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Family Matters:  paralyzed with fear  |
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CathyM
True Blue Farmgirl
344 Posts
Cathy
Tulsa
OK
USA
344 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 27 2006 : 12:21:16 PM
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| I have come to the conclusion that I/we will not have the money to move in July. I just don't see it happening at all. I am the only one working towards it and I just can't make $4000 in 11 weeks and still pay the household bills. I really have no idea what we are going to do, all I do know is that we will not be able to afford this apartment after Dennis leaves in July. I have been looking for a place around here and I/we just cannot afford it and I'm not going to have the money to move anywhere else. I just don't want to think about what is going to happen after July. I'm making myself sick over it and I just don't think anyone else see's it my way at all. They aren't even willing to sit down and listen to what I have to say. UGH my stomach is turning just thinking about it. Nothing is selling on ebay and I can't make enough pillows for this lady to make the $4000. My hand, arm, and shoulder are killing me from the carpel tunnel, but I still just keep plugging along with the stitching. I'm even taking in other jobs to make the money. I can't sleep at night and I just feel like it's a lost dream. I'm getting a car this Monday and hopefully I can take some things to the open yard sale every Saturday and pray I can make money there but that takes away from the time I have to sew these pillows. I just want to throw up and run away. I don't want to have to think about this anymore. It just sits in my head and then paralyzes me into doing nothing, I just sit here and think about it. I'm really upset about this. I just don't want to end up the way we were before, in a car, and that's what I see. Oh God! What the hell am I going to do. |
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DaisyFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
1646 Posts
Diane
Victoria
BC
Canada
1646 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2006 : 12:49:00 PM
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Oh Cathy...take a really big deep breath. You can only eat an elephant one bite at a time, so sit down with a pen and paper and write down everything you need to accomplish before July, including the money you will need. Your situation sounds similar to what mine usually is...the one to make the decisions AND come up with the solutions. It can feel so overwhelming sometimes you just want to get in the car and keep on drivin'!
I try to remember what the Dalai Lama says...if you can do something about the situation there is no point in worrying about it. If you can't, then there is no point in worrying about it either. Easier said than done in my opinion, but in difficult situations like these I always tend to grasp whatever I can to remain calm.
I don't know your family situation, but once everything is written down, dump it in there laps and tell them you want THEM to come up with a solution because you aren't doing it. Plant your feet stubbornly if you have to. Look after yourself.
I wish I could help, life can seem so overwhelming sometimes...but wrap your arms around yourself and call it a warm hug from me.
Di
http://www.daisyfarm.blogspot.com |
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2006 : 1:20:35 PM
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Cathy -- I agree with Diane -- take a big deep breath. You are overwhelming yourself with too many details. If you do write all the things on paper, in priority order, then it gets them out of your mind. That's what I have to do when I get overwhelmed. Once they are on paper then I can tackle them one at a time. May I ask why your husband is not shouldering some of this burden with you? Why is it totally your responsibility? Where is it you're moving to?
Just try to take things one day at a time. You can only do something about today -- leave tomorrow up to God.
http://therusticcottage.etsy.com
http://www.homesteadblogger.com/therusticcottage/
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Libbie
Farmgirl Connection Cultivator
3579 Posts
Anne E.
Elsinore
Utah
USA
3579 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2006 : 2:29:51 PM
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Cathy - first of all - (((BIG hug!!!))) - and then... I don't know your family situation or how many of you will be affected - kids or not, etc., AND, I have every confidence that you can do what you need to do. I have the same questions as Kay, and Diane's idea of writing things down is a great one. Something else you might want to try is the good ol' brainstorm thing. Writing is one way to do this - it is the way that works for me, but may not work for everyone - for some, it's taking a walk and thinking. So, here are some questions you might want to think about:
What is ONE way you can nurture yourself during this stressful time? A great cup of tea? Getting up early to see the sunrise with a cup of coffee in the mornings? Something that you can use as a time of your day to CENTER yourself and to remind yourself that you can do what needs to be done. You CAN.
What are your top five needs from now until July? Housing and however much money that will take? Food and money for that? Other things?
Now, how are some different ways to get those things? Different places/ways to live?
Please, keep in mind that I don't know your exact situation, and I'm not pretending to know how to handle many, many situations, but these are some of the things that have helped me when I have really felt like I'm at the end of my rope at a given time.
Luck, confidence and love,
XOXO, Libbie
"Nothing is worth more than this day." - Goethe |
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_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2006 : 2:42:01 PM
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This is only an idea/suggestion so take it for what it's worth. Have you talked to a realtor about moving and the financing? A realtor may have some ideas for you. I know that ours would at least try to help, but she's an angel to us.
