| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| sariejack |
Posted - Jun 13 2014 : 06:34:17 AM
Hi everyone,
We just bought a small place in the country, and at first our daughter was OK with going out there for the weekends. My husband and I love it so much that we've decided to sell our house in the city and move out there permanently. When we are out there, we are closer as a family. We work together. We spend time together. We're a team.
In the city, our neighbors are right on top of us, and they are an overbearing lot. I work two jobs. My husband works overtime. Everything we have goes into my daughter's private school tuition and our mortgage. We are eager to leave the rat race.
My daughter, who is 7, is NOT okay with the thought of moving to the country full time. She wants to stay at her private school. She wants TV. She has, over the years, grown more materialistic (This is a failing on our part as parents. She has more toys than Toys R Us, and still wants more.)
Is there any way to ease the transition to the country, to ease her out of materialism, and to get her to see the benefits of our whole family coming together? She's an only child and it's a constant battle against her thinking she has an equal say in all family matters.
Farmgirl Sister #5926 |
| 14 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| ClaireSky |
Posted - Oct 24 2015 : 11:14:37 PM
I was just wondering how your daughter adjusted to the move? And how everything turned out?
Julie 
Farmgirl #399
May 2010 Farmgirl of the Month
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog ... Charles F. Doran |
| CindyG |
Posted - Oct 11 2015 : 04:15:54 AM
Nini, as always, is very right as is Brandi. Give her ownership of several things about the move, like picking the paint color for her room. She has no control in this situation and you would be handing her some with that choice and create several other choices. Being able to decide and pick is very powerful.
Lots of good advice here.
The anticipation of the change will probably be worse than the change itself.
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| homespunlivin |
Posted - Oct 10 2015 : 9:19:15 PM
Get her involved in 4-H if you can. She will meet new friends, show livestock, learn to shoot a bow and arrow, cooking skills, leadership and lots of camps with more new friends. 4-H is the best things for kids of all ages. I am a 4-H archery coach and I have seen kids come out of their shells, gain confidence and make lasting friendships. Great stuff all around. Plus, you as a parent can volunteer along side her in whatever activity she is involved in. That is how I became involved. Hope this is helpful.
"Your braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin |
| Lanna |
Posted - Sep 13 2014 : 03:59:31 AM
Has she told you/have you talked about *why* she wants to stay? She must be nervous/scared about something. As should you, moving is a big, big change. It may take time to make new friends and not feel alone and all that jazz.
We also moved when I was 7yo (from a place where I had a ton of friends and was not exactly popular, but well liked, to a place where all the cliques were formed in preschool and I was still an outsider despite graduation ten years later). But I didn't have a choice. Not like I was going to go out and get a job and support myself at 7yo, and the option of me controlling us staying was never even a thought. My sister and I thought it was an adventure, I still remember sitting in the moving truck my uncle was driving, with my feet propped up by the pop my mom had put in the foot area. Even ended up with a funny story there with my uncle, all these years later. :D
The materialism, well, with moving, you're going to have to cull a bunch of stuff so you don't have to drag it around. That's a good place to start. Then see about volunteering time at, say, Habitat for Humanity or the food bank, or animal shelter. So she can see first hand that she's actually pretty lucky. Every so often I pull out one of Peter Menzel's books and we rifle through it, seeing what other families around the world do/don't have to eat, the ones that live in simple mud huts or houses like ours...
Not to mention, our family (as well as some friends' families) has a little saying that people are more important than things. If one of my children is putting a toy ahead of their sibling's well-being/whatever, the toy gets to go hang out in the garage or storage unit for a week or four. My 10yo has been in a mood lately and he's lost an awful lot of toys over the last week.
In the same vein, I'd love to be able to put my children in a bunch of activities. My 4yo would likely adore a gymnastics class, my 10yo would love a robotics class, my 8yo wants to do archery, and my 6yo would love to go to a singing class or ride horses. But as a family, we've already committed to swim lessons once a week, and our homeschool co-op once a week, in addition to all our at-home stuff. As a *family*, we can't successfully handle more than that without bad things happening (overexerted like so many other people, or draining the checking account), so the kids can't get everything they want so to speak. We have to prioritize, and like we've had to tell the kids every so often... we're their parents, not their friends. Once they're grown and we've hopefully done a decent job, we'll be friends. Until then, we need to rein in certain behaviors and steer their energy towards productive endeavors.
