| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| crafter |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 07:45:39 AM
Well, sisters I feel a little silly asking for prayers about this.
I have 3 daughters 24 yrs old, 19 yrs old and 14 yr old daughter still at home. When Natalie's father and I separated when she was 6 months old, I decided that I would put everything into raising my children and not date until they were grown.
Well, my 19 yr old Katie suggested that I start "looking" and maybe date. I went on a couple dates- oh not so pretty. I then I met Ben and we hit it off right away, we have so many things in common- met his boys and he met my daughters and things have gone very well for 6 months. Well on Sunday he decided that he doesn't want to see us anymore- no real reason, won't discuss anything! My heart is truly broken and would appreciate some prayers and encouragement. Thank you!! |
| 25 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| CMac |
Posted - Jun 27 2011 : 08:11:12 AM
Good Morning Lori! Sorry your weekend was not an easy one. I'll bet weekends were the fun times when you were still dating. That makes them harder. I always found Sunday afternoon and evening to be hardest. Something about associations with food and family on that day for me.
Things that require focus may be a bit harder for you right now. Working with machines might be one! My sewing machine and I have a love /hate relationship even on the best of days! Did you get around to power washing the house?
I've read the posts from over the weekend. Don't you just love these women?! I thought about you while working on the gardens at the farm this weekend. I hope you felt the positive thoughts I was sending.
It occurred to me that entering a new relationship is a bit like growing a garden. We do all the right things. We keep it weeded,watered,fed and watched over and hope for produce worth our effort. But some years things happen. Hail can destroy it in a minute. Humidity can reduce it to a puddle of green goo. Rain can cease and watering is never enough. As hard as we work and as perfectly as we try to do it we are not the only influence on the outcome. But the outcome is not the only point of it is it? It is the process as much as the outcome. So we go back out the next year and do it again. A relationship is about the process too. All relationships end don't they? None of us live forever. So it seems to me that 6 mos or 60 years isn't about the ending. It is about what we experienced between the beginning and the end. I know you are hurting now but there are gifts in the experience that I believe will help you find what you need and deserve in the future. When you have grieved enough ( you will know when that is) you will be able to see the gifts.
Know that I am thinking of you and sending you love, light and strength.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
| SarAvery |
Posted - Jun 27 2011 : 07:38:15 AM
Lori,
Been thinking of you all weekend. Sending hugs and good thoughts your way!
Sara
Farmgirl #3137 |
| crafter |
Posted - Jun 27 2011 : 06:40:55 AM
didn't have a very good weekend, tried to stay busy and my sewing machine would not cooperate with me, my mind just works overtime, I did read my Bible A LOT and that gives me great comfort!
Thank you ladies for your continued love and support!! |
| Joey |
Posted - Jun 24 2011 : 7:13:53 PM
Lori, I just got this thread and am so sorry this happened to you and that you are hurting. You have some powerful farmgirls praying and hugging and supporting you and honey, you deserve it. Everyone has had such good advice. You feel how you feel. Sit in the pain and then move on. I think alot of us have had this experience. It hurts. I don't have any new words to comfort you but I want to tell you-
I was the first divorce in my family and did not get any support. It was an UGLY divorce and I swore I would never get married again. I did my job, took care of my daughter and made my home, and my life. I had good friends. I was content. I had future plans for MYSELF. Now there's an old saying that if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. Honestly, I was "good to go" but God had other plans.
My current husband is a guy I met in 1974. We became good friends. When I married my ex-husband, he was a groomsman. After I got married and moved away we did not keep in touch. OK, I'm single 14 years and out of the blue Rod calls me. He's divorced a year and in Florida: I'm single 14 years and in PA. HE calls the Montel Williams show on TV for a show about reuniting lost loves and the next thing I know we are all in NY (my mom, DD and SIL and me) and Rod and I were reunited on the show..got engaged 6 weeks later, Rod moved to PA and we got married almost 17 years ago now. He's a wonderful guy and we are very happy together.