Even if you could just ask about a temporary housing situation. Just an idea.
If it helps at all, we need to move by July too and I have no idea how it's going to work out. We are currently living in my sister's home, but she will be coming back in July. Also, my baby is due July 12th. I'm getting a bit anxious too. We have to straighten out our taxes first. Then we have debt to deal with.
I'm sorry that no one will talk with you about it. That must be very frustrating. I hope that it works out for you and that you feel hopeful too.
Many XOXO!
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·.
Wife of Jonathan, Mother of Joel, Caitlyn, Elia |
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CathyM
True Blue Farmgirl
344 Posts
Cathy
Tulsa
OK
USA
344 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2006 : 5:25:27 PM
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First of all, A BIG THANK YOU to all of you.
To answer a few of your questions... I am divorced. Right now I am living in a 2 bedroom apartment with my sister, her 2 grown sons and my daughter. My daughter is helpful most of the time, and my oldest nephew does what he can but he is saving money to move himself, he's moving to Texas to be closer to his girlfriend.
I write everything down then want to talk about it with everyone. What I get is "later", "I'm tired, can we do this later", "I need to get up early I'm going to bed", "Good idea, what's on TV", etc, etc. Then I just give up trying to talk to them, because even when I do they seem to veer off in another direction and will not, no matter what I say, come back to issue at hand.
Most everything is on my shoulders at this point, hmmm has been for a very long time now that I think about it.
A realtor wouldn't help at this point I have nothing to put down on a place. But it was good thought.
As far as where we will be moving... well not around here I can tell you that. It is way to expensive here in Pennsylvania, at least in this area. I have been looking in NJ, NY and around here. I, do however, realize that it is much less expensive the farther west I go. I would like to move to an area where we have friends. Which brings me to the middle of the country, Oklahoma or Texas. I know it sounds like a big move but we have done it many times before. And no matter what I would still need that infamous $4000. Whether we moved around here, first, last and security for rent, then there is the "fees" for switching your phone, electric and cable if you have it, which, let me tell you is not cheap. For all of those things $4000 wouldn't be enough here. I have never lived in such an expensive state in my life and I come from Massachusetts, lol. I can rent a truck, get an apartment and put on my gas/electric, telephone and cable for $4000 if I moved to the middle of the country.
The car I'm getting on Monday was given to me by my nephews girlfriends dad, yes the one that lives in Texas. They just moved there and just sold their home here, so the car is up here.
I will have that cup of hot tea tonight with my daughter before we go around and tag what we will be selling, keeping and donating.
Thank You all again for your thoughts and hugs. ((Big Hugs)) to you all.
Cathy |
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_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2006 : 5:37:04 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by CathyM
A realtor wouldn't help at this point I have nothing to put down on a place. But it was good thought.
As far as where we will be moving... well not around here I can tell you that. It is way to expensive here in Pennsylvania, at least in this area. I have been looking in NJ, NY and around here. I, do however, realize that it is much less expensive the farther west I go. I would like to move to an area where we have friends. Cathy
This is exactly the thing I wanted you to know, we bought our first home with no money down. At the time I was only making about $14,000 a year and my husband was a full-time student. It was a $40,000 3 bed 1 bath house 945 sq ft. We paid less on the monthly mortgage for it than we did for apartment rent (1998). This is something that a realtor could help you with. Wouldn't hurt to ask!
I may be biased, but you should come to Oklahoma! I would be happy to show you around, introduce you to people that I know and help you out in any way that I could!
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·.
Wife of Jonathan, Mother of Joel, Caitlyn, Elia |
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CathyM
True Blue Farmgirl
344 Posts
Cathy
Tulsa
OK
USA
344 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2006 : 5:45:00 PM
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Rebecca, we would be moving to the Tulsa area. My dream is to own a place of my own. If I could buy no money down I would be in heaven.
Cathy |
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_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2006 : 6:40:22 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by CathyM
Rebecca, we would be moving to the Tulsa area. My dream is to own a place of my own. If I could buy no money down I would be in heaven.
Cathy
Tulsey Town? Bummer, I'm quite a ways from Tulsa. You just do some checking into it and I'm sure that you could easily buy with no money down. I wish you good success.
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·.
Wife of Jonathan, Mother of Joel, Caitlyn, Elia |
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westernhorse51
True Blue Farmgirl
1681 Posts
michele
farmingdale
n.j.
USA
1681 Posts |
Posted - Apr 27 2006 : 8:00:14 PM
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Cathy, you have to take ONE step at a time. One minute at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself. If no one will discuss it w/ you when you need too then talk w/ your daughter & talk about what you and her will be doing. Is everyone in the house making this move w/ you? If not then maybe you should concentrate on you & your daughter. Im so sorry your going throught this.
