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Family Matters:  Scary stuff and bad timing.  |
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Whimsy_girl
True Blue Farmgirl
576 Posts
USA
576 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 21 2005 : 10:21:29 PM
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Hal just applied for unemployment yesterday. He lost his job on Tuesday, he was busting his ass for a large impersonal uncaring company. His entire department was dissolved and outsourced to India this week. I've been reading the tightwad gazette for tips and I cashed out my 401k turning the nice 10,000.00 that I was so proud to have at 26 years old into 6,800.00 to get us through for a while.. if nothing else it's 6 months worth of house payments,
Unemployment will kick in about 1400.00 a month if his company doesn't find some way of weaseling out of paying it. They have been known to do such things so we'll have to see how that goes.
We were just starting to plan for our 3rd and last child, but we need to put that on hold now.. also a little concerned about getting through the winter with electric baseboard.. I used to work for the utility company here and there are some low income programs out there to help people that we will probably qualify for but it's just all really a shocker right now... Maybe I'll try to get a business license or something for my garden so I can write some of that stuff off... if I use a garden to sell my fruits and veggies, does the health department get involved, or do they care if I just grow stuff and sell it out of a fruit stand in a parking lot somewhere?
I wish I had more skills so I can make some money on the side, but all the things I am skilled in at this point are office things. I'm still learning how to do all the cool crafty things I want to do... I feel like I'm not going to be any help to him at all through this.
you can be oh so smart, or you can be oh so positive. I wasted a lot of time being smart I prefer being positive.
I can't say I'm feeling smart OR all that positive right now |
Edited by - Whimsy_girl on Oct 21 2005 10:30:19 PM |
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2005 : 12:10:44 AM
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Oh Bobbi - my heart just aches for what you are going through right now. You really sound overwhelmed and that's understandable. Maybe just take a few days to let all this sink in, take a deep breath, and take it one step at a time. You will be a help to your husband just by being there to love him. Around here people sell their fruits and veggies all the time at road side stands. You may have to have a business license but I'm pretty sure the health department only gets involved if you are making food to sell. You know that we are all here for you if you need to share your feelings and vent. And I will be praying for you and your family. I'm sending a big Farmgirl hug your way!
GO WHITE SOX!!!!
http://rusticcottage.blogspot.com/ |
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ByHzGrace
True Blue Farmgirl
348 Posts
348 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2005 : 07:49:14 AM
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We too went through a layoff when the boys were babies. The hardest part is standing in that line and filling out the unemployment app. Give your hubby lots of hugs! We were totally surprised that some creditors stopped the interest from accruing and worked with us monthly after we called to tell them up front our story.
Hal has my prayers for steady work,he feels called to do. I will add your family to my prayers for patience, countenance and peace.(((Bobbi))) |
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lonestargal
True Blue Farmgirl
607 Posts
Kristi
Texas
607 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2005 : 10:53:49 AM
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| I know what you guys are going through. My husband was laid off when I was about 4 months pregnant with my 2nd daughter. It was horrible and I was so scared. I was working but only making $1,000.00/month and at that time our house payment was $800.00. We would never make it. Sounds like you've done something with your 401K and that was going to be my suggestion, but keep your chin up. Things will get better and hopefully he can find a good job soon. |
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westfork woman
True Blue Farmgirl
554 Posts
Kennie Lyn
Emmett
Idaho
USA
554 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2005 : 10:55:40 AM
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Bobbi, The first thing to understand is that unemploymnet is not a government give away. Employees and employers pay that money into a fund, no matter what the people in the office tell you. There is no shame in using money put aside for just such emergencies. We farmgirls, we know how to be frugal, and how to get along, just hang in there.
Greetings from the morning side of the hill. |
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Kim
True Blue Farmgirl
146 Posts
Kim
Pflugerville
Texas
USA
146 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2005 : 07:20:07 AM
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My prayers go out to you! My job was disolved after being with a company for 8 yrs. It is hard and it can be depressing. Keep your chin up!
farmgirl@heart
Be at peace with yourself and the rest will follow |
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quiltedess
True Blue Farmgirl
296 Posts
Nancy
Priest River
ID
USA
296 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2005 : 08:29:56 AM
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Bobbi: Both times my husband was laid off, it turned out to be a blessing. The jobs he got after the layoffs were better, paid more, and led him in a direction that was much more profitable. The layoffs both occurred at very inopportune times and when we had young children at home. Keep a positive attitude as much as possible and look for the silver lining, I'm SURE it is there!
BTW, I've seen your posts also on WASIQ. You don't live far from where I'm moving to, and a few years back my sister and her hubby lived in the Newman Lake area and my parents used to live just off Harvard Road. Take a trip up to Greenbluff. This time of year there is a LOT of roadside markenting going on there. Think of it as research, ask questions, and have some fun with the kids. Nothing can lift spirits better than having a plan.
