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Across the Fence:  Where are our manners?  |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
 Posted - May 08 2012 : 08:53:52 AM
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I am noticing a trend--have been for sometime, from cell phone use discourtesy (can't possibly hang up while your checking out at the grocery line, right?), seeing a young mother with a stroller and two other small children struggle to get a door open to a business, holding the door with her foot, then her hip, while people (mostly MEN) sit on a bench nearby and watch, but don't HELP  (and when I run to help, look at me like I have three heads), to the lack of phone etiquette I experience on a daily basis at my job "yeah, who's this?" When the person called ME!!!!
I'm thinking of this because this morning, I brought my car into the shop to get looked at, after calling yesterday to ask if there was time to look it over. "Sure, Mrs. Lynch, bring it in the a.m." I first had to find someone to come to the desk (not normal) and when I told him who I was, and what I was doing, he said, "what's it need?" really gruffly, to which I replied, "I don't know, that's why I'm here." And then he said, "what's it doin?" and I responded. Then he said, "put the keys there." and walked off. It's not like I expect a 21 year old who works at an automotive garage to be Emily Post, but I do expect a little more than just grunts and commands.
Yesterday, in line on my lunch hour at Target, buying odds and ends, the woman in front of me had binders of coupons, a cart full of Nivea Lotion (like 40 bottles), and all the the while, talked on her cell phone but corrected the cashier each and every time she rang in a coupon for B.O.G.O because she was using those to purchase another Nivea product. After 5 minutes of watching her talk on the phone then rudely interrupt the person she was on the phone with to correct the cashier for the 10th time, I went to another line.
I guess I just expect a little more from people and what I'm seeing a distinct decline in how we interact with one another on a daily basis. I'm reminded at LEAST once a day that manners and common courtesy are quickly going by the wayside.
Is this irreversible in today's society, I wonder? I teach my little one to say thank you, to say, "excuse me, sir (or mam)" when she wants to ask a question or interrupt someone for something, I praise her for her good manners and sweet countenance in the hopes that this will prevail in her life and become second nature.
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
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gramadinah
True Blue Farmgirl
3557 Posts
Diana
Orofino
ID
USA
3557 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2012 : 09:21:30 AM
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Amen I love this you are so right in every walk of life I have gotten to the point of leaving places when the attitude is I have no time for you then I say I have NO money for you. To the mad coupons collectors How much lotion or what ever does one need? I do like to have a small reserve but they all have a shelf life and new stuff comes out all the time and I love finding new stuff maybe better stuff. I too brought the kids up to be polite and just this weekend was at a niece's 10 birthday and what a brat I was thinking of having her come to my house for a couple days this summer but I will/can not tolerate her behavior.
Diana
Farmgirl Sister #273 |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2012 : 09:30:54 AM
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Jonni and Diana. I couldn't agree with both of you more. After reading both posts, or when I see this type of behavior, or disrespect, I thank my Lord for allowing me to have had the parents I had.
I could go on and on, but I won't. Enjoy your day!
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2012 : 09:50:21 AM
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Ladies you are so correct- where have the manners gone? I was raised that the two most important words that I would ever use is "please and thank you." When I help people at the office and they "forget" their manners I always say "your welcome"...I don't try to be nasty about it, but I look at it as a friendly reminder. And yes- if children or teenagers show polite manners and courtesy- I like to let the parents know..it is something they should know and can be proud of.
Lori
Gernerosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need! |
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Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2012 : 10:25:58 AM
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The manners have gone to pot!
I give you Mom's so much credit (and thanks!) for training up your children to have manners :)
I have to brag on a family at church. They have 3 boys and 1 girl (the youngest). We had a Pot-bless and the boys were off to the side. I encouraged them to go ahead and get some food. Their response was "No, we need to wait". I asked their Dad and he said that they are trained to let the ladies go first! I immediately went to the ladies and said get going, those sweet boys are waiting for us girls :)
I was riding with the mom and the 2 youngest boys the other day, when we reached our destination I started to open my door until I heard, "Don't open the door" I wasn't sure if something was wrong and then saw sweet Caleb jump out of his seat so fast, run outside and open my door for me. It just blessed me so much!
By His Grace, For His Glory
~Sharon
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Edited by - Calicogirl on May 09 2012 07:38:13 AM |
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melody
True Blue Farmgirl
3341 Posts
Melody
The Great North Woods in the Land of Hiawatha
USA
3341 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2012 : 11:07:45 AM
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Just yesterday I spoke with "the sisters" an elderly couple of ladies who walk down our sidewalk every evening, and we were comparing notes on the rapid decline of manners and RESPECT in our society today.
