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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  Please pray for my foster son - NEWS P. 3 !!!!  |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 15 2011 : 6:35:19 PM
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Hi everybody -
My former foster son needs prayer. As most of you know, he and our former foster daughter got married on New Year's Eve. At the time, he had been losing a lot of weight. He had been making some life changes, so we figured it was just something happening as a result. We knew he had a bleeding ulcer, which has always been a major concern to me (lost a sister-in-law to that), but other than that, he has seemed fine. He has been here a couple of times since Memorial Day. He seemed happy and healthy, but he had lost over 80 lbs. in less than a year, and was looking super skinny. He kind of brushed it off, attributing it to the fact that he had quit drinking last year, and he had been working really hard, so we just brushed it off, too. Well, the other day he started feeling really dizzy, was walking funny, slurring, etc. My foster daughter was at work, and he didn't want to do anything without her (she's a nursing student), so they planned to call the doc in the morning. When he woke up he felt fine, but soon after going to work, he started with these symptoms again. His employer sent him home and told him he couldn't return without a doctor's release. My foster daughter tested his blood sugar when he got home, and it was up to 483 (or, actually, I'm pretty sure it was much higher than that - the 483 was the "low" high he had yesterday - but I can't remember now). At the hospital, they did bloodwork and diagnosed him with Type 1 diabetes. Long story short, his mom is a SEVERE diabetic, so this is probably inherited. He went home, my foster daughter had to go to work, so we picked up his script and some salad fixins for him. When my son and I got there, he looked just awful - it was really frightening to me. He said felt really wiped out and weak, but insisted he was okay, that it was just that the meds from the hospital had worn off. The next day I went to pick up the two older kids and his blood sugar was up to 483 (not as high as before, but high nonetheless), so my foster daughter brought him back to emergency room, where he was later admitted. The medicine they gave him just wasn't cutting it. They found that in addition to the diabetes, he has a hyper-thyroid issue (again, like his mother has) as well as a growth behind his seriously enlarged tonsils. The doctors did a scope, but said they can't touch the growth until he gets his diabetes and hyper-thyroid issue under control. Sisters, on top of all of this, he has no health insurance, nor any sick or vacation time to cover the work days he's missed. Believe me when I say they are already strapped as it is (who isn't nowadays, right?). I'm so upset and concerned for him/them I can't even begin to tell you. My foster daughter is at the hospital with him right now, hoping he will be released tonight. If all goes well, she thinks they might let him return to work on Monday, but I'm not so sure because he won't get to see the endocrinologist until Tuesday. I'm thinking that they'll want to be sure his sugar and thyroid levels are under control before they allow him to return to work. Please just pray for them. It's weighing so heavily on my heart tonight. I just had to ask for your prayers. I'm sure I'm forgetting something, but I'm trying to keep it all straight. When she calls from her cell, she cuts out a lot, and then she's always being interrupted by other incoming calls. Plus their two older ones and my nephew being here has made things a little bit hectic and distracting.
Thanks so much for your prayers. I don't know how soon I'll have an update for you, but I will update you as soon as I can.
Hugs, love and blessings to all -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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Edited by - Ninibini on Aug 12 2011 11:15:11 AM |
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Sue Feely
True Blue Farmgirl
1044 Posts
Sue
Buffalo
New York
USA
1044 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2011 : 6:38:34 PM
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| Nini - I am so sorry. most horrible, If I can offer any help other than my prayers please let me know! |
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Blessed in Colorado
True Blue Farmgirl
7284 Posts
Debbie L.
Oregon
USA
7284 Posts |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2011 : 6:57:31 PM
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I'm also a type one diabetic, type 1 is not hereditary, only type two, and possibly gestational.
That being said, Healthy Exchanges by JoAnna Lund really really helped me. I followed the Richard Simmons food mover diabetic exchanges, he would want the maintance exchanges for his weight.
