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Across the Fence:  Let's Laugh Our Way Through 2015!!  |
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churunga
True Blue Farmgirl
3919 Posts
Marie
Minneapolis
MN
USA
3919 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 02 2015 : 3:49:39 PM
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God sent an angel down to Earth telling him to report on how many people were good and how many weren't. When the angel came back, he had bad news. He said that 99% of the people were bad and only 1% were good. God was not satisfied. He sent another angel telling her to also report on how many people were good and how many were bad. When this angel returned, she had some bad news - 99% of people were bad and only 1% of people were good. Well, God decided to send an email to everyone of the 1% of the people who were good and do you know what that email said?
Oh, so you didn't get one either?
Marie, Sister #5142
Farmgirl of the Month May 2014
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
Edited by - churunga on Jul 02 2015 4:45:56 PM |
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Song Sparrow
True Blue Farmgirl
1010 Posts
Amy
Talleyville
Delaware
USA
1010 Posts |
Posted - Jul 02 2015 : 5:30:17 PM
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Hee Hee! And no, I didn't! :)
Happy Day!
Peace in our hearts, peace in the world
Amy (Sister#6098) www.danaherandcloud.com
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jul 16 2015 : 7:48:22 PM
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GRANDFATHER of THE YEAR!!
Hahaha!! This was funny!! smile emoticon
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy."
Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say : "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes ...and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice : "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."
Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says : "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad."
"Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little monster's name is Kevin."
hahaha!
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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TexasGran
True Blue Farmgirl
4919 Posts
Marilyn
Stephenville
Texas
USA
4919 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2015 : 05:50:26 AM
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I love that story. Having had a three year old grand child who was so stubborn, frequently screaming loudly, I certainly understand. She is still a control person, who must have order in her life. But since the brain tumor was removed she is so sweet. I love her soooooooo much.
TexasGran
#6389
Let God's light shine through you every day.
www.etsy.com/shop/
anniemayme
Amazon Children's Books, look for my name:Marilyn Robinson Godfrey
Craftsy: patterns for farm stick animals
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quiltee
True Blue Farmgirl
7446 Posts
Linda
Terrell
TX
USA
7446 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2015 : 9:35:38 PM
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LOL! Love that, Susan. I guess that was his mantra.
Farmgirl hugs,
Linda O
Lone Oak, TX
Farmgirl #1919
"Women are Angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly . . . on a broomstick - we're flexible, like that."
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2015 : 1:41:52 PM
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Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Audra Rose
True Blue Farmgirl
2209 Posts
Vanessa
Brooksville
KY
USA
2209 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2015 : 1:38:28 PM
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What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One you see later and one you see in a while.
This golden oldie had my sister and me in stitches in the pre-lipstick stage:
Why couldn't Batman go fishing?
Because Robin ate the worms!
Doxie Mom - Everyone loves a Weiner!
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. |
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Bonnie Ellis
True Blue Farmgirl
2474 Posts
Bonnie
Minneapolis
Minnesota
USA
2474 Posts |
Posted - Sep 08 2015 : 8:58:31 PM
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O my goodness, still laughing at the jokes girls.
grandmother and orphan farmgirl |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Oct 06 2015 : 09:11:58 AM
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Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Oct 08 2015 : 4:34:03 PM
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Susan, I love it!!!!! Cute cat, also!!!! Thanks for sharing.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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katmom
True Blue Farmgirl
17040 Posts
Grace
WACAL Gal
WashCalif.
USA
17040 Posts |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2015 : 06:32:43 AM
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Happy Halloween!
I can't take credit fro the picture, but it brought me a giggle so I wanted to share.
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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churunga
True Blue Farmgirl
3919 Posts
Marie
Minneapolis
MN
USA
3919 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2015 : 09:21:18 AM
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A lady was talking with her friend.
"Do you know Feldman? Well he asked me out and I accepted. Well, he shows up dressed to the nines and had a car waiting at the curb. He takes me to a very expensive restaurant and then out dancing. He escorted me home and I invited him in for a nightcap. Well, as soon as we get in the house, he tears my dress off and has passionate sex with me right here on my living room floor. He wants to take me out again. What should I do?"
Her friend says: "Wear an old dress."
Marie, Sister #5142
Farmgirl of the Month May 2014
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2015 : 3:23:59 PM
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These are awesome! LOL! Susan - that pic of the little boy and the dog, and the caption is priceless! LOL!
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
www.papercraftingwithnini.ctmh.com
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Oct 19 2015 : 8:51:10 PM
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I'm too tired to be witty tonight, but I do feel extra crispy  |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2015 : 07:53:59 AM
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Annika,
That is so great! I like knowing I'm not old!
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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churunga
True Blue Farmgirl
3919 Posts
Marie
Minneapolis
MN
USA
3919 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2015 : 08:09:56 AM
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Two nuns and a Mother Superior were at the Pearly Gates waiting to get in to Heaven. St Peter said that he would have to ask each of them a question first. "Don't worry, these are easy." he said.
To the first nun he asked, "Who was the first woman?"
The nun answered, "Eve."
St Peter: "Correct. You may go in."
To the second nun he asked: "Where did Eve live?"
The second nun answered, "In the Garden of Eden."
St Peter: "Correct. You may enter."
"Reverend Mother," St Peter said the to Mother Superior. "I will have to ask you a hard question because of your position."
She agreed that was fair.
St Peter: "What did Eve say the first time she saw Adam?"
Reverend Mother: "Hmmm, that is a hard one."
St Peter: "Correct. You may enter."
Marie, Sister #5142
Farmgirl of the Month May 2014
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2015 : 08:40:12 AM
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Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! MARIE!!!!!
Farmgirl Sister #1974
www.papercraftingwithnini.ctmh.com
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Needle
True Blue Farmgirl
287 Posts
Judy
Kissimmee
Florida
USA
287 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2015 : 4:45:59 PM
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There's 40 cows in a field and 28 chicken. How many didn't?
You have to read this one out loud and think about it. ;)
Farm Girl Sister #6566
The road of life is made smoother when traveled with someone you love. |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2015 : 5:48:16 PM
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LOL! I had to say that several times before I got it, Judy! LOL! GOOD ONE!!!
Farmgirl Sister #1974
www.papercraftingwithnini.ctmh.com
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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churunga
True Blue Farmgirl
3919 Posts
Marie
Minneapolis
MN
USA
3919 Posts |
Posted - Oct 25 2015 : 5:50:02 PM
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What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park in it.
Marie, Sister #5142
Farmgirl of the Month May 2014
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Oct 26 2015 : 10:09:49 AM
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What Is Butt Dust?
What, you ask, is 'Butt dust'? What do you do or say, when an innocent child asks you something so innocent and they are so serious? Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!
JACK (age 3) Was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister... After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk? '
MELANIE (age 5) Asked her Granny how old she was.. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'
STEVEN (age 3) Hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'
BRITTANY (age 4) Had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'
SUSAN (age 4) Was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough..'
DJ (age 4) Stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried when his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
TAMMY(age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget :
This particular Sunday sermon....'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face.
'Without you, we are but dust....' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Across the Fence: Let's Laugh Our Way Through 2015!! |
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Let's Laugh Our Way Through 2015!!
