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Across the Fence:  How Do You Cope with Tragedy?  |
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JessieMae
True Blue Farmgirl
701 Posts
Jessie
Raleigh
North Carolina
USA
701 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 16 2008 : 10:08:00 AM
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I had a little personal tragedy this week, and this is how I coped:
1. I got caught up on all my laundry.
2. I cleaned the house from top to bottom.
3. I made a quiche.
4. I made a cake - from scratch!
5. I embroidered four quilt blocks.
6. I made (stamping, watercolor, and paper-craft) my sister a birthday card.
7. I have made my bed and cleaned the bathroom every day for a week.
I come from a long line of women who, when faced with tragedy, go into uber-domestic mode. Other women cry and sit...we make chicken and dumplings and run the vacuum!
How do you deal with tragedy? |
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Peanut
True Blue Farmgirl
603 Posts
Jennifer
Waverly
Virginia
USA
603 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2008 : 10:14:11 AM
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I'm the most lazy, laid back person ever. But I'm also about as fragile as a Mack Truck. So when my brother died I was practically stoic. I felt like I had to take care of my parents and be strong for them and somehow I did it. I still don't know where that came from but I'm sure glad I have it in me.
"What is a farm but a mute gospel?"
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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Rebekka Mae
True Blue Farmgirl
965 Posts
Rebekka
Moscow
ID
USA
965 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2008 : 10:19:24 AM
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I do the same thing Jessie- All of a sudden everything is mended, clean and tidy...that way there is nothing to get in my way as I grieve, lay around or take off. I am so sorry that you are there right now sister.
I also like to visualize the happenings of life as cyclical and repeating, like breathing if you just keeping going through the motions (however slowly) you will get back to a comfortable place. It seems to be the stopping for to long that is painful. For my meditation I breathe in pure energy and breathe out my stress, anxiety and tension. Some days it takes MANY breath's to feel balanced but it helps me tremendously.
LOVE- Rebekka
www.bebebella.etsy.com
As a woman I have no country. As a woman, my country is the whole world.
Virginia Woolf |
Edited by - Rebekka Mae on Feb 16 2008 10:19:42 AM |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2008 : 12:32:12 PM
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I also clean. Even faucets with toothbrushes. Environment is key for me, so when there is no "chaos" in my home, there is little "chaos" in my head. Cleaning is also a chance to drum out the "buzz" of thoughts that can easily creep in. Reading doesn't do that, knitting doesn't do that...
My mother is the same way, though when my father died, she picked up two extra jobs in addition to the one she already had so she was rarely home to be idle...when she did come home, she was so dead tired, all she could do was sleep. When I divorced, I did much the same out of necessity to pay bills, but admittedly, it was easier on me and I wasn't thinking on an empty house so much.
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2008 : 1:28:44 PM
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I cycle through cleaning franticaly, journaling, and knitting...sometimes stopping in the middle of scrubbing the toilet to write or setting my pen down mid thought cast on a new knit project or wash the dishes. I am very fidgity when upset, so I go in several different directions at once.
What we write today slipped into our souls some other day when we were alone and doing nothing.
-Brenda Ueland
http://quilandneedle.blogspot.com/ |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2008 : 3:29:53 PM
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I completely shut down - cease to function. And there's nothing anyone can do to get me started again until something inside me tells me I'm ready. Then it's gradual. Of course this depends on the tragedy. If it is something to do with one of my kids or dh, this is how I react. If it is someone peripheral, then I too get busy and try to stay busy.
Farmgirl Sister #98
Check out my new online store
http://www.shopthefrontier.com/VFstore/index.php?manufacturers_id=79&osCsid=6be4b25bf9555031c6e2e86bbde23dba |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - Feb 16 2008 : 11:10:18 PM
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back when my brother died suddenly (18 yrs ago) I was told that I had to be the strong one for the family..I have been so ever since..even when I was breaking inside..didn't grieve in front of others (In fact made my mother rearrange his room the day after the funeral after everyone left so that she would not hold it as a shrine..yes it was hard to do that/but necessary/ooh she hated me at the time/but it was necessary for her grieving process for me to get her to do that)..and yes..when you have to be strong for others it takes twice as long..sometimes triple as long to deal with the grieving process for yourself..but I've always just done what needs doing for others around me..then broke down in private on my own.
even when I have felt like screaming out loud.
recently lost 2 family members nearly back to back 3 yrs ago(7 months apart from each other)..and all at the time I had a newborn baby..that took a while to deal with..some days I still cry..but had to be strong for others.I just knuckle down and dig in and do for others what I can..all the time telling myself I must stay strong and must keep my chin up.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~
visit me at:
http://gardengoose.blogspot.com/
and at www.stliving.net
you can also check out my etsy shops at:http://GardenGooseGifts.etsy.com |
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mima
True Blue Farmgirl
1573 Posts
1573 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2008 : 03:06:45 AM
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I clean like crazy too!!! When my oldest was a senior in college,she was diagnosed with malignant melanoma!! so scary! We had a MONTH before the surgery!!! i cleaned out the whole gargage!! Took everything down from the rafters-went through everthing got rid of stuff...Didn't want to slow down to think!