With type one he needs to be sure he is not in DKA, what is his keytone's? Over 300 assume he is in DKA and needs to be in MICU.
It takes a while to get the insulin right. (insulin is the only medication for type one). He really should be in the hospital while figuring out the dosages he needs. I could go on and on with ways of getting it in control. But, I really think he needs to be hospitalized at least till the bgs are in a good range, and they have figured out how much insulin HE needs. Every person is different and needs different amounts, it's not something you can just go home and figure out. UHG!
He needs a good endocrinologist that will see him in the hospital and oversee all this as well.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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LindaJo
True Blue Farmgirl
650 Posts
Linda
Fargo
ND
USA
650 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2011 : 7:12:33 PM
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Nini
So sorry to hear about your foster son's health problems. No insurance and everything SO expensive. I will keep you all in my prayers. Blessings
Art cleans the dust of everyday life from the soul. Picasso |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2011 : 7:29:37 PM
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Thank you so much for the support and advice and prayers - I just love you, girls! You mean the world to me!
Heather - I may have gotten it wrong... My foster daughter said it was hereditary. I'm a little sleep deprived, so I'm not sure. I'm sorry! But I will definitely find the books for them. His Mom has been very sick with this and has had much difficulty maintaining her diabetes for years. It's funny because he has taken care of her and even seen her take her insulin, but tonight expressed concern that he had no idea how to administer it to himself. My foster daughter is in nursing school and works full-time as a nurses aide so she knows what to do, thankfully, and I'm sure the hospital will show him. I suppose when it hits you first hand, you can't help but be unnerved and worried, and he's not himself right now, so I'm sure he's a little bit confused. I wish they'd keep him in the hospital longer, too. It's almost 10:30 PM here and she hasn't called yet, so I'm thinking - hoping - they might be keeping him at least one more night. :)
I'd better go - I've been on the computer too long - my eyes are starting to cross! I'll keep you all posted as I hear anything!
Hugs and many thanks again -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2011 : 7:39:14 PM
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Yeah when I was diagnosed I was hospitalized for 2 weeks. I wonder if he can apply for a medical card from medicaid just at least temporarily.
They taught me in the hospital how to do the insulin and every thing. It's something that is so touchy they need to be watching him closely (too much he could kill himself! Too little and it will stay high!) I must admit giving myself shots took me about a month to get brave enough to do. My mom and husband thankfully agreed to do it for a while. lol Well actually they never said they wouldn't, but took me about that long to get the courage up to say ok I'm ready to do this for myself. I did do it during the "class" where they taught me early on, but it just seemed so overwhelming, and others were willing to help me, I went with it. I must say it's extremely overwhelming when it's yourself.
Type 2 is the kind that is genetic, type 1 usually comes from a childhood disease, like the mumps or such, something that turns your immune system against itself. And usually hits before age 25. It's not something you can help or prevent. Type 2 can usually be prevented by exercise, and diet and basically taking good care of yourself. Usually...however, sometimes stress will trigger it as well.
I get a lot of my Healthy Exchange books from bookcloseouts.com they are the cheapest. They are mainly recipes, not really about diabetes, but the recipes are good for diabetics. As for a good book to learn about diabetes, the best one I have found is the ADA (American Diabetic Association) Diabetic Encyclopedia. It is a huge book in it's looks (a little less then 900 pages) but it's a easy read and is divided into sections. So you only read the section about your type. I wish I had read it first as it told me so so much that I needed to know.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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emtfarmer
True Blue Farmgirl
222 Posts
Darlene
North Carolina
USA
222 Posts |
Posted - Jul 15 2011 : 8:33:45 PM
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All of you are in my prayers. It may take awhile to get his medications "tweaked" for him, but it can be done and done well.
As far as not having insurance, I've been there. My long story short, my husband had a heart condition (just after turning age 40), he spent 11 days in the hospital (part of it in ICU) and our total bills amounted to over $40,000. But you know what? We weren't jailed, our firstborn (in our case, a cat) wasn't snatched from us, and life goes on.