My point is that you never know what God has planned for your life. Never in those single 14 years would I have EVER thought I would remarry. NEVER thought about talk-show TV. I am so sorry that you feel so bad just now. God ALWAYS has a plan for you and we just can't see the big picture, but HE can. Keep the faith and know we are hugging you close. Joey
Well behaved women rarely make history. |
| debtea2 |
Posted - Jun 24 2011 : 5:43:52 PM
lori
so sorry your down but men can be very skiddish about relationships don't over analize it
you did nothing wrong and nothing to be ashamed of..get mad not sad and move on..this may be a good thing
if he can't talk to you about this what if you both got very serious and walked away or moved out ..
sounds like he needs to grow up some more..sad for all the children yours and his..I pray you find a real man know deserves a good woman..prayers and smile life goes on and people love you and care about you..
blessing deborah
inch by inch we find our way
jersey farmgirl
#1330
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| crafter |
Posted - Jun 24 2011 : 12:47:51 PM
Thank you Darlene,
I do find great comfort in my BIBLE and whatever I'm reading in it. I know God is good- all the time.
It's been so long since I took this kind of step and fell hard for Ben and the boys- it felt so right and good. We had the same views on Faith, Family and Life- or so I thought.
I'm going to pressure wash the house this weekend if it's not raining- that will take at least one entire day, going to spend some time weeding the flower beds- I fing it healing to get dirt under my fingernails, my neighbor is teaching me some quilting, church on Sunday and I think Natalie and I will go for ice cream too!!
I can not even begin to tell everyone how you have helped me thru this week...I still feel stupid and my heart is broken, but I guess it's time to pull up the boot straps and get back to taking care of my family. I don't mind being on the back burner..... :(((
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| emtfarmer |
Posted - Jun 24 2011 : 12:05:17 PM
I once read that the heart is the strongest muscle in the body but it is sometimes treated as the weakest. I took that to mean that we don't realize just how well a heart can mend, that we have to pamper it and expect it to heal slowly. But that is not the case. It will heal as quickly as you let it.
And you said at one point that you "shouldn't feel this way". Sure you should! You should never deny how you really feel about something. You've been hurt through no fault of your own. What you "shouldn't feel or do" is let the hurt (thus, thoughts of him and times past) occupy your every thought.
I KNOW it is so easy for me and everyone else to say it is okay. . . things will get better, but it really will. It has taken me a long time to realize, but in the rougher times in my life, I've learned to thank God for those rough times for He obviously has something to teach me and that will make me stronger and/or closer to Him.
Continue to read your bible. It may not tell you exactly what to do, but the comfort that it brings to you will help you make it through every day.
You're still in my prayers,
Darlene
(hugs to you too!)
"Support your local fire departments and rescue squads...volunteers making a difference" |
| crafter |
Posted - Jun 24 2011 : 07:48:04 AM
A little less shock- just brokenhearted :(((( |
| CMac |
Posted - Jun 24 2011 : 07:00:11 AM
Good Morning Lori! I'm so happy to see the sisters gathering round you providing support to hold you up till you are feeling better! This is an awesome group of women.
How exciting that there will be a hen house for you to join. I sure wish there was one here. I think I am the only Farmgirl in middle Tennessee! I need to get busy and recruit some farmgirls!
I believe that God has a plan for you so never say never! Our job is to stay open for what ever that is. Hold out your hand, palm up and open and ask God to help you see the plan as it unfolds. Being ready to receive is the key, no matter what that is!
I hope you are feeling better today. Maybe a little less in shock? Know that I am thinking about you.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
| crafter |
Posted - Jun 24 2011 : 06:32:02 AM
Diane,
Count me in in the henhouse! I have a friend that I teach Sunday School that I have been talking to about this site, lent her some of my magazines and my book to check out.
