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 Am I Crazy?
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KayB
True Blue Farmgirl

540 Posts

Kay
Del City Oklahoma
USA
540 Posts

Posted - Feb 04 2016 :  07:09:58 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I have an 18-year-old grandson who is about to find himself on the streets. He has had problems at school and I've been told he cannot go back to school. My daughter is his mother. I have noticed that neither of parents seem to care what happens to him. His father recently remarried and they have a new baby and live clear across the state from him. He has begged his dad to let him come there and dad has told him no. His mom only seems to care about his older sister and his younger brother. The younger one is diabetic (he's 10) and understand he needs care, but not to the exclusion of the others.

I have offered to take him in. They live in Texas and I am in Oklahoma. My husband and I both need he just needs someone who cares and is willing to work with him. We are willing to do this.

I just spoke with the principal at the local high school and he doesn't know if they can enroll him or not. He wants to see Shane's transcripts and then will work with us from there.

My younger daughter thinks I'm crazy as my late son was such a handful and she thinks I can't handle it.

Now the question is - am I crazy? Any comments or advice would be welcome.

KayB


Life's a dance you learn as you go

Farmgirl Sister #2351

YellowRose
True Blue Farmgirl

5248 Posts

Sara
Paris TX
USA
5248 Posts

Posted - Feb 04 2016 :  07:22:13 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
KayB, you're not crazy for wanting to take care of your grandson but a troubled teenager is quite a responsibility. You need to know all of his problems and whether he is open to counseling or not.

Have you considered helping your daughter get him counseling before you even think about taking him in. I know you love him but you do need to ask yourself and be truthful with yourself whether you are up to dealing with him for the long haul.

Sara~~~ FarmGirl Sister #6034 8/25/14
FarmGirl of the Month Sept 2015.

Lord put your arm around my shoulders and your hand over my mouth.
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hudsonsinaf
True Blue Farmgirl

3131 Posts

Shannon
Rozet Wyoming
USA
3131 Posts

Posted - Feb 04 2016 :  08:54:30 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Kay - no I do not think you are crazy, but I agree there is a lot to know and think about first. My older sister sounds exactly like your daughter... If it had not been for the fact that we have very young children, we would have done the same thing! My nephew went through a really really hard time with not feeling loved and acted out at school and towards his younger brother specifically. My nephew ended up enrolling in JROTC at school, and it saved his life! He is headed to boot camp for the Army in a few months. Looking back, i know that us taking him in was not the right thing... for him or our family... so i am glad we didn't. For him, the JROTC became his family. It is what he needed and they were able to offer him the love AND structure he needed. He still lived with my sister, but he depended more on JROTC. The other thing he found was a free community based group that taught life skills... including interviewing for a job, resumes, budgeting, etc. He actually was paid to go to some of the classes! Kinda like a monthly allowance. To keep getting it, he had to keep his grades up and stay out of trouble...

~ Shannon, Sister # 5349
Farmgirl of the Month - January 2016
http://hudson-everydayblessings.blogspot.com/
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl

13055 Posts


Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts

Posted - Feb 04 2016 :  11:15:02 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
You might just be the one to turn him around. Maybe he needs some positiveness in his life, along with lots of love. Keep us posted.
Marly

"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross
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Marilyn Hartman Sullivan
True Blue Farmgirl

1134 Posts

Marilyn
Oxford PA
USA
1134 Posts

Posted - Feb 04 2016 :  11:45:18 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Not crazy -- just a loving grandmother. I would, however, check out his situation a little bit before you bring him to live with you.

Farmgirl #6318
"Where there's a will -- there's probably a family fight."
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MaryJanesNiece
True Blue Farmgirl

4002 Posts

Krista
Utah
USA
4002 Posts

Posted - Feb 04 2016 :  4:34:44 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
You are not crazy at all! What you are trying to do is very caring and sweet. My suggestion is just really evaluate the situation before you take on responsibilities that may be too much for you. I would hate to see you burnt out and troubled with stress. You are an amazing person and whatever you choose will be the right thing.

Krista
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Bonnie Ellis
True Blue Farmgirl

2473 Posts

Bonnie
Minneapolis Minnesota
USA
2473 Posts

Posted - Feb 04 2016 :  9:12:03 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
You're not crazy at all. You sound like you have learned a lot from past experience. It's worth a try. Everyone deserves love.

grandmother and orphan farmgirl
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AnnieinIdaho
True Blue Farmgirl

437 Posts

Annie
ID
USA
437 Posts

Posted - Feb 06 2016 :  12:09:19 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Well, as optimistic as I am I would not embark on that endeavor until he had a full medical physical to include all blood panels and a psychiatric evaluation. Then the both of you know what hurdles he has to overcome his challenges. Then you can agree in a formal plan to bring him back into the world and maybe back to being able to connect with those that care about him. This will take a team of professionals in addition to yourselves. Otherwise a lot of energy on both of your efforts could be wasted. I do know I do believe in Maslow's Need Hierarchy in that we usually cannot aspire to higher things until our basic needs such as food, shelter, clothing and sense of safety are met. And so many underlying medical conditions can be making it impossible for him to move forward no matter what his intentions are. Best to you and to your family. Annie

"The turnings of life seldom show a sign-post; or rather, though the sign is always there, it is usually placed some distance back, like the notices that give warning of a bad hill or a level railway-crossing." Edith Wharton, 1913 from 'The Custom of the Country'.
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guineahen
True Blue Farmgirl

86 Posts

Andrea
Hawley Pa
USA
86 Posts

Posted - Feb 07 2016 :  05:44:38 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Praying for you and please keep us posted. One thing you might want to do if you decide to take him in is to first catch up on the modern signs of drug use. Things have changed and you might not pick up on things like empty pen casings, which these days could signify heroin use.
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