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Family Matters:  how did you handle child off to college ?  |
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pnickols
True Blue Farmgirl
808 Posts
Patricia
Parma
Ohio
808 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 28 2010 : 06:25:30 AM
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| I'm just curious if I'm strange or what. I'd like to know how those of you with college bound children handled them leaving. I have four children, two are in college, my oldest lived on campus until he got sick he now commutes, my daughter never wanted to live on campus and commutes. Now the third one is looking and wants the living away from home experience. In my head I understand why she wants to be independent and I want her to be, but in my heart I selfishly feel panic that they are leaving me and I am afraid that I am loosing such a huge part of my life, my daughters are my friends, we do things and talk and I don't have that with the boys. they barely acknowledge my existence. It's part of the reason why I went back to school to finish my degree so I could start another career, one just for me. am I crazy or just selfish, I should be thinking about her not me. I think somedays I should have worked full time like every other mom instead of staying home maybe they have an easier time saying goodbye. anyway I would love to have some tips on handling my emotions (again) and how you dealt with this time in our lives ? thanks |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2010 : 08:56:48 AM
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Patricia, I'm just the grandma, but I watch my daughter every year when oldest grandson leaves for school. They keep connected through facebook and texting. Not alot of time to have long conversations but at least they know how each others days are going. He was just home for Thanksgiving and we are now counting down when he'll be home for Christmas. She has another son leaving in a year to go to school. She has worked the whole time they have grown up and wishes that she had stayed home. I don't think there is a easy answer to this. I have seen many people handle it in different ways. Some are good and some are not. But your thinking about going back to school and maybe getting into something that really interest you, maybe something like Arts or music or just something that would be fun. It sounds like you have a good relationship with her and that will help alot as she moves on. I will be praying for you that you will be easing into the changes. Hugs, Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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Carrie W
Farmgirl Legend/Chapter Guru
437 Posts
Saratoga Springs
New York
USA
437 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2010 : 09:37:42 AM
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It is very hard to let them go! The first is usually the most difficult. My kids didn't follow the usual path and left home at different times and for different reasons. Right now my oldest is in local college, next oldest is in PA at a dance school, but he was the one who ran away then hitchhiked his way to North Carolina (from NY) so I am thrilled that he is in a safe place, even if it is 5hrs away!! Next one moved out as soon as she graduated this May and she will go to community college in January. So I didn't have that usual experience, but I can say that it is difficult no matter where they are going. It is hard to accept that you cannot have them with you at all times. And hard to not worry every minute about them. My boys have totalled 2 cars each!!! So, no, you're not wierd, but you do need to accept that they are going to want lives that are separate from mom. If you love them through it, then you will also have great, close relationships with them no matter where they live. Don't take it personally, and don't make the mistake of shutting them out in order to save yourself some pain. This is a very natural reaction for us at times, but you don't want to lose the precious closeness that you share with them.
Hang in there. It will be toughest at first but will get easier with time. And I can say that I have much closer relationships with my kids now that they are on their own. It puts them in a place where they desire it more and miss you more. It will only get sweeter!!
xo Carrie M
www.apronsoftheadirondacks.blogspot.com
Farmgirl Sisterhood #147
Tis better to weep at joy than to joy at weeping--Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2010 : 06:47:52 AM
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Patricia, wanted to cry yesterday. My daughter and her 11 year old daughter just stopped by to visit and was there quit awhile. Then I realized that grandson had just left for college and she needed something to get her mind off of it. I mentioned that and she agreed, that she has to do things to keep her busy until she hears that's he's made it back to school. He has to travel 7 hr's alone. Once she gets her call she will call me so we all know he's there safely. So sweetie, it is normal to be alittle selfish, when you love someone as much as you do your children, it hurts. But we need to remember we have brought them to this place and now they will take everything we have taught them and know that we did good. Just love them and be there for them, there will be times when they just need to know if you feel they are doing the right thing. Hang in there and you are in my prayer's. Hugs, Brenda
http:///www.scatteredlittleblessings.blogspot.com
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2010 : 2:50:15 PM
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You aren't being selfish. Whether it is them leaving for college or marriage or whatever it is very hard. I know what you mean about sometimes thinking maybe you should of had a career or a job for yourself. I have felt that way many times too. I think if you do have more of a life of your own seperate from them that it is easier when they leave you don't have the extra time to dwell on it so much. I know when my daughter passed away I wished more than anything I had a job to go to and get out of the house and have something to involve myself with. I have wished that many times anyway. But, I can't say I am sorry for being there for them. I just think sometimes we let the whole mom thing completely take over. Then when they do leave it's like what do I do now? Who the heck am I and what do I like!! I ended up taking care of my grandkids while my daughter worked and went back to college. So I have been pretty busy. But, guess what they grow up too!! It's hard to know that they will move on with life soon too. But, I am really trying to develope more things that I like and relishing the extra time that I have and doing things that I like too.With getting older I am finding that life can be pretty neat. It just takes time to adjust and to decide to pursue things that you like and want to explore. Time to realize that it isn't being selfish, it is being free to finally be able to put yourself first and really love yourself for a change. I promise, give it time and you will find out that it is like having a brand new start in life,but this time you can be the focus of it and have no reason to feel bad about it!