Nancy
http://quiltedprairie.blogspot.com/ |
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Whimsy_girl
True Blue Farmgirl
576 Posts
USA
576 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2005 : 1:58:03 PM
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I'm feeling a little more positive than I was the other day when I posted.. Poor Hal is down in the dumps though.. he's not been sleeping well and having sucky dreams.. I was at the store today stocking up while we've got some money and the company that has the little sample ladies is hiring. I'm giving some thought to becoming one of those little ladies to keep a little extra income coming in over the winter months.. they only have to work on the weekends and they make over minimum wage.. and I wouldn't imagine that they'd get many angry people if you are giving them free stuff... I'm always happy to see the sample ladies.. The hair net is a bit of a downer.. and Hal will probably be more down if I'm out working instead of at home momming and wifing... but it's still a thought.
you can be oh so smart, or you can be oh so positive. I wasted a lot of time being smart I prefer being positive. |
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Linda Houston
True Blue Farmgirl
538 Posts
Linda
Lake Charles
Louisiana
USA
538 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2005 : 5:40:23 PM
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Bobbi, I am so sorry that happened to your husband and to your family. In your first share you
wrote, "I don't feel like I will be any help to him at all through this". My first thought was, she's standing by and encouraging him; she is looking for ways to stretch your money, and lastly, you were willing to take money out of your 401K. I see you as a help-mate.
Then I read your second share and your willing to take a job on the week-end just touched my
heart. I agree with you, I have never seen anyone get angry or throw the samples back in the faces of the ladies that are handing them out !!!
Hang in there and please keep sharing with us. |
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Whimsy_girl
True Blue Farmgirl
576 Posts
USA
576 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2005 : 9:42:53 PM
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He is dead set against me getting a job, he wants me here, and he said that if it gets to the point where we need me to go back to work then he wont stand in my way, but he asked that I give him a chance to prove his worth and continue being the provider. That level of income is going to be tough to replace though.
you can be oh so smart, or you can be oh so positive. I wasted a lot of time being smart I prefer being positive. |
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bramble
True Blue Farmgirl
2044 Posts
2044 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2005 : 08:00:05 AM
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Bobbi-- I too feel for you and your family. This happened to us at a very inopportune time( 9 mth old baby w/ me at home, sold our home and about to close on the new one ) when dh and his group were downsized after 9 years and very high performance ratings. They simply made too much money(HA! WE ARE not TALKING 6 FIGURES HERE EITHER...) and they thought someone else could do the job cheaper. Sound familiar? So we had to move from our home(our buyers had closed a month early on their house and agreed to wait until our closing...) and lost our deposit on the new one because we just didn't feel like we could go through with the new house closing lying through our teeth. We both felt like if we did, the circumstances would probably go from bad to worse. So, we moved to this tiny cottage and I was not too thrilled but came to see that it has made quite a few good things possible. I was able to stay at home for a good long while, my husband found work he loves, where he is home on weekends and evenings and we have family time that we never would have had if he had continued to work for the other company. We too cashed in our 401k to get by during that time and it was disheartening but you are younger than us and if you use it sparingly you can always turn it into a Roth or another retirement investment if there is any left when you are seeing easier times.It's scary, I remember and you just aren't sure it will turn out , but in the end it is almost always for the better. I just gave my husband space and didn't nag or give too many what if scenarios ( he had already thought of them himself!) Just don't go crazy now and say , "Well we probably won't have any money later, might as well spend it now". Act like you don't have any money NOW and economize to the extreme. That was a big help for us, and we were able to manage with less. If you camp, you know how little you really need to get by . We got through and I am sure so will you and your family. Look at how many of us this has happened to just on this forum! Love , luck and light to you and your family, you'll be in my prayers.
with a happy heart |
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realme52
True Blue Farmgirl
106 Posts
Klara
Gatesville
Texas
USA
106 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2005 : 06:28:15 AM
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Bobbi, if you haven't done this already, let me suggest to read through the thread on this site "How does your $$ grow". There is a lot of valuable advice there that may help you out a little.
From this hour I ordain myself loss'd of limits and immaginary lines. Walt Whitman |
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lamarguerite farm
True Blue Farmgirl
649 Posts
missy
Battle Ground
Wa
USA
649 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2005 : 10:08:22 AM
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Bobbi-I so feel for you. My husband lost his job last year a week before Christmas and luckily they were nice enough(if you want to call it that) to give us a months severance and Todd was able to get another job within that time. It was because of that event that pushed us into a less expensive place and ended up with a nice home, property and animal that we had dreamed of for a long time. Sometimes when these difficulties happen you end up in a better situation in the end.
