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Across the Fence:  Let's Laugh Our Way Through 2015!!  |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 11 2014 : 1:43:54 PM
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That's a good one! It reminds me of a similar joke:
A man and his wife attend a marriage encounter to spice up their relationship. The person leading the encounter asks all the men, sitting next to their wives, to say the name of their wife's favorite flower. One man leans over to his wife and says, "It's Gold Medal All-Purpose, right?"
Cindy
"Come by the hills to the land where fancy is free; And stand where the peaks meet the sky and the rocks reach the sea.Where the rivers run clear and the bracken is gold in the sun. and cares of tomorrow must wait till this day is done"--Loreena McKennit
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Aug 12 2014 : 03:52:48 AM
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LOL! Ooooohmygosh! Crack me up, girls! LOL!
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2014 : 10:21:55 AM
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Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
Edited by - Cindy Lou on Aug 18 2014 10:24:38 AM |
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Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2014 : 4:14:24 PM
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A man goes into a bar and orders three beers. He sits at a table and drinks first from one beer, then the second, then the third. He repeats this till all the beers are gone. He does this on a regular basis and finally the bartender and the patrons of the bar get curious enough to ask him why he always orders three beers. He replies: "Well, I have two brothers and we promised that whenever one of us would drink, we'd each drink a beer for the other two". This satisfies the the other patrons.
Then, one day he walks in and orders only two beers. The others watch in silence. Finally the bartender says,"I'm sorry for your loss". The man looks confused, then he says, "Oh, don't worry. My wife made me join a Baptist Church and now I can't drink anymore. But that doesn't mean my brothers can't".
Cindy
"Come by the hills to the land where fancy is free; And stand where the peaks meet the sky and the rocks reach the sea.Where the rivers run clear and the bracken is gold in the sun. and cares of tomorrow must wait till this day is done"--Loreena McKennit
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 26 2014 : 12:12:34 PM
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Good one, Cindy!!!!!! Funny.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Sep 10 2014 : 8:12:36 PM
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Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Oct 10 2014 : 2:03:14 PM
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I needed a giggle today, and sure enough a friend shared this.
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. 'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move.'
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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churunga
True Blue Farmgirl
3919 Posts
Marie
Minneapolis
MN
USA
3919 Posts |
Posted - Oct 10 2014 : 4:32:56 PM
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What does a snail say while riding on a turtle's back?
Wheeeeeeeeee!
Marie, Sister #5142
Farmgirl of the Month May 2014
Try everything once and the fun things twice. |
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lovinRchickens
True Blue Farmgirl
3437 Posts
Kelly
Pipe Creek
Texas
USA
3437 Posts |
Posted - Oct 11 2014 : 04:19:00 AM
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Wow good ones girls! I am loving reading all the posts.
Farmgirl #5111
Blessings
~Kelly~ |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Oct 14 2014 : 5:11:55 PM
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A little boy is standing in the church hall and looking at a plaque on the wall. The minister approaches the boy and asks if he knows what the names on the plaque are. The boy doesn't know. "Those are all men and women who have died in the Service", says the minister. the boy looks solemn, then asks. "The 8:30 or the 10:30?"
Cindy
"Come by the hills to the land where fancy is free; And stand where the peaks meet the sky and the rocks reach the sea.Where the rivers run clear and the bracken is gold in the sun. and cares of tomorrow must wait till this day is done"--Loreena McKennit
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Oct 16 2014 : 09:42:05 AM
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A Highway Patrol officer stopped a vehicle for speeding. As he went to the window he glanced in the back seat and saw a number of long sharp swords. This made him think of terrorism so he asked the driver what the reason was that he had them in his car.
The driver explained that he was a juggler on the way to an event and that he used them in his juggling act.
The officer was still suspicious so he told the driver to get out of the car, step behind his vehicle and demonstrate. The driver did exactly as requested and proved his story.
In the mean time Tom and Mary were driving past. Tom said, "Mary, I am never drinking again!"
When Mary asked him wh,y he said, "Apparently there's a new sobriety test!"
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
Edited by - Cindy Lou on Oct 16 2014 7:35:25 PM |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Oct 16 2014 : 7:13:19 PM
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LOL! These are great, girls! Thank you for the laughter! Hugs - Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2014 : 8:37:32 PM
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This Grandpa Finds $95,000 His Wife Hid For YEARS…For One Amazing Reason!!
By Julie Di
A man and his wife had been married for going on fifty years. They shared everything, but the one thing the old man’s wife asked him never to do was look in a old shoebox she kept on the top shelf of her closet.
Not thinking anything of it, the man never asked about its contents. He just figured it was one of those things… One day, when the old woman had fallen ill and didn’t have much longer to live, she called her husband to her hospital bed and told him it was time for him to take a look at the shoebox.
The old man went home, grabbed the box, and opened it. Inside, there were two crocheted dolls and bundles of money totaling $95,000!!
“But…why? How?!” he stuttered, totally mystified by the cash.
“Right before we got married,” the old woman told her astonished husband, “my grandmother told me the secret to a happy marriage was to never argue. She said if I ever got angry with you, I should keep quiet and crochet a doll.”
