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Across the Fence:  Okay, I gotta ask for advice...novel forthcoming..  |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 12:37:34 PM
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I'm confused about something.
As you know, we live out in the country and hubby is a volunteer member of an entity which serves the public. I really don't want to say what it is for a reason, sorry. 
Anyhoo, we went to a get-together for the 4th of July and everyone was NOT friendly to us. Except for one couple we happened to know about seven years ago (we didn't know he was also a volunteer up to this point). I offered to help out in the kitchen and was rudely rebuffed but she accepted help from other ladies. Hubby can get on with anyone who has a pulse and a breath and even he was puzzled and put-off by their attitudes.
Just to be my normal sticktoitnomatterwhat self, we sat down, me by a lady, and tried to strike up convos. No go. She got up and left in the middle of my sentence. I just looked at hubby and he at me.
Finally, after eating (we don't give up easily and there was free food to be had!!), some of the guys loosened up and talked to hubby. The wives wouldn't even look at me and I gave up on them and sat with hubby. I mean I couldn't even get a smile out of them!!
So, then, it was hubby and me and a bunch of guys sitting around talking. Me, the only female in the group. Wives off to the side giving me the stink eye.
I've never met any of them till this point, mind you!!
Anyway, days later, after hubby had been back to the place to do some work, I went with him one day and still was ignored. So, I wandered over to a neighboring place which was having a garage sale. I just mentioned in passing how unfriendly the volunteer group was. Never made a big deal of it, and the lady said they were like that.
Fast forward to last week. Hubby got called out and after all the excitement was over, the head honcho called hubby to the side and wanted to know why I was badmouthing the group. Hubby stuck up for me but was irritated with me for saying something to the garage sale lady...who had ran over to the head honcho to 'tell on me'. Sheesh, makes your head spin, doesn't it??
I said I had told the truth, they WERE an unfriendly group!! Why try to change the truth?? Hubby says out here, you can't just say stuff like that! You have to get along! I say no, you tell the truth!! I called the head honcho and got his wifey on the phone. Asked her to have head honcho call me, which to this minute, he has not. Doesn't have the c*jones to do so, is how I see it.
So, what DO you do in cases like this?? Tell the truth or just go along to get along?? I don't intend on going to any event of theirs from now on. They can all do it without me.
Help and thanks for getting this far!! 
My website:
http://twohorseswalkingdesigns.com
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/twohorseswalkingdesigns
Pinterest:
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 12:55:21 PM
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Judgmental bunch!!!!! Tell the truth. Go along with the Jones, NEVER!!!!!! Be who you are. Hugs to you.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 12:59:57 PM
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Always, Always, Always tell the truth!! Nothing will ever change if the truth is spoken. How will anyone change if they don't realize how they are acting.
Have been there before and it is not fun at all...but don't let them put out your light- be the person you are!!
Lori
Gernerosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need! |
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kysheeplady
True Blue Farmgirl
1291 Posts
Teri
KY
USA
1291 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 1:08:26 PM
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well, speaking only for me, I always tell the truth, but what I have found over a lifetime is people don't want to hear the truth. I guess because we all have our own version of it. Most people, in my opinion are like cattle being led to slaughter ... a leader and the rest go along blindly. Kind of like a little click in high school or at work ... most can only function this way. Just me ... Just sayin' all you can do is tell the truth always,what others do with that is their business.
good luck
Teri
"There are black sheep in every flock"
White Sheep Farm
www.whitesheepfarm.com |
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 4:07:34 PM
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I wouldnt give a second thought about it. However, I would question why your hubby wants to be part of such an unfriendly group. There are many worthwhile organizations out there who would be honered to have the two of you join. I say move on to greener pastures!
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 4:29:01 PM
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I'm with Stephanie on this one.
Also I have learned, while it is just fine to speak the truth, don't be in a rush to speak the truth. Feel people out for a while before saying things like this, cause there's a lot of people who just want to see things riled up and will rush with feet on fire to go and tell on ya!
I work on getting to know people first, before telling them my problems with others. Wait for trust to be there. And ditch the crazy ones like the above ones you described. As Stephanie said, there will be plenty of others who will be more friendly and more of the kind of people you would rather be around I would think.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 4:35:56 PM
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Thanks to you all!! Whew!! I thought I'd really lost my compass for a bit!