The important thing is to get him better and put on a plan to keep him well. Financial stress is really, really tough, I know, but please just trust in all things good and the good Lord above.
Hugs and prayers,
Darlene
"Support your local fire departments and rescue squads...volunteers making a difference" |
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embchicken
True Blue Farmgirl
1487 Posts
Elaine
Ocean
NJ
USA
1487 Posts |
Posted - Jul 16 2011 : 05:52:48 AM
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Nini~ You are all in my thoughts and prayers. My nephew (he is 15) has Type 1 and has been using an insulin pump. It helps keeps things very regulated, doesn't get in the way, and is easy to use. Maybe this could be a possibility for your foster son?
All of the stress from missing work and not having health insurance probably hasn't helped the situation. Could the hospital point your FS in the direction of some help? Just wondering. As far as meds go - I know that almost all of the pharma companies have some sort of assistance plan. When he finds out who the maker is of his meds your FD or himself should contact them and see what program they qualify for.
I hope things settle down for them. This is a serious condition that he really needs to monitor.
~ Elaine
Farmgirl sister #2822
"Find yourself a cup of tea; the teapot is behind you. Now tell me about hundreds of things." ~Saki
http://embchicken.blogspot.com
http://gusandtrudy.blogspot.com |
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Marcy
True Blue Farmgirl
2701 Posts
Marcy
Tiverton
Rhode Island
USA
2701 Posts |
Posted - Jul 16 2011 : 08:00:20 AM
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Will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. If there is anything that I can do, please let me know. Wish I could do more. Know that you are thought of.
hugs
Marcy
Farmgirl #170
Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give...Eleanor Roosevelt
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jul 16 2011 : 09:28:15 AM
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The pump is usually for people who already are used to having their glucose in control with out the pump. The pump has a learning curve that I wouldn't recommend till after the person understands completely the impact of food versus insulin amounts. You can easily over dose insulin with the pump if you don't quite understand how important eating regularly is, and well could cause death. More diabetics die of low blood sugar then high. Especially type 1's. Plus it's more expensive if you don't have insurance. Regular insulin and needles can be bought over the counter in most states, with out a rx, which would help if he doesn't have insurance. However, for sure I know NY only let's you buy so much OTC especially syringes! UHG. In Kansas we have laws where you are allowed to buy as many syringes as you want. (they feel it's more important for drug addicts to use clean needles/syringes then to limit them and force people who are already addicted to use dirty needles! However, other states feel if they limit the syringes sold to each person they will also limit the drug abuse...doesn't quite work like that so oh well, makes it suck though for the diabetic who is not a drug addict but just doesn't have insurance to go see a dr and get a RX every time they need syringes and insulin!).
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jul 16 2011 : 10:06:35 AM
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BTW I want to say I am NOT anti pump, I think the pump is a fantastic development, my aunt was one of the first on it about 30 years ago when they were first testing it out.
My only concerns with it are-
One it is not cheap if you don't have insurance.
Two if you don't understand bolus versus food intake/exercise, etc with diabetes you could be putting your life in danger.
I just wouldn't recommend it to some one who has very little diabetes education, and is not used to knowing how to control their glucose already.
However, it's a awesome device that will literally save your skin-having to stick yourself 3 to 5 times a day does eventually give you skin damage. I know I have severe skin damage, cause my insurance didn't start paying for pumps till about 2 years ago. And my skin looks like seersucker fabric! lol haha From giving my self 5 shots a day for years and years, and years. With the pump you only stick yourself once every 3 or so days.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jul 16 2011 : 7:08:08 PM
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Thanks so much girls, truly! I spoke with my FD - he was released last night. His blood sugar is still in the 400's about an hour after he takes his medicine, but they didn't keep him. I have no idea why, that's all I know. They just said to call the doctor if he starts getting loopy again. How not comforting is that?! Geez... We'll just wait and see - Tuesday he sees the endocrinologist, so I should know more then.
