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Family Matters:  Bad day for DH  |
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lonestargal
True Blue Farmgirl
607 Posts
Kristi
Texas
607 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 20 2006 : 2:28:30 PM
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For those of you that don't know, my hubby is a train engineer. He was on his way to Amarillo today in the train and a man in a car stopped on the train tracks. DH put the train into emergency, which locks all brakes to slow the train asap, and blew the horn over and over and the car never moved. Unfortunately the man didn't survive. My husband ran back to him after the train stopped and he wasn't breathing.
DH has been somewhat mentally prepared that this would happen. He's been told that he won't retire without hitting someone. No matter how much you try to prepare though, you're never ready and it's not easy to deal with. Please pray for him that he makes it through this ok and that he realizes there was nothing he could do. Thank you all!! |
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Libbie
Farmgirl Connection Cultivator
3579 Posts
Anne E.
Elsinore
Utah
USA
3579 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2006 : 2:31:02 PM
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Oh, Kristi - how awful for your husband. I'll keep him in my thoughts - I'm sure that he intellectually knows this, but of course, that was the life decision of the other man, and has NOTHING to do with him - it's not about him, and there truly is nothing we can do about many, many life decisions of others (if not ALL, really). Oh dear - I'm sending all of my good thoughts.
XOXO, Libbie
"Nothing is worth more than this day." - Goethe |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2006 : 2:31:45 PM
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I will sure keep him in my prayers..what a horrendous thing to have to deal with!
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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FarrarFarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
330 Posts
Lynda
Frohna
Missouri
USA
330 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2006 : 2:38:40 PM
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Kristi,
Please count on my prayers as well. How tragic to have to deal with this situation, I can't imagine. I know just reading it put a chill up my spine and gave me a jolt. Your poor husband. LIke Libbie said, though, your husband did what he knew he had to do to try to stop, but it was the other guys decision to sit there and be hit, as harsh as that sounds, it's still never good. I'm so sorry this has happened. I will pray for him to be able to process and deal with it and for you to have strength to be his support and have greater understanding. God is with both of you and will guide you and comfort you and give you His peace.
In His hands,
Lynda L.
Pray in faith and you will not live in doubt.
www.pamperedchef.biz/lorenzfamilycooks |
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Nancy Gartenman
True Blue Farmgirl
9094 Posts
Nancy
West Seneca
New York
USA
9094 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2006 : 2:54:21 PM
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Kristi
so sorry to hear this news, DH has to know he can't control what other people do, and he did the best he could and what he was trained to do, still it must be very hard for him, I know you and his co- workers will be there for him. Your family is in my thoughts.
NANCY JO |
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2006 : 3:05:00 PM
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Likewise I am praying for healing for your husband. As others have mentioned, he should NOT blame himself. Encourage him to talk about it, if he is ready.
I will also pray for the family and friends of the victim.
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
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happymama58
True Blue Farmgirl
1210 Posts
Patti
Missouri
USA
1210 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2006 : 4:00:25 PM
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I will also be praying for your dh. For you, as well, for patience and the right words (or to know when not to say a thing).
Some people search for happiness; others create it.
http://happymama58.typepad.com/my_weblog/ |
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2006 : 4:30:07 PM
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Kristi - I pray that your hubby and you can know that somehow this was a situation that only God can deal with. I know your hubby feels responsible in some way, but he did everything he could. Praying for you and your hubby. This world is so broken. We can only lean on each other and pray for strength. Thank you for letting us know about this. It will help to have many people praying. Especially for the man who wanted to lose his life.
"Sell cleverness and buy wonder" |
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Utahfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1940 Posts
Portland
Oregon
USA
1940 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2006 : 5:12:11 PM
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Kristi, I am also surrounding your dh with God's blue vibration of peace and healing, knowing that even as we speak God is holding him in Her hand and comforting him. He had no control over what that man chose to do. It's so sad that some people are so locked into their own pain they can't consider the pain of their deeds for other people. He will be made to see it now. Your dh is lucky he has you. And you have us.