Lately, I have come across a great deal of our youth and adults in the area who exhibit a total lack of respect, courtesy and manner. It seems it's across the board! I have told my kids I don't ever want to see you treat people with disrespect and that "in your face attitude!" I have had many people who have called the house and told me later how polite and helpful my kids were when they answered the phone. I've watched at a distance whether or not they open doors or help with older people and know they were taught WELL and have that innate sense of decency that is lacking today-Jonni,I have no doubt it's the PARENTS that are to blame. I mean...were these kids raised by wolves? Is this kind of bad behavior reversible? God I hope so....because I can't imagine what kind of world this is going to be down the road when even basic courtesy is thrown right out the window.
Melody
Farmgirl #525
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2012 : 11:24:06 AM
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I'm so glad I didn't just sound like an old hen--I'm 38 and I honestly feel like it's something I see more and more with people my age and younger and I'm really irritated by that. There is a part of me that thinks our "technological advances" have in, some ways, give retreat to the social interaction that was required even just a decade ago. Being "invisible" on the internet, allows people to say things they would NEVER say in person. The accessibility of the cell phone seems to make people forget just "where" they are when they have personal conversations. I can't tell you some of things I overhear in Target or at the grocery and I'm thinking, "you know you're not in your living room, right?"
What a sweet story, Sharon--I love when children have such lovely manners, and even though I have one of my own, I always comment on other people's little ones when they show good graces. I also have been known to comment when they DON'T. A few weeks back, at an engagement party for my cousin, my youngest cousin's twins (about 4) came into the room and while their mother and I were chatting, the boy sat down at her feet and while I was talking to his mother, I looked and he was sticking his tongue out at me. So, I simply stopped talking and said, "that isn't nice." and left the discipline (or what I hoped would be discipline) to his mother and walked away.
I also love it when kids "get it"...a few weeks ago, Violet wanted to speak to a man at the antique show and she kept saying, "man? Man? Hey Mr. Man!!!????" and I said, Violet, that's not how we address someone, we say, "Excuse me, sir" or "Excuse me, mam", and immediately, she said, "Excuse me, sir!?" and has never stopped saying it, even when at home, "Excuse me, Dada? Dada, excuse me!?" It's very sweet and I thank her for being so polite.
There just seems to be such a "for me" attitude that permeates our culture right now and I just wish it would stop--I was really embarrassed about the "Nivea Lotion Lady" at Target. She just kept yapping and blathering on and on and then she'd say, "Hold on a sec." and the clerk would look up and she'd say, "No, I'm talking to the person on the phone." and then she'd say, "Wait a minute." and then she'd say to the person on the phone, "No, I'm talking to the cashier..." and all I wanted to say was, 'PUT DOWN YOUR %@$%#%% PHONE and finish your transaction! You're wasting this poor clerk's time, and everyone else's that has the misfortune of standing in this line!!!" But, I didn't. I just removed myself from the situation and thought about her all the way back to the office.
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
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Okie Farm Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
1674 Posts
Mary Beth
McLoud
Oklahoma
USA
1674 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2012 : 11:52:54 AM
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Jonni, you do NOT sound like an old hen. We could say that it is because parents have not taught their kids the meaning of respect and courtesy, but people MY age are just as bad and I know that their generation DID get taught. I was in Lowes this weekend and went to the counter in the garden dept to the cashier who was obviously my age with graying hair. I said, "hello" and smiled, asking her if she could please tell me how much the fruit trees were (they were packed so tightly that it was impossible to get to the middle where I saw a cherry tree). There was no sign. Her response? "How should I know?" Huh??? Ummm...because you work there?!
Mary Beth
www.OklahomaPastryCloth.com
www.Oklahomapastrycloth.com/blog
The Sovereign Lord is my strength - Habakkuk 3:19 |
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oldbittyhen
True Blue Farmgirl
1511 Posts
tina
quartz hill
ca
USA
1511 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2012 : 12:49:01 PM
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I was very lucky to be raised by my parents , the way I was...taught from a very early age the way to address people, respect my elders, never butt into a conversation, yes mame/sir, no mame/sir and thank you, or your welcome...we could all learn some great parenting from the animal world, especialy wolves and elephants, their family dynamics are just plain beautiful..I taught my kids the same way that my parents taught me and my siblings, and now they are teaching their children the same, have heard my grandkids more than once make whispered comments about other kids and adults bad manners, and saying they did not get taught prper manners...
"Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad" |
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laurentany
True Blue Farmgirl
3259 Posts
Laurie
Patchogue
NY
USA
3259 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2012 : 1:42:27 PM
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"Thank you" ladies for putting it all so well.I'm not quite sure what has happened in our society either, but it sure does scare the daylights out of me!
All I can say is that I hope I encounter alot of my farmgirl sisters in life- since it seems THEY all have the right idea, and the know how to raise children with respect and with good manners!
AMEN!
Hugs,
~Laurie
"Little Hen House on the Island"
Farmgirl Sister#1403
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.. |
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marlee
True Blue Farmgirl
1650 Posts
Marlene
DeRidder
Louisiana
1650 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2012 : 2:20:37 PM
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I know what everyone is talking about. But I got a story to tell. THis was a couple of years ago, I was sitting with an elderly lady with Alheimezers. While she could still walk around, I would take her out to eat and to stores to get her out of the house. Took her to the Dollar Store. When we were coming back out several women and teenage girls past us coming not one held the door open, as I pushed the door open 3 teenage boys all around 16-18 dressed in black clothes, piercings, different color hair. One of them held the door. One said good morning.
The other actually took Ms. Gloria other hand and we stepped her over the door stepped. Gloria just smiled and told them Thank you and so did I.
And they smiled and told us have a nice day. As we also told them.
Never judge a book by its cover. Those three young men proved that. Not one of those women and girls did anything, nor said anything.I shaw never forget them and what they did that day for Ms. Gloria. She is gone now and that they made her day a little brighter.
--Marlee
God is the painter, he paints the picture. And his son builds it, for he is the Master Carpenter! |
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crittergranny
True Blue Farmgirl
1096 Posts
Laura
Lindrith
NM
USA
1096 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2012 : 2:33:04 PM
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I agree that folks should have better manners, but having done extreme couponing myself I do have to say that there is a lot of research that is put into couponing, and the 40 bottles of lotion or whatever sometimes gives credit for another item. A person can go into a store with a bunch of coupons and get $1000 worth of items and pay like 50 cents. One can (and some do)donate these items to our troops or a food bank if they don't need it. My point is that 30 minutes at the checkout lane may be reflecting 30 hours of work put into feeding her family. In my opinion it is more a lack of manners when there are long lines at a supermarket and the store will have 2 of 10 checkout lanes open. I'm sayin we musn't judge someone just for seeing what is on the surface. I have always had large baskets of stuff at the checkout lane because I have to travel 2 hours to the nearest large supermarket and I had 4 children. I was buying for 6 months at a time sometimes, meanwhile dealing with some cartastrophe at home over the phone. Something that happened as soon as I got to town. Or when I was taking care of my parents and someone couldn't understand why I am buying 20 tubes of desitin because I have one chance to get to town and then get home and battle bed sores on my dad. Hopefully getting home before dark. They stores are the ones asking for our business and they should assist us better. Just like the rude mechanic, find another one quick, cause that is the type of person that will cut corners and not do things right or will keep your car for 6 months.
Laura
Horse poor in the boonies.
www.nmbarrelhorses.com |
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Miss Bee Haven
True Blue Farmgirl
4331 Posts
Janice
Louisville/Irvington
Kentucky
USA
4331 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2012 : 5:09:42 PM
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I think cell phone etiquette is an oxymoronic phrase. My least fave is women(can only speak for us women in this) who use their cell phones in the bathroom stall while 'taking care of other business'. This happened on a daily basis when I was at work at a college, and still happens in any random public restroom. When my co-secretary and I posted a simple sign in the ladies room(a cell phone with a line through it to signify 'don't'), the 'ladies' just filled the page with nasty sayings and graffiti.
Sometimes, when I was unable to bear up under the rudeness, I would just wait for their conversation to begin and then just flush and flush and flush....
Farmgirl Sister #50
"If you think you've got it nailed down, then what's all that around it?"
