| Author |
Family Matters:  What should I do?  |
|
|
mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 14 2006 : 2:59:56 PM
|
| Some of you know that we are in the process of building a cabin in Montana. In fact, we just returned from a two week stay while my husband's job was shut down. We got so much done..... planed old boards we tore out of a barn and put them up, built a railing for the loft, built some book cases. Had a great time. Now, here's the kicker. My mom has Alzheimer's Disease and I have had to recently put her into a home. She is doing well, thank god, but her savings will run out in a few months. In WA state, she makes too much monthly income to qualify for help, but not enough to pay her monthly stay in the home. Right now I pull the extra from her savings every month. In a few months, my husband and I will have to start paying the monthly deficit of about $650. My husband is in construction and gets frequent layoffs. He and I both feel that when the savings run out, I should give up the apartment I have here and move to the cabin to save about the same amount which I pay in rent currently. (We sold our home and moved closer to mom to help her when she started to get sick) I would love to move to the cabin, Mom is in good hands, but my two girls are having fits. When we first started talking about building it, they were supportive but I guess they never thought we'd actually do it. It's about a 15 hour drive from where the oldest one lives and 10 hours from the younger (who is in school for 3 more quarters). The oldest one is married, has one child and one on the way and is a high school administrator and the younger one is gettint her masters, so it's not like they don't have their own life. Both the boys are supportive. I don't know what to do - I know I should be able to do what I feel is best for my husband and I, but the mother guilt thing keeps kicking in. I hate to miss my grandchilren's growing up, but I love our little cabin and the peacefulness there. My husband would join me on lay-offs and vacations when he is not working out of state. What should I do? Should I move there by myself until my husband semi-retires (1/2 time next year) and be far from the girls, or stay here in our apartment and get a job to pay mom's expenses. I have no brother's or sisters to share the expense, so it's significant. I have an at-home business now, selling handcrafted children's clothing and accessories but the income is not regular enough to pay for mom. In Montana I wouldn't have to work, I could stay home and work on my business. Please farmgirls! Help me decide what to do!!! |
|
|
katie-ell
True Blue Farmgirl
1818 Posts
Katie
Illinois
1818 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2006 : 3:12:22 PM
|
Here are my thoughts: You need to do what's best for you and your husband. Your girls have their own lives, and 10-15 hours drive away isn't the other side of the world, for pete's sake! By getting rid of the apartment and saving the money needed for your Mom's expenses, you will be able to live in a peaceful place and work on your own business. Why should you get an icky job to support an apartment that you don't need??
I'd plan a couple of trips a year to see the grandkids and your daughters -- they can come visit Grandma, too. But don't shortchange your dreams -- and a really good financial decision -- to please others.
|
 |
|
|
Utahfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1940 Posts
Portland
Oregon
USA
1940 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2006 : 4:25:21 PM
|
Sound advice, Katie-ell. Sherri, it's yours and Mike's turn. I'm probably around your age and it's been dawning on me lately, that if I don't enjoy and do what I want to do (with DH of course) I may never get a chance to. The years go by way too quickly. You've worked hard all your life. Go and enjoy, woman!
In light and love,
Patricia
Happy Wishes! |
|
|
|
Whimsy_girl
True Blue Farmgirl
576 Posts
USA
576 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2006 : 8:33:24 PM
|
Sherri, I am probably moving from Washington to Montana too. What part of Montana are you moving to? We are planning on a cabin as well but we'll need to add a full basement to it so there is enough room for the kids to have space of their own as well. We are looking at some land in Helena.
you can be oh so smart, or you can be oh so positive. I wasted a lot of time being smart I prefer being positive. |
Edited by - Whimsy_girl on Jan 14 2006 8:36:51 PM |
|
|
|
Fabulous Farm Femmes
True Blue Farmgirl
792 Posts
Diane
Lakebay, Tacoma
WA
792 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2006 : 9:16:29 PM
|
Sherri, when your Mom runs out of her own money she should be eligible for help from Welfare. There is NO way you should be held accountable for her upkeep.Legally speaking either.You should get on the phone and call DSHS and find out what you need to do now.My father in law was in a nursing home for years and his was paid for by the state even though he had a small income.He was allowed to keep some of it, to pay his bills, and the rest went to the state as they paid his care.