Hubby has always been a member of this type of group, no matter where we lived. He used to do this for a living and misses it somewhat, plus, he thought he'd have some more pals to bond with. But, there has only been one call in the almost 1 1/2 months since then...most go to the bigger towns. Then again, I just thought of this, since the last time of the call, he hasn't been over there to schmooze. Maybe he doesn't want to admit I was right, guys being guys and all.
Maybe I really hit a nerve with the head honcho and his wife. Truth hurts, doncha know...
My website:
http://twohorseswalkingdesigns.com
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/twohorseswalkingdesigns
Pinterest:
http://pinterest.com/goneirish/
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erowease
True Blue Farmgirl
294 Posts
Lesley
Edmonds
wa
USA
294 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 6:15:45 PM
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Always tell the truth, but sometimes its best not to offer up the information they can use against you. If you really don't enjoy it, find another volunteer opportunity where they make you feel welcome. Of course in some circumstances, depending on the type of group, I stick with it because of the positive influence I can have on the ones I am helping. Sometimes it works itself out and sometimes I end up leaving anyway. At least I know I tried. Sometimes this type of thing happens because they have become an exclusive group of people that cannot accept a new person, or they have been influenced by gossip. You have to weigh the situation and follow your heart.
Lesley
#2950
"I see God in the eyes of every child...every life is precious to God, whatever the circumstances." Mother Teresa |
Edited by - erowease on Aug 23 2012 6:25:15 PM |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 9:32:44 PM
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I say tell the truth, but be careful. I've known people who wanted to kill me because I spoke the truth. Some people are very threatened by the truth. So think about what you want to accomplish by telling it.
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Aug 23 2012 : 10:00:38 PM
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I think prolly they have become an exclusive group. That makes sense. Telling the truth really got to their quick. I can see how talking to the garage sale lady might not have been the wisest move but we were shooting the bull somewhat and since I didn't have my SUV with me (it was still with hubby while he was doing his thing), I kinda felt like I should explain where in the sam hill I came from. Then mentioned in passing about how unfriendly they were and I was looking for something to do while waiting. Never did it dawn on me that she would hotfoot it over 'to tell'. At any rate, I won't buy anything from her again. Too much trouble.
I'm still leaning toward I threatened them somehow. Speaking the truth isn't something appreciated in that closed group.
My website:
http://twohorseswalkingdesigns.com
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/twohorseswalkingdesigns
Pinterest:
http://pinterest.com/goneirish/
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Melina
True Blue Farmgirl
435 Posts
Melina
USA
435 Posts |
Posted - Aug 24 2012 : 08:13:42 AM
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We experienced the SAME thing when we moved to a rural Southern state and tried to join a church. We were accepted as members, but in 14 years we were never invited into the home of a native. We found our friends among the other outsiders, luckily there were quite a few because the Forest Service has an office there. One day I ran into a couple of ladies from the church (after being members for about 10 years) and they said, "We were just talking about you at our Bible study this morning...we're starting a new study and wondered if you'd like to come." I smiled and said, "If you talked more to me and less about me I might have been interested". I then walked away. We tried everything up until then, after that I was done.
These people will never let you in to their little clique. Find other folks who are getting the same treatment and befriend them.
The morning breeze has secrets to tell you. Do not go back to sleep.
Rumi |
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naturemaiden
True Blue Farmgirl
2569 Posts
Connie - Farmgirl #673
Hoosick Falls
NY
USA
2569 Posts |
Posted - Aug 24 2012 : 12:32:24 PM
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Winona, be true to yourself. I would tell the truth and NEVER go along with something like that. I'd simply have no part of it. Let them be miserable by themselves. Happy people dont act like that. They don't deserve you! I would of said something too! and if my husband went up against me and was questioning me, he'd have issues! If they don't like it. tough sh** (forgive my candidness, just so tired of the mean people, it really bugs me)
It amazes me how many nasty people there are in the world, seriously. it's sickening. You stand your farmgirl ground!!
Connie
http://www.naturemaiden.com/ - Soap & Candle
http://modern-day-laura.blogspot.com/ -My Personal Blog
http://www.prairiefarmherbs.com/ -Herb Plants for the Home Garden
http://www.thriftyfarmgirl.com/ -My Online Thrift Shop
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Edited by - naturemaiden on Aug 24 2012 12:35:32 PM |
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Across the Fence: Okay, I gotta ask for advice...novel forthcoming.. |
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Okay, I gotta ask for advice...novel forthcoming..
