| Author |
Family Matters:  just need some pity & empathy from ya'll  |
|
_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 28 2006 : 12:43:27 PM
|
This is long and involved....but here goes:
My mom is still recovering from pneumonia in the nursing home--And it looks like she may have had a mini-stroke. Her health is really bad. She has emphesyma, fibromyalgia, colon problems, possible endometriosis, heart problems & vertigo, and she is on a thyroid med.
Looks like she is going to come home soon though. Right now we are house-sitting for my sister. My sister is in Arizona right now doing teaching at a community college and won't be able to get back here until around the 10th of July.
We are waiting on the mortgage company to consolidate our debt and then we are looking for a house asap.
I am due with baby number 4 July the 12th.
My mom has a house, but it needs to be sold. She cannot live there anymore. What will happen in the next few weeks is anybodies guess.
We need to move out. My baby is due soon. My mom is coming back fr/ the nursing home, but she needs someone to take care of her. There are no other family members who are able except for my oldest sister. My dad is already in a nursing home. Thank goodness that was taken care of before my mom got so sick. My thinking is that my mom needs to go into a nursing home permanently, but my siblings don't know how that would be possible finance-wise. 
Stay tuned for the story of my life:::::::
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·.
Wife of Jonathan, Mother of Joel, Caitlyn, Elia |
|
|
julia hayes
True Blue Farmgirl
1132 Posts
julia
medical lake
wa
USA
1132 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2006 : 1:27:29 PM
|
Rebecca, this is big. Transitions are so difficult and I will keep you in the light. The survivor mode this requires can be exhausting so here's to your health and well being.
Julia Hayes
being simple to simply be |
 |
|
|
Nancy Gartenman
True Blue Farmgirl
9094 Posts
Nancy
West Seneca
New York
USA
9094 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2006 : 1:41:27 PM
|
REBECCA
It might be a good idea to talk with some social service people about care for your Mom, usually there is someone in the hospital system that can give you advice and point you in the right direction. There are many people out there that can not afford nursing homes or other care services. Also in home care could be looked into, but 24 hour care is just as much as a nursing home. Its all very hard, hope you and your family can find an answer.
NANCY JO |
|
|
|
_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2006 : 2:10:07 PM
|
Yes, I agree. It's just that my mom might not be happy about it. And then I guess it will take some time for the paperwork to go through. 
My sister agreed with me though about not being able to care for her. It's sad, but what can we do?
I am doing the best that I can with what sense that I've got and would not be qualified anyway to care for my mother full-time. So, *sigh* we will have to just do the best that we can.
Transitioning my dad was very very difficult for me. It's just heart-breaking. I think putting a parent in a nursing home is worse than losing them. It's terrible.
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·.
Wife of Jonathan, Mother of Joel, Caitlyn, Elia |
|
|
|
lovejanet
True Blue Farmgirl
97 Posts
Janet
La Canada
California
USA
97 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2006 : 2:30:52 PM
|
Hi Rebecca,
I am sorry you are going through soo much right now. Yes, do ask a social worker from the hospital for help on what your choices are. My grandma, was recently moved into a nursing home and it has been really hard on my mom and me too. Hang in there, don't push yourself too hard, you're going to have a baby :) But, I know it is hard and sad.
Take care.
love, janet
http://www.lovejanet.typepad.com/ |
|
|
|
westernhorse51
True Blue Farmgirl
1681 Posts
michele
farmingdale
n.j.
USA
1681 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2006 : 6:35:25 PM
|
Rebecca, I am so sorry things are so crazy for you. Is there a possibility you can buy your moms house? is it possible for her to live there w/ you w/ some help from the county social worker? I am sorry if I am being dense, just a thought. Your in my prayers.
