| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| brianna.e |
Posted - Sep 21 2015 : 11:22:31 AM
Hello all!
I could use some motherly (grandmotherly...aunt-ly...you get the idea  ) advice.
As I stated earlier- I am a single mother to a young girl. Being a mother was never in the cards for me. I honestly never wanted to be a mother so I never thought much about it! When I found out I was pregnant and decided to be a mother, I knew nothing but the fact that I wanted to be a better mother to my daughter than my mother was to me. I also knew that love, compassion, and inspiration were the 3 biggest things I wanted to give her. So I just went from there.
Honestly, I am just doing my best. My daughter seems pretty happy and healthy so I am happy, too! Not bad for someone who had no idea what they were doing!
Here is my big problem and fear- I realize my mother taught me very little. She was fairly abusive and cruel. I never learned anything from her- nothing about my period, sex, love, life, or creativity. I basically stumbled through it all on my own and my life was littered with mistakes and problems. My father taught me to be strong and laugh, but I really don't know much else. I hate to admit it but...raising a little girl scares me. She wants to play with dolls, be a princess, and twirl in lush pinks. I never did that and I don't even know how to do it. I know this must all sound very silly, but I feel like she is all sunshine and spring while I am ice and winter.
I worry that I will end up like my own mother, or that I will be so far removed from what she wants that I wont know what to do.
What is some advice you lovely ladies could give me on this subject? How do I teach my daughter the world of love, what it means to be a woman, and hope when all I know are strength and determination? How do I not let my fear of my past swallow me whole?
Thank you <3 |
| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Marilyn Hartman Sullivan |
Posted - Sep 23 2015 : 06:35:22 AM
Brianna -- You are already leaps and bounds ahead of your mother, I think. You are being thoughtful and concerned, and those are huge things. You obviously are trying very hard to avoid being the kind of mother your mother was. As far as the twinkly pinkly twirly whirliness of your darling little daughter -- some of them are just like that. Enjoy it with her -- there are way worse things than having imagination and seeing the world as pink and sparkly when you're young. Enjoy the tea party -- and if she decides to put on plaid flannels and dig a hole in the backyard -- you can enjoy that, too.
Children are a wonder to behold. They are us, but they are not. To watch them grow and unfold like a flower is a miracle, and I am so pleased that you got the opportunity. I think you ARE and will be a wonderful mother.
Farmgirl #6318
"Where there's a will -- there's probably a family fight." |
| brianna.e |
Posted - Sep 22 2015 : 2:28:11 PM
All of these words make me swell with joy and a little bit of tears. Thank you all for your words of wisdom- I cherish them dearly. Yesterday my daughter went to her first dance class. She wore all pink, I threw a bow in her hair and she asked me to dance with her so I did. Today we had a tea party and dressed up like Princesses.
I think my fear of not knowing or not being good enough was, in a way, my past tugging on me to look backwards instead of towards the present and future. It can tug away- I've got nails to paint and stories to tell. I don't have time to listen to that fear any longer. |
| churunga |
Posted - Sep 22 2015 : 1:21:41 PM
I do not have kids so I am an expert. LOL, not! I have heard from many parents that having a child allows you to be a child again too. Why not play princess with her? That sounds like lots of fun.
Marie, Sister #5142
Farmgirl of the Month May 2014
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
| texdane |
Posted - Sep 21 2015 : 3:19:22 PM
Brianna,
This post makes me smile. I was thirty when we had our daughter, and she's 13 now. First of all, NO ONE knows what they are doing when they have a child, since there isn't a "how to manual" for the little boogers.
Your post already tells me you are on your way to being a wonderful, loving mama. You are so lucky to have your daughter, she is a blessing. Remember that always, it's very important.
Let her be who she wants, but guide her. Teach her right from wrong. Show interest in her interests. Remember that she is her own person.
You are her first and most important teacher. Remember that, too.
As for the other "stuff", like periods, etc...YOU will KNOW when it's the right time for both of you. I had those same questions, and as a mom, you just know when. Always be open with her and encourage her to be open with you.
My daughter is my best friend. (But I am mom first, and have no problem saying "no, you can't do that". Very important). But we enjoy each other's company, and a daughter is a friend for life.
And my best advice? Enjoy. Every. Minute. They grow up fast.
Farmgirl Hugs,
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE
Chapter Leader, Connecticut Simpler Life Sisters
Farmgirl of the Month, January 2013
Suburban Farmgirl Blogger
http://sfgblog.maryjanesfarm.org/
www.facebook.com/suburbanfarmgirlblogger |
| Cindy Lou |
Posted - Sep 21 2015 : 1:30:30 PM
Brianna,
You will never be the mother you had. You are a completely different person. Your questions here show how much you care and want to do things right. First of all, recognize that no kid comes with an instruction manual, we all learn as we go. If you are strong and can laugh you are well on your way.
You don't have to teach a little girl to be a princess, she already is one. Just because those weren't the things you did as a child, you don't have to model her play, give her the freedom to grow in her own way. Read to her, a lot, her interests and yours. You will be growing with her and learning from her.
Teach her about love by loving her, showing her how much she matters to you, how it is important to have friends,"the family you choose", if not the one you are born into.
Teach her compassion by modeling it. Share with others, love and care for a pet, or several. Bring her along when you volunteer at a food shelf or church activity, or drop off cookies for an elderly neighbor.
Teach her inspiration by providing lots of varied experiences; walks in the woods, having art materials around, doing crafting things together, cooking, gardening, making up stories, singing songs.
Hugs to you both!
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
| notathreatinsight |
Posted - Sep 21 2015 : 1:29:11 PM
Brianna, I can't relate entirely to what you're dealing with, so I don't have very much advice for you, except to say this... try to embrace the spring and summer. I have a little girl, and she's very different from me. She's also a pretty little princess. I had two boys before her, and I really didn't think I would like having a girl, but she's such a bright little ray of sunshine in my life. I think if you let your daughter be that for you too, it might come more naturally.
Erin
Farmgirl #3762
"It is... through the world of the imagination which takes us beyond the restrictions of provable fact, that we touch the hem of truth." - Madeleine L'Engle
http://www.etsy.com/shop/femmepostale/
http://www.pinterest.com/femmepostale/ |
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