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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  Feeling Sad and would appreciate some prayers  |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 07:45:39 AM
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Well, sisters I feel a little silly asking for prayers about this.
I have 3 daughters 24 yrs old, 19 yrs old and 14 yr old daughter still at home. When Natalie's father and I separated when she was 6 months old, I decided that I would put everything into raising my children and not date until they were grown.
Well, my 19 yr old Katie suggested that I start "looking" and maybe date. I went on a couple dates- oh not so pretty. I then I met Ben and we hit it off right away, we have so many things in common- met his boys and he met my daughters and things have gone very well for 6 months. Well on Sunday he decided that he doesn't want to see us anymore- no real reason, won't discuss anything! My heart is truly broken and would appreciate some prayers and encouragement. Thank you!! |
Edited by - crafter on Jun 23 2011 08:11:17 AM |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 07:51:03 AM
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So sorry, that stinks. Could it be that things were going too well? Sometimes men (who are really boys), get cold feet when things are too good.
Sending you good thoughts!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 08:14:40 AM
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So sorry Lori. I've been there too and know that pain and confusion. I'm sending you a great big FarmGirl hug! Just know that great things are waiting for you down the road, they always are! Maybe he was just practice? For something better that is coming?
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 08:37:22 AM
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| Thank you ladies, I've missed two days of work because I'm so darn sad. It took me 14 years to take this step and I feel like I should have just stayed being an OLD MAID. I haven't told my daughters because they will be sad also....how could I have been so stupid???!!! |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 08:40:12 AM
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| sorry- I posted twice |
Edited by - crafter on Jun 22 2011 08:44:13 AM |
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Cherime
True Blue Farmgirl
1222 Posts
Cherime
Wasilla
Alaska
USA
1222 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 08:57:07 AM
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You are not stupid. It is hard to trust and then get trashed for it. He is the loser here not you. Praying
CMF |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 09:16:06 AM
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YOU have nothing to be ashamed of. Putting your heart out there, looking for a relationship, is what we do. Sometimes we get disappointed and even hurt. His behavior is more about him than you. Now you know how he handles difficult situations. I say thats good to know before you spent more time on that relationship.
As they say you have to kiss a few frogs...
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 09:19:52 AM
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| We were at my nephews graduation party on Friday and everything was fine, Saturday he and the boys went to a graduation party in IL and Natalie and I helped with the 1/2 marathon in our town, things were find..Sunday the bottom fell out and I don't really know how or what happend. It would be easier to understand if he would just communicate with me- but nothing!! The tears just keep falling! |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 09:34:33 AM
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I just remembered something a very wise woman said to me when I was in your shoes. She said it was not the not knowing that was driving me crazy. It was my need to know that was driving me crazy. There was truth in that for me! I had to let it go to stay sane.
As women we assume it is about us. Most likely it is not. And if you will never know, why not let it go now so you can work on getting yourself centered and ready for what comes next?
I hope I'm not coming across as bossy. I really can relate and feel deeply for what you are going through. I hope you can use what I've said when you are ready to. Cry till you know it is time to stop. Know that all these women are here for you.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 09:51:23 AM
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| Connie- I do not feel that you are being bossy. I sincerely appreciate the help. I so need it right now I can't even believe how down I feel. So, thank you for your well wishes and advice. I haven't done this for so long...not really knowing how to feel and or act. But I know Ifeel stupid and like a big baby! |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 09:59:09 AM
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Yeah, until you get good and mad! that's probably next by the way. : ) Trouble is it eats up your energy too. But you will do it just like everyone else does. You will know when you are finished with each stage. Just be kind to yourself. Don't talk about my friend that way! (You)
Hugs!
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 11:11:31 AM
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Connie,
You have totally gotten me thru this day. It has been a struggle- I just wonder what happend and I would hope that someone who is 50 yrs old would be able to communicate just a little bit better. And I miss his boys dearly, their mom is out of state and doesn't see them often...I just love them.
Thank you all for your support today- thank you from the bottom of my heart! |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 11:28:05 AM
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You are welcome Lori. Thank goodness someone was there for me when i needed it.
I know you wonder, and you would expect someone you have spent 6 mos with to communicate about something so hurtful. Alas, many either can't or won't.
Throwing kids in the mix always makes a break up harder. If God thinks they need to hear from you he will make that happen. I think they know you care about them. But they have to live with their Dad. Boys have a very strong sense of loyalty so don't expect they will feel comfortable reaching out even if they want to. In time maybe they will but probably not now. Pray for them and send them love with your thoughts but leave it at that.
As for their Dad, leave it be. He walked away. Dragging him back is not what you want to do. Then you would get to live with a man that walks and does not return of his own accord. THAT is no way to live! You can and will do much better than that. Trust in this.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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emtfarmer
True Blue Farmgirl
222 Posts
Darlene
North Carolina
USA
222 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 2:56:02 PM
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Hi Lori,
I think Connie has pretty much said it all (don't know her, but I can tell she is very, very wise), so I'll just say that you will be in my prayers.
Though situations like this can be all consuming, make it a point to look around you and be thankful for the little, everyday things, and each day will become a little easier, thinking about the hurt less and less.
Hugs and more hugs,
DArlene
"Support your local fire departments and rescue squads...volunteers making a difference" |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 4:05:47 PM
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Thanks Darlene! Not sure about wise but I have lived a very full life and have kept my eyes and ears open to the wisdom of others. Kinda a necessity given all the fixes I've found myself in over the years! That's the part about not being so wise!
Darlene is right Lori. This would be a good time to start a gratitude journal if you don't do this already. Every night before bed make a list of at least 5 things you are grateful for/about. You will find yourself noticing things during the day that would have been taken for granted if you weren't looking for things to write on your list!
