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2006 : 6:11:19 PM
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Hi Laura,
I am sorry to hear about that. it must have been a big disappointment. My husband and I have been thinking about having another child. I have a 16 year old form my first marriage. I am getting older but when I spoke with my Dr she wants me to lose a good deal of wieght first but I wonder if it would make us wait too long. I have lost some weight so far but it is a tough job.I can understand your fustration. Hugs,
Alicia
http://fromcitytocountrygirl.blogspot.com/
follow your dreams |
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sunshine
True Blue Farmgirl
4877 Posts
Wendy
Utah
USA
4877 Posts |
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asnedecor
True Blue Farmgirl
1054 Posts
Anne
Portland
Or
USA
1054 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2006 : 6:54:16 PM
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I just turned 43 this month and I know it is too late now to have a child - we tried for a long time, had tests, etc. There is just the two of us and our 3 kitties. Adoption is probably our next best thing to do, but the cost is huge and childcare is even bigger, so I am at a loss to even think about it. So I understand your frustration. I just think to myself it could be worse, I could have no husband, no niece or nephew (which I have one of each), no siblings or parents - so I think things are still good and maybe we will work it out maybe we won't, but it could always be worse.
Chin up and keep the hope, I am sure the answer will come.
Anne in Portland, OR
"Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them" Eyeore from Winnie the Pooh
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Edited by - asnedecor on Aug 17 2006 6:54:43 PM |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2006 : 7:30:50 PM
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I do have two sons from when I was young.(first marriage) I wasn't able to have more. When my husband and I married 10 years ago we wanted more kids (he didn't have any and my boys were 16 and 18 by then) We did foster care a little and adopted 5 kids. (one is in college) and four are still at home. As long as you don't HAVE to have an infant and don't expect that they will come with no baggage it wasn't hard for us to adopt. We were over 40 when we got ALL the last four kids. The ones at home still now are 11, 10 and two 9year olds....all wonderful kids. We certainly don't have lots of money (understatement...we REALLY don't) and were able to adopt rather inexpensively. If you adopt through the state or county (waiting children ) there are programs that reimburse you for most adoption costs including the lawyer. Some lawyers do pro Bono work too. WE adopted in CAlif and Utah both. I don't know anything about WA. Anyway..I guess my point is..don't give up on adoption...it is a wonderful way to build a family when you can't give birth to kids...I have never once regretted getting a single one of these guys!
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
Edited by - Aunt Jenny on Aug 17 2006 7:36:03 PM |
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Bluewrenn
True Blue Farmgirl
1122 Posts
Erin
Texas
USA
1122 Posts |
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Buttercup
True Blue Farmgirl
1433 Posts
Talitha
Vermont
USA
1433 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2006 : 8:56:41 PM
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Laura,
I am so sorry! If you are willing to adopt older kids I know there is a big push for that now..maybe you could do that? As for adoption of a baby, I do not know much about that, but it sounds like you have tried many things. I am glad you came to us and I will be thinking of you and hoping something will work out soon!
Hugz!
Talitha
"If we could maintain the wonder of childhood and at the same time grasp the wisdom of age, what wonder,what wisdom,what life would be ours" |
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EagleNest
True Blue Farmgirl
192 Posts
Mary
Yakima
WA
192 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2006 : 10:02:00 PM
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Laura
I know what you are going through. We tried for 6 years and finally decided to adopt. I was 38 when Samuel joined our family. We went thought a local adoption lawyer and it took about a year. I went through lamaze with the birthmother and was her coach. Email me and I can give you the lawyer's name and number. And answer questions.
Mary
Yakima |
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bboopster
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Betty Jo
West Bend
Wisconsin
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2006 : 06:10:10 AM
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Hello Laura,
I pray for a bigger family for you. The others are right about adoption if you are will to take a waiting or older child. I adopted 2 older childern as a single mother here in WI. The cost was low and there where tax credits that you could also take. My children had some disabilites which intitled them to state inssurance and some funding. (Never enough) But it was a way for me to enlarge my family. My Pediatricion(sp?) and his wife were unable to have childern but through a social services agency were able to adopt 3 children (non with disabilites) and just last year recieved a call to adopt 4 siblings who's parents had been killed. They had to turn them away as they felt their family was the right size but there are children here in the US that need a loving family to care for them. If adoption feels right for you look into it. It can be very rewarding. Thoughts and prayers for you. 