*****************
Lanna, homeschooling mama to four little monkeys that still try to jump on the bed |
| PinkCsmtlgy |
Posted - Jul 10 2014 : 7:02:08 PM
I moved to the country almost 10 years ago from the city to be with my now husband. What helped me transition was to take part of his home and make it feel like mine. So I slowly started decorating the living room to more of my taste. And slowly I started to feel like I belong here. I know your daughter is 7 but maybe letting her help decorate part of the house will help her to feel like she belongs there. |
| Cozynana |
Posted - Jun 29 2014 : 8:57:29 PM
Your daughter may hate the idea because she hates or fears change. Maybe you could start reading magazines together that represent country life like Grits, Mother Earth News, Country Living, etc. These mags. will show other kids with animals and stories about farm life. Animals and farms go together. Can you give a list of choices of pets she could pick from? Can you take her to a place to pick fruit and let her experience what picking fruit of a tree is like and plant some on your own property? Promise her and carry through having her friends out to stay at the new place. Make sure she gets to do some of the activities she has always done even when you move. Ultimately as long as you do not isolate her she should be fine. My daughter did not particularly like living on a farm (had to we farm for a living), but guess who always bring her kids home to experience farm life. In fact her youngest is coming this next week to stay. I agree it is your call not hers. |
| Ninibini |
Posted - Jun 17 2014 : 03:59:29 AM
Well, our family actually moved around quite a bit when I was a kid as my Dad got promotions or took new, better jobs. It was always a tough thing to swallow at first, but the adjustment ended up being a great experience for me every time. I got to see so many wonderful places, meet so many great people, experience all sorts of different things that I never would have otherwise. It was actually pretty cool. Ultimately, it helped me become very well-adjusted, and helped prepared me to adapt to any life changes that would come. I've kept contact with friends from each move ever since I was little. Each move brought new experiences that I could bring along with me to the next, and the people and places helped shape me in really great ways. In retrospect, I had amazing and wonderful experiences for which I am so grateful; very few kids I knew then and even know now can say the same. A move is never easy on anyone - SO many adjustments. But learning how to adjust and be happy in whatever your circumstance is a wonderful gift you can give to any child, I think. And it's part of growing up. Change is all around us. We have to learn how to go with the flow and enjoy the moments we're in, as they come.
You know your child better than anyone else, Sarah. Don't worry - you're going to help her through this and everything will be okay! :) What kinds of things interest her? Won't it be exciting decorating her new bedroom? What's her favorite color? You can paint it together! Personalizing her own space is the first step in helping her find control in a situation she feels is completely out of her control, you know? Is she a crafty kid? Does she like reading stories? Maybe you could help her hone her talents and enhance her likes by incorporating them into her new experiences! For example, show her how to make cool markers for the garden out of painted sticks. Help her make a fairy garden in the middle of her own flower bed or vegetable bed. Have her write stories all summer from her "fairy friend's" viewpoint. Or, if she's all about dressing up, lip color and nail polish, as many little girls are, maybe give her some old clothes to play dress up in, and show her how to make natural cosmetics (berry lip stain, for example). If she likes to cook and bake, maybe you could teach her how to forage and make really yummy things from nature. There are lots of neat ways to help her transition from her old world to the new. An outdoor tea party picnic with her favorite dolls and bears and dress up would be sooooo cool when you've made the tea with fresh mint from your garden and little cakes decorated with edible flowers from nature (get fancy - all dressed up, special china, grapes dipped in sugar, chocolate covered strawberries... you get the idea). Explore your new town together, visiting historical sites, finding the local library, craft shop or book store, and maybe even making some sort of game or treasure hunt trying to locate special places or information about how the town was founded - stuff like that. Find a special bakery or restaurant that just the two of you share, or a special place to take a picnic breakfast or lunch together. What kinds of things are unique to the new area? Special celebrations? Foods? Activities that they don't do elsewhere? Explore them! Find the kid hot spots - a cool playground, a pottery place that holds summer classes for kids, day camp... Help her to make neat little craft projects that pertain to her new environment that she can send to her friends "back home" and post online for family to see. I remember when we moved in my junior year of high school, I spent the first three months writing - and probably complaining - to friends every single day. But eventually I made new friends and those letters soon came to a screeching halt as I became more excited about my new life and friends. Have a good friend come stay with you for a week this summer so they can explore the new digs together. Her old friend's excitement about all the cool, exciting new things in her life might really help her see things in a more positive light! To help her transition before school starts, it might be helpful to sign her up for a riding class or get her into 4H where she can meet other kids her age, maybe from her new school district, and do fun new things with them instead of with Mom and Dad. Is there a public pool nearby where she can take swimming lessons? And church and Sunday school with kids her age is a good way to make new friends. If she meets kids this summer, school won't seem nearly as overwhelming and scary when fall comes around. I'm sure you will come up with wonderful things to help her through this!