I'll email later tonight to check on you.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 5:30:33 PM
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| its a rough time right now, Natalie had a softball game and is now babysitting, so I'm home alone and feeling blue...was reading my Bible trying to find some strength, I just feel lonely and like a fool...so many times in my life I've felt like this..thanks for listening |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2011 : 6:37:26 PM
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Sorry this happened to you. I dated a guy a few times then we decided to be just friend. We were, for about a year, then he met a girl and within a week he was saying that he couldn't see me anymore cause he was a "couple." I found out later that the real reason was because his brother had a weird dream about me--to make a long story short, he married this girl and lost his wedding ring in the ocean on their honeymoon. Things went downhill from there (for them)...it was very painful at the time cause I didn't know why, but knowing what I know now, I'm glad i didn't get more involved with him. of course you want it to work out, but it takes two for a relationship, and if the other person doesn't want to work at it...I also think men today are different than they used to be. (Not sure if that's a good thing.) And there's no such thing as an old maid--just merry middle-aged lassies!
Cindy
"Vast floods can't quench love, no matter what love did/ Rivers can't drown love, no matter where love's hid"--Sinead O'Connor
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 12:03:24 PM
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Just a quick post to say- Drop your shoulders and breathe. Deeply! Big sigh! Very good! Now go do something useful. :)
Keep your head up, keep reaching out. We are all here for you.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 12:35:51 PM
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| I so want to talk to him, not that he would but I just miss him and the boys so much. The gloomy weather is not helping me and I found out a friend just passed away. I think I need a nice hot cup of tea, my quilt and my dog Jack! |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 1:01:08 PM
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You do need a cup of tea. allow yourself a good cry. But don't call. He will call if he wants to talk to you. The ball is in his court now. Looks like he does not want to play at this point.
When I was desperate to call I used another trick a friend taught me. Just imagine the look on his face when he looks to see who is calling. Imagine what he says to those near by. Imagine him seeing it is you and NOT answering the phone. That always stopped me cold. It took me months to delete his number from my contacts list. When seeing his name on my list caused me pain I wonder why it took me so long.
If you call you will never know if he would have called to make things right. (If you get back together based on your calling.)
Want to hear something funny? My sweetie is named Jack! He is sometimes in the dog house but mostly he is great. : )
Your time will come too.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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paulas party flowers
True Blue Farmgirl
191 Posts
paula
golden valley
az
USA
191 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 2:14:20 PM
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lori..im sorry ur feeling so down....connie is right..i would be telling you the same.. Same with me..i would need the reason to bring closure..its possible he doesn't know himself and could be feeling the same. I have this kinda of rule..my friends have never failed me..its called six months and a day rule. Most new relantionships when they start are in the honeymoon phase.. Things get a little serious too fast..then about six months later one person wakes and thinks (forwhatever the reason may be) I can't do this anymore..and the next day ..boom..i have seen it happen to many times, including my self..the hard part as a woman we need reasons. Most times those reasons don't make sense..then we want to change who we are to make them want us. You are who you are, a beautiful person inside, don't change that. You have friends, children, etc. That is ur life..thats what made you happy before ,thats what will keep you happy now..focus on that. Cry ur tears, then dry ur eyes.. Say I am a whole person and I love me. And my life will go on. Hope you have better days ahead....hugs to you...paula
the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.they must be felt with the heart. Helen Keller |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 2:39:10 PM
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I feel so darn silly and just can't get out of this funk. It certainly doesn't help that its gloomy out and I don't feel like doing anything but crying...grow up Lori at 45 I shouldn't feel this way, for crying out loud it was 6 months not years and years!
Ladies thank you for your support, I know right now I wouldn't be functioning without you! |
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CMac
True Blue Farmgirl
1074 Posts
Connie
Ashland City
TN
USA
1074 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 3:13:08 PM
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It's not that it ended it's how it ended that is making it so hard. That would feel the same after 6 mos or 6 years. Believe me I know.
Have you tried taking dear Jack out for a walk? I did a lot of that in the first few weeks. Lost some weight in the process! Get one of your girls or a friend to go with you for twice the benefit.
I think being not a twenty something makes it feel worse too. If it helps at all I was 46 when my sweetie and I found each other. I was less than a year out from getting dumped just like you. Don't you just hate that word? It was that word that got me really P----d off. How dare he! Oh well, his loss!
There was a lot of truth in what Paula said. There is probably no specific reason to tell you.
Connie
"I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship, three for company."
Author: Henry David Thoreau |
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 3:18:15 PM
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I do not know what you feel about your faith.....but surrender your heartache to the Lord. Let him take it up. I have felt this awful void before, and my prayers helped me get strength. Hugs.....
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
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Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 4:41:31 PM
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I'm sorry Lori, God will heal your heart. I agree with Shirley Jean too. It may seem like things were going well, but without proper communication, was it really? I would take this as a blessing in disguise, the Lord is probably watching over you and protecting you. I am praying for strength and comfort for you Lori! Keep reading your Bible and spending time with the Lord. Isaiah 26:3
~Sharon
By His Grace, For His Glory
http://merryheartjournal.blogspot.com/ |
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SarAvery
Farmgirl in Training
39 Posts
Sara
West Stockbridge
MA
USA
39 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2011 : 5:06:28 PM
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Lori~ You are being WAY too hard on yourself. This is the first relationship you have had in a long time. You have to let yourself grieve and allow yourself to feel and accept your feelings. It is difficult. But you are not silly. You are obviously a very strong and smart woman (you have raised 3 girls on your own). He is definitely missing out on having someone great in his life.
I hope you start to feel better soon. I will be thinking of you.
Hugs, Sara
Farmgirl #3137 |
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: Feeling Sad and would appreciate some prayers |
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Feeling Sad and would appreciate some prayers