'Br.Dave Gardner' |
Edited by - Miss Bee Haven on May 09 2012 04:05:09 AM |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22944 Posts
22944 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2012 : 5:39:36 PM
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You ladies are so right! Manners today is something that really should be taught at all levels of school. I wish there was more emphasis on decorum and proper behavior. Even in my line of work- it is amazing how many fellow team members will call you for help and then treat you like a dishrag. It's very frustrating. I especially hate people who interupt when they have asked a question.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wff7Xpc/]
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2012 : 7:12:50 PM
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I know what you mean ladies! Some people's manners are atrocious! I work in a medical type office & I can tell you Ive seen some pretty rude people. I have people come up to my desk without saying a word, throw down their papers and expect me treat them like gold. Of course I do, since I was taught that it was bad manners not to. But what really gets me is when they are yakking on the phone or to the person next to them and then they act all annoyed when I try to get some information from them. C'mon people, you're here for a reason, not social hour!
This topic reminds me of something my son told me he learned about being a gentleman the other day school. He said "Open doors, pull out chairs and never push them down the stairs." LOL!!
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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Edited by - sjmjgirl on May 08 2012 7:14:22 PM |
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rphelps4
True Blue Farmgirl
620 Posts
roxanna
westport
indiana
USA
620 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2012 : 9:42:17 PM
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| Amen to all that's been said, my parents were so great at teaching manners and respect for all living things, thank God I was able to instill this into my children, they would tell their friends don't talk to my mom the way you speak to you parents, because she won't put up with it!! Roxanna |
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FieldsofThyme
Farmgirl Guide & Schoolmarm / Chapter Leader
4928 Posts
USA
4928 Posts |
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magnoliakathy
True Blue Farmgirl
453 Posts
Kathryn
Magnolia
Texas
USA
453 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2012 : 06:06:01 AM
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I agree bad manners are on the rise, and it all starts with the parents. I make it a habit when I see good behavior in resturants and stores, I tell the parent "thank for raising such wonderful childern". At first I get a funny look and then a shy smile and sometimes even a "you're welcome". I worked at a 6th grade campus for 9 years and as the technology has progressed the social skills have digressed.
When you free your mind your heart can fly. Farmgirl # 714, |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2012 : 06:36:47 AM
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I don't have issue with extreme couponers, necessarily, but I DO have issue with extreme couponers who talk on their cell phone when they should be paying attention to their transaction. At least 10 times she interrupted either her conversation or the cashier to tell her "that's not right" or tell her friend to "hold on a minute". That's rude--and the transaction COULD have been finished more efficiently and certainly in a more timely manner if she'd removed the phone from her ear. It's not the store's fault that she decided that her phone call was more imporant than anyone else's time. I see the point about shopping 2 hours away and buying in bulk or multiple items, but this is a suburban Target store, near to downtown Cincinnati, and this lady was NOT from the country, nor was she buying for anyone other than her self to sell at a flea market-I gleaned that bit of info from her over-chattiness on the telephone! She told the person on the phone that she was getting such a good deal that she would make a "he$$ of a profit at the market..." so....feeling inconvenienced on my lunch hour when I'm trying to fit 28 hours into 12, seems alright to me.
As far as other manners, living in the area I do (as referenced above), suburban/urban, manners don't really rate around here. Sure, there are glimpses, but overall, there aren't many times I sit back and marvel about how nice it is to live here. Down the road about 30 minutes, it's an entirely different story. What tickles me is that, here, when you hold the door for someone or make an effort to be kind, they recipient either doesn't say "thanks" or acknowledge you OR they look at you like you have three heads.
Janice, that's so weird about talking in the bathroom stall. Seriously, I don't know where my phone is half the time, and the other half, it's dead so I can't use it. I can't imagine living my life so connected--I spend my evenings after work just trying to get lost!!!!
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2012 : 08:16:23 AM
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I work fast food and am often in the drive thru taking orders. I hate it when customers are on their cell phones or texting friends/coworkers as to what they want in the drive thru and how they want it while at the speaker. If you want to order for everyone, then place your calls and texts before entering the drive thru line. It holds up those that just want a plain ole cup of coffee or a donut. What these people don't realize is that once we acknowlege that you are in drive thru, we can hear everything that you say on your cell and your screaming children in the back ground. We also have so many seconds to take and prepare your order, take your money and complete the transaction. We are unable to do that if you are on your cell to everyone getting their orders. And it really ticks off the customer behind you and they blame us for being so slow when it's not the case at all. Also, at the feed store in my home town, there is a sign up that reads something to the effect of, "If you want service, then stay off your cell phone".
Lorie
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2012 : 08:30:35 AM
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See, Lorena, that's what I'm talking about! It just seems (to me, anyway) to say, "I'm so much more important than you, or anyone else that could be around me right now." and I find that terribly frustrating.