I've been reading my bible more than ever and all of the ladies here have been the biggest help ever! It's taken so long to get out there, I just don't think it's for me, so I'll stick to my children, my church and my little home to take care of for the rest of my life- I know that brings me great joy.
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| Fiddlehead Farm |
Posted - Jun 24 2011 : 05:31:48 AM
Lori,
I am glad that you are getting out there and dating. I am sorry that the first one didn't work out. Just don't close yourself off because of this one break-up. Remember the good times you had and get on with your life. The best thing to do is stay busy. Make something, take walks, organize a closet, etc...Just never be afraid to get hurt and close yourself off again. Getting hurt is just part of living and living is wonderful. By the way...when I get back from the Wild West trip, I am starting a henhouse. Are you in? I will be posting a meeting time and date. I want to get together with some farmgirls once a month and do a project together.
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922
I ask not for a larger garden, but for finer seeds.
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White |
| SarAvery |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 5:06:28 PM
Lori~ You are being WAY too hard on yourself. This is the first relationship you have had in a long time. You have to let yourself grieve and allow yourself to feel and accept your feelings. It is difficult. But you are not silly. You are obviously a very strong and smart woman (you have raised 3 girls on your own). He is definitely missing out on having someone great in his life.
I hope you start to feel better soon. I will be thinking of you.
Hugs, Sara
Farmgirl #3137 |
| Calicogirl |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 4:41:31 PM
I'm sorry Lori, God will heal your heart. I agree with Shirley Jean too. It may seem like things were going well, but without proper communication, was it really? I would take this as a blessing in disguise, the Lord is probably watching over you and protecting you. I am praying for strength and comfort for you Lori! Keep reading your Bible and spending time with the Lord. Isaiah 26:3
~Sharon
By His Grace, For His Glory
http://merryheartjournal.blogspot.com/ |
| jpbluesky |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 3:18:15 PM
I do not know what you feel about your faith.....but surrender your heartache to the Lord. Let him take it up. I have felt this awful void before, and my prayers helped me get strength. Hugs.....
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
| CMac |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 3:13:08 PM
It's not that it ended it's how it ended that is making it so hard. That would feel the same after 6 mos or 6 years. Believe me I know.
Have you tried taking dear Jack out for a walk? I did a lot of that in the first few weeks. Lost some weight in the process! Get one of your girls or a friend to go with you for twice the benefit.
I think being not a twenty something makes it feel worse too. If it helps at all I was 46 when my sweetie and I found each other. I was less than a year out from getting dumped just like you. Don't you just hate that word? It was that word that got me really P----d off. How dare he! Oh well, his loss!
There was a lot of truth in what Paula said. There is probably no specific reason to tell you.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
| crafter |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 2:39:10 PM
I feel so darn silly and just can't get out of this funk. It certainly doesn't help that its gloomy out and I don't feel like doing anything but crying...grow up Lori at 45 I shouldn't feel this way, for crying out loud it was 6 months not years and years!
Ladies thank you for your support, I know right now I wouldn't be functioning without you! |
| paulas party flowers |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 2:14:20 PM
lori..im sorry ur feeling so down....connie is right..i would be telling you the same.. Same with me..i would need the reason to bring closure..its possible he doesn't know himself and could be feeling the same. I have this kinda of rule..my friends have never failed me..its called six months and a day rule. Most new relantionships when they start are in the honeymoon phase.. Things get a little serious too fast..then about six months later one person wakes and thinks (forwhatever the reason may be) I can't do this anymore..and the next day ..boom..i have seen it happen to many times, including my self..the hard part as a woman we need reasons. Most times those reasons don't make sense..then we want to change who we are to make them want us. You are who you are, a beautiful person inside, don't change that. You have friends, children, etc. That is ur life..thats what made you happy before ,thats what will keep you happy now..focus on that. Cry ur tears, then dry ur eyes.. Say I am a whole person and I love me. And my life will go on. Hope you have better days ahead....hugs to you...paula
the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.they must be felt with the heart. Helen Keller |
| CMac |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 1:01:08 PM
You do need a cup of tea. allow yourself a good cry. But don't call. He will call if he wants to talk to you. The ball is in his court now. Looks like he does not want to play at this point.