My FD found out that insulin can be purchased OTC, and it is much less expensive than through the pharmacy. I'm not so sure about the OTC version, and I'm not liking the idea too much, but the pharmacist called the doctor who confirmed it would be fine for him to use it. The problem, however, is that you still need a script for needles and they must be obtained from the pharmacy. She said that it's still very expensive. They're going to just use the prescribed insulin and needles until he sees the endocrinologist on Tuesday, which, to me, seems weeks away while we wait. I'm sure it'll be okay. It's just all so new and a little confusing, that's all.
I have a friend whose daughter is on the insulin pump now, and it's a wonderful thing. I don't think they consider putting you on it right away, but I do know for him it could be an option down the road. From what I understand, it's all hit-or-miss in the beginning. He has to get to know his own body a lot better, control his diet and exercise, and carefully monitor his levels. My friend told me that right now we just need to basically "expect the unexpected." I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens. The wait is probably killing me more than it is my FD and FS, though!!! LOL!
I'm just really, really thankful for all of your prayers, support and guidance with this. It's always so much better to get an "insider's" perspective. And I hate to ask a lot of questions, but you are all really helping me understand more about this and what to expect. You're also helping me not to ask too many questions, to "panic" or to worry too much. You're input means so much to me - you can't imagine. I just want to be strong for them and do whatever I can to support them. Your words are actually very comforting and easing MY mind in all of this. You're the best - thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jul 16 2011 : 8:39:08 PM
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The otc insulins are fine. They are the same things that come in pumps, and pen forms, but they are just in a vial instead. Usually it's HumalinN and HumalinR One is long lasting (for over night and all day) and one is fast acting (for right before meals). They are really the same thing that can be prescribed, it's just that most drs don't prescribe vials and syringes any more, but rather pens and pumps.
What state do they live in? Every state is different.
Like I said in NYC they would only allow you to buy 10 syringes at a time OTC, I guess now from you say your state doesn't allow any. Here in Kansas, and I also believe in MO you are allowed to buy all the syringes you want OTC. (again like I said they would rather drug addicts use clean needles and not spread diseases rather then force them to use dirty ones, I think it's so stupid the laws in some states that limit you when like for diabetics who aren't drug addicts need them! UHG
any way that being said I just did a google. So far how many units is he taking? A half CC needle will give up to 50 units, 1 CC is 100 units. When I left Kansas 10 years ago I had no insurance and I was paying 20 dollars for a box of 100 1 cc needles, sometimes I would pay less for a box of 1/2 CC needles, I would use the 1/2CC ones for the times I didn't need a whole cc and just keep my 1 cc's for my breakfast shot (I had to mix NPH and R for breakfast, and had to take almost a whole CC when all was said and done, the other times it was always under 40 units so I could get by with the 1/2 CC ones).
Any way...I don't know how far from any border states you live, or if you have friends or family in Kansas or Mo who could go and pick them up and mail them to you. But, I found here in Kansas before I left 10 years ago if I went to the privately owned pharmacies, not the ones like Walgreens! And explained my no insurance plight to the owner (pharmacists!) he would give me a break on the price if I paid in cash. I'm not sure if you have friends who could do that for you in other states or not.
If not, I did do a amazon check and it looks as if you can get around 90 for around 25 dollars or less. BD is the best brand, and he will want ultra fine, and 1/4 to 1/2 inch syringe. (I had a bunch more typed and it disapeared! UHG!).
Any way the most important thing I want to say is please tell him no matter how tempted he is to save money to never reuse a needle/syringe. I was at the pharmacy one day and they had a big blown up pic of what the needle looks like after one use, two uses, and so on, each use puts more and more spurs on the needle you can't see them with the naked eye but they are there. The spurs will hold bacteria and can give you nasty nasty skin infections. No matter how much I have pleaded with my mother she will not listen to me about such and is always fighting these skin infections and she has even known people who has DIED from such skin infections and it still doesn't stop her! UHG!