Hugs, MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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pnickols
True Blue Farmgirl
808 Posts
Patricia
Parma
Ohio
808 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2010 : 06:08:08 AM
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| thanks you for your support and suggestions, it made me cry. I will do this and I will keep my relationships with my girls. I will. I have to keep thinking of the end result, she needs to be an independent successful young lady and be able to go after her dreams. that is how I raised her. I also need to refocus on myself and my life and my marriage and how do I want to spend the rest of my life on this earth, I am so enjoying finishing my degree that I am toying with the idea of getting my masters too. thanks again, you ladies are awesome |
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FG-Terri
Farmgirl in Training
26 Posts
Theresa
Newport News
VA
USA
26 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2010 : 2:23:05 PM
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| Driving my only daughter to college in 2003 was one of the most difficult things I've ever done, but at the same time one of the most rewarding! We were living in MD and she was going to Miami!! I drove her down, not a spare inch in the car, lol, and left her in FL. I flew down one of my best friends to ride back with me so I wouldn't be alone. The rewarding part? She did great! Such an awesome feeling when you have done all that you know, and your child is able to live on her own in a totally new place!! She would call frequently and still does. She is now living in PA, so much closer. Lol, now my son, lol, I could have fit 2 other people in the car when I drove him to college! Boys are just different!! He calls infrequently, but will text and facebook. Enjoy the new chapter you are about to start in your life!!! |
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sewsweet
True Blue Farmgirl
172 Posts
Carol
Canada
172 Posts |
Posted - Dec 07 2010 : 12:48:30 PM
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I really empathize with you. It has to be incredibly tough to let you daughter go...I will be facing that in a few years myself. I'd be interested in hearing how you all prepared your daughters for living on their own.
~Carol
Farmgirl Sister #1191 |
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pnickols
True Blue Farmgirl
808 Posts
Patricia
Parma
Ohio
808 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2010 : 09:26:57 AM
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my daughters are amazing, they have such self confidence that I never had at their ages, Lauren loves college, is in the marching band, has made great friends..I want a positive experience for Stephanie. Plus I am being a bit selfish, cuz I don't want to be without them, they are my buddies, we talk and do things together. I guess I get scared of being left behind.
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IdahoShamrock
True Blue Farmgirl
161 Posts
Kathy
Hayden
Idaho
USA
161 Posts |
Posted - Dec 16 2010 : 4:59:36 PM
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Oh Patricia, you aren't being selfish. Loving a child is the most terrifying thing we will ever do in our lives! I know how you feel, my kids have all gone away to college. The oldest 3 are now graduated and guess what? Two are settled within 20 minutes of me and the other is about 40 mins away. They come back!
The biggest thing to remember is that you will need 3-4 months to grieve for Stephanie when she leaves, because when she comes home, things will be subtly different. It is ok to cry and feel sad, you are grieving for a relationship that is in transition and of course you will miss her physical presence as well. So, be kind to yourself and by Christmas break, you will be feeling better. Because I am sure you raised a strong and independent young woman who now wants to test the strength you have given her.
Consider yourself hugged! Kathy
Farmgirl #2125
www.dustbincards.etsy.com |
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pnickols
True Blue Farmgirl
808 Posts
Patricia
Parma
Ohio
808 Posts |
Posted - Jan 10 2011 : 04:47:05 AM
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| thanks you Kathy, I believe you are right |
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Family Matters: how did you handle child off to college ? |
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how did you handle child off to college ?