Blessings,
Patricia
Come visit my Etsy store at www.chezPatricia.etsy.com |
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lonestargal
True Blue Farmgirl
607 Posts
Kristi
Texas
607 Posts |
Posted - Mar 20 2006 : 8:31:24 PM
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| Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. So far this evening he has been doing as well as can be expected. He has made a few comments like, "It feels so weird being in control of something that killed someone". I feel so bad for him. I keep trying to stress to him that he did all he could and that it was not his fault. All trains are equipped with black boxes like in airplanes and so it records his every move on the train, his supervisors have said he is not to blame already. He has already said he was going the speed limit and blew the horn and activated all brakes. That is all he can do, still he feels horrible for the family mostly. All of our friends that work for the railroad have been so supportive and counseling has been offered but I still worry about him. Thank you all for being my friends and praying for us. |
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sqrl
True Blue Farmgirl
605 Posts
Melissa
Northern California
USA
605 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2006 : 09:48:07 AM
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it is too bad that he had to get wrapped in someone else's pain. Sometimes people are so blinded by their own pain they have no idea that it will affect someone else's life. I'm sorry for your DH. He must be real strong, for he was picked to handle such a thing. I hope all goes well and that he is able to release this knowing there was nothing he could do and it was that mans wish to be there and do that. Blessings.
Blessed Be
www.sqrlbee.com
www.smallsqrl.blogspot.com
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CityCat
True Blue Farmgirl
198 Posts
Catherine
Toronto
Ontario
Canada
198 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2006 : 4:39:43 PM
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| Kristi, my heart goes out to both you and your husband. It's a tragedy that a man, who is hurting so much, can be so selfish that he doesn't realise or care that his actions will directly affect other people. I'm close enough to Toronto that I hear when someone jumps in front of a subway train, and there are a few every year. Much like everyone above, I echo their sentiments: your husband is not at fault, having done everything possible to stop the train in time. Sending positive, warm and healing energy your way... Cat |
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JanO
True Blue Farmgirl
53 Posts
Jan
Washington
USA
53 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2006 : 8:52:19 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear this Christy. My dad was an investigator for the railroad for many years (Southern Pacific RR) He's the one they called when things like this happened. I remember many times he was gone for days investigating some senceless happening that had occured on the lines. He told me once that the investigations that are the most difficult are the ones where the engineers had done all they could and still couldn't avoid the tragedy. His mind told him he had a job to do, had to be objective, but his heart would break for everybody involved.
I'm sure your DH did everything right. I hope he is able to come to terms with this and put it behind him. I also hope that he takes up the railroads offer for counceling.
God Bless |
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bboopster
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Betty Jo
West Bend
Wisconsin
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2006 : 8:56:56 PM
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Kristi,
My prayers are with you and DH. I can only imagine the thoughts running through his head. Put all your trust in the Lord and he will guide you and DH through this tough time.
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the simple life :>) |
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lonestargal
True Blue Farmgirl
607 Posts
Kristi
Texas
607 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2006 : 07:06:56 AM
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| Thank you ladies. He seems to be doing ok for the most part. I hear him talking on the phone and he says he'll take his 3 day trauma leave and then get back to work. That's a good sign, but I hope it doesn't hit him hard later-like at work over a crossing or something. He isn't one to turn to people for a lot of help so I know he won't use the councelor unless he gets really bad. The railroad guys have been more than wonderful to him. Almost all our friends here have gone through it, some more than once. They have been talking to him a lot and I think it's helped. Keep praying for him but I think in the long run he'll pull through and be ok. |
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JennyWren
True Blue Farmgirl
201 Posts
USA
201 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2006 : 07:51:44 AM
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Hi Kristi,
When I was married to my first husband, he was an over the road trucker. He had an experience similar to your husbands, in that a 16 year old girl who was driving a pick up truck, swerved in front of his truck, as he was coming down a hill with a full load in the back. There was no way he could stop. The 18 wheeler crushed the young girl in her truck, he ran to her and she died in his arms. It was a horrific experience. The three day trauma leave is a good idea. Just keep him talking. And please know that time helps to put things into perspective. It really does. In the meantime we will all pray for your family.
Sending you a giant hug...
Carla...
If you treat an individual as what he is, he will stay that way, but if you
treat him as if he were what he could be, he will become what he could be.