Shes okay now.... That was nearly 6 or 7 years ago and shes now married with little girl #3 on the way!!!
"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars,or sailed to an uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." Helen Keller |
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lisamarie508
True Blue Farmgirl
2648 Posts
Lisa
Idaho City
ID
USA
2648 Posts |
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Feb 17 2008 : 9:24:52 PM
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I am good in a crisis, and can focus on what absolutely NEEDS to be done right in front of me. After that, I too shut down.
I lost my daughter Emily in 1995.
I cried A LOT, I laid in bed a lot-in a deep despair, and I functioned a the lowest capacity possible at work forever. (I HAD to go back to work the following week, we had rent, to feed my son etc.)
For a long time I took it minute by minute, hour by hour, and eventually day by day.
It probably took me over a year to learn to move on and cope. You don't get over it, but you learn to live life again. Only it's different. I know it has changed me.
God did bless me with my daugther Lauren the following year, she probably saved me from going nuts. What a true blessing she is too.
In other situations that involved a tragedy, I was someone that took charge. I am not the most polite-and can be short, but I am rock steady. Of course as soon as it is over, I am a complete mess, and freak out at home after.
In most situations, I am not one to wring my hands.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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Peanut
True Blue Farmgirl
603 Posts
Jennifer
Waverly
Virginia
USA
603 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2008 : 05:07:53 AM
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Kate, I am so sorry about your daughter. It sounds as though she were very young. Many hugs to you!
"What is a farm but a mute gospel?"
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2008 : 08:54:06 AM
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Thanks Jennifer,
I truly am not trying to garner sympathy by any stretch. I just remember being able to handle it (in public) pretty well. AT home was another matter for the first few months.
I don't mind talking about her; she was such a blessing too. I wouldn't have changed a thing, even knowing the outcome, except to spend more time with her.
I was young, I was 23.
I try to look at it as God needed her more than I did.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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kydeere40744
True Blue Farmgirl
1132 Posts
Jessica
Kentucky
USA
1132 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2008 : 11:15:11 AM
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Very interesting topic. In the past, I would do busy work to keep me going or I would take out my camera and take photographs, whether it be flowers, etc. One time I worked out in the garden tending flowers quite a bit. I think that was the most perfect garden with 0 weeds and everything was blooming great. Writing helped a lot and writing about the wonderful memories shared with a loved one really helped in more ways than one. One year I planted a flowerbed with "favorite flowers" of loved ones and friends who have passed away.
~Jessica in Kentucky & Farmgirl Sisterhood #137~
Be sure to visit my blog & Crafty Clipart for some of my photographs:
http://bluegrassprincess.blogspot.com/
http://www.craftyclipart.com |
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2008 : 6:52:05 PM
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Oh...gardening...I garden to deal with stress too. Last spring when "he" got so crazy I couldn't stand it I lived in the garden. I kept thinking about that quote in the "farmgirl Bible" (aka: Mary Janes Ideabook, Cookbook, Lifebook) that says "You can bury a lot of troubles digging in the dirt."
What we write today slipped into our souls some other day when we were alone and doing nothing.
-Brenda Ueland
http://quilandneedle.blogspot.com/ |
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2008 : 7:04:12 PM
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I cut my hair and starve myself and clean everything, and turn my life into go, go, go. When my parents divorced, about 5 years ago, I almost made it to my goal weight. I don't know if that's considered coping, it's just what happens. If it is sadness, nervousness, not tragedy, I over eat and bake. And watch trashy TV.
Farmgirl Sister #91
Make cupcakes not war! |
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chicken necker
True Blue Farmgirl
509 Posts
Sherry
Eastern Shore
Maryland
USA
509 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2008 : 7:22:46 PM
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I run out into the woods, Scream at the top of my lungs and sob until my heart runs dry. Walk slowly back home, clean everything in sight, cook til i have enough for an army, then get really sick. When I lost my grandfather, I had a double inner ear infection and was basically deaf for two months. But my house was clean.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. ~anon |
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Across the Fence: How Do You Cope with Tragedy? |
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How Do You Cope with Tragedy?