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
|
|
|
Hideaway Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1553 Posts
Jo
Virginia
USA
1553 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2006 : 6:46:21 PM
|
Hi Rebecca,
Not sure where to start, but please know there are a lot of us out here sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. I agree with Janet; you are having a baby, the most wondrous miracle we humans are capable of. It must be hard to feel joy at the coming event when so much turmoil and emotion exists around you. I am glad to hear that you have siblings who share this decision with you. Perhaps it is a good thing that you all have been through the nursing home transition with your father already, as it will prepare you for finding the best possible solution for your mother. Not knowing the full story, a couple of things jump out at me; can you move into your mother's house and find a way to care for her there? Live-in help or even nursing aides coming in for a few hours each day. Time to get our collective creative minds together and find a solution! Are there any college students who would trade for housing? Single moms/retired or widowed friends or family members. Does your mother have friends who will help, even one day or half-day a week? Can you use any proeeds from selling her home to pay for care, in a nursing home or in a sibling's home? Is she old enough to qualify for Medicare? There should be a Long Term Care or Senior Care Ombudsman in your area who might refer you to agencies that can help.
You are truly a sandwich generation right now, caring for your existing children and as yet unborn baby, and caring for your parents as well. I cannot help but think there is a reason for this. Be still and wait for the answer to come to you. Do not be afraid to ask friends or neighbors for help. My heart aches for you...please let us know how your mother is doing, and I am wishing you a safe delivery of your newest little one.
Jo |
|
|
|
therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2006 : 9:33:22 PM
|
Rebecca -- I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. These transitions with parents are so hard. Please now that I am praying for you and your family.
"But as for me & my house we will serve the LORD!" Joshua 24:15
Lotion bars, linen water & more in my online shop! http://therusticcottage.etsy.com
|
|
|
|
Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2006 : 9:52:25 PM
|
Rebecca, so very sorry to hear of all of this going on for you right now..please try to take the best care of yourself that you can during this time.I sincerely hope that you can find someone that can help you shoulder this big responsibility during this time. Our thoughts are with you.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~ |
|
|
|
summerbreeze
True Blue Farmgirl
277 Posts
Laura
WA
USA
277 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2006 : 10:09:07 PM
|
Just sending a big hug!
With love and warm thoughts,
Laura
You only live once,if you do it right once is enough. |
|
|
|
dargaonfly1054
True Blue Farmgirl
257 Posts
Georgette
Nicholville
NY
USA
257 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2006 : 03:09:54 AM
|
Rebecca.........you have made my complaints sound so small.......and I don't mean that in a mean way. You've made me realize that no matter how "bad" I think my life may be, there is someone always worse off. I wish so much I could help. I don't know how you are keeping your sanity, you must be a very strong woman. I admire you. Remember that we all here have good soft shoulders any time you need to cry or vent. Wish also that I could give you a big farmgirl hug!
My thoughts are with you. Georgette
"There is a voice that doesn't use words........Listen." |
|
|
|
Phils Ann
True Blue Farmgirl
1095 Posts
Ann
Parsonsburg
Maryland
USA
1095 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2006 : 05:51:06 AM
|
Rebecca, I don't have any suggestions, but some of the above ideas sound really creative. Just know I'm praying for you and your mother.... and sending the (((hug))).
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
|
|
|
Juliekay
True Blue Farmgirl
237 Posts
237 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2006 : 06:27:20 AM
|
Rebecca,
As you know, I'm just down the road in Shawnee. Even though, I'm due at the same time, please know that I am here for emotional support and help if possible. I too am helping to take care of my aging mother in Illinois. I do have some help, but there is a lot to think about and keep track of, I know. Is there any chance that she will recover partially from this stroke and end up back at home eventually? That's what happened with my mom. She just needed help for a while.
Don;t turn down any help that's available this summer. I know that you belong to a very strong church community; don't be afraid to call on them to help or turn down their offers. Let people take the kids out for the day, or help you with your move. Do anything that will make for an easier life right now.
