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Holidays:  secret santa stress  |
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naturemaiden
True Blue Farmgirl
2568 Posts
Connie - Farmgirl #673
Hoosick Falls
NY
USA
2568 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 15 2013 : 05:33:31 AM
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my husbands family does a secret santa thing every year. usually the 'kids' over 19 are not included. SO my 19 yr old will be included but not my 25 yr old. that makes me feel uncomfortable.
the one thing that really annoyed me this year was that i was informed that we now must spend 50.00 on a gift this year. usually it's 25.00. i'm not sure who is making the rules, but when you are on a budget, being told what you have to spend is ridiculous. since one of my sister in laws' does NOT have kids, we have to buy her extra...i never understood that. just because she does not have kids and chooses to buy for all the 'teen kids' automatically makes her eligible for extra gifts?
i happened to pick this sisters' name out of a 'hat'. my husband said she wanted a watch. i bought a nice watch. after he told me about the limit he asked me if i spent 50.00! the watch did not cost 50.00 but it's not garbage, it's a nice watch with a leather band. so i went and got her another small gift, a real adorable cat ornament because she likes cats... (she's a feral cat hoarder, literally).
my husband says that the 50.00 amount is so someone doesnt get a more expensive gift than someone else? what? i think that if someone chooses someone, they should be able to buy them whatever they want whether it cost 1.00 or 100.00. i just feel like the point of giving a gift should not be what we spend but the thought. apparently it doesnt matter here. i'd rather not get anything myself. just not feeling the christmas spirit.
i'm going to have a talk with my husband because this is not happening next year.
connie
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Edited by - naturemaiden on Dec 15 2013 09:25:12 AM |
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Red Tractor Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
6534 Posts
Winnie
Gainesville
Fl
USA
6534 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2013 : 05:44:52 AM
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Stick to your guns, Connie! I think you are spot on in your feelings about gift giving. It is a terrible burden to place on family members to have to give gifts and then expensive ones at that. It takes all of the joy and fun out of giving when you have to buy gifts. Please don't let this ruin your Christmas. It is not worth it. If it were me, however, I would discuss the whole issue with husband and opt out of the entire process next year. You can let family know that you don't wish to have gift obligations and would rather just eliminate the whole present thing for yourself. Who knows, there may be several other members who feel just like you do but are afraid to speak up and talk about how the whole thing could be revamped to something more genuine and budget friendly. I bet there are lots of other farm girls here who would agree with your stance as well. Hang tough!
Winnie #3109 |
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naturemaiden
True Blue Farmgirl
2568 Posts
Connie - Farmgirl #673
Hoosick Falls
NY
USA
2568 Posts |
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kysheeplady
True Blue Farmgirl
1291 Posts
Teri
KY
USA
1291 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2013 : 05:48:48 AM
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Connie,
I am with you on that, my husband's family use to do the same thing. And every year the rules changed to suit themselves ... So I, (we) just dropped out. We just bought for his parents.
I ALWAYS thought and still do, that a gift is a gift ... meaning it does not matter what the cost, you give it freely. I also believe that once you GIVE the gift, it is now the receivers to do with what they want. There should be NO strings attached to a gift ever. That is how I feel about giving a gift.
However, Christmas gift giving has gotten so out of hand ... We now just buy a few gifts for our own personal friends and parents.
Good luck, I know how stressful it can be ...
Teri
"There are black sheep in every flock"
www.whitesheepfarm.com
https://www.etsy.com/shop/whitesheepprimitive |
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naturemaiden
True Blue Farmgirl
2568 Posts
Connie - Farmgirl #673
Hoosick Falls
NY
USA
2568 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2013 : 05:51:43 AM
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my sister on the other hand, we are total opposites, she really doesnt cook, definitely doesnt sew...not domestic at all... and we dont always exchange gifts, but when we do i usually give her something i made and she loves it, not matter how 'small' it is. no pressure there.
http://www.naturemaiden.com/ - Handcrafted Soap & Candles
http://modern-day-laura.blogspot.com/ -Filled with everything I love!
http://www.thriftyfarmgirl.com/ - Vintage Sewing Machine Parts
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2013 : 10:13:35 AM
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Connie - I'm so sorry! Your sister-in-law is totally missing the true spirit of Christmas. It's unfortunate, but when we participate in things like this, we have to stick to the rules whether we like them or not. While reading your post, I kept thinking it might be kind of cool if next year YOU host the Secret Santa and set your own rules, if she'll let you do that. I am very much willing to bet that you are not the only family member who is feeling this way. Maybe next year you could talk with her and some of the other family members and start a new tradition where a different person hosts the family celebration every year, each with your own unique spin on the fun, each with your own special way of hosting a Secret Santa exchange, then see where it leads you. If no one is willing to cooperate, I would feel very comfortable of simply opting out. Giving is a thing from the heart - not a demand. What fun is there in having a gift demanded of you? And how awful that you are expected to buy exactly what the recipient tells you and spend an exact amount... To me, that's not gift-giving... If she wants a $50 watch, couldn't she just go out and buy one for herself and forego having to buy a gift for anyone else? Yuck! What's so secret about that? You all know who is giving to whom and what you are expected to give. Blech...
