| Author |
Across the Fence:  Let's Laugh Our Way Through 2015!!  |
|
Killarney
True Blue Farmgirl
4919 Posts
Connie
Arlington
TN
USA
4919 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 18 2014 : 2:12:46 PM
|
Kem, that is just tooooooo precious!!!
Connie
Imagine....#3392 |
 |
|
|
Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2014 : 3:14:47 PM
|
Importance of Using the Correct Email Address
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day.
Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send an e-mail to his wife back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error...
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been "called home to glory" following his heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife From: Your Departed Husband Subject: I've Arrived!
I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine.
P.S. Sure is hot down here...
Keep on laughing, and sharing here!
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
|
|
|
Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jan 18 2014 : 8:29:21 PM
|
HA HA HA HA HA!!! OMGosh, Susan! Crack me UP!!!! LOL! That was hilarious!!!
Kem - that is too sweet! Adorable! (I'm a total sucker for Woody and Buzz!)
Okay...Here's mine for Sunday...
During the depression, two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in dire financial trouble and the bank is threatening to repossess the farm. In order to keep the bank at bay, they determine they need to purchase a bull in order to breed their own stock. They sell everything they own of value, scrape together every penny they can find, borrow a few dollars from friends, and come up with $500 for the purchase. After much discussion, they decide the brunette sister is much better at negotiation, so she is chosen to travel out to another ranch to find a bull. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to come out and help me haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the ranch, inspects the bull, and tells the rancher she wants to buy it. After much haggling, they settle on a price of $499. After paying him, she heads into town to send her sister a telegram to share the good news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, but informs her it will cost her 99 cents a word. Of course, the brunette only has a dollar left after paying for the bull. She immediately realizes her dilemma: she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After mulling it over for a few minutes, she nods, slaps her hand on the counter, and says, "Okay, I've got it! I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'"
The operator is shocked and shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if all you send her is the word, 'comfortable?'"
The brunette explains:
"My sister is blonde...
The word is big...
So, she'll read it real slow...
'com-for-da-bull.'"
LOL!
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
|
Edited by - Ninibini on Jan 18 2014 8:42:12 PM |
|
|
|
Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2014 : 03:52:36 AM
|
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?
|
|
Because she couldn’t control her pupils.
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
|
|
|
|
nndairy
True Blue Farmgirl
3004 Posts
Heather
Wapakoneta
Ohio
USA
3004 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2014 : 09:56:58 AM
|
'com-for-da-bull.' LOL!! I love it! Blonde jokes are my favorite - even though I'm a blonde.
Why did the cow really jump over the moon?
Because the farmer's hands were cold!
Heather
Farmgirl Sister #4701
http://nndairy.blogspot.com/
|
|
|
|
Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2014 : 10:12:50 AM
|
The Auction
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry," said the auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
|
|
|
Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2014 : 6:28:55 PM
|
Thank you ladies for making me smile and Nini for starting this thread. I need to try and remember some jokes to share.
Farmgirl Sister #5392
By His Grace, For His Glory
~Sharon
http://amerryheartjournal.blogspot.com/
|
|
|
|
Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2014 : 03:49:09 AM
|
LOL! Heather - I'm blonde, too! Well, I was a toe-head when I was a kid, then I turned strawberry blonde, then my hair got very dark with natural blonde streaks, but with the help of Miss Clairol I've recaptured my youth! LOL! I love a good blonde joke, too... I've been the butt of plenty over the years, trust me. ;)
Poor cow! LOL!
Crack me up, Susan! Wouldn't that just be the way????
Glad you're smiling, Sharon... I think we ALL need a good giggle every day!
Did you hear about the calendar thief?
|
|
|
He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered.
Have a great day, girls!
Hugs-
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
|
|
|
|
beekeepersgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1423 Posts
Luanne
Cresco
PA
USA
1423 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2014 : 04:10:58 AM
|
I'm a blonde too - and I still love the blonde jokes. But here's one for us............
What is black and blue and brown?
A brunette who told too many blonde jokes!
Have a good day all!
Hugs,
Luanne
beekeepersgirl #691
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
My blog: finallyafarmgirl.blogspot.com
|
|
|
|
Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2014 : 04:38:40 AM
|
LOL!!!!!! Oh my.... LOL!!!! Luanne!!! Too funny! :)
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
|
|
|
|
Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2014 : 08:44:51 AM
|
Church Service
Date of Joke: Friday, 28th September, 2001
One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Davey staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's foyer. The plaque was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.
"Father Donovan," the boy asked, "what is this?
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service," the priest explained. They stood together quietly, staring at the memorial plaque.
Little Davey softly asked, "Which service? The 9:00 or the 10:30?"
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
|
|
|
Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2014 : 7:22:14 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Cindy Lou
Church Service
One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Davey staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's foyer. The plaque was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.
"Father Donovan," the boy asked, "what is this?
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service," the priest explained. They stood together quietly, staring at the memorial plaque.
Little Davey softly asked, "Which service? The 9:00 or the 10:30?"
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
|
|
|
Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2014 : 7:23:12 PM
|
quote:
Originally posted by Cindy Lou
Church Service
One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Davey staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's foyer. The plaque was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.
"Father Donovan," the boy asked, "what is this?
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service," the priest explained. They stood together quietly, staring at the memorial plaque.
Little Davey softly asked, "Which service? The 9:00 or the 10:30?"
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
|
|
|
Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2014 : 03:15:30 AM
|
LOL! Ooooooohmygosh, Susan! Crack me UP!
Where do Russians get their milk?
|
|
|
From Mos-cows!
Happy day!