The old man was touched. There were only two dolls in the shoebox – she had only been angry with him two times over the course of their marriage. He scooped his wife up and gave her a kiss.
“But where did the money come from?” He asked her.
“Oh, that?” She said with a smile, “that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”
If this story made you laugh, please SHARE!
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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katmom
True Blue Farmgirl
17068 Posts
Grace
WACAL Gal
WashCalif.
USA
17068 Posts |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Oct 30 2014 : 02:10:43 AM
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This one came from my husband's office this morning:
Why did the ghost walk into the bar?
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For the BOOS!
(It's too early... That one just cracked me up! LOL!)
Have a Happy Halloween!
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Edited by - Ninibini on Oct 30 2014 02:11:17 AM |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Nov 13 2014 : 2:08:13 PM
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Nini!!!! Too cute. Boo.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2014 : 10:35:50 AM
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"REMINDER: Cold season is here and cows seek heat on car hoods. Do not forget to tap on the hood to give the cow enough time to get off before you drive away!"
It's time for cows to have equality with cats!
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2014 : 3:35:30 PM
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Okay... You all have heard about what happened to baseball great Jose Canseco, right? Poor guy! While at his Las Vegas home recently, he was cleaning one of his guns and accidentally shot off one of his fingers. Thankfully, however, the doctors were able to surgically re-attach it.
Being the true sportsman he is, he didn't want to let anything hold him down, so he decided to participate in a poker tournament. Unfortunately, he had a really rotten hand... His finger fell off right in the middle of the game! Worse yet, when it was his turn, he was only able to raise four...
Normally, I wouldn't poke fun, but he has a really great sense of humor about it! Shortly after the incident, he tweeted that he had put his finger in the freezer and offered it to anyone wanting a finger appetizer, then corrected himself, offering a finger snack!!!
Yes... this is a true story... http://espn.go.com/mlb/story/_/id/11879624/jose-canseco-says-re-attached-finger-fell-poker-game. I normally wouldn't poke fun, but he did, so...
Forgive me, Dear Lord. Please love, bless and heal him!
Hugs -
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Edited by - Ninibini on Nov 16 2014 3:54:55 PM |
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prariehawk
True Blue Farmgirl
2914 Posts
Cindy
2914 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2014 : 5:10:55 PM
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Nini--at least he had a sense of humor about it! I know of a local man who was born without any arms and he became a motivational speaker and has written a book. When he learned to drive (yes, he had the car fixed so he could drive it without the use of his arms),he drove the car past his parents' house and yelled, "Look, ma, no hands!"
I'll have to be sure to check for cows sleeping on my car. :)
Cindy
"Come by the hills to the land where fancy is free; And stand where the peaks meet the sky and the rocks reach the sea.Where the rivers run clear and the bracken is gold in the sun. and cares of tomorrow must wait till this day is done"--Loreena McKennit
"In many ways, you don't just live in the country, it lives inside you"--Ellen Eilers
Visit my blog at http://www.farmerinthebelle.blogspot.com/ |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Nov 17 2014 : 03:21:23 AM
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I know what you mean, Cindy.. If that had happened to me, I would've been horrified! It just goes to show you what a strong, positive person Mr. Canseco is, God bless him. I am sure this has been quite a shocking, horrific ordeal for him, to be truthful. But it's what you do with your circumstances that truly matters. Not everyone recognizes their gift of strength in adversity. I really admire him for his example, as do I the man you about whom you have written. :) They teach us that my grandfather's favorite adage really can be proven true: Laughter IS the best medicine!
Hugs,
Nini
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Edited by - Ninibini on Nov 17 2014 05:36:20 AM |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Nov 18 2014 : 08:11:35 AM
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Thanksgiving Divorce
Eddie in Dallas calls his son in New York just before Thanksgiving and tells him, 'I am sorry to tell you but your mother and I are going to divorcing. I just cannot take any more of her moaning. We can't stand the sight of each other any more.' I am telling first, Eddie, because you are the eldest, please tell your sister.
When Eddie calls his sister Julie, she says: 'No way are they getting divorced, I will go over and see them for Thanksgiving.'
Julie phones here parents and tells them both 'You must NOT get divorced. Promise you won't do anything until I get over there. I'm calling Eddie, and we'll both be there with you tomorrow. Until then, don't take any action, please listen to me', and hangs up.
The father puts down the phone and turns to his wife and says. 'Good news' he says, 'Eddie and Julie are coming for Thanksgiving and they are both paying their own way.'
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Nov 18 2014 : 10:11:30 AM
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LOL! AWESOME, Susan! I love it! LOL!
Farmgirl Sister #1974
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Nov 19 2014 : 2:11:49 PM
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Harsh Winter Ahead
It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked
their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old
secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going
to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was
indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect
firewood to be prepared..
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to
the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming
winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at
the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more
firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still
look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a
very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every
scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are
you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going
to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.'
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Across the Fence: Let's Laugh Our Way Through 2015!! |
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Let's Laugh Our Way Through 2015!!