ALzheimer patients who are otherwise in good health can live for 10 to 15 years. My father in law had 2 strokes and still spent 12 years in a home. You will be financially underwater by then.Please, get on the phone and call. It may take a while to get to the right people, but you can figure it out. |
|
|
|
mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2006 : 9:39:37 PM
|
| Bobbi, our cabin is in Central Montana, east of Lewistown. We love it over there. We have 21 acres of rolling hills with pine trees. |
|
|
|
mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2006 : 9:47:15 PM
|
| Diane, thanks for your reply. Unfortunately, I have been to DSHS and spoken to them countless times on the phone. They all tell me the same story. They take my mom's income and subtract her health insurance, prescriptions, and the balance has to be under a certain dollar figure to be able to get help. She is over that figure, but $650 or so short of her fee at the home. The DSHS people and the nursing home people are sympathetic, but both say that that is the fallacy of our WA state system, that there is a gap in service. I still can't hardly believe that it's true because what would happen to her if I wasn't around to help? The home she is in only has three people and is less expensive than a regular nursing home. My friend's father in law had no savings and a much smaller income and the state paid all of his nursing home fee. I don't get it but that's what the story is. I may try one more time - it's a matter of filling out papers, gathering bank statements etc. but it can't hurt to try again and maybe it's just getting the right social worker who will find a loophole for us. Thanks for your concern. |
|
|
|
Fabulous Farm Femmes
True Blue Farmgirl
792 Posts
Diane
Lakebay, Tacoma
WA
792 Posts |
Posted - Jan 14 2006 : 10:23:46 PM
|
What I meant was, you may have to WAIT and file for the DSHS help when your Mom has already run out of money.You may have to fill in the gap, but she should be eligble then i would think. This is what we had to do for DIL.
Not being nosy, but what does her income come from? I can ask my sis in law more about this subject, she handled Dad and became quite an expert. You are welcome for the concern. My folks are both in the 70's and frail health, and I know my turn is just around the corner! Love to you. |
|
|
|
Whimsy_girl
True Blue Farmgirl
576 Posts
USA
576 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2006 : 08:27:10 AM
|
That sounds beautiful!
Ours is just going to be on one acre, but we'll be able to really live within or means.. and an acre is still enough space for my pumpkin patch and a donkey :)
B.
you can be oh so smart, or you can be oh so positive. I wasted a lot of time being smart I prefer being positive. |
|
|
|
mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jan 15 2006 : 12:27:50 PM
|
| Diane, Mom gets 1300 a month from social security, 750 from a state retirement, and 550 house payment (we sold her house about a year ago and she's carrying the contract). I appreciate any help I can get trying to negotiate this crazy system in Wa state! |
|
|
|
therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
|
|
westfork woman
True Blue Farmgirl
554 Posts
Kennie Lyn
Emmett
Idaho
USA
554 Posts |
Posted - Jan 16 2006 : 4:08:20 PM
|
This is such a quandry. Our folks took care of their folks, and we think we should take care of them, but oh my, they are living so much longer. And now there is all this government stuff involved that wasn't there when my grandparents were alive. Just keep bugging people. Maybe you will find someone who can help find a way. With that much income who would have thought your mother would be in this financial situation. But beyond all of that, you need to do what is best for you. If it is your dream to live in Montana on your beautiful 21 acres, then figure a way to do it, and don't feel guilty. Maybe Montana would be a better place for your Mom.
Greetings from the morning side of the hill. |
|
|
| |
Family Matters: What should I do? |
|
What should I do?