So no using one more then once, no matter how much money you think you are saving!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jul 16 2011 : 8:43:58 PM
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oh and also sometimes I still have problems with my insurance paying, ask his dr for samples when he goes! I was given several packs of the pens when I did that a couple of years ago. They usually also always have the vials at the drs as samples.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2011 : 08:17:20 AM
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Nini, I just read this. I will be praying for him also. I hope he's gotten it under control some by now.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2011 : 1:31:29 PM
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Nin...I'm keeping you and your family in my prayers!!
I work in a dr office, please have them check with the hospital and drs offices about community care programs to help pay the bills...drs offices have many samples to help patients and there are also intigent programs where the drug company will give patients their meds...I wish I was closer to get your FS what he needs....its a lot of paperwork but very worth it and will ease some of the stress...knowing that he won't have to come up with the $$$....right now hopefully he can focus on getting better and getting his sugars regulated. Please let me know if there is anything else I can help with..I'm more than happy. Please take care of yourself too!!
Lori |
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Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2011 : 3:31:59 PM
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Nini,
I am praying for your whole family. Praying for your foster son and daughter-in law as they go through this. I am also keeping the physicians in prayer for the Lord to grant them wisdom concerning EVERYTHING and how to best treat him. I will be praying for the Lord's provisions. I KNOW that medical bills and hospital visits can be expensive, we also do not have insurance. Does the state have any programs that maybe they could look into? Here in Colorado there is a program called Colorado Indigent Care. It is based not only on income but what goes out in bills too. A few years ago I needed to have a lumpectomy and the nurse told me about it. instead of paying something like $7000. we only ended up paying about 1400. The program is a sliding scale dependent upon income. Please keep us posted. You are also in my prayers :)
~Sharon
By His Grace, For His Glory
http://merryheartjournal.blogspot.com/ |
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Cherime
True Blue Farmgirl
1222 Posts
Cherime
Wasilla
Alaska
USA
1222 Posts |
Posted - Jul 24 2011 : 06:28:10 AM
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Praying for you all. Also, my daughter has been on insulin since age 8. She got a pump some years back and it is working but things can happen and the last time she went to the doctor, the nurse "adjusted" it and almost killed her with two major reactions in the middle of the night. So she then re adjusted it herself and it has been working fine for the last few months. The pump is horribly expensive and she has lousy insurance now, $6K deductible, of no use at all. Supplies cost her about $1,000 per month.
It most definitely takes time to get dosages right and sometimes dosages need to be adjusted on a daily basis depending on exercise, food, etc. The dumbest thing I ever heard was not allowing otc sales of syringes. All that does is hurt those who really need them and those who are misusing them will continue to do so and cost us all more with medical bills in the end.
CMF |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jul 24 2011 : 2:18:51 PM
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Whew Cherime I am glad your dd was smart enough to adjust it back to save herself! Some people really have no idea what they are doing!
And I agree not letting people, even drug addicts, buy syringes OTC is the dumbest thing ever! I remember when I was in high school decades ago, our state had a big deal about keeping syringes OTC to help prevent the spread of aids amongst the drug addicts, which would/could eventually be spread to "non drug addicts". Not to mention all the other diseases that are spread through the use of dirty needles. So they fought and kept it legal here. The states who out lawed it were stupid, in my opinion as well. Cause the drug addicts will still use, they will just use dull and dirty needles-spreading diseases. Meanwhile the diabetics and other people with different health issues (like one of my aunts had a vitamin deficiency problem where she had to take vitamins via a shot each day or get deathly ill!) can die with out them! STUPID!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2011 : 3:28:25 PM
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Hi girls - I just wanted to give you a couple of updates. Thank you for your prayers. I'm feeling a little bit weak and weepy, and so embarrassed to admit this faith-filled heart of mine is feeling so upset like this. 'Guess we all have days like this, though. I'll be okay. I will.
So...