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
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Northerngal
Farmgirl in Training
33 Posts
Gale
Iowa
USA
33 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2006 : 04:51:59 AM
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I think if you are moving to the heartland, you can do it for less than $4,000. When I moved to Iowa from Michigan it cost me much less than that, but I moved to a small town. 1 month's rent and security deposit, $800 for a 2 bedroom 1 bath apt. with a deck, out in the country. Electric deposit $100. Phone hook up was about $75, I think. I didn't bother with cable. A person can live without TV for a while. And then the cost of gas to get here. That was a lot less 10 years ago than it is now! I just brought with me whatever would fit in the back of my pickup. At that point in my life, that was about all I owned anyway. Sending nonbreakable stuff by UPS or US mail is a good way to get extra clothes and things to where you are going cheaply. A friend of mine moved a lot of stuff that way, so he didn't have to rent as big a truck. You have to have an address set up to send it to, or a friend who's willing to store stuff and send it to you, for that to work. If I were you, I would go to a library and try to get a newspaper for the Tulsa area, if that is where you're moving to, and see what rents are. Sometimes the local papers are online also, so that helps when you want to get info on an area.
Good luck with the move. It can be done!
Yes, you can also buy a home with no money down. After living here for a about a year, I did that. I only had to come up with about $400, or the equivalent of one month's rent. I also found out I qualified for a local grant for first time homebuyers, that would help with a lot of the closing costs and things. |
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westernhorse51
True Blue Farmgirl
1681 Posts
michele
farmingdale
n.j.
USA
1681 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2006 : 05:53:17 AM
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how are you girls buying a house w/ no money down?? I knew I was living in the wrong area but........ I was reading the post for Cathy and was amazed. If I could get my husband to leave here, I'd do it in a heartbeat. He still has 8 years till he can retire and w/ his off & on health problems he isn't comfortable moving yet. I u/stand also but we can't buy a farm here, too expensive. So I tuck money away, after reading about how MJ started tucking it away(not in a bank) I figured why not? I do believe in miracles & I see them everyday but no money down, that is a miracle & I pray cathy can do it.
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
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celebrate2727
True Blue Farmgirl
989 Posts
Beth
MJF
Farmgirl
989 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2006 : 09:36:29 AM
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Cathy- the farm I bought we found through a realtor. the people had already moved out and they were working out of town so they needed to sell asap. we however had little to no down payment. here's how we did it. we gave them 2 monthes rent(1800)and then signed a 6 month lease. at the end of the six monthes we bought the house. the sellers took the money we gave as rent and applied it to our down payment, the rest of the costs we rolled into the loan. it was a lucky deal but i beleive there are more out there like it. since we purchased the home our payments are higher but that is because of the cost of the house.
I compltely understand the whole thing with it all being left to you to figure out. I have had that for over 18 years. Have you tried a little lean management? What I mean is between now and your move- cut down to only the absolute neccesaties. If I have to I can feed a household of 6 on $60.00 a week. Not the best cuisine but it can be done.
As far as the new place and the cost of utilities- once you know where you are going- call them and find out the fees and then see if you can spread the connection fees out over several bills. I know our phone company does that here.
Put your ebay link on here. We farm girls love to support each other.
And one last thing- if your family there won't listen, always remember your family here will. Bounce some ideas off us, we'll do what we can to help.
Sending prayers and blessings to you!
blessings
beth
Dreaming of Friday Night Lights
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happymama58
True Blue Farmgirl
1210 Posts
Patti
Missouri
USA
1210 Posts |
Posted - Apr 29 2006 : 09:35:10 AM
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We just sold our house, and while waiting for closing to start yesterday, I was reading the bank's literature that there are over 20 programs readily available to purchase a home with no money down.
If it were me, as a former realtor, I'd make an appointment with a home loan officer and tell him/her exactly what the situation is. When you make the appointment, tell the secretary/receptionist that you need a very experienced loan officer and I'd even flat-out say I need the one who tends to be most helpful and patient because as a single mom I need quite a bit of help on this. Many secretaries are understanding of this. If the secretary gets snooty, say thank you and move on to the next bank on your list.
We bought our first home with $0 down. It can be done easier than you think. Good luck!!