Many blessings to you and lots of prayers,
Missy
If you have a dream, even if you don't feel qualified to accomplish it, just try your hardest.-Maggie Jensen |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2005 : 10:24:07 AM
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Bobbi, I think the toughest time for a man is when he is unemployed. The toughest time for his wife is seeing him go through it and feeling helpless. We have gone through the same thing on more then one occasion. We got through it. Hal sounds like he will get out there and work his hinney off to find work. Hang in there, with diligence, patience and the prayers of us farmgirls, you will come through this!
"...the setting sun is like going into the very presence of God." Elizabeth Von Arnim |
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Whimsy_girl
True Blue Farmgirl
576 Posts
USA
576 Posts |
Posted - Nov 12 2005 : 12:47:25 AM
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Well, we got our first unemployment check so thats looking up. His company still has time to fight it, H.R. told him they wouldn't fight it due to the circumstances, but he doesn't totally trust them. He had to go to a state funded class about finding jobs... it was all common sense type of stuff, but it was one of the hoops he has to jump through to get his unemployment and it gets him out of the house.
There have been some positive things that have come out of this, now that he isn't at a desk job he is getting more excercise. He has been losing weight and gaining muscle, and starting to look a little bit like that guy I married a while back. He has been spending more time with the babies and has been a lot nicer to be around.
I didn't realize how very much that job took out of him. He is thinking about looking for a non-desk job.. more of a labor type job so he can stay in shape and get away from those draining office politics. It's a little scary for him because thats not his area of expertise at all, but he knows he feels better when he is on the move than he does when he is just sitting around.
I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving! I am going to have a lot of family around (12 people total) and because I'm having it in my house, I get to make the menu, but aside from all the pies I am making, everyone is making the dishes at their house and bringing it to mine.... so we can still put on a really nice dinner without all the spending required to host it ourselves. My family is being so supportive through this. I didn't really expect anything out of them but they are really coming through for us.
My MIL sent us home with a lot of beef and a pork roast. (My MIL's sister is married to a cattle rancher) so that has us set for enough meat to get us through for a while. I've never been in a position to accept other peoples offers of help before, I've always been very independant and a personal mantra of mine has always been "if it's to be it's up to me" but with the kids to take care of and Hal's pride on the line it's hard to fix this one by myself. I get tearful about how greatful I am for my family, but It's mixed with guilt and embarrassment at being in the position to have to accept it.. It's probably pretty good for me to see the other side because I've ALWAYS been the person who has all their ducks in a row, and very much in control.
So far this experience has been a real eye opener to the kindness of others.
Thank you for all your kind words and support in your previous posts.
Sorry for rambling I guess my little hampster wheel is really spinning tonight.
you can be oh so smart, or you can be oh so positive. I wasted a lot of time being smart I prefer being positive. |
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bramble
True Blue Farmgirl
2044 Posts
2044 Posts |
Posted - Nov 12 2005 : 08:38:14 AM
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Bobbi- Nice to hear that after the initial shock, things are developing in a "new light". I'm glad you have the Thanksgiving gathering to look forward to and plan for, and that everyone is being helpful and supportive. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies when we strong and independent types are forced to be less so. I, like you always took care of myself ( and frequently everyone else...) so when we needed help it was HARD to even let anyone know. Don't be afraid to let people who want to help, their hearts are growing too. Whatever Hal finds next to be employed at doesn't have to be his "forever "job, it just might lead to an area he never considered before. Be well and take good care of yourselves, I am sending you good thoughts for a resolution soon.
PS... I'm not sure how unemployment works in your state but here the employees and employers pay weekly into a state run fund that is mandatory and when you are unemployed the former employer really has no say in how or if you will receive unemployment. (They can only contest it or not cooperate if you are fired for felonious behavior and in that case you have got much bigger problems than being out of work!I don't think being laid off or downsized is in THAT category!
with a happy heart |
Edited by - bramble on Nov 12 2005 08:46:22 AM |
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Whimsy_girl
True Blue Farmgirl
576 Posts
USA
576 Posts |
Posted - Nov 12 2005 : 10:54:15 AM
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That is how our unemployment works too, but that place has been known to be tricky Hal has had friends that were nailed for job abandonment and things like that when they had extended sick leave, and they gave him a pretty hard time with his FMLA leave when I was having the the second baby, he got the leave because it's illegal not to let him have it but they were not very nice to him over it.
Man what a sinkhole, no matter what happens it's better for him to be out of there.
When we got our paperwork back it was weird because his direct superior put that he quit while HR noted that he was layed off which caused confusion, but we did get our first check so I THINK it's resolved, we have a hard time trusting that they will do right by him due to his experience there. If things do take a weird turn we shouldn't have a problem winning an unemployment hearing, but I don't think it will come to that.
you can be oh so smart, or you can be oh so positive. I wasted a lot of time being smart I prefer being positive. |
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quiltedess
True Blue Farmgirl
296 Posts
Nancy
Priest River
ID
USA
296 Posts |
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Family Matters: Scary stuff and bad timing. |
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Scary stuff and bad timing.