Julie |
|
|
|
_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2006 : 10:53:05 AM
|
Thanks for all the loving thoughts and ideas (esp the one about people taking my children...I like that!--thanks Julie!). We do hope to sell my parents property, but I don't think my siblings understand just what part of the sale will be taken by the state. ??? I don't know. Anyway, I have made it clear to them all that I am basically going to take care of me, mine and my own for at least the next several months and they are understanding of that. And one thing that is not certain, but is the norm for us is that we have extremely healthy babies and my labors and deliveries go quite well, so that is not a worry. Of course things can always happen, but today I was just feeling peaceful about the fact that 3 of my children were born easy and healthy. They don't sleep through the night, but that's okay, I'll take whatever I can get! 
So, hopefully things are going to work out. It felt really good just to get it out there and let people know what was going on. Today I washed up some baby boy outfits and blankets and am getting the diaper bag ready for the big day.
I appreciate everyone's thoughts and concerns and hugs! You are all a very special group! I will keep you guys posted on what happens next..stay tuned!
With Grace!
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·.
Wife of Jonathan, Mother of Joel, Caitlyn, Elia |
|
|
|
blueroses
True Blue Farmgirl
1323 Posts
Debbie
in the Pandhandle of
Idaho
USA
1323 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2006 : 10:54:40 AM
|
Rebecca,
I agree with some of the other ladies. Please try to talk to a social worker and find out what options are available. This is very stressful situation for you and as boomers start to age, will become more of a problem. It's so hard to figure out how to help our parents and care for them. Sending you hugs and prayers.
"You cannot find peace...by avoiding life."
Virginia Woolfe |
|
|
|
frannie
True Blue Farmgirl
2246 Posts
fran
bonham
texas
USA
2246 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2006 : 6:23:31 PM
|
just wondering, is there any chance that your dad ia veteran?
i was an occupational therapist before i retired and worked many years in long term care.
it is very challenging to go through what you are facing with your parents.
i went through it with my parents, but the end of life is a very spiritual time and i feel very blessed that i have been involved in that part of life with so many folks and then with my own parents.
if your dad is aveteran there are some services available to him and possibly your mom depending on his service.
if your moms stroke was mild, there is a chance that her skill level will increase and she should be eliglibe for home health or part a medicare right after her hospitalization.
i also wish yall could hold on to their property.
anyway, i know this is a very challenging time for you and your family.
please seek some local advice and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
fran |
|
|
|
JudyBlueEyes
True Blue Farmgirl
657 Posts
Judith
Spokane
Washington
USA
657 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2006 : 7:34:10 PM
|
Big Hugs for you, (((((Rebecca))))) Take care of yourself, I'll keep you and all your family in my prayers. Judy
The Rooster crows, but the Hen lays the egg. ~ Texas Proverb |
|
|
|
CathyM
True Blue Farmgirl
344 Posts
Cathy
Tulsa
OK
USA
344 Posts |
Posted - Jul 06 2006 : 3:42:19 PM
|
Rebecca, My sister and I had to make that choice of putting our mom in a nursing home a few years ago. She had fallen and hit her head and was unable to take care of herslef and neither one of us was in a possition to take care of her. She was there for a few years and then got into an elderly houseing unit. We are now all moving to Oklahoma the first of August and thankfully my mom can take care of herslef at this point but is going blind slowly.
If your mom gets social security speak to them and see what they can do for you. But please check out the nursing homes before you admit her.
My heart goes out to you and hope things are looking up at this point. do keep us updated with everything.
Many prayers, Cathy |
|
|
|
Sue-eee
Farmgirl in Training
14 Posts
Susan
Drummond
ok
USA
14 Posts |
Posted - Jul 06 2006 : 4:20:07 PM
|
Rebecca,
I'm new to the board and just reading this. I live in OK, too. We went thru a similar situation with my grandmother several years ago and were able to get some services for her through the Dept. of Human Services. You might check with them.