Some people search for happiness; others create it.
http://happymama58.typepad.com/my_weblog/ |
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Juliekay
True Blue Farmgirl
237 Posts
237 Posts |
Posted - May 01 2006 : 11:38:05 AM
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Cathy,
If you already have a cell phone or want to have one, I would consider going with the cheapest cell phone and plan you can find and using that as your only phone. Later on, if you want a landline, then get one. That way you have access to communications (for job search etc) while not having to pay expensive deposit. They are practically giving phones away. As far as furnishing your new house, I would bring a fan(it gets hot here in OK and AC can be expensive) a mattress, a radio, and cooking gear and your photos. Furniture can be obtained on throwout days. Everything else is superfluous, really.
Just my two cents.
Julie
Julie |
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blueroses
True Blue Farmgirl
1323 Posts
Debbie
in the Pandhandle of
Idaho
USA
1323 Posts |
Posted - May 01 2006 : 2:10:20 PM
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Cathy,
So sorry. Stress is definitely not good for you right now. I know it's so difficult, but do as the others have already advised you. One thing at a time. If I don't do that, I get myself so overwhelmed that I can't do anything! Is your sister & son moving with you too? Please check out all the programs you can about buying for no money down. There are many other programs out there to help you find a place to stay until you can buy. I'm thinking about you and praying for you to stay strong.
"You cannot find peace...by avoiding life."
Virginia Woolfe |
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CathyM
True Blue Farmgirl
344 Posts
Cathy
Tulsa
OK
USA
344 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2006 : 08:09:03 AM
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| Well, ladies, the car I was given I drove for exactly 1 week and it broke down. I took it to a mechanic with the hopes of getting it fixed. It need $1800 - $2000 worth the work in order for it to be driveable and pass inspection. I just don't have it and if I did it would be going towards the move not the car. Now I need to revamp my plan. I guess I am going to have to rent a car twice a week to go to the flea market so I can sell everything I own in order to move. hmmm I was hoping to be able to keep some of my furniture but I guess it might all have to go. renting a car twicw a week is going to run me about $100, I just hope I will be able to make more than that at the flea market. at this point I am so sick to my stomache I just can't eat. It just seems everything is getting worse not better. I'll just keep praying. |
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akcowgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
296 Posts
Valerie
Homer
Alaska
USA
296 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2006 : 08:45:54 AM
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Cathy i know you where planning on moving to texas or some place close to there but take a lok at the post called
You CAN afford to live in the country... it is in topic "a farm of my own" it is something to think about. I am sorry that life is being so ruff on you right now.
Valerie
Yes, I live in my own little world. But that's ok they know me here.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
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JudyBlueEyes
True Blue Farmgirl
657 Posts
Judith
Spokane
Washington
USA
657 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2006 : 09:03:28 AM
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Dear Cathy,
I moved away from my home in October 2004, although my situation was not as dire as yours. I am on my own (divorced) and had lived in San Diego for 27 years, where all my family except one brother was. My parents have both passed, and I finally got it through my thick head that my financial security would benefit if I bought a house. Only thing was, the market in California was/is out of sight for a single income administrative assistant. I mean, I was making a good wage, but you need 2 or 3 of them in California to get a house. :-) So I looked around the country where I had friends or family who might help me and chose Spokane, Washington because of the weather. All my other options, where the city was big enough that I could get a sustaining job, had humid summers (and I've been there, done that) or even worse winters. Now, I must say, I have the dearest friend who along with her husband and 5 dogs took me and my 3 dogs in for 7 months!!! And they really didn't want me to leave when I bought my home in May 2005. In any event, I can share some of your concern, and I think the advice of some of the other Girls is good - don't worry about a phone, get a cheap cell phone, and you know, beans and rice is pretty good if you flavor it with some herbs...I only brought essential furniture with me and the rest I have picked up here, as someone said, on throwout day, or at the thrift stores. You can do it, probably the gas to get there will be the most expensive thing! Well, okay, the apartment. I'm a newbie here at the Farm, but I wanted to let you know, it can be done. And you might want to consider moving somewhere that you have friends or family that could help out for a bit, if that's an option at all. You and your daughter will be in my prayers. Judy
The Rooster crows, but the Hen lays the egg. ~ Texas Proverb |
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Juliekay
True Blue Farmgirl
237 Posts
237 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2006 : 5:33:11 PM
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Cathy,
Instead of renting a car can you have a garage sale every weekend until the stuff is gone? Renting the car would probably cut out a lot of your profit. One thing you might look into for the moving part is signing up to be a driveaway driver. There are firms that hire people on a temp basis to drive cars one-way, typically when a person moves or car has to be sent a long distance for some reason. As long as you don't bang up or make the car really dirty, you basically get a free ride. I think you would have to pay for your own food or something. You should look into it. Or maybe you can just pack your essentials and take a bus for now.
