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Family Matters:  Sometimes I feel like I don't do enough  |
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MsCwick
True Blue Farmgirl
775 Posts
Cristine
Farmville
Virginia
USA
775 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 27 2006 : 4:12:41 PM
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Actually since what pastblessings wrote was in response to a time in my life where I AM LOOKING FOR MEANING and trying to find out what my purpose is, in feeling that I actually do ENOUGH around our home/farm for my family, I feel as though what she wrote made perfect sense to me. Actually since I read it, I have kept it in the back of my mind that I AM doing what God intended me to do. And we are fortunate enough to live in a country and in a time that will allow me to work IF I ever needed to. I am thankful to God that I am educated enough to help with our painting business from home(although I do travel for design consultations sometimes) but I am still "woman" enough to have such a sincere desire to provide a clean, comfortable sanctuary for my husband to come home to after doing his role of providing for us.
I like to play in the dirt just like a little boy too and ride the 4wheeler, and garden, and work in general, I like to make progress, dn to be able to stand back at what I did and say "I did a good job!" |
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2006 : 5:32:22 PM
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Cristine,
I was responding to your subject line "I feel like I don't do enough" when I asked the question "why don't you get a part-time job?" only because it seems like you are doing enough, but you still have these feelings! So what is causing the feeling? Is it the lack of earning a wage from outside? Would it make you feel more validated if someone else was paying you a salary? Many men in our society today measure their worth by how much they earn (I DO NOT think this is appropriate, but it is still true) So why not acknowledge the feeling? For a time, go get an outside job and see if it makes a difference. Maybe by going through the experience you will see that your contribution at home is far more valuable than you realized! But if what you are saying is that mostly you are OK with your level of participation and contribution, but only occasionally have twinges of doubt, then I say everyone has the same "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" feelings from time to time, and you are absolutely normal.
Brenda, I am sorry if I made some assumptions about what you are saying, maybe it is because I have had similar conversations many times before with others who don't share your more liberal views. The question I have for you is that if a woman doesn't get satisfaction from homemaking or nurturing, (and not everyone does!) should she not be allowed because of her gender to go do something else (I think you can guess my answer...) Everyone is different and gets satisfaction from different things.
Cristine, I had to come back and add one more thing. The only person who can say whether or not you "do enough" is you. It doesn't matter if the farmgirls say "Oh yes, you are doing enough" or whether they say "do more!" If the feelings that you are having are due to pressure from someone else who is making you feel guilty about not "working" (there is a t-shirt from the 80's - All mothers are working mothers!) whether it is for pay or in the home, you have to know in your heart for yourself that what you are doing is OK. If making a list of tasks and checking it off gives you that satisfaction, then you should do that. On the other hand, if you want to sit and watch Judge Judy all day for a week, you are the one who looks yourself in the mirror on Friday and decides whether that was OK or not. Nobody else has the right to judge.
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
Edited by - brightmeadow on Oct 27 2006 6:17:27 PM |
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MsCwick
True Blue Farmgirl
775 Posts
Cristine
Farmville
Virginia
USA
775 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2006 : 8:44:16 PM
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I didn't even notice all this was from a part time job idea. :/ Although I may be young, 24, I have actually held several management jobs. I went from Assistant Manager at a MAJOR retailer to working at a little oil change place, to my husband and I operating the painting business. He and I have discussed me getting a job, and we've even talked about having a baby, but neither really seem to suit the situation, or the problem rather. I actually get a salary from the business which is plenty to pay the bills and grocery shop and take care of my horses. Whatever is left is savings, and my husband pays the mortgage, I pay the others. It was our way of agreeing that what I WAS doing at home(faxing, typing, phone calls, advertising, etc) was worthy of a pay check. So it's not money I am in search of. I'm going to read more of my Bible and try to find understanding in it.
Maybe part of my thing could be that we have only been in our house for 2 years and there is still so much to do. Our spare bedroom has turned into a collect all for furniture I don't have room for. There is still a lot of updating I would like to do to our house, and almost all of it I could do, but it's just a matter of getting daily chores done and starting a project and finishing. Daily chores never are done for more than a day b/c my poor husband is anything but tidy, so the next day I have to start all over again and clean up this or that. BUt we talked about that recently and he IS trying. Another problem I have is I cannot get up before 9 to save my life. I have even tried putting a horribly obnoctious alarm clock in another room so I HAD to get up, but it doesnt help...I just feel like I have a lot of free time, but I don't really SEE any results.