~~Susan~~
wife and mommy |
|
|
|
_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Jul 11 2006 : 07:45:40 AM
|
I'm due tomorrow. Well, technically due. All pregnancies are different. I at least am not having false labor or anything, I'm actually getting rest for the most part, so I feel pretty good. Last time was horrible. I didn't sleep, I think I labored for about a week long with no effect on my cervix whatsoever. If my midwife wants to induce me I'm all for it! Pregnancy is lovely and all, but hey, the sooner it's over with the better as I'm not the biggest fan of being the size of a beluga whale.
So, an update on my mom. She is wanting to leave the nursing center today. My sister and my brother-in-law are going to be here sometime this evening.
We are not sure if my mom can make it without full-time nursing, but she is determined. She will of course drive my sister crazy. But, oh well. I think that her health is too far gone, but that's just me. She will probably have a stroke in the process.
Also add to this week our house-hunting has officially begun.
Life is crazy! 
|
|
|
|
Hideaway Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1553 Posts
Jo
Virginia
USA
1553 Posts |
Posted - Jul 11 2006 : 08:51:12 AM
|
Wow, Rebecca, you answered my question about the delivery (sent via MJF to your email) before I asked it. Freaky.
We must be on the same wavelength today. Hope things go well, and I will be sending a little package your way soon (at least this one won't need diaper changes and feeding every few hours, haha!) Wishing you a safe delivery and keep us updated, OK?
Jo |
|
|
|
Linda Houston
True Blue Farmgirl
538 Posts
Linda
Lake Charles
Louisiana
USA
538 Posts |
Posted - Jul 11 2006 : 12:37:11 PM
|
| Thank you for sharing this with all of us so we may pray for you and your family. I have read all of the post written and all bases seem to be covered. I do send my prayers and concern for you and yours. |
|
|
|
_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Jul 11 2006 : 6:47:11 PM
|
My sister, brother-in-law & kitten showed up today around noon. They had a good drive (from Southern-most AZ to OK) They got my mom out of the nursing center and I'm guessing it went okay as they were pretty relaxed about the whole situation. In fact, they were really energetic and were doing some yardwork as it's been 106 in AZ and here it's the low 90s.
Went to the midwife today and it looks like baby isn't ready at all to come. So, maybe another week. Oh well, I'm glad in a way as it will mean maybe life will be a bit more settled.
Also, we are in the process of house hunting and hopefully have found the one that we want. Yay!
So, I will keep you guys posted. Thanks for your thoughts & prayers.
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·.
Wife of Jonathan, Mother of Joel, Caitlyn, Elia |
|
|
|
Hideaway Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1553 Posts
Jo
Virginia
USA
1553 Posts |
Posted - Jul 12 2006 : 06:03:45 AM
|
Rebecca, I am so glad things are starting to settle down with your mom, and with your own new house. The baby might be waiting for his/her new room!
Jo |
|
|
|
_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2006 : 2:47:44 PM
|
Sad news for today. My mom & sister had a falling out. Home health care has been arranged. Her meds have been checked out, but I think my mom & sister are just completely stressed out from the situation. They had an argument about a new medication. I am not sure what was said. I tend to guess that they were both snarky about it and that it's just a matter of my mother being ill and my sister being tired.
We made an offer on a house, but the contract previously made on it went through and therefore ours was void. So, my husband is quite sad today as he was really looking forward to getting it.
We made another offer on a different house. It is a very cute house, but it's 200sq ft smaller than the other one. And a smaller yard. But, I think it's so pretty. My husband isn't as excited about this one. But, it was his decision to buy it, so I guess he's okay with it.
That's about it.
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·.
Wife of Jonathan, Mother of Joel, Caitlyn, Elia |
|
|
|
connio
True Blue Farmgirl
535 Posts
connie
springtown
texas
USA
535 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2006 : 3:52:19 PM
|
Rebecca Be strong! I will include you in my daily prayers for healing.
Connie
Texas Farm Girl
cozycottage |
|
|
|
Family Matters: just need some pity & empathy from ya'll |
|
just need some pity & empathy from ya'll