A few months ago, I had a woman walk right into me at the market with her cart because she was juggling her purse, talking on her phone and looking through her wallet to find her Kroger plus card. And when she ran her cart into my ankles (hard!) she told the person on the phone what she'd just done, but didn't both to apologize to me. Like I wasn't even there--it's like the people having conversations about their sex life on the phone in the Dr's waiting room don't realize they're not at home!!!
As far as the everyday please and thank you, "have a nice day" or "how are you today?" Other than the bank, I don't get much of it around here other than small mom and pop shops that I frequent and they now recognize me. At our larger stores, clerk's appear either bored, or are too embroiled in their own drama to speak and when you have something to ring up they act like you're bothering them.
On a social level, I really do think technology plays a big role in the way we communicate, or rather "don't" communicate anymore. I can't say it without a doubt, but I've certainly noticed this change since the widespread use of cellphones and other devices.
"Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile..."
The Only Living Boy in New York, Paul Simon |
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queenmushroom
True Blue Farmgirl
985 Posts
Lorena
Centerville
Me
USA
985 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2012 : 08:50:28 AM
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I think the attitude in general, like you said, is "It's all about me" or "What about me". I just wish people would just start humbling themselves and realize that life is not about "me". I sympathize with the woman on here that stated that she can go shopping only once a month and the store is 2 hours away. What people need to realize that an emergency constitues something that is a: on fire, like your house b: someone is bleeding c: or someone dieing or is dead. If it does not fall under those catagories, then it's not an emergency. The subject could be important such as "I noticed that we are out of toilet paper, could you pick some up before you leave town/work etc". My family has been told that unless the house is on fire, or someone is dead, dying or bleeding, do not call me at work. If I need to get something at the store after work then call 5 min before it's time for me to go. Other than that it's not important and can wait. Sometimes I wish for the pre-cell phone days. Other times, I'm glad to have one.
Patience is worth a bushel of brains...from a chinese fortune cookie |
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crittergranny
True Blue Farmgirl
1096 Posts
Laura
Lindrith
NM
USA
1096 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2012 : 2:45:12 PM
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Yeah she was aggravating I hear ya. She should take care of her business and get outta the way...LoL.
Laura
Horse poor in the boonies.
www.nmbarrelhorses.com |
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acairnsmom
True Blue Farmgirl
1319 Posts
audrey
cheyenne
wy
1319 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2012 : 3:29:40 PM
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Amen to all that has been posted! I thought it was just my imagination so it's good to know others have noticed this trend also. Thank you young mothers who are still trying to teach your children right!
Audrey
http://prairiecairncottage.blogspot.com/
.jpg) Good boy Hobbs! I love and miss you. |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2012 : 6:34:20 PM
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| It doesn't involve a cell phone, but I was blown away by some supermarket rudeness recently. I had a small basket and was standing in a long line. A cashier opened a register nearby and called, "I can help someone over here." I scrambled for the new line and got in behind a young woman also carrying a small basket. I had just finished unloading my items onto the conveyor when I noticed that two other women were trying to squeeze past me with bulging carts. Turns out they and the woman in front of me were "together." They were totally giving me dirty looks and muttering, pushing my items back on the conveyor to add their items to their friend's things. I packed up and got pack into the original line...hey, it was three against one. But, come on! Since when do you get to hold a place in a supermarket line for two other carts?! |
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Simple Living
True Blue Farmgirl
1488 Posts
Joan
Staten Island
NY
USA
1488 Posts |
Posted - May 10 2012 : 05:37:04 AM
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I agree 100% wondering where manners have gone. Just the other day I too experienced a rather "who cares" attitude. My DD and I were at the doctors office. The room was packed with pregnant woman (bless their hearts) and their husbands. A very small room for the amount of patients this doctor has. My DD and I happen to get there early and we actually had a seat. Now we are there at least one hour waiting and the room is packed. I pregnant woman walks in with her 3 yr old daughter, carrying everything she could just to keep her daughter from being bored. Abviously no where for her to sit. I am watching the room, seeing non-pregnant people just sitting there watching this poor lady, AND No One offers her a seat. So I stood up and gave her my seat..then my DD who also is pregnant gave up her to so the mom can sit next to her 3 yr old. Still no other non-pregnant person offered my daughter a seat. Come on fellows, stop with the cell phones and pay attention of what is right in front of you. Whew I had to get that off my chest....thank you for starting this topic LOL
A Friend is Someone who Reaches for your Hand, But Touches your Heart!
Farmgirl #3842 |
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Across the Fence: Where are our manners? |
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Where are our manners?