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
|
|
|
|
Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2014 : 12:29:14 PM
|
Old and Forgetful
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. . ."Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
|
|
|
Killarney
True Blue Farmgirl
4919 Posts
Connie
Arlington
TN
USA
4919 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2014 : 12:34:47 PM
|
LOL!! Susan!!! Every time I see your name, I want to call you "Cindy Lou Who"!
Connie
Imagine....#3392 |
|
|
|
Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
|
|
Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2014 : 03:31:14 AM
|
LOL! That's so funny... That's exactly what pops into my head every time I see your name, too, Susan! Love your joke... Unfortunately, that sounds a lot like me when I'm tired... I have my guys' eyes rolling all the time!
The Smith family lived on the second story of an old tenement building, shared with their dear elderly neighbor, Mrs. Robinson, who lived on the first floor below. After not hearing from her for a few days, Mrs. Smith became concerned. She called her to her little son Tommy and said, "Honey, please do me a favor... Run downstairs and go find out how old Mrs. Robinson is.”
So little Tommy tromped down the stairs and knocked on the dear old lady's door. Soon his mother heard him run right back up the stairs, slamming the door behind him.
“Well, how is she?” asked his mother.
“How IS she?” Tommy replied between deep breaths, “I’ve never seen her so mad in my life! She said to tell you it’s none of your business how old she is!”
Happy Day!
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
|
|
|
|
Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2014 : 09:11:32 AM
|
The source of my "handle" Cindy Lou is my share for today. When I first started posting here I needed a farmgirl name and borrowed the name of one of our dogs, because is sounded farmgirlish to me.
She got the name as a pup.
We had lost our dear Australian Shepherd and my husband went online to search for a replacement. He found an ad for a batch of pups in Rapid City, South Dakota, an 8 hour drive from here.
We set out the next day with a leash and pet carrier to go get a pup. When we got there it was evening. The people were friendly and we had a great visit. There were 2 pups left. My DH fell for a little cutie, red Merle with a white blaze and feet. Then I picked up the other pup, also red merle but with no white markings, almost twice as big, but she cuddled! I've never had a puppy that nestled up like that and I fell in love.
We had to decide. We were going to stay at a motel that night and it was fine with the owners that we make our decision and return the next morning. We had a long discussion and didn't decide that night. We got up the next morning and still hadn't decided. I do want you to know there was no arguing going on. We are used to making decisions together, but this was a toughy. I told DH that I understood he liked the one pup better and wouldn't object to getting that one. He expressed some concern, they had estimated that the small one would probably grow to only about 35 pounds, like her mother and DH was worried that she might be a target for the local coyotes. The other pup was bigger.
We had breakfast and drove to the owners' place, still hadn't decided. We went to the shed to see them again. We took them out and watched them play.
The suddenly DH said "I've decided, we'll take both!" So thus began an interesting trip home. The carrier was only big enough for one, so I sat in the back seat to hold the other one and switch them back and forth. Imagine an 8 hour trip with two carsick puppies. Yow!
We pondered names along the way. We came up with Cindy Lou Who for the delicate, more timid pup and Bonnie Badenuff for the larger one.
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
|
|
|
nndairy
True Blue Farmgirl
3004 Posts
Heather
Wapakoneta
Ohio
USA
3004 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2014 : 12:28:26 PM
|
LOL! This is such a great thread Nini!!
Susan - how lucky you were to get both!
This isn't a joke, but it make me LOL when I found it so I thought I'd share:
.jpg)
Heather
Farmgirl Sister #4701
http://nndairy.blogspot.com/
|
|
|
|
Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2014 : 03:39:52 AM
|
LOL! Oh my gosh... LOVE IT, Heather!
What do you get from sitting on ice too long?
|
|
|
Polaroids.
Huga -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
|
|
|
|
Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2014 : 06:59:05 AM
|
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mum, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
|
|
|
Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2014 : 03:08:54 AM
|
Tee hee hee... That's so cute, Susan! :)
I don't know about where you all are, but out here, it's so cold that if you set a fresh baked cake out to cool, ten minutes later, it's frosted!
It's so cold...
Cows are giving ice cream instead of milk!
It's so cold...
BROWN cows are giving CHOCOLATE ice cream!
It's so cold...
Grandma's false teeth are chattering...
While they're still in the glass!
It's so cold...
We had to cut up the piano for firewood...
We got two chords!
:)
Keep warm, girlfriends!
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
|
|
|
|
Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2014 : 3:41:27 PM
|
It's so cold "You're thankful for hot flashes." - Roxanne Worsham
It's so cold ”People worry about the times they said "when hell freezes over."
It's so cold "snowflakes froze in the air. Birds hopped from one snowflake to another to get into the trees."
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
Edited by - Cindy Lou on Jan 25 2014 3:44:35 PM |
|
|
|
Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Jan 26 2014 : 09:18:09 AM
|
LOL! Hot flashes... Good one!!!
This one was sent to me by our Farmgirl Sister Darlene, aka darlenelovesart, a little while ago....
A man walks into a health-food restaurant after a day at the office, sits down, and orders a nice big dish of brown rice and stir-fry veggies.
He grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter by the cash register while he's waiting for his order, and as he starts to chew he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie. Is that silk? Very NICE choice!"
Wondering who would make such a strange comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone near him who could've been speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth.
Next he hears a voice, "Those shoes are stylin,' my man. Are they Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!"
He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool.
A little weirded out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very nice!"
He immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look. What's up with that? Am I going CRAZY?"
"Oh," the waiter nonchalantly replies, "those are just the peanuts."
"The PEANUTS?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.
"Yes," replies the waiter, "they're complimentary!"
Happy, Giggle-y Day!
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
|
|
|
|
Across the Fence: Let's Laugh Our Way Through 2015!! |
|
|
|
Let's Laugh Our Way Through 2015!!