Right now, I am making my list of things to start on Monday. I think this may be part of my journey, it's just a transition, it's a phase. Maybe once the holidays get here I will be able to feel like I'm accomplishing more. |
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2006 : 07:16:44 AM
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The Heidelberg catechism (1563) asks some of the questions you are asking, about finding meaning in life, it asks
"What do we do that is good?"
and answers,
"Only that which
arises out of true faith,
conforms to God's law,
and is done for his glory;
and not that which is based
on what we think is right
or on established human tradition."
God's laws apply to all of us equally. Gender-based roles or jobs or toys, for the most part are based on "established human tradition" that is what I took exception to. There are physical differences between the sexes, and I am only too happy to let my husband do the heavy lifting while I cook, but both of us can program a computer, for goodness' sake!
I had a coworker, a subordinate, who actually told me I should not be working outside the home because when God sent Adam and Eve out of the garden, he cursed Adam with having to strive with thistles and Eve's responsibility was to bear children. So since I had two children I had done all that God required of me, and my ex-husband should be paying the bills. Therefore this guy thought he should have my job and I should be at home tending my children. (He was really resentful that I had the team leader position.) He didn't consider that I would be condemned to a life of poverty because the reality was, my ex-husband wasn't paying the bills. I was, even when I was married. He also didn't consider that I was smarter and worked harder than he did, LOL!
There are lots of examples of women in the Bible who did not have the "ideal" family situation. Because of sin, (sometimes our own, sometimes someone else's, sometimes original sin!) we all stray from the ideal. So we all have to figure out how to cope with what is less than ideal. God still loves us anyway, and wants us to be happy!
Being forced into narrow gender-based roles (especially when there is pay inequity) doesn't help us to cope, that is all I am trying to say. As long as we are following God's laws (Ten commandments, and the two big ones, love God and love your neighbor as yourself) and giving glory to God, then the rest of it is the "small stuff".
As far as daily chores never getting done, or getting done and immediately needing re-done, that is the nature of housework! Or any type of operational task. Not like building something, or any type of project, where you have a beginning and a completion and something that gets finished, and then you are done, and you can say "I did that!" Maybe you should try knitting, it really gives me a sense of accomplishment to see the sweater growing and when it is finally done, it is DONE. Balance the operational tasks with the project work to give yourself a greater sense of accomplishment.
As far as getting up earlier, are you getting enough fresh air and exercise? Is there something that is keeping you from getting a good night's sleep? Does your husband snore, or toss and turn, keeping you awake at night? Are you going to bed early enough, or drinking too much caffeine (or chocolate, which has caffeine in it?) There are maybe a million physical reasons for that, or maybe it's just your internal clock. I'm a 7:00 riser, myself. I've had bosses who wanted me at work at 7:00 and I could do it, but I just wasn't happy. My grandmother got up at 4:00 am every day of her life. But she went to bed at 8:00 pm...
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
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mommom
True Blue Farmgirl
854 Posts
Susan
Lancaster
Pennsylvania
USA
854 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2006 : 07:52:58 AM
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| I have never been bored in my whole life. But, I am one of those people who makes lists. I don't really care if I don't get everything on the list done from day to day....but when a job is checked off, I feel great! Working at a craft store 15 or more hours a week is also uplifting for me because the customers get my brain going with new ideas. I agree with the other farmgirls here....giving and doing keeps us going. My mommom used to say, "Busy hands make a busy mind!" You are blessed to "not have to work" but a part time "interesting" could just be your cup of tea. There are all kinds of people out there who can make us see things in a different light. Listen to them. Watch them. Could you become a Big Sister to someone? You know, some people in nursing homes have no families and would welcome your smile! I have found that when I give of myself the happier I am! Pray about it. We all have a purpose in this life and I hope you find yours. Blessings, Susan |
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Family Matters: Sometimes I feel like I don't do enough |
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Sometimes I feel like I don't do enough