My foster son was here a few days ago with the kids. He seemed okay, a little nervous, but he seemed to be handling things well enough. He's still learning to figure out how to maintain his blood sugar, but he's doing everything he should be doing, so I took that as a positive sign. :) He shared his concerns about his thyroid, which has caused him to lose an incredible amount of weight in a very brief period of time. Now, his clothes are falling off of him, and his muscle tissue has lessened quite a bit. He said they were going to give him pills to kill his thyroid, but he said something about not being able to be around the kids for a few weeks if he took them, so he is planning to opt for surgical removal. Either way, he knows he will have to take pills for his thyroid for the rest of his life. He seemed to be in good spirits, a little more nervous than usual, but still smiling. He's worried, I know. We all are. We didn't really discuss the mass behind his tonsils at the time because I could tell the other two things were already wearing on him - I didn't want to upset him anymore than he already was, you know? All he talked about the whole time he was here, other than the medical stuff, was his kids. One time he got tears in his eyes, so I could tell he's worried. He even brought up God, but he's not real sure what to believe. He's always been one to not take life too seriously, but I can tell that this is really, really worrying him.
Then TODAY, my foster daughter called. She was upset and asked me to keep this news quiet - she was confiding in me, because when it comes to prayer, I'm her "go to" person. Tuesday my foster son is going in to have a lymph node removed and biopsied, as well as to have a biopsy done on the mass behind his tonsils. The doctors are extremley concerned because of the condition of both his lymph node and the mass, but they didn't give them any real insight as to what is going on... except that they are concerned that he may have cancer. When she told me, I went numb and saw little grey bubbles everywhere - I honestly felt faint. She said that he is taking the whole thing in stride, saying that "it's nothing until they tell us it's something," but she is extremely overwhelmed and can't concentrate on anything but the "what if's." I cried. That's our boy we're talking about here. Our "first" son - the reason my husband's heart was lead to find a doctor who could help us have a child of our own! This is the boy who gave me my first gray hair (and still laughs about it to this day). The young man whom our son considers to be his big brother - and whom he idolizes. The one who makes things all right when life hits you a curveball. The one whose life is FINALLY getting on track and falling into place. The boy who stole my heart the second he walked through our front door and into our rest-of-our-lives. My "son!" I tried not to cry, but my FD and I both weeped, and then we gathered our senses and talked ourselves out of the tears. We're bucking up and being strong, trusting God's perfect wisdom and profound love for our boy, and just going to do what we have to do. That's it. Then I saw him after he got out of work. He looked even more pale and more skinny than he did a few days ago - kind of gaunt. I tried not to let anything show, but my heart sank to my stomach. I can't bear the thought of him - OR her - OR the kids - having to go through this - I can't bear the thought of ANYONE going through this!!! And yet, such is life... I am praying with my whole heart and crying out to God for His mercy. I know that whatever God's will, God loves him more than we ever could. I just have to trust. Just trust.
Why can't we have a telephone line up to Heaven? You know... just pick up the phone, and hear His soothing voice... Oh... wait... that's prayer... that's His Word... that's faith... Okay... I'm okay... I can do this...
So, there's more - but not really about my foster son. See, a couple of years ago, my beloved cousin, my buddy, my pal, my "Cous," who was just right around my foster son's age, fell in love and got married. Literally a month later, he was back from his honeymoon, started feeling sick and was quickly diagnosed with cancer. He passed away a few short months later. His passing rocked everyone's world. A bright candle, suddenly snuffed out. The world dimmed a little. I never believed it would happen, I honestly didn't see it coming. I just really thought he'd be okay. Suddenly, one day, the phone rings, and this HUGE hole opened up in my heart because he was no longer with us. That hole still aches. I still get weepy over losing him so quickly. But I know God saw the good in him and just had to have him up there in Heaven with Him. Who can blame God for that? My cousin was one of those rare, super-awesome, fun, loving, funny, kind, generous, good-hearted guys who, with the mere mention of his name, would bring a huge smile to your face and giggles to your heart. He still does. But he's gone. And I know my foster daughter is thinking like me: this situation is so similar. I'm scared.