And I have to say, it makes no sense to me to have a "family" Secret Santa exchange and exclude anyone... What is the cutoff age after when adults are allowed back in to the fun? That's just mean and insensitive. I would think she would include everyone or no one at all. Why are an entire range of 20- to something-year-olds excluded? Don't they enjoy the holiday fun? Don't they deserve to be included as part of the family? Geesh! That sounds so Grinch-y to me! And, yeah... when you do a Secret Santa, everyone gets to grace just one person with one gift. If your sister-in-law's generosity goes above and beyond the Secret Santa, that's a lovely thing, truly; but it should be done outside of the realm of the Secret Santa exchange. You don't give to get, you give for the joy of giving! With the Secret Santa exchange, only one gift per person is required... anything else is a pleasant surprise and a true gift, indeed! I agree with you - it does sound like things have gotten way out of hand. I can almost feel the weight of your burden - sounds like drudgery instead of Christmas! You all should be celebrating not struggling! I feel so bad for you! I'm sure the last thing you or your husband wants to do is rock the boat, which makes it so much worse. "Where are you, Christmas?"
My family and my in-laws haven't exchanged gifts for years. I have parents, step-parents, siblings, step-siblings, nieces and nephews and step- nieces and nephews, grandparents, step-grandparents... you get the idea. My hubby comes from a huge family of eight kids, each with anywhere from two to three children of their own, not to mention grandchildren. As our families grew and expanded, we just decided to give gifts to our parents and the little ones in our lives because they are just so full of wonder and excitement at Christmas - THEY make gift-giving fun! :) What we do enjoy, though, is getting together, with everyone bringing their famous special dishes and then just enjoying each other's company and all of the wonderful food. For us, the most important part of Christmas is Christ, of course, but second comes family, friends and fellowship. That, for us, is what truly makes Christmastime the most wonderful time of the year! I so deeply wish that for you and your loved ones, too.
I always loved Charles Dickens' Fezziwig.... Wouldn't it be just so wonderful just to gather everyone together at Christmas, put out a big spread of food, have music and dancing and laughter? Why does it have to be so commercial? Where is the fun in that? Where is the Christmas Spirit in that?!
I'll be keeping you in my prayers this holiday season, Connie! Much love to you!
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Edited by - Ninibini on Dec 15 2013 10:18:13 AM |
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hudsonsinaf
True Blue Farmgirl
3162 Posts
Shannon
Rozet
Wyoming
USA
3162 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2013 : 10:21:57 AM
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| I 100% understand the frustration! This is the first year our family is opting out of the "secret santa" thing. We will be buying gifts for the children, but that is it. Last year our amount also got raised to $50. Being a family of 8 (7 last year), that added up really quick... and homemade was not acceptable :( I'm looking forward to a "low-key" Christmas with my immediate family this year, though we will miss the fellowship with the rest of the family... |
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naturemaiden
True Blue Farmgirl
2568 Posts
Connie - Farmgirl #673
Hoosick Falls
NY
USA
2568 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2013 : 10:33:25 AM
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i honestly dont know who made the 50.00 rule, could of been his brother. no one knows, but it should of been discussed among them all and mutually agreed upon. i already told my husband how i felt. he didnt really have a say in it either, he was just told i guess. i told him just a get together with food should be enough. we dont even see most of them during the year anyway.
http://www.naturemaiden.com/ - Handcrafted Soap & Candles
http://modern-day-laura.blogspot.com/ -Filled with everything I love!
http://www.thriftyfarmgirl.com/ - Vintage Sewing Machine Parts
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sjmjgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
566 Posts
Stephanie
Mt. Vernon
Iowa
USA
566 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2013 : 4:41:59 PM
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I do think that maybe the terms of your gift exchange need to be re-examined. Get rid of the age limit and reset the spending limit to maybe $20? Or maybe just get gifts for the kids? I would just make the suggestion and see what happens. If they say no, you can always opt out. Another solution would be to do a white elephant exchange. Personally, we only give to our my immediate family and my grandma in our family. We also do the white elephant with a fun twist. We wrap something up (no tag) that we can no longer use . When it's time, we put numbers on all the gifts and put all the gifts in a pile and everyone picks a number out of hat. We take turns choosing gifts according to number ( or sometimes we take someone else's! Lol!) Everyone has fun and there's very little pressure involved.
Farmgirl Sister # 3810
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama
April is Autism Awareness month. Autism affects 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys, including my son). Go to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ to learn more and help Light It Up Blue on April 2nd!
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Holidays: secret santa stress |
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secret santa stress