-- Goethe
www.jennywrensurbanhomestead.blogspot.com/ |
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Meg
Moderator/Farmgirl True
974 Posts
Meg
Idaho
USA
974 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2006 : 1:41:12 PM
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Kristi,
You and your hubby are in my thoughts.
farmgirl love,
MaryJane's daughter,
Meg
megan@maryjanesfarm.org |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2006 : 2:26:40 PM
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Oh Cristi, know that you hubby is in my prayers. I pray that God will give him a real calm and peace as he goes through this time. I will be praying for you to as you give strength and comfort. Julia V.
"...the setting sun is like going into the very presence of God." Elizabeth Von Arnim |
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TejasFarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
105 Posts
Dawnn
Bartonville
Texas
USA
105 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2006 : 6:26:16 PM
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Kristi-
My thoughts and prayers are with both you and your husband.
D. |
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theoanne
True Blue Farmgirl
282 Posts
teddie
CARROLLTON
GA
282 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2006 : 6:44:27 PM
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Kristi,
My prayers are with your family and the victims family also. Just remind your husband that he did all he could. The thing he could not do was stop the other person from stopping on the tracks. That was their decision. Sounds like his co-workers are a great support.
Teddie |
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lonestargal
True Blue Farmgirl
607 Posts
Kristi
Texas
607 Posts |
Posted - Mar 23 2006 : 05:54:56 AM
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| Oh Carla, what a horrible accident. Driving a big truck like that is very similar to driving a train in the aspect that they can't stop on a dime. I know people will say well why don't they stop. Hello?? It's a loaded truck or a train, it's not a car. Thank you all for your support and prayers. He is supposed to mark back up on the engineer board for work today. I hope all goes well for him. |
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JennyWren
True Blue Farmgirl
201 Posts
USA
201 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2006 : 07:40:16 AM
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Hi Kristi,
I think things will work themselves out. It's good he goes back to work, after having a little time off. That helped my ex husband.
Just keep him talking.. and then focus on something fun that he can do.. It's good to do things in that order. Don't rush it, but like I said, time has a way of putting things in perspective. My ex came to know that it was his truck that was used as a "weapon" of sorts, not him. With time, he was able to separate the two. Your husband will do the same.
Sending you and your husband lot's of prayers and good energy.
Take care,
Carla...
If you treat an individual as what he is, he will stay that way, but if you
treat him as if he were what he could be, he will become what he could be.
-- Goethe
www.jennywrensurbanhomestead.blogspot.com/ |
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country lawyer
True Blue Farmgirl
1022 Posts
1022 Posts |
Posted - Mar 28 2006 : 12:29:42 PM
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Kristi, Just read this thread today as I have been trying to catch up with everyone after my absence. I am so sorry to hear of the pain your family is having to endure. As others here have said, we cannot control the actions of anyone but ourselves. As such, we cannot blame ourselves for their mistakes or decisions. Remind your husband often of this. I pray that you and your husband will soon find peace.
"All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well."
Julian of Norwich |
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lonestargal
True Blue Farmgirl
607 Posts
Kristi
Texas
607 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2006 : 6:01:10 PM
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| Thank you ladies. DH has been to work since the accident and so far so good. He hasn't gone back to Amarillo yet so he hasn't crossed that same crossing yet so I'll be anxious to see how he does then. Thank you again for all your thoughts and prayers. |
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cajungal
True Blue Farmgirl
2349 Posts
Catherine Farmgirl Sister #76
Houston Area
Texas
2349 Posts |
Posted - Mar 30 2006 : 03:56:54 AM
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Good Morning, Kristi
I hope all is well with you and your husband today. My family continues to pray for y'all.
I would assume that this experience would follow the same characteristics of other trauma.....denial, anger, sadness, etc.... You sound like you're a soothing and loving wife that will be there for him through all of it. Hang in there.
Blessings
Catherine
One of the best compliments from one of my daughters: "Moma, you smell good...like dirt." |
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JennyWren
True Blue Farmgirl
201 Posts
USA
201 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2006 : 6:56:39 PM
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Hi Kristi,
Just checking in with you.. I hope that everything is going good for your husband.
Have a good Easter!
Carla...
If you treat an individual as what he is, he will stay that way, but if you
treat him as if he were what he could be, he will become what he could be.
-- Goethe
www.jennywrensurbanhomestead.blogspot.com/ |
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Family Matters: Bad day for DH |
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Bad day for DH