I don't believe in all that superstitious stuff, trust me - every situation is different, every cancer is different; and we don't even know if he even really HAS cancer - I shouldn't be feeling like this! What is wrong with me? I know what is wrong: This situation sure does feel the same as when my cousin became sick. And I can't believe how weepy and pathetic I feel about this. I'm always the strong one, but right now I feel like the life is being sucked out of me with every exhale. It's such a heavy weight, it feels almost unbearable. And my foster daughter - oh my gosh! And the kids! This is too much. Yet it happens every day. We're no different than anyone else. We just have to pray and trust and go through the motions. Lord, give me strength to be strong.
You know, it occured to me just now: I'd give my foster son my blood, my marrow, my kidney, a lung, a limb - just about anything I have to save him from any suffering. I'd do anything for him, truly. He's my son - even if only in my heart. Hmph... 'Guess that's how Jesus felt, huh? And He DID give everything - He gave it all. I just need to constantly remind myself to trust in Him. I can do this. Just breathe, right? I'm breathing...
Ugh... So, my foster daughter asked me not to say anything to my DH or DS until after the appointment on Tuesday. That ought to be fun. She is only asking because they're not telling ANYONE yet soas to not upset anyone. And this weekend it's our son's birthday, and we'll all be together, so she doesn't want him to accidentally let it slip out to the kids or to either his or her mother. I understand. But it's going to be hard. I can do this. We can do this. Breathing... breathing!
In case I haven't thanked you yet: Thank you very, very, very much for letting me let it all out here. I really needed to get this all off my chest. With the help of God, this will all be wasted worry. I know we're not supposed to worry, but that's dang near impossible at the moment, you know?
It's so hard because I'm the "go to" girl for everyone whenever there's a crisis... Sometimes I feel like, "well who the heck can I go to, then?" Duh! GOD. I'm the "go to girl," because I always go to God. I just trust Him. Now is no exception. I'm just going to have to remember that and not forget in a moment of weakness. Please keep me focused on that if you think I'm faltering, okay? <Deep breath> Thanks, girls. Love you all dearly!
Hugs and blessings and many thanks - ESPECIALLY for putting up with me. I'll keep you posted when I know anything, I promise.
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2011 : 4:43:42 PM
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Please do not feel pathetic or like you have less faith because you have "feelings". These are real feelings that even God and Jesus have felt and still feel today about their children-humans & angels, etc.
Jesus wept when his friend Lazurus died, even though he knew he had the power and did resurrect him right away! 1 Cor. 15:26 says that death is a enemy. Thankfully it also says one day it will be done away with, thanks to Jesus ransom sacrifice. It'll be a happy day when Revelations 21:3-5 come to fruition.
That being said it sounds like his Diabetes type 1 is a secondary to all this other stuff. Sounds text book for type 1. It's usually some other illness that starts the body attacking it's own immune system causing the type 1 diabetes. So confirms to me he is more then likely a type 1 diabetic.
The blessing for them is they have you in their lives. You can be there for HIM as he goes through what ever is in store for him. You can be there for his wife, and children no matter what happens as well. They sure did hit the jack pot getting you as their foster mother. So many out there take in foster kids just to make extra money and don't really invest in their foster kids. What a shame on both sides. I have had foster sons in the past (almost 20 years ago now!) and am still in touch with them as well! They put me on their emergency contact info. Imagine my surprise one day to get a phone call from a nurse at a local ER when one of them was in a car wreck and the nurse said my number was in their wallet as the emergency contact, and there was no other info in the wallet but I needed to hurry and get there. Another time I can't remember what happened but one was in a school and something happened to them and again phone call as I was their emergency contact! Both times I was rather shocked since they had been out of my home for years by those points in time and had never told me they had me as their emergency contacts. Both times, things turned out ok as well. They recovered and are still with us today. One has a little girl and is doing really well. A few people have advised my husband and I to take in foster children to help us make some extra money. What a laugh! lol We said we go in the hole doing such. We just can't detach ourselves from another human! We end up spending more money on them then the foster check-buy them good food, buy them clothes and instead of like many of the foster families I know, we let the children KEEP them, not give them back to us cause they are now leaving us! They more then likely NEED clothes and what kind of thing does that do to them to not even have their OWN clothing? Same with toys, etc. Anything we buy for them is THEIRS not to go into the pot at our house to use for the next kid. So yeah we go in the hole doesn't make us any money! lol haha Plus we get emotionally tied to them like you.
