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Family Matters:  HEAVY BURDEN  |
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yf4life
Farmgirl in Training
14 Posts
Maree
Nine Mile Falls
WA
USA
14 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 02 2006 : 11:38:23 PM
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Wellll, we received a call the other day that Isaiah will be available after the 19th, hopefully. The social worker is going to request that they proceed with termination. We said that we were interested.
Problem #1 Spokane Consultants is reluctant to give us a foster license because of the issues we face with Nathaniel and Rachel and that we already have 4 kids. We will talk with them on Wed. and see what can be done.
Problem #2 Isaiah has been abused. He was sodomized by his older brother. He would have been between 3 and 5 years old and his brother would have been between 15 and 18. The brother is currently in jail for the crime. He pled guilty. Isaiah has not shown any sexualized acting out behavior except for some inappropriate sex talk at times, which considering his environment could happen reguardless of the abuse.
Problem #3 What do we do? Will he victomize our kids, others, or myself when he is older. Can we handle all of the problems that come up , possibly, later as a result of his abuse?
Problem #4 What does God want from us? My heart says take him that we can fix him. I have learned with the other kids that I can not "fix" my kids. Dan said we can't save all of the children and that we need to make sure that the 4 we have are safe. He wants to talk to the pastors at church and I need to talk to my kids doctor and a trusted social worker/counselor.
Problem #5 How much to we disclose to the adoption agancy/foster care licensor in reguard to his abuse. If we fully disclose they will be more inclined to NOT give us the license.
I /we could really use some prayer while we consider this matter. If you have any ideas or help i would appreciate it.
I know this has many grammer and spelling errors, forgive me it is late!
Maree |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Jul 02 2006 : 11:52:36 PM
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Hi Maree...
I have experience with alot of these issues with kids I have worked with and fostered.
First of all..how old is Isaiah now? Whether or not he will be a danger to your kids depends alot on that.
Whatevery you have heard has happened to him..figure on double that has REALLY happened to him. I have found that it WILL come out later..and it DOES effect the victim...not always in ways you expect..but in some very strong kids it will be okay.
Can you handle all the problems? Probably not..but love does go a long way
If your husband isn't willing to give Isaiah unconditional love (and that is really hard sometimes) it will be nearly impossible.
My four adopted kids that are home now all came with alot (ALOT) of baggage that we deal with every day..BUT..they are also very sweet, well behaved and well adjusted kids..which is amazing with where they came from, what they have seen, and what they have been through.
If you don't disclose things you know you wouldn't have alot of support with those issues later if you do get him, but I know what you mean. Sometimes keeping quiet is better.
I will sure pray for your family daily. I know that my friend's prayers have made such a difference for my family..and we have decided in a couple cases NOT to take kids that we just felt like it wasn't going to work for everyone. You really DO need to think about your other kids too. What do they think? Alot of times it is best ...even with family...maybe not your immediate family..but beyond that...to keep some things about adopted and foster kids totally quiet so the child won't be judged. We do that with ours. They have a better chance if people arn't watching them for behavior they think will for sure happen from their life before.
I feel for you and hope it all goes they way you want. Keep praying for guidance!!!
Hugs from here!!
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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westernhorse51
True Blue Farmgirl
1681 Posts
michele
farmingdale
n.j.
USA
1681 Posts |
Posted - Jul 03 2006 : 05:56:11 AM
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First of all, God Bless you both and your families for doing such an unselfish and lovable act. I can't even imagine how hard it must be for ALL involved. I only know the POWER of prayer and pray we will for you to make that very hard decision.
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
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happymama58
True Blue Farmgirl
1210 Posts
Patti
Missouri
USA
1210 Posts |
Posted - Jul 03 2006 : 06:59:38 AM
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Maree, I know very little about the foster care system or about how to best handle the situation you are facing, so I won't presume to offer advice. I just wanted you to know that I've added your concerns to my prayer list and will be praying for you and your family. It is obvious you have a humongous heart and that you and your dh are doing wonderful things for these children -- God bless you!
Some people search for happiness; others create it.
http://happymama58.typepad.com/my_weblog/ |
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sunshine
True Blue Farmgirl
4877 Posts
Wendy
Utah
USA
4877 Posts |
Posted - Jul 03 2006 : 07:22:01 AM
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I wish I didn't have to put my name on this but so be it I came from a family with alot of abuse in alrespects of the word. I have a sister who came out great ( scares yes but great) I came out great in retrospect ( scares yes but great). I have a brother and another sister I would never leave alone with my children and another brother who is still combating demons ( these are drug induced) so I can't leave them with him. I have parents I will never trust forgive yes done that trust never. It would be a very hard decision for me to take as I would want to help the boy but at the same time I would never jepardize (sp) my own children God granted me the opportunity to raise them first and formost and since I almost died to have them they take presidence. I feel sad that children have gone through what this little boy and mysiblings and self have gone through it is a hard life that will follow my family still have to deal with my scares and I am far from my childhood years which stop at hte age of 3 in my opionion. Life isn't always what we want nor what we think we can handle pray and ask God what to do he will never gives us more trials than he thinks we can handle and he will never forsake us it is we who forget and forske him. My love goes to you and this little boy. May God keep you both of you safe together or apart.
have a lovely day and may God bless you and keep you safe |
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Phils Ann
True Blue Farmgirl
1095 Posts
Ann
Parsonsburg
Maryland
USA
1095 Posts |
Posted - Jul 03 2006 : 12:02:53 PM
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Maree, my heart also goes out to you... and your children as well as this boy. I will be praying for you to have guidance (even ask the Lord to 'shut the door' if it's His will you don't take this child). God bless you... and Aunt Jenny... and Sunshine, too!
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
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yf4life
Farmgirl in Training
14 Posts
Maree
Nine Mile Falls
WA
USA
14 Posts |
Posted - Jul 03 2006 : 1:19:30 PM
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Thank you so much for the love and prayers. Isaiah is 6 now and the abuse happened in between 3 and 5. I don't know how often. I especially want to say thank you for the honesty. I know that it is hard to talk about certain things like abuse. I was sexually abused as a child by a neighbor. I too have scars but, I am OK. I talked to the the kids doctor today and she reccomended that I see if Isaiah has had counseling. If not ask that he does and that we be able to have full disclosure with the psychologist to see if he would be able to live succesfully in our family.
Maree |
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Phils Ann
True Blue Farmgirl
1095 Posts
Ann
Parsonsburg
Maryland
USA
1095 Posts |
Posted - Jul 04 2006 : 4:26:24 PM
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Well, I'm sure I don't know much... but a psychologist's evaluation sounds like a good step to take. Then, long term "checkups" later. Children seem to deal well sometimes, but later it can catch up and bite'm. A co-worker of my DH recently turned himself in for abusing his adopted children--very repentant, I might add. He and his sister had been abused by their father. It absolutely breaks my heart. Bless you Maree... and your family, also.
Ann
There is a Redeemer. |
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Family Matters: HEAVY BURDEN |
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HEAVY BURDEN