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2006 : 07:15:04 AM
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also, something to consider...children over 4 or with a sibling are considered special needs just because of being older or having a sibling with them. There isn't always a physical problem. Only one of our 4 at home has learning disabilities and none have physical limitations. Don't let that scare you off either.
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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summerbreeze
True Blue Farmgirl
277 Posts
Laura
WA
USA
277 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2006 : 07:34:40 AM
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Thank you for all the great ideas. Things this morning look better, as they often do. This is really an amazing group of women. I am fine adopting an older child or a sibling group. We have been to several foster adopt nights in our local area and they did not sound hopeful. There is a long waiting list just to get into the program and they told me the average time is 5 years! I'm 42 and it seems like a long time to wait. I will do more looking on the internet. Maybe we would do well trying to go out of state.
Your support is wonderful. I went to a home party last night and I was the only woman in the room not pregnant! It is frustrating, I really thought this surrogate thing was going to be the answer to our prayers. Aunt Jenny you give me hope! Alicia and Ann I am so sorry you are in a similar situation. I will keep you in my prayers you will find the children you are looking for. Last night before I went to bed I found great comfort knowing what a big area the world is and I'm only looking for one or two children.
You only live once,if you do it right once is enough. |
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katiedid
True Blue Farmgirl
601 Posts
Kate
West Jordan
Utah
USA
601 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2006 : 07:39:29 AM
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Laura, I am not sure what your age is, and if you are still wanting to give birth yourself..but I really think everyone who has infertility issues should look into a gluten intolerance/allergy (gluten is the protien in wheat, rye and barley) Studies have now shown that *many* more people have gluten issues and one of the big symptoms is infertility in men and women.
Check it out! Just google "gluten and infertility" you will get tons of hits.
It might be a dead end, BUT, if you could finally have a child, just because you and dh change your diet????
It worked for my cousin, she and her husband tried for 13 years, paid huge ammounts for testing and IVF...got pregnant 14 months after they changed to a gluten free diet.
Think about it, and read up...Knowledge is power!
Good luck, I will be thinking of you..
Love
Kate
http://theknifemakerswife.blogspot.com/2006/07/knifemakers-wife.html |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2006 : 08:15:00 AM
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check to see if your area has a "Wednesday's child" or "waiting children" type thing..most states do..you could do a search for that online I am sure too. If we would have waited for the state to put kids with us here in Utah we would still be waiting. I went online to the Adoption connection and they were tons of help. Even if none of the kids they have available "fit" right then you can ask to be contacted. We had rather specific needs (we didn't want kids much older than the one we had when we moved here when we got the girls..but were willing to take boys OR girls and a sibling group was fine with us) the second time we wanted a boy between 4 and 7 and both times were sucessful fairly quickly. There is a nationwide
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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Lynn B
True Blue Farmgirl
113 Posts
Lynn
Derry
NH
USA
113 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2006 : 12:26:59 PM
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Laura,
Don't lose hope. There is always a way, you may just have to work a little harder. If there is anything in this world worth working for, it is a child.
You will be in my thoughts,
Lynn |
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junebug
True Blue Farmgirl
2421 Posts
Sue
West Plains,
Mo.
USA
2421 Posts |
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MichelleTN
True Blue Farmgirl
118 Posts
Michelle
TN
USA
118 Posts |
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dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2006 : 2:07:03 PM
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My mother was 43 when I was born, so it is possible. I have three wonderful children of my own and I don't know what I would do without them, so my heart goes out to all women who want children and can't. My prayers are with you.
Georgette
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
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sleepless reader
True Blue Farmgirl
1022 Posts
CA
USA
1022 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2006 : 7:27:05 PM
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We have a "biological" son and an adopted daughter. We waited 2 1/2 years before trying again, went through 2 years of infertility treatment before we got onto adoption, which took another 3 1/2 years. So my kids are 8 years apart, but it was SO WORTH IT!! She is, and has been since day one, part of the family. Keep trying. If you can afford private adoption, try it. We went through the county and all it ended up costing was the price of fingerprints. We were lucky to get our daughter as an infant, but the "older" children (usually those over 2) are easier to adopt/find. Good luck, God bless and keep the faith!
Sharon
Life is messy. Wear your apron! |
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Family Matters: Anyone have trouble creating a family? |
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Anyone have trouble creating a family?