You are just the kind of person foster children need. Take strength in and thank God that you are in their lives, to help them and be there for them. So many foster parents drop them like hot potatoes once they are gone out of their homes. Yes, I know a few like you and I. Who truly love their foster kids, but there's also so many out there who just do it for a extra pay check (makes me sick!). So with all this they are going through, all I can say is Thank God they got you as their foster mom! Keep being there for them, and us and God will keep being here for you too!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2011 : 5:47:13 PM
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Nini, I'm overwhelmed with your faith and sweetness. I'm crying now too. I'm probably not on God's A list because I'm a questioner and doubter by nature, but my prayers for peace and strength for you and your family and being said right now. If there is anything I can do let me know, I'm a good listener.
*Farmsister hugs*
Lots of love and light to you and your family
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo DaVinci
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2011 : 8:08:20 PM
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Thank you both so much for your kindness and support, girls.
Heather - I know exactly what you're saying. It's so funny how we can always be strong and KNOW that to be true when it comes to "someone else," and yet, when it's us, it's suddenly not so simple. We always feel we should be some sort of rock in these situations, but in all reality, we need to just really lean on THE Rock!!! I'll keep that in my heart. Thank you!
Oh, Annika - I have a strong suspicion that you're on His "A" list. He made you to be that way! You make Him smile and you delight His heart, I just know it! He loves you, and I pray for you! That puts you right up there with the best of them! :) Always ask... Always seek... Always try to find Him. He's there, and He'll make sure you know it. As sure as I breathe, I KNOW He'll help you find Him. One time someone said to me that oftentimes the most obvious is always right under our noses, and yet we're looking so hard that we miss that which is right in front of us. He always was, He always is, and He ever shall be. He'll never give up on you, so don't you give up on Him, either! In His perfect timing, you'll know. You'll KNOW. Someday, at just the right moment at just the right place in the most amazing way, you'll "see" Him, and you'll know. He promises in Matthew 7:7: "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:" And God keeps His promises, my friend! :) Just take your time, relax and ask Him to show Himself to you - ASK Him to make it all clear! He will! He ALWAYS does!
Hugs to you both!
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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Edited by - Ninibini on Jul 27 2011 8:09:01 PM |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Aug 03 2011 : 06:22:15 AM
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Well, girls - he made it out of surgery okay yesterday. Now it's wait time. The doctor's office told my foster daughter it usually takes about a week for the tests to come back. That seems sooooo long to me. On top of all of this, some other life-altering personal developments have come up in my foster daughter's life and she is extremely stressed out and having a tough time holding it together. Please just say an extra prayer for them today, especially for her. She is such a strong person, but right now, she is having difficulty concentrating and is weeping and crying all the time. I hate to see her like this. I just wish I could " go woooosh and make it all better." I'm just really praying that my foster son will be okay and that they will have a break from all of this worry and sadness. It's so hard.
Thanks for being there - I really appreciate it!
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
www.papercraftingwithnini.myctmh.com
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woolgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
901 Posts
Elizabeth
Great Lakes
IL
USA
901 Posts |
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: Please pray for my foster son - NEWS P. 3 !!!! |
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Please pray for my foster son - NEWS P. 3 !!!!