When I was desperate to call I used another trick a friend taught me. Just imagine the look on his face when he looks to see who is calling. Imagine what he says to those near by. Imagine him seeing it is you and NOT answering the phone. That always stopped me cold. It took me months to delete his number from my contacts list. When seeing his name on my list caused me pain I wonder why it took me so long.
If you call you will never know if he would have called to make things right. (If you get back together based on your calling.)
Want to hear something funny? My sweetie is named Jack! He is sometimes in the dog house but mostly he is great. : )
Your time will come too.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
| crafter |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 12:35:51 PM
I so want to talk to him, not that he would but I just miss him and the boys so much. The gloomy weather is not helping me and I found out a friend just passed away. I think I need a nice hot cup of tea, my quilt and my dog Jack! |
| CMac |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 12:03:24 PM
Just a quick post to say- Drop your shoulders and breathe. Deeply! Big sigh! Very good! Now go do something useful. :)
Keep your head up, keep reaching out. We are all here for you.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
| prariehawk |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 6:37:26 PM
Sorry this happened to you. I dated a guy a few times then we decided to be just friend. We were, for about a year, then he met a girl and within a week he was saying that he couldn't see me anymore cause he was a "couple." I found out later that the real reason was because his brother had a weird dream about me--to make a long story short, he married this girl and lost his wedding ring in the ocean on their honeymoon. Things went downhill from there (for them)...it was very painful at the time cause I didn't know why, but knowing what I know now, I'm glad i didn't get more involved with him. of course you want it to work out, but it takes two for a relationship, and if the other person doesn't want to work at it...I also think men today are different than they used to be. (Not sure if that's a good thing.) And there's no such thing as an old maid--just merry middle-aged lassies!
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
| crafter |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 5:30:33 PM
its a rough time right now, Natalie had a softball game and is now babysitting, so I'm home alone and feeling blue...was reading my Bible trying to find some strength, I just feel lonely and like a fool...so many times in my life I've felt like this..thanks for listening |
| CMac |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 4:05:47 PM
Thanks Darlene! Not sure about wise but I have lived a very full life and have kept my eyes and ears open to the wisdom of others. Kinda a necessity given all the fixes I've found myself in over the years! That's the part about not being so wise!
Darlene is right Lori. This would be a good time to start a gratitude journal if you don't do this already. Every night before bed make a list of at least 5 things you are grateful for/about. You will find yourself noticing things during the day that would have been taken for granted if you weren't looking for things to write on your list!
I'll email later tonight to check on you.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
| emtfarmer |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 2:56:02 PM
Hi Lori,
I think Connie has pretty much said it all (don't know her, but I can tell she is very, very wise), so I'll just say that you will be in my prayers.
Though situations like this can be all consuming, make it a point to look around you and be thankful for the little, everyday things, and each day will become a little easier, thinking about the hurt less and less.
Hugs and more hugs,
DArlene
"Support your local fire departments and rescue squads...volunteers making a difference" |
| CMac |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 11:28:05 AM
You are welcome Lori. Thank goodness someone was there for me when i needed it.
I know you wonder, and you would expect someone you have spent 6 mos with to communicate about something so hurtful. Alas, many either can't or won't.
Throwing kids in the mix always makes a break up harder. If God thinks they need to hear from you he will make that happen. I think they know you care about them. But they have to live with their Dad. Boys have a very strong sense of loyalty so don't expect they will feel comfortable reaching out even if they want to. In time maybe they will but probably not now. Pray for them and send them love with your thoughts but leave it at that.
As for their Dad, leave it be. He walked away. Dragging him back is not what you want to do. Then you would get to live with a man that walks and does not return of his own accord. THAT is no way to live! You can and will do much better than that. Trust in this.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