Julie
Julie |
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - May 13 2006 : 06:53:29 AM
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I found an auctioneer here that takes things and sells them in lots at his auction house - he's out in the country, not very fancy, and he takes 30% commission. The commission seems high compared to a garage sale, but then again, he sells EVERYTHING and gives you a check - you don't have to spend your time waiting on people and answering the door, like for a garage sale, and you don't have a bunch of stuff left over when the sale is finished. Just a thought, don't know if that's available in your part of the country. My auctioneer will come and pick things up if you need him to (for an additional charge).
I think it's admirable that you are trying to earn money without getting a handout from welfare/food stamps and I encourage you to continue to follow that path -- but remember that kind of help is also available, if you should reach the point where you need it. Most states have an emergency program that allows you to walk in, explain your situation, and walk out with some kind of help. That is why the program is there, to lend a hand to people who need it.
In the meantime, hugs to you and hang in there. I will keep you in my prayers.
an afterthought... You might even think about western PA or eastern OH, there are many smaller towns there where the cost of living is not so high as where you are currently, and maybe the cost of moving won't be so high if you don't go so far away.
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
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sonflowergurl
True Blue Farmgirl
349 Posts
Katee
Tampa 'Burbs
FL
USA
349 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2006 : 2:38:45 PM
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Hey Cathy, just wondering how things are going for you.... Hoping things are falling into place for you! :)
Katee
The end will justify the pain it took to get us here.
"Looking Toward the Son"---- http://sonflowergirl731.blogspot.com
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connio
True Blue Farmgirl
535 Posts
connie
springtown
texas
USA
535 Posts |
Posted - May 19 2006 : 11:16:28 PM
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Hey Farm Girls!!
Kathy
Just touching base to see how you are doing? I am divorced and have been self-supporting for about 8 years. I have survived being fired from a position that I had held 19.5 years (oops, there goes my retirement), serious illness, and bankruptcy since 2001. Many days have been really hard, but I am hanging in there, and things are a bit better now after moving to my tiny farm 2.5 years ago. I still cannot afford to run my heat/ac much or do many badly needed home repairs. I never eat out, go to movies, buy extras etc, but I have found that this has really been a blessing. I spend a great deal of time at home when I am not at work, and I am really enjoying this. I cook, read, take care of my animals, garden a bit and occasionally watch movies. My books and movies all come from the library where I work. I drive a 1987 Volvo stationwagon that my brother gave me when my 1996 Geo Tracker "went belly up" last year on the 4th of July weekend. I am hoping that it will last another few years; a friend of mine drove an earlier model of the same car for 28 years!!!
Be strong; I know that you will get through this.
Connie
Texas Farm Girl
cozycottage |
Edited by - connio on May 19 2006 11:18:27 PM |
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Hideaway Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1553 Posts
Jo
Virginia
USA
1553 Posts |
Posted - May 24 2006 : 07:50:43 AM
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Cathy,
My heart and prayers go out to you and your daughter. Have you considered employment ads for household employees where you could exchange light housekeeping/childcare/housesitting assistance in return for them giving you and your daughter a place to live? Also think about other single moms who might work nightshift and would appreciate someone home at night with their kids and who might trade childcare with you if you need it. If you are near a city you might find a professional couple who needs someone to help around the house, and they might even allow you limited use of one of their cars. There are lots of city farmgirls out there who might be willing to work out a barter arrangment like this, or even pay you above and beyond the bed and board depending on their needs and your skills. You could still make/sell your crafts on your own time. There is always a way for a willing heart! I wish you the best of luck.
Jo |
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Duchess
True Blue Farmgirl
109 Posts
Iowa
USA
109 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2006 : 10:44:54 AM
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Hi Cathy,
We are in the midst of moving and I belive you can do more for less right now. We rented a 26 foot truck from Penske for 4 days with unlimited milage for less then 600.00 and it's a diesel and that included insurance.
We also just bought a home with contract to deed so put little money down, of course it took a while to find it and your time is limited. You might look online for some of those places that are giving people incentive to move to their areas. Also through here you may get a lead from someone on a place, maybe a fixer upper.
Can you do your pillows differently, use a machine to make patchwork or dimentional pillows?? I have done things like that in the past as well as baby quilts that I did with the machine, I am too impatient to sit and hand stitch things,lol. An other thought is are you charging enough, sometimes we short change ourselves. I have found that when I think things are at their worst something usually comes along to bail me out so don't make yourself sick with all the mights, coulds, shoulds etc. It's a waste of good brain power and upsets your tummy. I wish you the best and make good use of your computer, there is also a site called Realtor.com which is a good tool for looking up different types of housing. Barbara |
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Family Matters: paralyzed with fear |
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paralyzed with fear