Just remember the most important person to help her through - even if she is balking and making life miserable - is dear old Mom. Your positive attitude, patience and perseverance will make all the difference in the world. Just make some part of every day a fun adventure. Whatever you do, don't leave her to fend for herself and make her own way; help her meet kids and find interesting things to do. Once she meets kids she enjoys spending time with, things will be so much lighter and happier. She can't possibly see the exciting side of this move until she's knee deep in it; she's never done this before! So, right now, to her it seems very sad, scary and hopeless. With your guidance, everything will be just fine. Just remember: it will always be a much better experience and an easier adjustment if it's a fun adventure the two of you share together! You can do this, Sarah - and she will be a much happier kid for it! I'm actually very excited for all of you! :)
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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| sue5901 |
Posted - Jun 17 2014 : 02:49:01 AM
That's the problem with kids - we encourage them to have their own ideas and then get frustrated when they are not the ones we wanted them to have. Seriously you need to understand this from your daughters perspective and recognise that you are forcing her to have a change she might not want.
I agree with the others that she is very young and will adjust to her new life ( a puppy or a kitten is a great idea). But I moved house when I was a child around the same age and still wish we had not. It did not ruin my life but it altered it and I suspect even 40 years later my life (although not maybe the families as a whole) would have been better if I had grown to adulthood in my old childhood environment.
This is your dream not hers and whilst you are the parent and can force her to go along - simply expecting her to be happy about it is unreasonable. Fully recognising her feelings and allowing her to express her reasons for wanting to stay will enable you to show her the alternatives that she may respond to - to adjust better in her new world,
Good luck - you have raised a child who has her own mind and have a relationship with her where she is confident enough to speak out. Be proud of that.
Dance like nobody's watching! |
| LaLa |
Posted - Jun 14 2014 : 3:00:08 PM
I don't know that it necessarily applies here, but my husband and I were introduced to the idea of minimalism back in 2012. I don't know if you are planning to have less in your new home environment, but I know of a gentleman who is a forerunner of the Minimalist movement. He has a wife, 6 children, and all 8 of them moved from Guam to California with nothing but one box and one backpack per person.
Now, obviously, you're probably not going that extreme. The point is his blog may be a great tool to use to figure this out. There is also another minimalist with kids, as well, and he wrote a book about being a minimalist with children. Here is the info I have:
Leo Babauta - http://zenhabits.net
Joshua Becker - http://becomingminimalist.com
http://lalauland.tumblr.com
http://lalauland.etsy.com
Follow me on Twitter: @lalauland
DH and I share a blog: http://wesubtleties.tumblr.com
Follow on Twitter: @wesubtleties |
| churunga |
Posted - Jun 14 2014 : 2:14:19 PM
Introduce her to the fun things in country life. I live in a city now. When I was young and living in the country my sister and I would always go out in the summer or fall and have picnic lunches. I myself would explore the countryside and find a "secret" natural spot I could call my own to have my own adventures in. My mom was a great explorer and naturalist. She would show us many things. My dad always took us hunting; first to carry food, water and ammunition and then to participate. He knew many things about the habits of wild animals. I so wish I was your daughter and in the country again. My memories are full of wonder.
Marie, Sister #5142
Farmgirl of the Month May 2014
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
| SarahJ |
Posted - Jun 14 2014 : 06:10:22 AM
If you are going to do it, do it now! The older she gets, the harder it will be for both of you. Right now, she is more malleable and will adjust with time. If you wait until she is older, that pre-teen resentment will drag out as she digs in her heels. And remember, you are the parent, she is the child and a very young one at that. Don't let her think she has a say, or she will start seeing herself as an equal. Just be positive and encouraging, and show her the perks.
SarahJ
Farmgirl Sister #116
http://bayoumama.wordpress.com/ |
| Marybeth |
Posted - Jun 13 2014 : 4:12:20 PM
I agree with what Nancy said. 7 yrs old--a child. Encourage her to make the new home and property hers. Make sure she is part of the 'team'. MB
http://www.smallcityscenes.blogspot.com
www.day4plus.blogspot.com
"Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance!" |
| Nancy Gartenman |
Posted - Jun 13 2014 : 3:27:38 PM
I think you would have a lot bigger problem if she were older. Seven is still a little girl and I think she will come along a lot sooner then you think to the new situation. Perhaps a kitty or puppy is she has never had one. lots of kids are brought up in rural areas, and as I said, seven is a little girl. Remember you are the parents.
www.Nancy-Jo.blogspot.com |
| Daizy |
Posted - Jun 13 2014 : 2:47:58 PM
That's a tough one. Perhaps get a WiFi card with your local cell provider and allow her to chat/email her old school friends. Also, get her involved in a scout group or sports group so she can make friends fast. Ease your burden, so to speak. Rural doesn't have to mean secluded.
Hugs and prayers, Daizy
Daizy #1093
Poor House Farmgirl Chapter {A virtual chapter open to everyone.}
A good day is when you find ALL your ear tags! I wonder how my cows would like my Farmgirl apron??
www.poorhouseparadise.blogspot.com |
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